FeenixxRising

IMO, steps, sharing, telling others about your problem, meetings etc. are auxiliary efforts/tools to help you stay sober. But from what you've written it appears you haven't yet made the decision to stop drinking, for good.

Are you reading to make that decision, and are you ready to take responsibility for your actions and to really commit to quitting for good, no ifs, ands or buts? Because I'm afraid that until you do that AA nor any other recovery method will help you.

"If we are planning to stop drinking there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune from alcohol".

BB pg. 33

The good news is that deciding that you have to quit for good is not that difficult, but it is, IMO, the place that every problem drinker/addict must start. At the very least you should strongly consider getting a sponsor and working on Step 1.

FeenixxRising

This.