bchris02

I am going to be completely honest here about my drinking habits up to this point.

First off I was raised in an extreme fundamentalist Christian home in which one drop of alcohol was sinful. I was never around moderate, normal drinking so when I had my first drink at 21, I had no idea what moderation looked like.

When I started drinking at 21, I would have a couple of drinks here and there when I went out for dinner. I rarely binge drank at first. Back then, compared to other college students, I was barely a drinker. Then when I was 23, I finally got away from my strict fundamentalist parents and went through a partying stage. I was hitting the bars most nights and having 2-4 drinks per night. That lasted about four months until I lost my job because of it. At that point I took drinking back to weekends only.

For the next two years, I was a weekend drinker but rarely drank at other times. On weekends I would have anything from a moderate two drinks to 4-5 drinks. I never would blackout though and rarely had hangovers. However, I started to worry that my drinking every weekend was the beginning of a problem.

When I was 26, I moved across the country by myself to a small city and became pretty bored and isolated. Because I was bored and found myself spending so much time alone in my apartment, I became pretty depressed. I was also trying to quit smoking cigarettes at the same time. My drinking at that point saw a huge increase. Because I didn't know anybody in this town, my drinking was pretty much all alone watching TV or in front of my computer.

Throughout most of 2012 and 2013, I was drinking 2-4 beers five nights per week. I never had more than five in one night however through that entire stretch of heavy drinking. At that point I really started to wonder if I had a problem.

At the beginning of 2014, as part of my new years resolution, I cut drinking back to three nights per week, usually thursday, friday, and saturday. There have been a few times I have drank on other nights but when I have done so, it has never been more than two drinks and always in social settings. Thursday-Saturday I would drink alone. On those nights, I would usually have 3-4 beers or 3-4 glasses of wine. Sometimes I would have 3 glasses of wine and a beer or 3 beers and a glass of wine. Particularly concerning was my tendency to cram in my drinking late at night even if I had other activities that didn't involve alcohol on a night that I would usually drink. For instance, if it was Friday and I was invited to go see a movie that let out at 11pm, I would go home and instead of going right to bed, I would have my drinks.

I had my birthday about a month ago and went on a binge (9 drinks) for that with some friends but made a promise that after that I would cut back to truly moderate levels. The past few weeks, I have been keeping the drinking to weekends only. Two weeks ago I had only three drinks on Saturday. This last weekend I had three beers friday and three beers Saturday. Amount wise, that is well within healthy limits. But the way I count my drinks is very much like an alcoholic.

Now if I was physically dependent, I don't think it would be so easy for me to cut back to weekends only, would it? However, I feel I may have an abnormal emotional attachment to the drink. It also may be possible that my fundamentalist upbringing may be making me think I have a problem when I do not. Then again, I may really have a problem. One of alcoholism's primary effects is to convince one that they don't have a problem when they really do.

I have thought about abstaining for a month just to see how I feel and I have to say I don't like the thought of it, but its not so much because I need the drink to feel normal. It's that I enjoy it. Even if I cut out all drinking alone, so much social activity in your 20s centers around drinking, especially in a small town.

Does this sound like real alcoholism or do I simply sound like somebody who enjoys drinking? Is it normal to go through a period of heavy drinking like I did in 2012 and 13 without it progressing to alcoholism?

Thanks for any insight that can be provided.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

The common theme running through your post is progression, a few drinks with dinner went all the way to drinking 5 nights a week.

Only you can determine whether you need to change your drinking, volume of alcohol is less important than the behaviours to look out for, the drinking alone, the needing to consciously decide to cut back to weekends only.

The biggest concern may be the fear of not drinking for a month, is alcohol really that important to your life? that is definitly something to consider!!

I also didn't have a dependence on alcohol, until I tried it out that is, try 3 months without it and see what thoughts/feelings that flags up, that will really get deep into the root of your relationship with alcohol!!

You'll find loads of support and advice here on SR, read and post, great to have you here!!

Mountainmanbob

My grandfather could go without a drink for a month or two. But, once he got started he was a wild man for booze. After his retirement he went full blown every day drinking.

When did he become an alcoholic ?? Not sure, but it happened.

MM

Hawks

I think a more concerted effort backed by a plan to moderate or stop is all that is needed.

maybe a little outside help and a chat with a Dr.

Personally, from my experience, I can't see alcoholism as I know it, anywhere in your post.

You've developed some bad habits.

bchris02

Once you open the floodgates of drinking alone and/or drinking weeknights regularly, its very easy for it to creep up on you. Drinking almost every night for me came as a result of smoking cessation and my desire to replace it with something else that relaxed me and made me feel good (alcohol) and it unfortunately became a habit that stuck with me long after I put out my last cigarette.

PurpleKnight

Totally agree, for me I started also at weekends, never on a weeknight, fast forward a few years, I was drinking every night of the week, and that habit/routine at some stage crossed over into addiction!!

