fini

yes, threats are serious business.
you said you had repeatedly confronted her with her drinking and behaviour and gotten nowhere. if that is so, then you can be clear you gave her the opportunities to talk with you or someone else and get the ball rolling to get herself sorted out.
you cannot carry this person or the decisions she will make from here on in. if she decides NOT to go to rehab, it is HER decision.
of course you feel "treacherous", since she covered up for you. she made her own decision on that, too . it's a feeling, not a fact.
the step you took might well be the one that helps her step back from taking her life by continued drinking.

FeenixxRising

First of all, congrats on 20 months sober.

You were in a tough place Pt. It appears you tried to help her before you approached the board, but she didn't respond. Threatening Emails are never ok, even from someone who has helped you in the past. I don't know all the details, but based on what you've written, I may have done the same thing. Frankly, based on your description of her condition, I'm sure she would have been at this point eventually. It doesn't appear like her issues could go unnoticed much longer.

You may have saved her life; time will tell. If she does go to rehab, may want to contact her after she has some sober time. A heart-to-heart as to why you did what you did may resolve things.

Whatever happens, I hope this works out for the best for both of you.

Ptcapote

Thanks everyone so very much for the replies. This place continues to be awesome and a lifesaver.

Yes, she did cover up my drinking for years but that was largely because I was drinking with her so it was kind of a self-serving favor. Nevertheless, she gave me a lot more rope than I ever deserved.

As to why I did it besides the threatening, paranoid emails: she is also responsible for the financial welfare of a dozen people (two with young families). I asked all of the senior staff if I would have their support and I did. I also thought I might be in a better position to explain this as a disease, not a bad choice, on her part. Yes, I fessed up to my own recovery and past. I did not reveal that she covered for me for years because I thought that telling them I was also an alcoholic (and I am still employed there) probably conveyed that.

In either case, it is a horrible situation and seeing her walking around today, believing that nothing was going on, was so hard to watch. I honestly almost ran into her office and said, "Listen up, they know. Go and admit to the problem and get your a$$ into rehab and you can save your job!" But that wouldn't have helped, except to warn her and turn her against not only me, but everyone else. And she's vindictive and paranoid as hell right now. In her last threatening email she said that I was forcing her to resign by turning all of Washington, DC against her. (Did I mention the paranoia part?) I am torn between hoping she does resign to avoid the humiliation and hoping she doesn't so she gets a shot at recovery.

In any case, I know how I would've felt and I know damn well I didn't believe ANYONE when they said there was life after wine. I know there is now...but I was scared as hell in the beginning.

Anyway, thanks guys, for your opinions and your advice. I appreciate the support more than you could possibly know.

ImperfectlyMe

There are many times we look back in life and wish we had done things differently. Things that seemed hard or uncomfortable to put ourselves on the line. You will never have to regret not speaking up, you've given her the opportunity of rehab. The rest is up to her.

Congrats on 20, good to see you back!

RecklessEric

You did the right thing.
I'm not sure I'd have done it, personally.
I have a childish streak in me that views that sort of thing as a no-no.
But that's a silly part of me.

The truth is, if she's drinking till blackout on business trips, she'd be found out anyway.
And possibly just fired.
You've given her a chance to get her life back.
It sounds like she is very close to the edge.
You CANNOT be responsible if she does something to hurt herself.
In the event of that happening, you'll probably go through a lot of "what if I'd just...".
Always tell yourself that you were doing the best thing.
Doing nothing was not an option.

Well done for being brave.

Low

What is happening is consequences of her drinking, not so much your actions. You did the right thing.

ESD907

so...you did what you did. can't turn back time. IF you could think about it for longer, would you have done the same? I'm not saying good/bad.. I just know me. THE longer I think, the less decisions I make..and thats both good/bad.....

Ptcapote

We were considering confronting her directly and/or going to the Board of Directors back in March when she got thrown off a plane for getting drunk and combative (something I have had happen to me) as well as wandering out of a hotel room in Bogota and not turning up for hours. But, like I was when drinking, she is cyclical. So it gets REALLY bad for a few weeks then she seems to stabilize again for a month or two, then back to bad again. Thing is her "bads" are getting much, much worse each time.

I know better, I know it doesn't go back, you don't suddenly go in reverse and your lows get less low, but the cyclical nature of the disease allows people to fool themselves that the person is not really "that bad" or does not "really have a problem." Again, I know this from my own experience and how people treated me. So, no, this time I knew if I was going to do it, I had to do it. No second guessing, no more thinking. My gut told me her next time out of the gates was very well her last one. I guess the only thing was that I kept hoping she'd "get it" before I had to do that. Didn't work out that way. Sucks. But not unusual. I didn't "get it" either until there was no avoiding it anymore. Not with my job, but with friends, family, money, possessions...everything else. Stop or lose all of those things.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease and I have never seen any evidence to the contrary. Ever.

Thanks again for your thoughts and wisdom, guys. Appreciate it mightily.

ESD907

Pt....my op doesnt matter, BUT I think you did the right thing,

SoberLife90

Yes I agree with c49...Even if she is upset with you now...maybe down the line she will be really glad that you did speak up. If she gets well she will thank you. You did the right thing!

leviathan

I got busted out at work. changed my life for the better (eventually). still angry that they terminated instead of offering me rehab. so...I did it myself. screw 'em!

you were pretty much forced to do this from the story you related. supervisor is LUCKY they gave an option. says something good about your company.

Mountainmanbob

I have seen that happen
To a man at work that had in over 20 years
At his last meeting there at work
If he would have asked for rehab
It would have been granted
He said nothing and was fired

I would tip her off
Excellent time in which to ask for rehab
Then your conscious would be clear

MM

Pipping

For what it's worth I think you did the right thing. One of my bosses came to work very drunk and passed out on the floor. I didn't say anything but someone else did and unfortunately I was confronted about not reporting it by a lot people and my silence on the matter went against me and was seen as unprofessional.This could be a real lifeline for her. Blacking out after 3 drinks is very far down the alcoholism line. Your boss sounds very unwell and needs professional help. You may have helped to facilitate a change.

fotographia

I think you did the right thing. I hope she will get help.