cherra

I husband and I are separated due to his alcoholism. He told me last night that he was going to try to quit and asked me to pray for him. Has anyone ever gotten sober without help from AA, church, or other support groups?

PhaseTwo

Yes I have, although I guess anyone on this forum is technically using a support group.

inthekeyofg

I am early into my sobriety, but thus far it is going pretty smoothly. I am trying to make some local connections so I have a support group here and I am also using this forum/site as a way to reach out and connect. I am relocating to Chicago for graduate school so, when I am settled there, I will also try to make some sober friends locally.
I suppose it depends on his history with alcohol and determination for living sober. Each person needs something different. The one thing in common, amongst all of us, is our desire to be (and remain) sober.

leviathan

it happens. research always helps though. for anyone with a real problem, the task is like a whole new way of life. there are strategies that help us adjust. tell him about this site.

Coldfusion

I learned a lot from the "AVRT Crash Course." Many self-recovered members of this forum use the AVRT methods, and there is more information in the Secular section of this forum.

doggonecarl

Yes, there are.

And plenty of people who can't quit drinking despite all the help in the world.

I hope your husband falls in the first category.

ScottFromWI

I use SR as my main support method, but also my family.

There is a big difference between getting sober alone vs doing it without support. There are many recovery programs that are self paced and don't have regular meetings like AA/NA. Many of them are very effective if the person using them follows them and works on them daily. On the other hand, simply quitting on your own by sheer willpower is usually not very effective.

In the end though, your ex will need to decide for himself how he wants to go about it.

MIRecovery

I can only speak for me but I did not get sober until I found AA. I believe doing it on your own is possible but doing it without help lowers already very poor recovery rates

soberjuly

I'm sure people do but he has to want to quit. That's the most important thing. I came here a couple years ago and after a few days, I decided I wanted to "moderate"...I could do that right? because I wasn't a true alcoholic. Alcoholics are passed out in alley ways right? Alcoholics don't drive minivans and bake cookies for the school fundraisers.

Nope. Moderation never worked because I am an alcoholic. It took getting trashed in front of my children twice last week for me to realize this.

He has to want it. I still plan on going to AA, now that I don't feel ashamed. I couldn't fathom going before because I wasn't "really" an alkie right? I was in denial for a long time.

trez

I had one alcoholic friend do it on his own after some serious scrapes with the law. But he had some sort of spiritual awakening on his own. Not sure exactly what it was.

I have another friend who probably didn't qualify as an alcoholic who also quit drinking on his own. He had bad stomach issues: gluten allergies or celiac disease or something, and alcohol exacerbated those issues. So he quit. However, he probably didn't qualify as an alcoholic so it's been easy for him to go it alone.

My dad, brother, uncle and cousin are all alcoholics that quit with the help of AA. There's a lot that I personally don't like about AA, but I think the fellowship is a good thing as well as the regular reminders that it's extremely difficult for alcoholics to sober up without support.

FT

Trez,

Not to sound argumentative, but how does one "qualify as an alcoholic"?

Aellyce

I never managed to have even 3-4 sober days during my heavy drinking times alone. I also knew tons about addiction as I do research on it. All the knowledge never helped me quit. SR did, using it actively and regularly. I also see a therapist (not mainly for addiction though) and went to a few AA meetings, but my recovery support network has been SR really.

As far as I know, what often happens to people that try to stay sober on their own without using a program and serious self-work is that they often remain just as miserable sober, because they don't make changes in their life. I would really recommend to your husband to get engaged in some sort of interaction with other alcoholics in recovery - it's incredible what we learn from each-other. I could have never figured out all that by myself, and I am not bad at research

FeenixxRising

Sure, many have. Whether your husband can or not is up to him. However, a little support never hurts.

SonomaGal

I did it by "myself" with the help of sober blogs, Sober Recovery, a friend who quit a few months after me, reading tons of sober books and online info, reading about AVRT, my mom and fiancé, and a few AA meetings where I was lucky to meet a great person who I can talk to about recovery. People seem to have a much higher probability of success with education, support and accountability. That said there are ways of finding that outside of the more traditional methods.

The first thing is to start getting sober, the second thing is to figure out how to stay sober and make a good life without alcohol. My recommendation is to try anything and everything available -- and take advantage of SR, it's an incredibly supportive site!

Fandy

Your husband discharged a gun in the house while he was drunk, he frightened your daughter and could have killed someone. he now denies ever putting the gun to his own head and threatening suicide.

he needs real, professional help.

silentrun

I read your thread in the Family forum. No he cannot do it alone. He is in way too deep for that. He is dangerous to himself and everyone lese at this point. Please be careful. His sobriety should not be your primary concern right now. I have used only this website but I have never put a gun to my head either.

LBrain

The simple answer is YES.
But I agree with everyone else who posted.

matt4x4

A sick mind cant heal a sick mind.

cherra

He drinks daily and if he doesn't he shakes. When he is drunk he has black-outs. He's said he would "try" to quit. That tells me that he's not sure he can. What more do I need? Getting sober is only the first step to me going home. There are tons of issues to work out including him being honest about what happened. Maybe if he sees that he can't do it by himself he will seek help. For a start, I'm just glad he sees that he has a problem and wants to stop. Don't worry. I'll tell you if I go home. Yall are my support group! But honestly, I really want him sober, honest, back in church, and us together. Is it so wrong to want that?

silentrun

Nothing is wrong with that at all. That is what you should have. This is going to be a long process. It can take years to fully recover. He may not have it in him right now or ever. Reading that thread your situation is level 10 crisis mode. Your safety and that of your daughter are #1. His behavior is over the top even when you factor in alcoholism. There may be some deeper issues there.