Ptcapote

So this week has been completely craptastic, probably the worst in my almost 20 months of sobriety.

Yesterday, I had to go to the board of directors of our company and dime my boss out for her drinking. This same person who covered my drunk ass for years, hired me back after I'd been fired from another job for drinking-related antics, and has generally been my closest confidante for nearly a decade.

She and I have spent virtually no time socializing together since I got sober, obviously, and I sense she has resented my sobriety for awhile although she has never been outright about it. I had to travel with her a few weeks back and got to see, firsthand, how far her alcoholism had progressed. Complete and total blackout drunk after merely three glasses of wine (this is someone who could put away bottles), combative, and, the worst, hallucinations. I had been hemming and hawing about doing something for months and have tried confronting her about her drinking on many occasions but have gotten nowhere. Complete denial.

She began to turn on me last week after coming across an email I wrote to a mutual colleague, essentially replaying how difficult she was to deal with during the trip, and she was livid (rightfully). Since then she has been sending me drunken, threatening emails. Yesterday I finally couldn't take it anymore and approached a board member and spilled the beans. All the beans.

Needless to say, they are going to give her a chance for rehab but say they will fire her on the spot and revoke her insurance (thus eliminating rehab) if she does not go immediately. She won't. I am pretty sure of this. She is in complete denial despite all other evidence to the contrary. I also fear she might become suicidal because this is the only thing she has in her life...her work.

I feel like the biggest A-hole on Planet Earth right now. A hypocrite for turning her in when she kept me around and a $hitty friend for not being able to do have done more for her. I don't know what I'll do if she tries to take her own life.

Know I am probably snowballing this and sorry for the vent...just had to get it off my chest.

Gilmer

I'm so sorry.

Anna

That sounds like a really difficult situation for you.

hopeful4

I'm sorry.

Question, you said you told all of it. Did you tell them the first part, that she covered up for you and the extent of your own issues for a long time? I hope you did, the truth sets a person free.

If she values her work, hopefully this will be the thing that will trigger her into going and getting some help. Sometimes it takes something we deem to be really crappy to help another person.

XXX

Spinach

It's one less Christmas card!
You owe her nothing but honesty.
John.
I wish her luck we all know how it can all go in a heartbeat.

ScottFromWI

You did the right thing. Her threatening you about all this was very much over the line and as much as it hurts you made the correct choice. You may have saved her life.

ru12

Terrible situation.

sunrise1

Doesn't anyone else think that you may have done your boss the biggest favor ever? Many of us NEED rock bottom to get better. She may hate you now but just may come back to you one day and say thanks.

KissMyTiara

Sorry, I don't think you should have turned her in. She had your back for years.
AND......if she is so messed up for all this time why haven't her bosses noticed? Or anyone else.

silentrun

Hi PT. I missed you. It's already done so I hope she gets the help. I haven't seen my bestie coconspirator that much since I quit drinking. I would hate to ever be in a situation where I felt the right thing to do is speak up about her drinking.

MIRecovery

I would ask myself. Was her support of your alcoholism doing you any favors? Enabling is never a good thing it prolongs the agony and progression

Boleo

Sounds like you were between a rock and a hard place. You did the the right thing. The situation would have only have gotten worse had you procrastinated.

yinzer

Maybe this will be her turning point and she'll come back healthy and happier. None of us thought we REALLY wanted to get better, but we did.....

Grungehead

There's just as good of a chance that your action may end up saving her life.

Dee74

There's some great advice here PT

I don't doubt you feel craptastic but I think faced with two very difficult choices you went with the right one.



D

Mountainmanbob

that would be an excellent question

well - I guess that it is water under the bridge now
being that you were friends for so long
and she so many times went out of her way for you
I would be there to (hold her hand tightly) in early sobriety
you may be one of the ones needed in her life
so as to show her how, she does not need the liquid devil anymore

if her work is truly everything to her
I expect her to give rehab a try

MM

Soberwolf

That is such a hard situation.....im just glad your ok and not drinking

zjw

sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do in life. and sometimes we dunno if its the right decision or not. If i where in your shoes I might have done the same for all the same reasons then I woulda questioned it etc.. did i act rash did i not think it through why is it any of my business etc.. I'd doubt it basicly.

The reality is you did what you thought was best at the time in which you did it. Maybe its your business maybe its not but what happens for her now is a result of /HER/ choices not yours. I could go on and on about how she could act or react etc.. but its kinda a moot point.

Dont doubt a decision you made with good intentions etc.. not worth it. Ultimately its just one more step in the right direction for her maybe she'll figure it out now maybe it'll take 10 years who knows but its a step towards it none the less.

pulltight

Given the situation you didn't have many options, threats are serious business and you may have saved her life.

c49

Although there's no guarantees here:

What if she sobers up, later see's the insanity, and thanks you?

What if no one intervened when someone needs help???