When I tried to only drink a few nights a week or only on weekends, I felt that fear, that urge of I would like to drink tonight, or how would I enjoy my evening, life would be boring without it.

This for me was a dangerous cycle, the blurred lines of dependence started to creep in and eventually I needed to address my drinking!!

SoberLife2014

https://ncadd.org/learn-about-alcoho...buse-self-test

Here's a test you can take through the National Alcohol and Drug Dependance website. It might be helpful for you to determine whether or not you have a problem. I have to say that I never felt like I had to drink to "feel normal" at first. It all started out with just liking to drink... REALLY liking to drink. Then it turned into "the ONLY thing I like is to drink". I was miserable WITHOUT a drink. In other words, I was dependent on it. Ask yourself this- Do you need alcohol in your life to be happy? If alcohol was completely removed from your life, would you be able to cope?

esinger

If it causes you problems with your health, relationships or your job you have a probably problem. I'd have a hard time saying as I drank more than that when I was an early teen. Not proud of that just saying. Didn't really become a big problem (for me) until I was in my 40's my 25 year employer shut it's doors and I started turning to my "80 proof old friend" for it's calming support.
IMO if you rely on it to get you through your problems, it's a slippery slope to physical and mental addiction. A lot easer to stop before you get to this point. Coming out of a full blown physical addiction to any mind altering substance is hell. Ultimately it's your choice

Soberwolf

Making any excuse to drink is alcoholism....in my kindest voice please reread your post

scared by the thought of no alcohol (only alcoholics have a problem with this)

And to boot your asking alcoholics for advice why do you really think we can relate


please dont see this as cocky/rude im being serious clarification is key

Hevyn

Welcome bchris. I'm really glad you found us - I hope being here to talk things over will help. You have some good responses already.

I started out drinking the same way you did. Over the years I developed a dependence on it, & in the end, I drank every day. Please proceed with caution. You did a good thing by coming here for advice.

BlissWithin

Its a progressive desease. For me alcoholism started when I was drinking alone, then after that I quit beer so I could gulp 1L vodka a day for 3~4 years. You dont have to do that.

heartcore

My belief is that a "moderate" or "normal" drinker doesn't have to make all those deals with themselves - "only on Thursday through Sunday," "only beer out of this small glass," "only one beer and three wines." "only on days when the moon is full or waning," "only alone," "only with friends..." and on and on...

There is even a section in the AA big book about this "deal-making" and breaking.

If you add up my consumption over the years, it would be a drop in the bucket by many alcoholic's standards. If you add up my consumption over the years, it would be clearly dysfunctional by many "normie" standards.

It doesn't matter. Alcohol impacts my life and self image negatively. When I try to quit it is difficult for me (not physically, I don't think I drank enough to have serious withdrawals, although I struggle with sleep, etc.). It is difficult for me socially and emotionally.

Am I a moderate drinker who has struggled with drinking too much at times through grief or loneliness? I think I am.

Do I have an addictive and compulsive personality which expresses itself both positively and negatively within my life? Definitely.

The most important question to me is: am I happier with my life and my self when I choose to be fully abstinent from alcohol and drugs? The answer is YES!!!

Do I value being present? YES. Do I like not even having to do the deal-making/breaking? YES. Am I more me sober? YES.

So, for what its worth, that is my experience. Try not drinking for a little while (a month?) and see how it feels. Return to drinking after that month (if you like) and see how it feels. No test can qualify you. Only you can decide if this is the direction you want to take your life...

And no matter what - stay safe...

Hawks

I would like to chip in again & say.

There are various stages & types of alcoholism.

Me, I went straight off the deep end. Blackouts, hospitalised, car crashes, fights ..... drinking a lot more than you currently are & I hadn't left high school.

I used to get the low down from school friends on Monday mornings, after my weekend escapades.

Alcoholism took no time at all to get traction with me.

However, there are many many instances of "developed" alcoholism.

At a certain point, the brain begins to produce a defence mechanism, against the corrosive nature of alcohol, in the form of a protein that has been clinically proven to be more addictive than heroin.

There is no set point of consumption, it is different in every person.

Once you have that happen, alcohol can prove astonishingly difficult to quit altogether & impossible to moderate.

Before this protein was discovered people often referred to this stage as "crossing the invisible line"

Some of the posts above would indicate that line was crossed by those posters.

For God's sake, take the advice, heed the warnings, don't think " but I'll be different" ..... sort it out NOW, while it is still relatively easy to sort out.

