Butterfly

Felicia we could be talking about the same man. My separated AH has said the same to me and doesn't want contact with me either. Our last conversation was very similar to what your AH said except mine now wants a divorce, he won't even talk to me about the kids or any arrangements with them he leaves that up to them to tell me. Thankfully they are older. I've respected his decision about no contact although it's hard my last message to him was I love him and if he decides to get help and get sober I would support him. There's nothing else I can do.

zjw

thats true too Butterfly. It stinks too tho and sometimes its hard to determine if you should or should not run after the person.

there have been a few people removed from my life over the years and its been a blessing in disguise it did not always seem that way when it happened but in time I realized it was not a bad thing like I had originally thought.

sb1969

I never cut my wife out of my life but I did my parents and sister. I was ashamed for them to see what I had become and tried to stay away.

Alwyshope12

I am so sorry for what you are having to face, especially since it is none of your creating. You must find your higher power and never doubt that you have nothing to do with this behavior.

When I was fighting my personal demons with alcohol, I really thought I was doing the best to soothe my nerves and hold myself together. In the end, all this left me with was a good reason (in my own head) why I was alone and why that was OK for me. Despite the deep desire in my soul to remove the loneliness by connecting with other people, I was never able to begin to do the deep healing work I needed to do, until I had removed alcohol from the system and remained sober for a good period. For me, that was six months.

Prior to that, I had left several amazing women because I found my inner struggle too much to deal with and could not see that the first obstacle to remove was the alcohol. But there is never just one obstacle; one of the reason so many of us struggle is that the emotional and physical pain involved with coming to grips with our emotions, can be downright crippling. This is even more true when you consider that a fair number of us grew up in a place that fed right into abusing alcohol and other substances to numb the emotional pain we were exposed to.

For me, I never felt comfortable enough just telling another human being that I was struggling with my emotions, as I felt I would be judged and embarrassed to admit that I was vulnerable and needed the caring and compassion of another. Since then, I have been working on this skill. It takes time, understanding, and being gentle with myself.

While I don't have any advice for you on how your should proceed with your relationship, I can share that until someone has been clean from alcohol and drugs for a while and has started to do the difficult work to understand that we are all human (AA is a great place to start and do much of this learning) it will be very difficult to maintain a relationship with this person.

Wishing you all the kindness and compassion in your life and your journey!

Brian316

To everyone dealing with the pain we alcoholics cause, on our behalf I say I am sorry. I can't really explain to you why your loved ones act like they do. All I can say is like others have stated, when you are addicted, nothing gets between you and your drug of choice. For me, I avoided the ones that loved me alot because I was afraid they would try to make me stop drinking. Which they would and many times I would not have that. I am in the process of trying my best to make amends to them through sober living today.

barefootjunker

Self pity, guilt, anger, resentment, insecurity, FEAR. I did this for the last 2 years of my drinking this is similar to what I would do. Basically hating myself for not being strong enough for those I loved. Then being lonely and wanting to reach out, but afraid the bridges were all burnt.

In my case all basically were burnt, so building the walls to shield others from me was easy. As an alcoholic it is easier to seem cold and uncaring then to have to deal with our emotions, which are basically way less developed then our age would be. Our emotional development is pretty much stuck at a time in the past due to our alcoholism. Being easier to just drink then to have to deal with it we react like children that are hurt, or don't get their way.

HoneyRose

6 days ago my Alcoholic spouse who is in denial did the unthinkable.
Left me a voicemail message...

"I'm So Sorry Darling But I Think We Should Get A Divorce. You deserve so much better than me"

I'm Heartbroken & Confused

Because he then deleted/blocked me of his friends list.
It hurts to be wiped out like you don't exist after 7yrs Together.
I hope he will regret it soon & wake up
Before I do take him up on the Divorce.
Part of me isn't talking this seriously like it's just a phase he's going through.
And he will come back like a dog with his tail between its legs.. you know?
But the other part of me is saying
Damn! We really are over... 😔

Sadbutstrong

i know it has been since last year that you posted but I stumbled across this post searching for answers regarding a very similar situation I'm dealing with in my marriage. Can you update me on how things are currently. My husband left just before Thanksgiving and his words were almost verbatim of what your spouse said.

OKRunner

"So we can continue drinking without an audience or guilt or anyone telling us to stop."

This is helpful. I took being blown off so personally. So, so, so personally. But maybe it wasn't about blowing me off as much? Maybe it was just about choosing to drink over anything else (and I was the anything else)?