Jamie11

Haha, this made me laugh out loud. Not because it's funny, it's really not, but it pertains to me so well and I am really seeing just how utterly ridiculous it is to be like this.

It's now Monday, it was Saturday that I last blacked out, and I still feel tons of mental anguish. It's a little better than yesterday but I still have zero information about what happened and I'm still full of dread but I think not knowing overall is better than being told the details. I really didn't want to get out of bed today. I know I feel like this now but by the weekend, I can almost guarantee I'll blow off these awful feelings and end up drinking again. I've been in this situation enough times to know. It doesn't help that when I am with my friends, drinking is what we do 90% of the time that we are hanging out. I guess I feel like a boring person when I'm not drinking. But does boring outweigh a raging, blacked out lunatic?... I'm putting more thought into everything this time, thanks to all of the great responses - thank you all. It's rarely even fun to drink anymore, especially due to the coin toss of am I going to black out tonight? Am I going to make a fool of myself? Am I going to be too hungover to function tomorrow? Ugh...

Jsbodhi

My boyfriend filmed me when I was in a blackout. Maybe get someone to record, just so you can see. It's really scary
It might help you make up your mind about drinking though.

Jupiters

Hi Jamie - glad you found this place
I don't wanna be a Debbie Downer either, but from your posts...I have to just say it. I doubt you will ever be able to be a normal drinker. It's hard to come back from where your drinking has taken you at such a young age.
The risks are far too high already every time you pick a drink up.
I wish I had known that at 23, and not 38. I would have saved myself and others a whole lotta pain/loss/confusion/heartache.
But I guess that wasn't "my" journey.
Stick around here, you're going to read a lot of great advice and information.
I hope you decide to stay away from the booze, at least for awhile to gain some serious perspective on it.

Jupiters

If you feel this way now, I can promise you...it gets worse. A lot worse.

Ruby2

Hearing that I couldn't drink at all was the scariest thing. I felt like I lost my best friend. But not drinking was the only way to not feel the remorse and shame. Reading your post? If you aren't scared enough, I'm going to be harsh and say you need to be. I'm scared for you. It isn't going to get better. Read around here for ideas on how to quit. Completely. No messing around experimenting with moderation. We are here.