nezza

Don't really get the first question mate, but yeah enough's enough, I want recovery and a normal life with my family, friends, hobbies, success. I began drinking heavily out of boredom after a shoulder reconstruction and then only because I was physically dependent. I'd call myself an alcoholic in that I seem to suffer more from hangovers than most and find it all to easy to get that 'hair of the dog'. The course of action I'm taking involves the people around me and making sure I rebuild my existing relationships and start new ones. It also involves studying, working, working on myself, aiming to live 'the good life', keeping my faith, seeing counsellers if necessary, generally enjoying life the way I used to before I drank. (except without the pot!)

nezza

Oh, and while I'm not big on a lot of the AA philosophy, I do believe in working to make amends to those I've hurt. By making my family proud and helping them and my friends in any way I can; they've done more for me than I could possibly have hoped for.

nezza

Just an update, partly for me, as a reminder to myself.

It's saturday morning, Day 6/Day 4. All my friends will be hungover from last night, the World Cup's already taking it's toll! After sitting in the pub for the Spain-Holland game without a drink, I had an earlyish night, woke up a bit hazy from the librium but cooked a good solid breakfast, checked my email, and I've already got a job interview coming up.

This time last year there was no chance on God's green earth that I'd have had the wherewithal to type out a good CV (Resumé to you Yanks!), let alone send it anywhere, and even if I did, there's no way I'd have had any motivation to get off my arse and go to the interview. I've got some smart new designer gear that I bought with some money I would have spent on booze, feel like a million dollars in the new clothes, got hip-hop blasting the walls of my house, eating bacon, eggs, and coffee, feeling brand new.

Only loss is that there's a barbecue today that I'm going to have to miss because of the massive amount of free booze. Not too much of a loss, England are playing tonight so I'll see all the boys at the pub, because there's football to be watched and pool to play, but I don't think I could handle being around 50 or 60 people all getting smashed. I've got steak at home anyway :P Besides, if I wanted a pint in that particular pub (I don't!) it'd be the fat end of £4 ($7), money I'd much rather spend on something I DO want to do. I'll just drink my club soda, win some money off drunk pool players, play the slot machine, and watch the game.

Know this is a big old ramble but as I say, I'm writing it for myself as much as anyone. Thanks if you read it!

PS I do NOT support England football team, it'll just be a good game :P I'm an Irishman on the wrong side of the water, and made sure to bet £10 on England to lose every World Cup game just to keep a bit of my roots intact haha

Mek2

If I can make a suggestion... Count it at as Day 4. You survived a very minor relapse but you don't need to plant any doubt in your head. A relapse in my mind is knowing you want to drink and then drinking. You messed up but righted yourself. Good job. That is actually a huge step IMO.

Hevyn

Hi nezza. I'm glad you are wisely avoiding the temptation of the barbecue. Good that you appreciated waking up with no hangover - and congratulations on your upcoming job interview. Things are sounding very positive.

nezza

Another night in the pub on non-alcoholic beer and soft drinks. When I ordered my first Becks Blue the bartender/owner of the pub just said 'Proud of you mate, keep it up', and if anyone's got a vested interest in my alcohol problem it's that guy.

Watched the football and came home. (£40-odd better off!).

matt4x4

What has been your bottom, the lowest point you have been while drinking?

A crashed car?
Lost girlfriend or wife or children?
Lost license?
Lost house?
Drunk Tank?
DUI Court?
State prison time?
Federal prison time?
Have you killed someone?
Have you lost a limb?
Did you try to commit suicide, other then drinking/using?
Did you cause someone or yourself to become parapelgic?



Were you driving a company truck during the christmas holidays and crashed into a minivan full of a family, and killed almost everyone, leaving the driver a parapalegic from the neck down, and did you blow over three times the legal limit?

These are all common place bottoms. However you can always go lower. Always!!!!!

FeenixxRising

Huh? Maybe it's time to lighten up a little Matt?

liss74

Your doing awesome but be careful the old saying goes , if you sit in the barbers chair long enough you will get a hair cut . Stay safe xxx

nezza

Nah mate can't drive and we've only got one kind of prison over here, never been though.

TBF I have lost a couple of girlfriends, a few mates, a lot of respect, and ****** my family up a bit.

nezza

Cheers liss,never heard that expression before but I'm taking it as the barber shop's the pub and the haircut's a drink?

