fourth time lucky??
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: England
Posts: 41
fourth time lucky??
Hi there, I've never posted here before, or on any forum, but I've read a lot of threads here and they're very helpful.
I really don't like endlessly going on about myself but I'm in a bit of a pickle and just wanted to get some stuff off my chest and see what everyone has to say.
I've just turned 22, and I've tried to detox four times, once in a centre, the other times on an outpatient detox with Librium.
Drank since I was 14, heavily after I had some major surgery at 18 and kept on going until I realised that I'd ****** a lot of things up and that I was addicted: I had seizures, was diagnosed with epilepsy, and it took me and my family a long time to realise it was the booze: im an expert at hiding bottles etc.
First tried detox with Librium last summer, relapsed, went into a clinic in October, relapsed, Librium again last Christmas, you get the picture. Now I'm on it again, and it seems to be working. The big kick up the arse was when my girlfriend of nearly a year left me a few days ago, she'd put up with a lot of crap from me and then realised I'd managed to get through a litre and a half of vodka she thought was safe (she didnt realise I'd relapsed and I knew what would happen if i told her). I didn't even realise I'd drank that much. Anyway I'm back at my parent's house now, in the country, where I'll be for the next few months with a Librium scrip.
It's a good place to detox, I lived in the city for the last few years, where drugs and alcohol were easier to get hold of than a takeaway pizza, but here it's £3.50 a pint, I'm a known 'pisshead' among my friends who monitor what I drink, and if I buy alcohol in the shop I can guarantee word will spread like wildfire and I'll be ostracised again...village life.
Lost a girlfriend who did nothing but help me (let me detox at her place throwing up and sweating for a week when I'd only known her a month), lost the respect of a lot of my friends and family, but I'm slowly clawing it back. With sobriety comes the new clothes, the gym membership, a job, high grades at college: self respect. The kicker is whenever people see me sober a few days in a row, I suddenly seem to get invited places again. Out for meals, (and in a weird catch-22, to clubs, pubs, parties and barbeques), because I've realised people expected me to make a tit of myself and embarass everyone in the past, and I'm regaining trust. Fourth time lucky, I'm praying for the strength to make this work, noone except my GP, my ex-girlfriend and you fine people know that I'm in recovery, because nobody else knew I was drinking again. As I say, I'm a hider.
Sorry to blag on at you all, it's just that I feel that any kind of support network has got to be a positive. It's been 3 days since I started. One pint last night but I feel it was a mistake and have no desire to have another.
If you've read all that shite, thanks for listening, and I wish you all the best with your recoveries
xx
I really don't like endlessly going on about myself but I'm in a bit of a pickle and just wanted to get some stuff off my chest and see what everyone has to say.
I've just turned 22, and I've tried to detox four times, once in a centre, the other times on an outpatient detox with Librium.
Drank since I was 14, heavily after I had some major surgery at 18 and kept on going until I realised that I'd ****** a lot of things up and that I was addicted: I had seizures, was diagnosed with epilepsy, and it took me and my family a long time to realise it was the booze: im an expert at hiding bottles etc.
First tried detox with Librium last summer, relapsed, went into a clinic in October, relapsed, Librium again last Christmas, you get the picture. Now I'm on it again, and it seems to be working. The big kick up the arse was when my girlfriend of nearly a year left me a few days ago, she'd put up with a lot of crap from me and then realised I'd managed to get through a litre and a half of vodka she thought was safe (she didnt realise I'd relapsed and I knew what would happen if i told her). I didn't even realise I'd drank that much. Anyway I'm back at my parent's house now, in the country, where I'll be for the next few months with a Librium scrip.
It's a good place to detox, I lived in the city for the last few years, where drugs and alcohol were easier to get hold of than a takeaway pizza, but here it's £3.50 a pint, I'm a known 'pisshead' among my friends who monitor what I drink, and if I buy alcohol in the shop I can guarantee word will spread like wildfire and I'll be ostracised again...village life.
Lost a girlfriend who did nothing but help me (let me detox at her place throwing up and sweating for a week when I'd only known her a month), lost the respect of a lot of my friends and family, but I'm slowly clawing it back. With sobriety comes the new clothes, the gym membership, a job, high grades at college: self respect. The kicker is whenever people see me sober a few days in a row, I suddenly seem to get invited places again. Out for meals, (and in a weird catch-22, to clubs, pubs, parties and barbeques), because I've realised people expected me to make a tit of myself and embarass everyone in the past, and I'm regaining trust. Fourth time lucky, I'm praying for the strength to make this work, noone except my GP, my ex-girlfriend and you fine people know that I'm in recovery, because nobody else knew I was drinking again. As I say, I'm a hider.
