angelwithoutgod

Hey guys. I love this forum. I have posted a few times and each time, everyone is so nice and helpful. Well its been 2 months now that I've been sober! The past few weeks have been great. I have been so happy and carefree. On Monday I was thinking wow, I am so happy, I hope this never ends! Then, BAM the next day I crashed. I argued with my SO all day and then started having anxiety about my job because someone is leaving and the business I work at has practically no money. I don't know how long my job is going to last and change freaks me out. Normally I would drink myself to sleep during these trying times. Thankfully I didn't. But I still feel crazy again all of a sudden. I was so down and depressed and anxious yesterday, I feel like a maniac now. And I feel bad for putting my SO through all of this. I thought my moods were leveling out but apparently they aren't . Now I am just trying to get through the day. Thanks for letting me rant.

PurpleKnight

2 Months is fantastic!!

I know it took a while for my moods to adjust and level out, it just took some time, but there will also be ups and downs in life, we just need to figure out how to ride the wave when it comes, when things get stressful.

It can be done, keep pushing through!!

angelwithoutgod

Thanks Purpleknight! Last night I rode the wave...it was hard. Normally I would smoke a ton of cigarettes and drink myself to sleep. But last night I just cried and then ate a bunch of pizza. It sucked still, but at least I am not waking up with a hangover and sore throat. I'll keep pushing through...

sj999

I think I am experiencing all of my emotions fully for the very first time in my entire life this year, and man is it an adjustment. I have been so used to "correcting" emotions my entire life - whether through self-injury, alcohol, binge-eating, or even healthy things like exercise and cognitive reframing. I started noticing I was very quick to judge emotional states and find something wrong with them. But it's started to occur to me that... maybe this is just what life is. We are supposed to feel stuff, and it is supposed to change. I have also spent a LOT of time crying this year, something I've historically avoided at all costs. I'm FINALLY starting to see how it is healthy and helps me to process things and clean out old, negative experiences and emotions. So I think I understand how you feel, and hopefully things will level out AND you will be able to embrace it a bit more when they don't. Hang in there!

angelwithoutgod

Thank you sj999. Yea its hard to feel feelings again when I'm used to numbing them with alcohol. I think you are right that is is healthy to process these things. I feel so much better today after letting it all out yesterday! There are years worth of emotions that probably need to come out... I've only been sober 2 months so I have a ways to go I guess...

sj999

Hey, I am right there with you. I think I have pretty much 25 years worth (I'm assuming not much noteworthy happened before I was 2, but who the hell knows). But I think dealing with emotion is something a LOT of people avoid and have trouble with, so I like to think that by realizing I need to work on it through quitting drinking, I will be in a much better place than frankly many people get to who don't have such obvious issues! (Not that I want them to suffer either, but I need to paint it in a somewhat positive light to get on board with the idea. :P)