Please ..... the world doesn't need any more alcoholics of my type careering round the place.

fini

much as heartcore says, it's the negotiating with yourself about drinking/not drinking, the attempt at controlling, the NEED to control....all this sounds obsessive, and not "normal". certainly not easy-going take-it-or-leave-it. the thought of not drinking for a month pretty bothersome? it leaves you feeling...what?

i couldn't imagine never drinking again. until i wanted to free from this so badly that never drinking again was the best thing i wanted for myself. the only thing i wanted. desperately.

putting conditions on my drinking, where, when, how often, with whom....all the early signs for me.

bchris02

The more and more I think about this, I think I've traded one psychological addiction for another. I used alcohol to help me quit smoking and I never should have done that. I feel that I could give alcohol up for a month, heck six months or more if I could have my cigarettes back.

Prior to smoking cessation, I drank in similar quantities to what I am doing now (being that I have cut back), but had more of a take it or leave it attitude about it. I would love to get back to that without having to stop cold turkey and abstain for life. However, all signs point to the fact I do have a problem, even if its still in its early stages and I haven't yet crossed the invisible line into physical dependency.

For those who started putting conditions on your drinking, why did you do so? Was it out of fear of "crossing the invisible line" so to speak or was it for some other reason?

Hawks

Have you considered a vapour E-cigarette.

All different nicotine strengths & also non nicotine mixtures.

100's of flavours from mock Marlboro & Camel to Cola, strawberry & apple etc etc.

No known carcinogenic substances. (might change with further research, might not too)

A mate of mine asked his Dr about switching, Dr told him the only major side effect of nicotine is raised blood pressure.

Took his blood pressure ... 120 / 80

So now he uses a vapour with a mid strength nicotine mixture & cherry flavour.

Absolutely swears by it.

works out at 20% of the cost of actual cigarettes, no smell & legally .... you can use an e-cigarette anywhere you like because it technically isn't a "tobacco" product.

Although my friend is pretty considerate anyway and won't use it anywhere smoking is banned already.

Dee74

Hi and welcome bchris

I think if you think it's a problem then it's a problem, regardless of how much you drink or how often or whether you feel its more psychological than anything else.

Have you tried to stop before?

D

fini

bchris,

i think i put conditions on it not because of fear of crossing some line but because i feared i had already crossed it. and putting conditions on my drinking and myself was to prove to me that i was in control.
but i ended up always either rationalizing exceptions to the conditions or having the inexplicable rebellious-to-myself "well i don't give a damn!" switch flip.

so i put MORE conditions on.
which i also couldn't stick to.
in the rest of my life, i was/am a rather stick-to-my-conditions person

i once decided the ultimate proof of my control would be to not drink for six months, at the end of which i would re-evaluate my relationship with alcohol.
and i did that six-months stint of abstinence quite easily.
the re-evaluating consisted of happily drinking the first day after the six months were up. guilt-and-shame free, since i'd certainly proven to myself that i could easily not drink.

wasn't til later that i saw that the only reason those six months had been quite easy was because i knew i would/could drink again afterwards.

i had set it up that way. my mind fooled itself.

bchris02

Wouldn't a real alcoholic not be able to abstain those six months without help? Wouldn't you constantly be making excuses for cheating? When you went back at the end of your six months, did you pick up right where you left off or had your tolerance decreased?

I found an article about being an "Almost alcoholic" which has been pretty helpful to me and is describing a lot of the feelings I currently have regarding the drink. I attempted to post a link but the forum will not allow me to post links. Google "Are you an Almost Alcoholic?" on the website Elements Behavioral Health to see the article.

Particularly relatable is the part about drinking alone. I started drinking alone much like the article said. I would also do it occasionally on a weekend night when I had no other plans. I would also do it because of my extreme Christian surroundings in which anybody who takes a sip is a sinner so I felt compelled to hide my drinking from day one. My thought was "what is the harm in it?" The problem is these days when I do it, even though I may be drinking the exact same 3-4 beers I once did, its something I look forward to and plan for rather than something I do as a last resort. There are times when I could make plans that don't involve alcohol on a Friday or Saturday night but do not because I would rather stay home and drink.

On the flip side, cutting back has been relatively easy. Maybe its because I have not yet told myself I can never have another sip. The first few weeks of 2014 when I cut back to only Thursday-Saturday, I would crave drinks the other nights of the week for the first few weeks but after that it was no big deal for me to not drink those nights. I am now pushing towards that with Thursday night, which had been a big drinking night but the past few weeks I've abstained that night. The first Thursday I didn't drink was difficult but subsequent Thursdays it has become easier.

Adillac

If it causes problems, it is one. Just because it is a problem or you're concerned about it does not mean you are an alcoholic. Society likes to throw around the word "alcoholism" and "alcoholic" whenever someone drinks somewhat heavily. There are people, many people, who drink a lot and are not alcoholics. There are only two criteria to be considered: if when you want to quit entirely you find you cannot, and if once you begin drinking you find you cannot stop or predict the amount you'll drink- these are alcoholic signs, not shame or DUIs or drama or even the amount you drink or how often. It's about lack of control. Can you have 4-5 drinks every time? If so, probably not alcoholic.