frankh77

I've been sober for 17 months. I do get urges to drink but I really don't consider that the biggest problem I go through from day to day.

Anxiety fueled rage is part of my day almost every day. Thing is I don't direct it towards anyone (thankfully) and its not in any relation to anybody personally.

I work in restaurants. 3 separate ones owned by my brother in law . I bounce in between all of them during the day and at night I manage operations mostly in the kitchen/inventory and babysitting employees. I do all wine ordering inventory and pick up the liquor orders. That's not fun.

I fight off bad cases of anger at work. Mad at fellow employees, customers. I don't show it to them but these feelings are strong. incompetence from co workers, customers spending hours on end drinking at the bar. That's just who these people are I have no reason to be angry at them. To the point sometimes I need to go downstairs in the stairwell and I unload punches to brick walls and steel doors to distract myself. My right hand is damaged. About half the strength it used to have.

I do like where I work. Being around the bar ain't easy but I've met a lot of good people through this place. It pays well and my brother in law is a great man. I'd hate to give this up. I let alcohol and drugs control my life for so long I want that to stop already.

Any help, tips, experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Boleo

I like to say that I no longer suffer from alcoholism. Doesn't mean that I am cured. Just means that I have found a solution to the suffering part. I will always have the organs and brain chemistry of a alcoholic body.

What I have found is; when I live my life right, my state of mind is such that not much disturbs me.
When I am not disturbed, I not only don't think of drinking, I don't think I am suffering either. Thus the old saying:

"In this life - pain is inevitable - suffering is optional."

Berrybean

Working a 12-step program should help with that. Have you ever tried something like this?
Alcohol tends to become our turn-to coping strategy and it's not easy for us to change our ways and learn different ways to cope. I know I couldn't have managed it alone.

Dave36

Maybe anger management or psychotherapy. Maybe something more going on than just alcoholism?

IOAA2

Hi.
You know the feeling. It's that rage you get when someone cuts you off on the highway; the one where you just want to floor it and flip the bird. Anger is a corrosive emotion that can run off with your mental and physical health. Anger doesn't dissipate just because you unleash it.

It is also a feeling that alcoholics need to work on and control as it is rated as a top relapse contributor.
It takes time and practice to control our frustrations so we remain sober.

BE WELL

Jen73

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

skg

I don't know whether this holds for you or not, but when I realized that I was actually aware of the anger (after the fact, of course), I began to understand how The Principles of the steps could be used to address that F.E.A.R. (in recovery, that's False Evidence Appearing Real, or F*&$% Everything And Run, etc.)

It's been my experience that fear stems from not getting something I want, or losing something I have. Further, not getting something I want means it's usually in the future, hence Anxiety, Worry, Speculation, etc. are my main identifiers. Well, that means that losing something usually happens AFTER I have it, so Ego, Pride, Self-Righteousness, are identifiers.
So where's ANGER? Anger is immediately in the moment. Right NOW. An Instantaneous response to not get/not keep; Immediate and severe. In the passing of the future into the past, FEAR (not get/not keep) is immediate, hence anger. If you've ever managed to spook a wild animal with no escape, fear looks an awful lot like fierce, threatening and deadly anger. Depending on how close you are, it can be all of those...
So? What is the opposite of fear? Love. Not Disney love, but brotherly, considerate, charitable love.
There's also this: "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment (discipline, correction, punishment). But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18
If I am spiritually fit, "living in the sunlight of The Spirit," I don't generally worry about others' angering me because I'm at peace with Right Now. That's where God as *I* understand Him exists.
So I have to practice the Principles of the Steps in all my affairs to be guaranteed that I can be spiritually fit in the moment of now. And I must walk back through the principles to see where I went off the rails--over and over again--and 10th Step until balance is restored.

frankh77

I see a drug/alcohol counselor every week by choice. Read my 24 Hour a Day book. I don't go to meetings as much as I should. There IS much more I should be doing. I struggle getting things done for myself in general due to my 70+ hour work week over 6 days.

Besides kicking the bottle I also stopped abusing benzodiazapines and opiates. I never went into rehab or detox. Never took time off of work. I was very adamant in not letting my recovery change anything in my life. I thought that I was able to function (to a degree) and do these things as an alcoholic/drug addict, there is no reason why I can't do these things sober.

A year and a half later I am having my doubts. All I know is I'm going to do anything in my power to not use anymore.

neferkamichael

Frankh77, 17 months sober is just FANTASTIC, congratulations. Anger dominates my mental world and haven't found a solution for it yet. If you find one please post it, rootin for ya.

leviathan

17 months rocks. especially when dealing with such challenges.

I totally get the anger thing. i find it to be toxic most of the time and walk the line between letting my feelings out and trying not to get aggressive, or hurt the knuckles yet again. this is not easy for me.

my best bet is attempting to head things off before i get really steamed. it helps if i have the time to figure out what is really bothering me (not always so obvious).

70 hrs. is alot, BTW. especially when it is in a capacity that interacts with many people.

advbike

I had a lot of anger until I realized it was a reaction to my ego talking - telling me I had been wronged, or hurt, or threatened, or comparing me to other people, or complaining about them. Then my emotional reaction to that was anger. The ego loves to create separation between us and others. It also unconsciously remembers every emotional hurt we ever had, as if it was yesterday. So it goes off and we don't even know why.

I suggest you read A New Earth, by Ekhart Tolle; or Awareness, by Anthony DeMello. Maybe both. They will really help you understand where all that comes from. I also believe the 12 steps really help, especially the 4th and 5th, in letting go of resentments. Trust me, you have them. I have them. Its a toxic way to live.