Sorry to blag on at you all, it's just that I feel that any kind of support network has got to be a positive. It's been 3 days since I started. One pint last night but I feel it was a mistake and have no desire to have another.
If you've read all that shite, thanks for listening, and I wish you all the best with your recoveries
xx
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Thanks, Nezza! Sounds like you're on a good path, too. SR is an excellent place. People are encouraging and helpful, and can give us a gentle kick in the butt if necessary; but the vast majority are not in any way judgmental. I wouldn't trade this place for the world.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Welcome nezza! We're so glad to have you join us. I think SR will be a huge help to you - you're never alone.
I envy you - being 22 and seeing what needs to be done. I was still enjoying drinking back then - but it didn't take long for it to be part of everything I did. I missed so many important events - or showed up numb and stupid. I hurt and confused countless people. I played with my health and my sanity. I put myself and others in jeopardy by driving while drunk. I never would have believed I'd allow myself to do those things. In the end, I had no control over my behavior and was completely dependent on alcohol. SR helped me find the courage to change - and I turned everything around.
You are saving yourself so much misery by taking action now. We are here to help - congratulations.
I envy you - being 22 and seeing what needs to be done. I was still enjoying drinking back then - but it didn't take long for it to be part of everything I did. I missed so many important events - or showed up numb and stupid. I hurt and confused countless people. I played with my health and my sanity. I put myself and others in jeopardy by driving while drunk. I never would have believed I'd allow myself to do those things. In the end, I had no control over my behavior and was completely dependent on alcohol. SR helped me find the courage to change - and I turned everything around.
You are saving yourself so much misery by taking action now. We are here to help - congratulations.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: England
Posts: 41
wow, cheers, didn't expect so many replies in the time it took to have a bath!
I'm sweet at the moment, the Libriums doing the job, the bit that scares me is that once I'm finished with this I'll have a seizure or something, but that's just a risk Im willing to take.
My ex once told me that if I kept going the way I was and lived to be thirty, there'd be nothing between me and the guys who drink and sleep under the bridge down the street every night, and I'd be completely alone. She wasn't wrong, a mate of mine said 'it's good to see you out and not wrecked, this timke last year you were unbearable to be around'. Even got a heartfelt message off the guys after I'd gone home from the pub congratulating me for ordering Cokes..this is the thing, I've got good friends, good family, it's not like I've got any trauma or reasoning behind going off the rails. Thanks for the words of support though everyone, I'll let you know how I get on. I don't want to count the one pint I had last night, since I know I won't do it again, so I'm calling today 'day three' instead of taking myself back to the start.
I'm sweet at the moment, the Libriums doing the job, the bit that scares me is that once I'm finished with this I'll have a seizure or something, but that's just a risk Im willing to take.
My ex once told me that if I kept going the way I was and lived to be thirty, there'd be nothing between me and the guys who drink and sleep under the bridge down the street every night, and I'd be completely alone. She wasn't wrong, a mate of mine said 'it's good to see you out and not wrecked, this timke last year you were unbearable to be around'. Even got a heartfelt message off the guys after I'd gone home from the pub congratulating me for ordering Cokes..this is the thing, I've got good friends, good family, it's not like I've got any trauma or reasoning behind going off the rails. Thanks for the words of support though everyone, I'll let you know how I get on. I don't want to count the one pint I had last night, since I know I won't do it again, so I'm calling today 'day three' instead of taking myself back to the start.
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
No be fool Nezza, they all heart and flower on you first post, then before you know it they knocking senses into you, reflecting you own stupidities back at you, and no letting you gets away with anything! In other word, they the best! Stick around and you find out.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: England
Posts: 41
Thanks a lot guys, I'm very grateful for any support. I've become such an expert at hiding my problems from my friends and family, making sure I go to bars in places where nobody I know would have any reason to be, making sure I've got either an inside pocket or a satchel when I go to the shop, slyly ditching it all, then boom, I get caught out in the worst, stupidest possible way. Because I've done all this so sneakily, nobody could really see the amount of abuse I was giving myself, and I didn't want to 'come out' so to speak, and still don't to be honest. This forum's ideal, thanks again.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: England
Posts: 41
Think one of the problems is that I just take naturally to 'downers'. Ecstasy, cocaine, I can take or leave, but alongside alcohol I've also (on and off) been addicted to a pretty nasty substance which completely ****s up my brain as well, not smart when you're prone to seizures. I'm not specifying (Big Brother :p) but that's not a problem now that I've moved away from the city for a few months. If I want to buy alcohol, chances are it'll be one of my friends or their relatives working in the shop, all of whom know I've a problem, and it's the same with drugs. If I wanted to buy something during the week and when I'm not out and about with the crew (I don't) then they'd want to know why.
