help me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 133
help me
I don't know if I feel legitimate in posting here and I'm not sure if it's the right place to post but I'm feeling really lonely right now and I don't know what to do. My last drink before this evening was sometime during Monday though I'm not able to pinpoint exactly when, but I've had to have another one because I feel so awful and I know it's dangerous to just cut everything out but I don't want to keep doing this and I've been trying to stop for the last few weeks like trying to cut down slowly and I can't do it properly.
I haven't been drinking every day for the past few years but I binge for a few weeks and then have a period where I don't drink and then pick it up again but didn't really take any notice of this but for the past six months I've been drinking more and more and for the past three months I've been drinking really heavily every day but was completely unaware of what I was doing until about a month ago I had a day that I didn't have anything to drink and I was shaking so badly and then I was like oh...
Like I feel like because I haven't been drinking for an extended period compared to some people maybe I don't really have a problem, my ex girlfriend went to rehab for eight months after years of binge drinking that almost killed her and I tried to talk to her a couple of times but at first she laughed at me until I said to her I feel belittled by the way she's talking to me.
She offered to let me come to stay at her house to taper off because she's done it so many times but once I got there everything kind of fell apart and she basically abused me by encouraging me to drink more and more and then this weekend turned up with a large amount of cocaine which I struggle to abstain from. During this coke session over three days I got through a litre of jagermeister, a litre and a half of sambuca, a half litre of disarrono, I don't know how many bottles of lager, a litre of bacardi and by the time it was Sunday I was already shaking and couldn't stand up straight or pour into a cup and it was at this point she tells me 'oh love you're really bad aren't you'... she was trying to feed me jager while I was throwing up telling me I had to drink it because I was withdrawing...
Now I am trying to recover and I feel really lost and alone. I managed to get back to my house but I didn't want to drink anything at all and I've been shaking really badly and I'm aching all over, I've just got a drink down me and I don't have anyone like I have a couple of good friends online who have been supportive but I am really alone like I don't know if my drinking is a legitimate problem because I don't know I feel trapped and don't know where to turn. I can't think properly like it's really frustrating, this lack of clarity, especially because I'm a writer but everything I try to say or express is coming at me garbled. I want to get out of this and I don't know how.
I haven't been drinking every day for the past few years but I binge for a few weeks and then have a period where I don't drink and then pick it up again but didn't really take any notice of this but for the past six months I've been drinking more and more and for the past three months I've been drinking really heavily every day but was completely unaware of what I was doing until about a month ago I had a day that I didn't have anything to drink and I was shaking so badly and then I was like oh...
Like I feel like because I haven't been drinking for an extended period compared to some people maybe I don't really have a problem, my ex girlfriend went to rehab for eight months after years of binge drinking that almost killed her and I tried to talk to her a couple of times but at first she laughed at me until I said to her I feel belittled by the way she's talking to me.
She offered to let me come to stay at her house to taper off because she's done it so many times but once I got there everything kind of fell apart and she basically abused me by encouraging me to drink more and more and then this weekend turned up with a large amount of cocaine which I struggle to abstain from. During this coke session over three days I got through a litre of jagermeister, a litre and a half of sambuca, a half litre of disarrono, I don't know how many bottles of lager, a litre of bacardi and by the time it was Sunday I was already shaking and couldn't stand up straight or pour into a cup and it was at this point she tells me 'oh love you're really bad aren't you'... she was trying to feed me jager while I was throwing up telling me I had to drink it because I was withdrawing...
Now I am trying to recover and I feel really lost and alone. I managed to get back to my house but I didn't want to drink anything at all and I've been shaking really badly and I'm aching all over, I've just got a drink down me and I don't have anyone like I have a couple of good friends online who have been supportive but I am really alone like I don't know if my drinking is a legitimate problem because I don't know I feel trapped and don't know where to turn. I can't think properly like it's really frustrating, this lack of clarity, especially because I'm a writer but everything I try to say or express is coming at me garbled. I want to get out of this and I don't know how.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Sounds as if you are in pretty deep now. Tell a doctor about your level of use so that he can prescribe a safe method for detoxing. Your ex-girlfriend sounds like an incompetent at best and a saboteuse at worst. It might be smart to cut off all contact with her.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
We understand.
Hard liquor mixed with a lot of cocaine will make you have serious issues: I've done that in my teens, and it's horrible. You can recover.
I agree with Gilmer, don't try to detox alone. If you have to, go to an emergency medical facility, they will be able to safely detox you.
We are here and we understand. If you stop drinking all this terror and misery will go away.
(((hug)))
Hard liquor mixed with a lot of cocaine will make you have serious issues: I've done that in my teens, and it's horrible. You can recover.
I agree with Gilmer, don't try to detox alone. If you have to, go to an emergency medical facility, they will be able to safely detox you.
We are here and we understand. If you stop drinking all this terror and misery will go away.
(((hug)))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,928
Sounds as though you should go to the ER or to your doctor for help with withdrawal - maybe a medically supervised detox.
Your exgf is an ex for a reason; she sounds like someone you should not be around.
Is there someone (other than your ex) who can take you to the ER or the doctor?
Welcome to SR; glad you found us.
Your exgf is an ex for a reason; she sounds like someone you should not be around.
Is there someone (other than your ex) who can take you to the ER or the doctor?
Welcome to SR; glad you found us.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
welcome to SR
I'm going to go ahead and agree with the previous posters. It sounds like you need to get to a Dr. or ER.
