KarenSmith

I am so drained. Physically and spiritually. My son, daughter in law, grandson and husband left early this morning to move some furniture from our house to theirs across the state. I was supposed to go with them. My husband has real issues with anger management and has been verbally abusive and disrespectful to me our whole marriage. My son has taken on these characteristics and is very disrespectful to me. It breaks my heart. He was a sweet and sensitive little boy and now an arrogant angry young man. A couple of things that he has said to me are that I have never accomplished anything in my entire life and I have no real responsibilities. I have been a stay at home mom. I came from a poor family that didn't graduate from high school, yet I left home at 17 and put myself through college. I married my husband at 30 and had just started my own business that was taking off. Then we moved overseas when my son was 3 and moved from country to country 8 times and just returned to the US 3 years ago. I could not work in my field. My job was raising my kids and trying to provide love, stability, values, education, all the while with my husband's attitude that his only responsibility is his "job." Period. I have multiple health problems including chronic back pain and depression. I think the depression is compounded by the outbursts of rage and blaming from my husband. Anyway, while we were loading furniture my husband went off in one of his rages over the littlest thing and my son was putting me down. I basically told my son and husband that I couldn't handle the outbursts and I would go, but only if my husband did not go. It was him or me. So they left this morning, nobody speaking to me. The DIL was just trying to keep her head down and stay out of the way. Oh, what the hell, I could go on complaining all day but the fact is I drank the last two days. I was only on day three and my depression was getting better in spite of the family dysfunction and chaos but I drank yesterday and the day before. One thing that I did was write in my journal after I drank chronicling what led up to it and how crappy it made me feel. I don't even like the feeling of getting a buzz anymore. So back to day 1 again and starting over. My husband comes back tomorrow so I have today to take care of myself. I have my plan but it seems new crap keeps coming at me that I hadn't planned for.

Sudz No More

Tomorrow is a new day, you can make it count. First and foremost, do it for you and be proud of yourself. The rest will fall into place if you make it stick this time. You can do it.

Dee74

I'm really sorry for the abuse you're suffering Karen.
The fact is tho, nothing is ever going to change for the better while you're drinking.

That's a bald fact - but a true one.

Do you have any support apart from SR - it's sounds like you could use something face to face like AA or some other recovery group?

D

Exegesis

That really sucks. Is there anyone your talking to outside of your son and husband? It sounds like there is a lot of problems going on here besides alcohol. Obviously drinking won't help but just staying sober won't work these things out. Has your husband ever acknowledged he has anger problems? No one deserves to be treated the way it sounds like he's treating you.

KarenSmith

Exegesis, we have been to many different counselors. We have been on the verge of divorce many times. It is time to go back.

Dee, AA is not for me and I live in a very remote area with very limited resources. I have already been to several counselors but they were a long drive away and not a good fit for me.

Things will get better without a house full of family visiting. It seems to bring out the worst in all of us.

I'm just particularly glum today. Tomorrow is another day.

Spacegoat

Hi Karen sorry to hear about your problems at home.

Drinking though as we all know won't solve anything, it has a very real tendency to make this worse. Do you have much support IRL?

KarenSmith

Stratman, what is IRL? In real life? I have friends here locally but no one I would confide in. I used to talk to my mother but her health is so fragile and I can't put any burden on her. I have one long distance friend but honestly, I am sure she is sick of hearing the same thing over and over and I am sick of talking about it.

Spacegoat

In real life yes. Hmm. Maybe you should join a group of some sort? Beats drinking alone anyway.
Not sure why your husband would be abusive to you as long as you are married, that kinda sucks and doesn't bode well.

Soberwolf

Well done on day 1 Karen the important thing is your here and you know you have support here to help you there are topic mtns in chat its not aa its just a bunch of us discussing a topic its awesome

in chat every tuesdays & fridays 9pm est

You can do this Karen

Soberwolf

.

brynn

Oh karen! I'm so glad you're here and opening up about this!

Please know that there are other women here that have been in similar family situations, myself included, and you will get nothing but support from us! I understand the feeling of being beaten down and made to feel useless....like a non-person. But that's not truth. The truth is that you ARE a person deserving of respect and love, and a life free of booze and angry outbursts!

I want you to know that I believe in you and I believe you can quit drinking in spite of your situation.

KarenSmith

Sober wolf, Thanks, I will check out the chat room.

KarenSmith

Brynn, thank you for your kindness and support.