Bluesman1952

Some of that music is dated but it is all me. Singing, writing and playing all instruments. Somehow guitar puts me in a drinking mood. I have a Gibson Les Paul Gold Top, a Gibson 339 and a Martin Acoustic and I am afraid to play....Time for prayer.

tomsteve

I don't know how well antabuse works. if im not mistaken it doesn't stop a person from drinking, just gives unpleasant and dangerous side effects if alcohol is consumed. it is also a support to alcoholism treatment. it is used together with behavior modification, psychotherapy, and counseling support to help you stop drinking. it is not a cure for alcoholism.

Bluesman1952

Thanks Sharon - I do take pride in my music and appreciate that you enjoy it. Well, my doc DID give me something habit forming, I won't mention it here, but I think that actually made me worse. I am taking all the advice I can get from all of you wonderful people...I only hope I can do this starting NOW!

FeenixxRising

Bluesman, have you considered secular organizations?

LifeRing
SOS
SMART Recovery

I don't know if they have meetings in your area, but if you haven't done so already, you should check their websites to see if they do.

aasharon90

I had to make some changes in my life just
like many who did the same thing in order to
learn to stay sober or clean each day. Many
have had to change people, places and things
that went hand and hand with drinking.

Friends that may still be drinking and without
taking anyones inventory but my own, may not
think they have a problem drinking. We have
even distance ourselves with family because
of our past childhood rearings. Maybe our jobs
are too stressful. Could be some lingering alcohol
bottles stored in cabinets, drawers, hidden places.
A special glass, cup, stein, jigger. How about bars,
clubs, favorite watering holes.

So many things that could and would trigger
reasons to continue poisoning ourselves with alcohol.

I for myself entered recovery via a family
intervention 23 yrs ago. So it wasn't by choice
as so many can do on their own today if they
have the willingness to seek help.

I spent 28 days in rehab away from my little
family yrs. ago and was in a safe inviroment
where alcohol was not in reach. That in itself
was a blessing because it gave me time to allow
the poison to get out of my system, time to absorb
some good information about addiction and its
affects on me and those around me.

Upon release, that safety net was lowered for me
to walk away using only the tools and knowledge
fed to me for those 28 days. I did continue on with
a 6 week aftercare outpatient program to keep me
in a routine of recovery. Following thru what I had been
doing for the first 28days.

It was up to me to choose what I wanted to do
with my recovery. To choose to be willing to do
whatever I needed to do, to go to extra lengths
to remain sober all to the best of my ability.

Because I didn't have anyone else in the family
sick with addiction, I felt like I was alone. I needed
and wanted to share my recovery with others like
me. I needed to be understood, accepted for who
and what I was with no questions asked.

It is absolutely amazing to be in the company
or fellowship of so many who have this illness
with addiction and can talk and share our own
ESH - experiences, strengths and hopes with
each other of what it was and is like before,
during and after drinking.

That understanding, that unconditional acceptance
by total strangers is so unbelievably amazing.

I couldn't find it at home, so I spent a many
a days for one single hour for me to get what
I needed to learn to stay sober so I could continue
on living life on lifes terms.

As far as music....I cant imagine life without it
like so many other wonderful gifts we can enjoy
in recovery. There are promises granted to us
as stated in the Big Book of AA and will come
true as we continue to live a life sober.

Maybe your music will have a different meaning
to you now and down the road as you continue
to learn and live a sober life.

I can almost imagine you sitting soberly in
your back yard playing some wonderful music
for all the birds, flowers, trees, rain, sun, moon,
butterflies to enjoy. It will be music that will
come from deep within your heart and soul
played with humility and deepest appreciation.

Music....What an AWESOME gift...!!!!
Sobriety...An even more AWESOME REWARDING gift..!!!!

Bluesman1952

I haven't considered anything at this point - Having a very tough time right now...

ScottFromWI

I think it's probably time you do consider something Bluesman. You've given us a pretty good list of things you can't or won't do. There's got to be something you CAN do today to help yourself out. Actively posting here is certainly a good step - but it sounds like you are telling us it might not be enough? Is there a local hotline you could call?

Bluesman1952

I went and picked up my Granddaughter and we are going to camp in the yard - she doesn't like the smell of booze - her dad is a drunk like me LOL!!! I thought that was a good start?

ScottFromWI

Sounds like a great start to me.

Weaver

Will camping with her keep you from drinking today?

Weaver

Also, I know it may seem unattainable, and super simple to say...but yes, you CAN stop.

I mean no offense, but planning a camp session with your granddaughter does not seem to be a good tool. It may work for a few hours...but is it lasting?

What other ideas do you have in mind? You say AA is not for you. OK, totally understandable...what about some other form of counseling? Have you considered other recovery "programs" There will always be a 30 foot list of things you CAN'T do unless you actually believe you CAN. Take back the control, empower yourself. You CAN do this.

Dee74

I think we covered this last time you were here....the list of what you can't or won't do is pretty long..and that's ok - it's your life and I have no idea about it, Bluesman.

But...you really need to work out what you can do, or what you're prepared to do...because doing nothing means your problem is just going to get worse.

If you can quit on your own, do it.
If you can't? you're gonna need to step out of your comfort zone a little.

Maybe try Rational Recovery. Google AVRT. No meetings, just books

D

fini

just remembering an email i sent to someone years ago, someone who couldn't do a, b. g, k, d...because i remembered (at that time) full well how it was when i couldn't, just COULDN'T, do those alphabet letters and more, either.
i sat there and decided to switch, to turn from 'cannot' to 'can', and actually managed to come up with a short list of things i could actually do.
it went something like this, and felt a bit pathetic in its baby-steps parameters, but it did leave me feeling like i now had options and some power.

i CAN, though just barely, go to one AA meeting.
i CAN be willing to listen.
i CAN work hard at not dismissing everything i hear.
i CAN, though just barely, be willing to try one new thing.

you get the drift.

EndGameNYC

Going to meetings won't get you sober; changing your entire life might.

karate

I have the same issues drinking ,My entire digestive system just plain HURTS . I feel like crap ,on a 12 pack a day too

Some of the pains are doubling over hurt.

Doc can give you meds to wean off BUT you have to be responsible enough to not drink with them .

longbeachone

Do you have issues with the religious nature of AA?

Weaver

If you CAN go to the store and buy more alcohol, you CAN not go and stop.

Believing in yourself can go a long way in beating this addiction.

Ktsmiau

Hi Bluesman, get the committment now, you know what the alternatives are. Find a meeting where you can get the needed support and be with others that understand and do not judge. "How can we love something so much (alcohol, etc) that has tried to kill us so many times" Take it easy, be kind to yourself, find other activities, find a higher power (of your choosing)

Ktsmiau

Oh, and find a holistic alternative if at all possible instead of the meds.

Bostonsportsfan

It really sounds like you need some help. I'd talk to your DR and look into some kind of detox.