It's now either Day 4 or Day 2, depending on whether you count Tuesday night's single pint of Guinness. I've still got my benzos (was worried I'd end up eating them like sweets but I'm clearly learning restraint). Now the only thing plaguing me is how long this will last; the last thing I need is to think 'Sure I'm fine, I'll go for a swim' then black out in the pool. Anyone got any advice on duration?
FYI I've kept a record on my phone of how much I've drank (roughly) every day/night, averaged out to between 8 and 10 500 ml cans of regular strength lager, occasionally more, for the last 6 months or so.
It's now either Day 4 or Day 2, depending on whether you count Tuesday night's single pint of Guinness. I've still got my benzos (was worried I'd end up eating them like sweets but I'm clearly learning restraint). Now the only thing plaguing me is how long this will last; the last thing I need is to think 'Sure I'm fine, I'll go for a swim' then black out in the pool. Anyone got any advice on duration?
FYI I've kept a record on my phone of how much I've drank (roughly) every day/night, averaged out to between 8 and 10 500 ml cans of regular strength lager, occasionally more, for the last 6 months or so.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: England
Posts: 41
Right then, Day 5 or Day 3, either way, I'm apparently 'over the hump' of risking seizures, etc, which was my only real major problem before. I don't need Dutch courage, I'm very happy with my life, psychologically I think I'm fairly well balanced, it's just the physical symptoms that scared me off quitting.
I've just received £100 back-pay, and at no point did I consider going and buying a drink. I bought a Ralph Lauren shirt, put some in my online poker and sports betting account, and bought some food. I know gambling's not great but I've never been an addict, just enjoy a flutter. Seems most people here are American but here in England the World Cup is a MASSIVE deal, everyone's in the pub getting smashed and watching Ecuador play Croatia or whatever, so I figured if I put a few pounds down on whatever games I want to watch it'd be easier to sit in the pub with my friends and drink Cokes. They know about my problem, always ask if I want a Pepsi when buying me a drink, and I've told them I'm on epilepsy medication I can't drink on. Feel lucky to have friends who know how to party but at the same time respect me more for abstaining and still being fun to be around. Someone said I'm the opposite of 'Fun Bobby' from Friends (the guy who has a drinking problem which he miraculously manages to stop cold without any symptoms and suddenly becomes boring). I'm the opposite of that guy.
If you've been reading my posts thanks a lot for listening. Once I've got myself straightened out I'd love to be able to give advice, but at the moment I just feel the need to keep a log. Need to have a word with a friend of mine in real life, he's been drinking a lot lately (but only 'out and about' so it's apparently OK), got defensive when I told him I heard he'd been partying a lot, and a week ago was charged for assaulting a police officer when drunk. He'll say "You're one to f*****g talk Nezza, you've been in Rehab" and to that I say "Too right I'm one to talk, I know all about this crap".
I've just received £100 back-pay, and at no point did I consider going and buying a drink. I bought a Ralph Lauren shirt, put some in my online poker and sports betting account, and bought some food. I know gambling's not great but I've never been an addict, just enjoy a flutter. Seems most people here are American but here in England the World Cup is a MASSIVE deal, everyone's in the pub getting smashed and watching Ecuador play Croatia or whatever, so I figured if I put a few pounds down on whatever games I want to watch it'd be easier to sit in the pub with my friends and drink Cokes. They know about my problem, always ask if I want a Pepsi when buying me a drink, and I've told them I'm on epilepsy medication I can't drink on. Feel lucky to have friends who know how to party but at the same time respect me more for abstaining and still being fun to be around. Someone said I'm the opposite of 'Fun Bobby' from Friends (the guy who has a drinking problem which he miraculously manages to stop cold without any symptoms and suddenly becomes boring). I'm the opposite of that guy.
If you've been reading my posts thanks a lot for listening. Once I've got myself straightened out I'd love to be able to give advice, but at the moment I just feel the need to keep a log. Need to have a word with a friend of mine in real life, he's been drinking a lot lately (but only 'out and about' so it's apparently OK), got defensive when I told him I heard he'd been partying a lot, and a week ago was charged for assaulting a police officer when drunk. He'll say "You're one to f*****g talk Nezza, you've been in Rehab" and to that I say "Too right I'm one to talk, I know all about this crap".
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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Also I'm not having a go at the writers of Friends haha, it'd be a pretty rubbish episode and not much 'fun for the whole family' if it was just Monica sitting in a room with her boyfriend sweating and retching, trying to make sure he doesn't die while softly crying "Why are you putting me through this?"
Still, a bit of an irresponsible depiction of 'the drunkard' and one that does no help when trying to explain that quitting drinking isn't like quitting smoking.