By the way, just as an update, it's day five now, feel a bit shaky for some reason but think that's mostly due to the reducing dosage of Librium. Only got one capsule left and I'm taking that later, got my job interview (in a bar, but as a cook). After that, I think I'm going to put my feet up, read the paper, watch another 3 football matches (make the most of the World Cup everyone, it'll be over before you know it) and maybe go for a run. Happy days.

nezza

Where I live the weekend is just completely saturated in drink and drugs. It's a pretty affluent place but a bit out of the way, and on the outskirts of a pretty run down ex-industrial town. It has nothing but two bars, a fish and chip shop, and an off-licence (liquor store). Everyone works all week, then at the weekend it's endless pints of lager, parties, and huge quantities of coke (not the fizzy kind), occasionally something different like a club or a night on the town but it all follows the same thread: getting f**ked up. As I say, I don't feel that I need to stay away from all my old friends, as they've been nothing but supportive. Wouldn't do me any good anyway, company keeps me sane and I was always as likely to drink on my own as with friends, if not more.

I know if I'd buckled last night and though 'sure one won't do any harm', I'd be feeling f***ing terrible right now. Dry mouth, pounding head, depression and guilt at having relapsed and made a fool of myself, raw fear at the thought of having to get ready and go to this interview ("Shower AND iron a shirt, then sit trying to act as if I've got it all together with a complete stranger?? Sack that!"). Can't lie and say I feel amazing today, the body's still adjusting, but it's a lot better than my only other option.

dollpart

Well done, Nezza. 'sall I've got to say

nezza

That's day 5/7 over and done with! Once again, rounded off my weekend in the pub, didn't feel like booze or drugs once, and the best part was that I'd gone into a bit of a shell when I first quit and finally came out of it tonight and had a great craic with the boys. Someone even said 'Good to have you back'. Sometimes it's the little things that get you through this.

PurpleKnight

Great Job!! Keep pushing through nezza!!

nezza

Day 6/8 - First day without Librium. It's 6pm, feeling OK (fingers crossed!). Only problem was I was I've been worried about a seizure all day, was in and out of the shower like a rat up a pipe because I was that worried about collapsing in there. Going to my doctor in the morning I think, maybe get some beta-blockers, they calmed me down a touch last time.

Been constantly checking for shakes and heart rate. 66 bpm and slight shakes.

Thanks for all your support, know it's a long way from over but, so far, posting on here has been very therapeutic, and it's great to get extra support.

nezza

Day 7/9. Two more days to go and I should have shaken off the symptoms of withdrawal.

It's been rough but I'd like to thank God for understanding doctors, supportive family and friends, the people on this forum who've taken the time to read and encourage, a crippling sense of being about to lose everything good in my life, endless cups of tea, whoever invented non-alcoholic Becks, the Sopranos, the Simpsons, Breaking Bad, chicken stir-fry, Librium, Propanolol, Mars Bars, the World Cup/sports betting, a comfy bed in a beautiful house after the Missus kicked me out (Sorry hun, I was a ******* idiot. Thanks for letting me come home Da!), and everyone I know watching me like a hawk for any signs of depression or relapse.

With all those things and probably a hell of a lot more all I need now is to find it within me to stay away from the bottle, get my head down, and enjoy life.

Thanks again folks. I'll keep updating here anyway and try to get involved elsewhere in the forum.

nezza

It's now day 8/day 10, and things have gone a step or two backwards. This morning I might have had a seizure, I'm not 100% sure. I had all the usual 'pre-fit' warning signs, fuzzy head, etc, and noone was around so I did what I always do and lay on in bed my side with my head surrounded by pillows and tried to sleep. I did sleep, as I had a couple of weird dreams, and when I woke up there was no muscle ache or bitten tongue, but one **** of a headache. I'm not too surprised, I had a seizure on the last night of a 10 day stint in a detox clinic, no telling how long withdrawals will last. Still, I've still had no desire to go up to the shop and buy drink, telling my mates that I've got a bug or something. Mentioned that I was off beer for a month to a couple of the lads when they came over to watch the footie earlier.

Praying that things will start to improve properly tomorrow but it's dented my confidence in the speed of recovery a bit.

Dee74

If you think you're having seizures or might have one, you really need professional medical input Nezza. Got a GP?

D

nezza

Yeah I do, but seizures have been common since I 'started stopping' drinking and using substances heavily. I've been to neurologists etc, it's epilepsy triggered by withdrawal, I can deal with them as long as I'm in the house. Since it hasn't even been two weeks since I quit and a few days off my benzos, it's to be expected really. Literally the only time I have them's when I'm in withdrawal mode.