AddictGuy

Yes, Gilmer (Glimmer) can chime. Why just the other day she told me I was cool. I was floating on a cloud for the rest of the day. (Of course I thought, and just what glasses is she looking through? But I liked it so I just went with it.)

Cow

Lenina, hideous rash-peppered legs or no, you is heart and soul, my love. Heart and soul. You has always been a sweet sliver of moon, in service to any dreary thread of mine. Never leaves me.

PS. But I will always prefer Dali.

AddictGuy

turtle, myrtle and fertile. I was thinking maybe also curdle?

trachemys

Cow sightings while I slept!

Gilmer

About time you woke up, you sluggard!

trachemys

Sluggard? Are you going to work today? Did you work yesterday? Did you just find out you're working all of next weekend? No days off from the 16th to Good Friday. Sluggard?

You know I kid.

Gilmer

I got up at two-frickin-thirty to do this horrible, horrible homework! And I'm not being paid--in fact, they're charging me!

I know full well that you totally bust your butt. I'm glad you got to do a golf tournament yesterday.

Leshar

Hello dear Cow, if you're still checking in here. Why not be lost and alone, together here, if that makes any sense to you.
Be well.

Gilmer

Homework done for last week. Now onto this week's!

courage2

I'm fine with Cow staying away (although please note that incantations and offerings do seem to work to lure her in). Trying to manage anyone else's presence on SR is possibly more insane than trying to manage anyone else's addiction.

The best thing we can do in her absence, like children left alone in a schoolroom, is be good. Well, sober. I don't commit to "good."

How are you doing, Leshar?

Trach, do you want to say anything here about your relapse? No pressure. Just seems like a place where you might.

walkbeformakrun

That new Cow avatar is cute! Hiding in the grass.

Leshar

Hello Courage,

Thanks for asking. I'm ok, trying a new antidepressant, 3rd day of it today, and I was able to get out of bed today and will *gasp* shower later, so a bit of progress, eh?

courage2

Good job, Leshar! Every little thing can be a good thing. Hugs and proper respect to you!

I was counting my blessings this morning. Do you have mayonnaise AND mustard in your refrigerator? If yes, that's 4 blessings: mayo, mustard, a refrigerator, and a choice!

StellaPolaris

I'm joining the fanclub, Cow. Ever seen Viskum..? Norwegian artist who paints with hands of dead people. They live on through art, atheists or not. I see his exhibitions every year (even though they make me dark and ominous....) I'm currently at your diary part IV. Sensing no happy ending. Still curious about Oscar, horny toads, existentialism and sarcasm though. One reason for this atheist to keep on keeping on..: where does this end..?

StellaPolaris

Throwing Maslow in here... Like Cow was saying a long time ago, African AIDS-babies have one concern, to survive. In Western world brain too big and fat to not be narcissistic... Simple life of survival would be nice...

silentrun

Have you seen the Life before Death photography of Walter Schels ? The subjects included some thoughts on facing death. Elizabeth Heyert has a series called "The Travelers".

trachemys

At the golf tournament yesterday, there was about an hour where no one came to the hole I was working. It was day 5 and my mind had gotten pretty clear. Hangover/withdrawal symptoms abated. So, I sat there in the beautiful Middle Georgia sunny Spring weather and replayed the tape.

Work has been busy with long hours. Stress wasn't a factor as I can't be stressed anymore. When my blood pressure shot up to 175/110 I calmly started a program of reduction. I quit eating sodium rich food. I cut my coffee in half. I cut my nicotine in half.

In that slight withdrawal fog, I had stopped taking my anti-depressant. Counted the pills and days and they don't match. Five days difference. So, I was also in withdrawal from that drug. You know, the one that helps me to not drink?

The actual act of buying and starting drinking was a conscious/unconscious decision. The same one I made every time I could get in a few days sober last year. I'd binge, get tired of it, go through withdrawals again and as soon as I got the booze out of my system, start again.

The AD helped me get out of that cycle. It's just enough to bolster my resolve without side effects. I'm back on it five days now which is enough to get up to effective. I feel good. I'm not letting myself wallow in the old feelings of guilt, desperation, and worthlessness that used to plague me and lead me back to booze.

I take my pill first thing out of bed and have put a calendar in the glasses cabinet where I mark off the day. Sure, I get cravings and the AV talks to me. I know I'd rather be fishing. I found it wasn't a good idea to go to the river hammered.

biminiblue

Trach, I'm glad you know what caused it, at least. At the drugstore they have little boxes with days printed on them for pills. They've saved me in the past. The pharmacist usually has one-week ones for free.



You can google pill organizers, there are a bajillion different ones.

Glad you're back.

Lenina

(((Cow))) I will never leave you nor give up on you. i will always have a candle lit for you. Kinda like Motel 6. (Dang but that was a good campaign.)

AG, I am unsure what your status is. Trying to find your way to clean and sober or already there and maintaining? in and out?

I saw the Blue Ryder Group recently in Munich. Pretty amazing. I love seeing others peoples art. Except the post deconstructists, which I don't understand or maybe it's just too close to the bone. I love the iconography, the language of symbols. The metaphors. I've been having some pretty twisted MC Esher-ish dreams. Fits my current situation to oerfection.

Love from LeeLee

Lenina

((((Trach)))). Thanks for that! so glad it was a short side track and that you're back with us. Insanity, isn't it?

Love from Lenina