That's a lot of alcohol over a short amount of time, and coke.
I hope you have someone around that can maybe get you to someone?
and the ex? stay away from her, she sounds unbelievably toxic
I'm so sorry you went through that.
I'm going to go ahead and agree with the previous posters. It sounds like you need to get to a Dr. or ER.
That's a lot of alcohol over a short amount of time, and coke.
I hope you have someone around that can maybe get you to someone?
and the ex? stay away from her, she sounds unbelievably toxic
I'm so sorry you went through that.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
welcome to SR
I'm going to go ahead and agree with the previous posters. It sounds like you need to get to a Dr. or ER.
That's a lot of alcohol over a short amount of time, and coke.
I hope you have someone around that can maybe get you to someone?
and the ex? stay away from her, she sounds unbelievably toxic
I'm so sorry you went through that.
I'm going to go ahead and agree with the previous posters. It sounds like you need to get to a Dr. or ER.
That's a lot of alcohol over a short amount of time, and coke.
I hope you have someone around that can maybe get you to someone?
and the ex? stay away from her, she sounds unbelievably toxic
I'm so sorry you went through that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 133
I don't know why I feel stupid for like saying to anyone that I need to be medically supervised and not because it's a stupid thing to do but like I feel so invalid, like this isn't really a problem compared to everyone else's and I'm just being over-dramatic or self-absorbed, or making a fuss when everyone else is real and I'm not real. lol I'm in such a mess right now like I can't stop crying.
I don't have anyone. I used to have more friends but I've been alienated from all of them for one reason or another. Like I want to go to the doctors but getting outside to go anywhere that isn't the off-license seems really difficult.
My daughter lives with my ex so it's a little harder to cut that off, she keeps confusing me like being really amazing and full of joy and positivity and then really screwed with my head so I don't know where I stand or what to do.
I want to go to the doctors tomorrow or something or maybe like the ER but I'm not sure what the process is in the UK; to get a doctor's appointment I need to call early in the morning, I'm a bit scared of it.
I don't have anyone. I used to have more friends but I've been alienated from all of them for one reason or another. Like I want to go to the doctors but getting outside to go anywhere that isn't the off-license seems really difficult.
My daughter lives with my ex so it's a little harder to cut that off, she keeps confusing me like being really amazing and full of joy and positivity and then really screwed with my head so I don't know where I stand or what to do.
I want to go to the doctors tomorrow or something or maybe like the ER but I'm not sure what the process is in the UK; to get a doctor's appointment I need to call early in the morning, I'm a bit scared of it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Chicago
Posts: 55
Welcome, it's good that your are reaching out, even if it is online. Many of us have gone through exactly what you are experiencing now. It will only get better. Do not be afraid to go to the doctor or the ER, they are going to be very understanding and non-judgmental, they are there to help you and make sure you leave feeling healthy and safe.
Just remember you are never alone, it feels that way when you are coming off of alcohol, but know that we all have been there, and if you make a couple of good choices, you can recover like many of the people here have. It is never too late, and there is no better time to change your life than now.
Good luck, we are here.
Just remember you are never alone, it feels that way when you are coming off of alcohol, but know that we all have been there, and if you make a couple of good choices, you can recover like many of the people here have. It is never too late, and there is no better time to change your life than now.
Good luck, we are here.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
you ARE real. And people care.
I hope you decide to just get checked out ASAP.
detoxing can be tricky and you drank a copious amount of booze from what your post said. I have no doubt you are feeling pretty overwhelmed right now.
I hope you decide to just get checked out ASAP.
detoxing can be tricky and you drank a copious amount of booze from what your post said. I have no doubt you are feeling pretty overwhelmed right now.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,576
Hi and welcome Lycanlaz 
I'm glad you're going to try and see your Dr.
I'm glad you're here too. We're not just all day everyday drinkers here, there are many bingers too.
I know you'll find this community as welcoming and helpful as I did when I got here
D
I'm glad you're going to try and see your Dr.
I'm glad you're here too. We're not just all day everyday drinkers here, there are many bingers too.
I know you'll find this community as welcoming and helpful as I did when I got here
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,490
Hi and Welcome! I'm from the UK and have spoken to my doctor before, very openly and honestly and I got a lot of help and lack of judgement. Do whatever you have to to get up early to make that call and get an appointment. Just blurt out what you need to - it is absolutely fine to just say 'I need help withdrawing from alcohol'.
This forum is not for giving medical advice on, but I hope what I say will help give you courage for tomorrow.
This is a wonderful forum and is an integral part of keeping me sober, which I now have been for just over 2 years.
Please come back and tell us how tomorrow goes
This forum is not for giving medical advice on, but I hope what I say will help give you courage for tomorrow.
This is a wonderful forum and is an integral part of keeping me sober, which I now have been for just over 2 years.
Please come back and tell us how tomorrow goes
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 133
It's really good to feel heard, I feel really worthless and unimportant right now. I don't want to keep drinking, but I'm scared of not drinking, like I'm shaking right now and I don't know what I should drink or how much especially cause I drank so much this weekend. I'm worried I've done some serious damage like my body and mind feel so battered right now. I couldn't get down the stairs on Monday. When I came back I was hiding under my duvet for two days trying to ride it out but I got so bad like everything hurts.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 133
got an appointment at 3:30 (gmt) and i'm kinda nervous though i was drinking through the night so the shakes have levelled out. not sure if that was the right thing to do or whether i'm just looking for an excuse.
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