PurpleKnight

I am glad you pushed through haennie and are feeling better today!!

Aellyce

JD - for me "early life drama" or trauma wasn't within the family so much (there was a thread about this recently with a Poll), but my out-of family social environment. Very simple actually: I was an overweight child before ~age 10, and constantly bullied about that in kindergarten, school, and wherever I met other kids, many years. That definitely cut into the development of my self-esteem. The weight wasn't a metabolic disorder, but I think mostly the result of my mother's self-expression of love (feeding; my dad was also very overweight during those years and more). She nurtured us literally with food, I think because she never really knew how to do it otherwise; she had a very difficult childhood and youth.

I lost all the excess weight within a year between 10-11. And more. Leading to eating disorders (the textbook, first anorexia then bulimia). I am to this day very weight-conscious, but my current eating habits are much healthier than those of many other people around me. I believe, because it interests me and it's still a concern on some levels of consciousness. I did not have any other direct traumas or difficulties in childhood. I've never really connected with my mother much, but she was not abusive, mainly just someone with her own many mental issues. I believe now that she also had a pill addiction, but I never picked that up from her. Some of the biological inheritance I did, most likely... But I had the most wonderful father one can imagine! They did fight some, and with my present perception and opinion about relationships, they were not a really compatible couple. But they brought me up as an only child in a generally peaceful, accepting, and mostly positive environment, I would say.

Bimini - I think our brain's function is much more complex than just problem solving, but I get what you are saying - I also often used to identify with the problem solver's role intensely. You like the MBTI? I was quite obsessed with it (and other "structured" personality theories) for a while in the past... I did the MBTI many times: INTP/J. Very strong on the "N" and really borderline (almost no pref) on P/J. I think my experimental scientific career has really improved me to balance "N>S".

Croissant - thank you. Yes, basically every previously drug-associated perception has can be a "cue" for an addict. For me, for example, my current apartment is a big one (I almost exclusively drank alone there), so I an looking for a new one.

Cabo - I think I described it in a few posts above, my first post this morning. How are you feeling?

Soberpotamus

Glad to see you made it through the cravings, Haennie Wtg!

I'm an INTJ on the MBTI btw. The female ones seem to be rare Cool to find another...

EndGameNYC

Analyze someone's words? Me? Really?

I'll add to my original reply to your OP that your procrastination also works in the service of hitting your dimmer switch, though, based on your description of this process, the outcome brings you to a very different and unwanted place.

Aellyce

Thanks, Jennie And yes, I know and knew about your MBTI type, read it in an old thread originally about gender ratios in AA, that I actually bumped not long ago. My reason to bump it was partially your comments and experiences, which I identified with very much. So good to see you here, thanks for commenting

biminiblue

See, we only children get each other.

I'm not really into the MBTI. I'm not even sure I would still hit the ISTJ marks. Meh, it's just a fun thing.

FeenixxRising

Glad you worked through it Haenni. The walk/run was certainly a much better idea than my ice cream suggestion

Aellyce

Well, you chose to mostly analyze my words, Dr, and now you won't get away from it for a good while because I took it seriously

Yes and then I'm ***ed. Or maybe not.

Aellyce

SoberJennie, if you see this (guess I can hijack my own thread): how did your writing aspirations work out? I hope you don't mind asking. Creative writing was also an area that my teachers in school recommended, but when I moved out of my home country and started a new language, it went down the dumps in my mind...

Soberpotamus

I am writing My aspirations are working out because I'm just doing it (notice the Hemingway quote in my sig... I placed it there as a reminder to myself to do the work, no matter what). Ha! Sounds flippant or whatever, but it's the truth. For me, it just came down to daily discipline. Getting the good, the bad, and all the mediocre down. And doing it consistently. It's really all I needed. I had a class here and there in creative writing but have chosen to get my own MFA by reading all of the Paris Review Interview series. And I have several of the books on technique as well. All the recommended ones.

Alcohol kept me from the deepest part of myself that I needed access to in order to write authentically. That's not as deep as it sounds Simply, I needed to feel all the emotions in order to write. And I needed a realistic view of the world. Delusion isn't a good thing for a writer. Compassion is necessary as well.

matt4x4

Well first off you only crave when you drink, that is the effect of alcoholism. The phenomenon of craving happens when you drink. Otherwise if you dont drink, all you are dealing with the mind, your thoughts, which can be dealt with, you can however not deal with the craving aspect, because I dont know about you but I could never have just one or 2, max 4 drinks, NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When I decided to drink, look out, Im getting drunk.

Nuudawn

That sort would make me crave liquid oblivion also. Self pity is my biggest trigger.

Glad you weathered yesterday's craving through Haennie. I found the responses incredibly helpful. I was both confused and amused by the repartee between you and EG. I kinda miss his analyzing and input on my posts

Aellyce

Yes, Matt, that's how it starts. We crave (more) when we are drinking. Unfortunately, addicts like myself also tend to crave in abstinence, for a while at least, because our brains remember it, and we remember in some very distorted and unrealistic way.

I don't ever want to take a drink in the rest of my life, much like you.

Aellyce

Thanks, Nuu. I also found all the responses incredibly helpful. I may do this again if I need similar help.

We had several PM interactions and some on the public boards were just kidding. You are welcome to join in

Croissant

Wow. Well there you go. INTJ also.

My first MBTI assessment was 20 years ago, still the same.

EndGameNYC

Oh, I'm with ya, ND. Your comments suggest, among much else, that you're open to whatever it is that can work for you, and you've continued to offer solid support and useful insights. Sharing your own experience in the way you do is priceless.

That fine mind of yours missed a coupla beats when you first came back, but you got it up and back to speed quickly.

EndGameNYC

I don't need to be eating salted caramel gelato in order to crave it. Pizza too.

Aellyce

LOL, so where are the males?

A few years ago I was hooked on an online social group of INTJs, on Google+. There are quite a few such online forums but this was the best. There were hundreds of them joined and many really brilliant conversations about all sorts of topics all the time, a bit like SR but less focused on a specific area. Definitely very male-heavy community. What I don't like so much about these personality type thing is that people tend to obsess about it and actually start projecting the "textbook traits"onto themselves, even if some are not super accurate. They tend to create an identity from it instead of understanding themselves in a genuine and unique way. I did find it useful though many years ago when I first took it along with other personality tests, learned a lot from them.

Aellyce

Wish I craved those things instead of alcohol, although not sure it would be nice to be addicted to them.

I do think that these cravings (for whatever) lose a lot from frequency and intensity with increasing time in abstinence, we know that from experience. But it takes a long time. It is because of the lack of reinforcement, which is having our drug or food of choice. Food actually tends to be a stronger reinforcer than drugs, especially the kind that you mentioned, but less so when someone is heavily addicted to a drug and is actively using it. It's pretty crazy how rats in an experiment get hooked on chocolate, for example.

matt4x4

2 seperate and distinct things.
Craving
Obsession

They are not mixed and matched.