Still, a bit of an irresponsible depiction of 'the drunkard' and one that does no help when trying to explain that quitting drinking isn't like quitting smoking.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Originally Posted by nezza 
Right then, Day 5 or Day 3, either way, I'm apparently 'over the hump' of risking seizures, etc, which was my only real major problem before. I don't need Dutch courage, I'm very happy with my life, psychologically I think I'm fairly well balanced, it's just the physical symptoms that scared me off quitting.
I've just received £100 back-pay, and at no point did I consider going and buying a drink. I bought a Ralph Lauren shirt, put some in my online poker and sports betting account, and bought some food. I know gambling's not great but I've never been an addict, just enjoy a flutter. Seems most people here are American but here in England the World Cup is a MASSIVE deal, everyone's in the pub getting smashed and watching Ecuador play Croatia or whatever, so I figured if I put a few pounds down on whatever games I want to watch it'd be easier to sit in the pub with my friends and drink Cokes. They know about my problem, always ask if I want a Pepsi when buying me a drink, and I've told them I'm on epilepsy medication I can't drink on. Feel lucky to have friends who know how to party but at the same time respect me more for abstaining and still being fun to be around. Someone said I'm the opposite of 'Fun Bobby' from Friends (the guy who has a drinking problem which he miraculously manages to stop cold without any symptoms and suddenly becomes boring). I'm the opposite of that guy.
If you've been reading my posts thanks a lot for listening. Once I've got myself straightened out I'd love to be able to give advice, but at the moment I just feel the need to keep a log. Need to have a word with a friend of mine in real life, he's been drinking a lot lately (but only 'out and about' so it's apparently OK), got defensive when I told him I heard he'd been partying a lot, and a week ago was charged for assaulting a police officer when drunk. He'll say "You're one to f*****g talk Nezza, you've been in Rehab" and to that I say "Too right I'm one to talk, I know all about this crap".
I've just received £100 back-pay, and at no point did I consider going and buying a drink. I bought a Ralph Lauren shirt, put some in my online poker and sports betting account, and bought some food. I know gambling's not great but I've never been an addict, just enjoy a flutter. Seems most people here are American but here in England the World Cup is a MASSIVE deal, everyone's in the pub getting smashed and watching Ecuador play Croatia or whatever, so I figured if I put a few pounds down on whatever games I want to watch it'd be easier to sit in the pub with my friends and drink Cokes. They know about my problem, always ask if I want a Pepsi when buying me a drink, and I've told them I'm on epilepsy medication I can't drink on. Feel lucky to have friends who know how to party but at the same time respect me more for abstaining and still being fun to be around. Someone said I'm the opposite of 'Fun Bobby' from Friends (the guy who has a drinking problem which he miraculously manages to stop cold without any symptoms and suddenly becomes boring). I'm the opposite of that guy.
If you've been reading my posts thanks a lot for listening. Once I've got myself straightened out I'd love to be able to give advice, but at the moment I just feel the need to keep a log. Need to have a word with a friend of mine in real life, he's been drinking a lot lately (but only 'out and about' so it's apparently OK), got defensive when I told him I heard he'd been partying a lot, and a week ago was charged for assaulting a police officer when drunk. He'll say "You're one to f*****g talk Nezza, you've been in Rehab" and to that I say "Too right I'm one to talk, I know all about this crap".
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Nezza, at 3 or 5 day sober, I think is maybe time you just stay focus on you, yes? Is maybe not time for you to be staging intervention. (I just saying.) Is like friend who quit smoking for week and now want to call out and impart they wisdoms on everybody still smoking. I know it sincere, but, as you already predicting, is gonna be hard sell, that all I saying.
Is safe to say, drunks is not been portray too accurate in sitcoms, yes? I always want to see Karen go through rehab in 'very special episode' of Will & Grace.
Is like friend who quit smoking for week and now want to call out and impart they wisdoms on everybody still smoking. I know it sincere, but, as you already predicting, is gonna be hard sell, that all I saying. Is safe to say, drunks is not been portray too accurate in sitcoms, yes? I always want to see Karen go through rehab in 'very special episode' of Will & Grace.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: England
Posts: 41
Well, I managed to go to the pub to watch the football...2 pepsis, 2 non-alcoholic beers, all bought and paid for by the good folks at William Hill bookmakers! thanks Holland. I'm still terrified of having a seizure but hopefully that'll pass.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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How far down do you want to keep digging?
Is enough enough?
How bad do you want recovery?
Do you know why your drink?
Are you an Alcoholic?
What course of action are you going to take to recover from your alcoholism?
Is enough enough?
How bad do you want recovery?
Do you know why your drink?
Are you an Alcoholic?
What course of action are you going to take to recover from your alcoholism?
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