Hawks

As an AA member Pete, you'd be familiar with Dr Silkworths opinion I'm sure.

If you read the Bb, you'll find not many alcoholics took it all the way to the point of no family, no job etc.

Dr Bob, an AA founder, still had all that intact.

Bill W was unemployed but still had a wife and a house.

There is such a thing as an habitual drinker.

Dr Silkworths opinion on this is available for all to read.

MelindaFlowers

It definitely sounds like the beginnings of alcoholism to me. I often compared myself to people who are not alcoholics and the differences were staggering. Normal drinkers don't think about drinking any more than they think about having donuts in the morning. Drinking is something they can take or leave at any time and if they ever felt like they were drinking too much they would cut way back for awhile without any struggle.

One difference that I noticed is that after a fun party weekend at the lake or the beach, they would not drink when they got home. I would drink during the fun weekend and want to continue to fun when I got home as well. Or at happy hour, they would have two drinks and just enjoy the two. I would go home and have ten more.

My tolerance kept going up so I had to keep upping the amount to reach the buzzed happy place. Eventually it wasn't a happy place anymore. Alcohol doesn't actually bring anything positive to our lives. The happiest people I know rarely drink.

Hawks

Agreed Melinda

There is potential alcoholism in anyone.

I went straight off the deep end.

But I don't often hear many stories like mine in AA.

Most seem to gradually progress before "crossing the invisible line"

Science now knows what that line is.

This is why I encourage anyone concerned with an alcohol problem to read the book

I can't get across the entire message of that book in posts that take 2-5 minutes.

Hence, sometimes, things I say get picked up on and picked apart.

Read the book, is my ultimate advice.

If you are alcoholic or a potential alcoholic, you will find yourself in there.

Dee74

Frequently asked questions from people new to AA



D

Pipping

You sound a lot like me in my mid twenties. I drank very much like you, a few drinks most nights- worried it was too much, cutting back, counting drinks. I was worried I had or was developing a problem, my father is an alcoholic and that was on my mind. I am guessing you may have an extra layer of guilt because of your strict upbringing but that's only a guess. If I were you I would stop drinking. I know for a fact it's no fun moderating and worrying about drinking. Lots of people don't drink and most people in your life will not give two hoots whether you drink or not. For what it's worth my drinking progressed rapidly in my thirties and I was easily having a bottle of wine a night. Save yourself the pain.

desypete

of course the drs opinion is what first shown me something i could never ever of thought about myself

how one drink would set off that craving inside of me that i wanted another one
it was the only thing that made any sense to me as to finding an answer in what was wrong with me compared to all my mates who would drink the first drink and not end up so drunk as i did

my mates would carry me home, i never was able to carry them home
my mates would be the ones telling me what i did the night before as they could remember it all where as i couldnt

this of course was when i was just a teenager not after many years of drinking

right from the word go i got so drunk over and over again and do some really embarrassing things
like putting my arm through a glass window that served my archery i was just 16 at the time and i nearly killed myself with that episode because i was plastered
i put my mum through hell as she watched on helpless as her son was losing his lifes blood

why didnt my mates behave like this ? the booze had no effect on them to the point it did with me

now surely anyone with any sense would give up drinking ever again when faced with all the trouble it would bring them ?

not so for me as i wanted with all my heart to just go out and drink like a normal person
i wanted to drink and not get drunk i never intended to hurt anyone or make a fool of myself yet thats all that happened once i took that first drink

i could not be an alcoholic as i didn't drink every day and i was to young and it was just bad behavior in drink or i was a bad man whatever way i looked at it i was not an alcoholic

how wrong i was, if only i had learned back then what i know today, if only i gave up the drink back then and learned my lesson

skip forward now to another 30 years
i ended up a drunk 24 /7 going to prison, losing my kids to social services, lost my business, all my money, and ex wife had moved on to another drunk so she could keep on drinking etc

in short my life was a complete and utter mess, despite the fact i first went into aa at the young age of 23 and i thought i learned my lesson and stayed sober for 15 years
i never once ended up in a police cell in those sober years i went on to look after my family and have my own business and made a good living

then i picked up the drink again just to see if that first drink would get me drunk
and it didnt i had one drink and went home, so i tried it the next time and had 2 drinks and went home
yippee i thought and i believed it must of been my young age that i couldnt handle the booze
i went out and had 4 pints and had a great night out and i went home happy and boozed up but at a point were it was just a good feeling

8 years later i had lost it all and i had like i said been to prison again and was in and out of police cells again, i lost my driving license and with it my business as a driver then the money ran out, then me and the ex fights got worse as she to is an alcoholic and she is still out there today drinking

anyway i lost it all and all i had left was an empty flat that stunk of rotten fish as i had peed myself and my bed that much, there was sick all around as i couldnt clean up after me, i hadnet had a bath in ages let alone hold a razor to shave

how did i end up in the mess ?

simple, i picked up that first drink and the rest was always going to happen to me no matter how many years i am sober
in time it got me

today i am sober thanks to aa coming to my rescue and the fact today i accept without anymore fight left in me that i am an alcoholic, i know totaly what 1 drink will do to me
i stick around aa so i never forget and i try to help others, i find it hard to id with people who came to aa and have so much still left to lose and who dont take this thing seriously
but then i look back at when i was just 23 and although i believed in the yets i never really believed they would happen to me

well like all alcoholics i had to find out via pain and suffering

Mountainmanbob

Wow Pete what a touching post. Your mentioning of going to AA earlier in life and much more of your story so much reminds me of me. Almost the same as what happened to me. For yes, we are grateful to be sober.

Bob

oak

I also got sober early and then relapsed after 16 years sober.

To the original poster- Welcome! I used to struggle more with whether I am an alcoholic or addicted. I saw the article on almost an alcoholic and liked it too. I think part of the problem is that we see alcoholism or addiction as more limited than it really is. It is easy to think that certain criteria or drinking habits need to exist for someone to be addicted. But addiction is much broader than that. I think of addiction existing on a continuum.

There are many things that I could point to that could suggest that I was not addicted. I even had about 6 months of very occasional drinking, never more than two drinks, and that was after several years of binge drinking. I was never physically addicted.
Yet alcohol was causing problems in my life, and my life is much easier and happier sober.

I hope you find what you need. I can see why you are concerned.

Lookingforchange

I started like you and it got worse, I know I'm an alcoholic now and need to stop. I think if you have to ask on a website like this deep down you know you've got at least the start of a problem. I wish I'd stopped drinking at the stage your at now.

Hawks

Thanks Pete.

You and I have similar stories.

I was hospitalised three times as a result of things I did whilst drunk before I left school. I left age 15.

Fell off a mezzanine level at a party, concussion and they pumped my stomach that night.

Beaten with motorcycle helmets after getting in a fight with a bike gang, concussion and stitches.

Dived in the shallow end of a swimming pool, more concussion, more stitches.

I should have gone after other escapades too, but I'd figured out that when you turn up to hospitals drunk and bleeding, you tend to get a 4-6 hour wait, before they attempt to mend you.

I just stopped going... Lol

Besides, there were always people there needing more urgent attention due to non self inflicted issues.

It never sat right with me that I should take up the staffs valuable time, when they had better things to do.

SoberCAH

Thanks for sharing your ESH, Pete.

It summarizes the progression of drinking to its inevitable conclusion.

I certainly relate to your story.