caboblanco

I seem to swap one addiction for the other. when i start a new addiction i feel i am happy. The buzz is fresh and it feels great. I tend to beat my habits to a pulp though. I can be sort of buzzed but sort of in no mans land. my substance abuse is over. i do miss it and I feel like being bad sometimes. being bad is so much fun.

I don't think I am truly fulfilled or maybe i just have this addictive mindset. Romantic relationships are kind of on the freeze right now. Years ago I had a good woman and a group of friends that i truly loved...that filled me up with joy.
We all moved apart now 1,000s of miles. if i don't think being around certain

people is in my best interest i like being alone. Bad company is not better then no company for me. I like being alone mostly but maybe the reason i feel

i have to be bad is because im missing that love i had in the past. I don't feel depressed or anything. i don't think i would be so interested in addictive behavior if i had that back.

gaffo

Addictions go away if you make them go away. I like to think that happiness and fulfillment are a result of kicking addictions. It keeps me on the right path. As a depressed person, I have finally come to the conclusion that happiness is overrated as pursuit for people like me. I enjoy it when it's here, like chirping birds in the spring a beautiful sunrise but learning to be fulfilled and productive when I'm not happy is bedrock for me. Really, being unhappy has led to some of the best decisions that I have ever made. Life is hard.

SeekingGrowth

I found fulfillment and friends with similar values through volunteer work for a cause I am passionate about. My life feels more meaningful and richer because of that work, it adds diversity to my life and keeps me busy. And I've made a couple of really close friends. There are tons of organizations working for all sorts of great causes that need help. Maybe this would work for you?

Aellyce

Hi, unfortunately the thing with addiction is that, first off, some people can be especially vulnerable to developing them (inborn factors, early life experiences, etc). Then, once we have developed one and maintained it for a long period of time, it rewires our brains in significant ways. These are major factors in why addicts tend to swap one for another. It takes a lot of changes (what we call "recovery work") to also hopefully rearrange some of these addiction-related alterations in our brains, and they don't usually happen quickly. We always like to talk about how early sobriety differs from long term etc.

The reality is, if someone is particularly vulnerable to addictions, it'll always need attention and "work" to maintain a healthy state after quitting. There is tons of neurobiological evidence for all this nowadays.

No one should be discouraged, though, as there is also enough evidence that sobriety and more balanced lifestyle can be maintained with continued attention and work.

Living a healthy, balanced, satisfying, happy, meaningful life definitely helps a lot, so that's a good goal to always keep in mind. Also, like your instincts suggest, having satisfying social life and relationships are important. It's just sometimes there is a fine line between a good relationship and obsessive one, at least the way we tend to perceive their quality. This is something to keep in mind.

Music

I suppose it could be said that there are good/bad, or healthy/unhealthy addictions. I was addicted to AA for several years and I guess that's what I needed. I switched addictions from drinking, to not drinking and I did whatever I had to do to not drink. Then at some point between 5 and 10 years in AA, I realized what was going on and started to make some changes which meant I wouldn't be going to as many meetings or AA functions. I wasn't comfortable at first. I guess I felt that if I slowed down on my meetings I'd be kind of betraying AA in a way. Then I realized that the reason for getting sober isn't just to go to meetings and be totally involved in AA like I had been. I believe sobriety means that I become a better person, a better father, a better husband, a better employee; in short, a responsible, well rounded person which is what I believe I am today.

Do I believe my addiction to alcohol has gone away.....NO! I believe that what the Big Book says about alcoholics being mentally, bodily and spiritually different from other people is true. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.

Tamerua

I don't know... I think (and this is in no way scientific or backed up by any research, just what I see for me), that addictions are my ways of dealing with the fact that I'm not good enough, or believe that I'm not good enough. Got the drinking under control, feeling great, ok... start eating... gain a little weight. Got the eating under control, ok, look for something else that is self destructive.

That has been my experience. Who knows.

jdooner

Cabo - I really like In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Mate in terms of learning about addiction. The Hungry Ghost is an addiction and means that if something, substance or behavior is an addiction it will never be satisfied and therefore you will never be content.

I believe addiction is born from a spiritual breakdown. In my opinion, all addictions are bad but the severity is relative. If ones goal in life is to find purpose and contentment through that purpose addiction will always in the end steer you away from your goals. That does not mean you can't let addiction fuel desire to be ambitious, attain things, etc but in the end true contentment will and can never be achieved in my opinion in addiction.

For me recovery was much much more than quitting the drugs and alcohol. Its one of the reasons I don't smoke, eat processed foods including sugar, wheat based products. When I am working my program, meditating daily, working my steps for me I feel at peace. I have also found that I am better able to handle chaos around me too.

I would also note that recovery can become an addiction for many. As can self righteous indignation and religion are easy to become addicted too. You may want to try Mindfulness for Beginners by John Kabat Zinn (may have spelled the author;'s name wrong). I am not sure as addicts we can rewire our brains, nor do we want too. There are benefits to being wired how we are. However, becoming mindful of when we are becoming addicted to something is a great tool.

Good luck my friend

caboblanco

I think with my personality if I was truly fulfilled i would still fill the need to be bad from time to time..but things wouldn't turn into an addiction. as for volunteer work goes I have done that in the past. i really didn't feel it helped in my social life or give me more meaning though. i know it's not for you it's a service for others. i will have to try another place. i rather work with kids. i volunteered with the elderly and I just felt like i wasn't even wanted there by a lot.

Pipefish

If not too heavy for a Friday afternoon what you seem to be describing here was in my own experience a spiritual void, which I'd have done anything but anything to fill, with little or no regard for the consequences or harm to others or myself. None of it did anything other than distract or temporarily block off the feelings I needed to feel and the new habits I needed to develop to recover.

Genuinely, I believe that once I saw it, saw the behaviour or attitude for what it is and what it is misguidedly attempting to resolve, things have never quite the same again. Compulsively doing anything just begins to feel uncomfortable, unnatural. Having lived my life on that basis, it's amazing not to feel driven in that way. The principles of the AA programme and doing the best I can to apply them in my life has bought this about. Am truly grateful for that

And actually no, doesn't mean I'm happy all the time! But do have a core of stabiliy that haven't experienced before. so I suppose it depends then how happiness is defined.

Aellyce

Why don't you try a variety of activities that you feel fulfilling and interesting, also you feel that you have a natural inclination for them, and that are harmless and perhaps serve some more purpose than simply fulfilling your immediate needs? I personally don't believe that the way to spiritual awakening and finding meaning in life goes through service work for everyone. I know many people would argue with me and it's totally fine, it's just that my experiences and observations suggest that there can be many different avenues toward spirituality and finding a "higher" purpose, than volunteering and helping activities.

The idea is similar, though: basically something that serves a purpose that goes beyond the self. I think many artists find this in their art work, for example - sharing their own "spiritual" findings with others in the form of artistic expression. Or many other forms of "contributions" to society with activities that enhance it in some ways and is constructive. Virtually almost any sort of work can achieve that probably, if we really put our mind and heart into it, and it's not driven solely by selfish goals (although probably a major goal will always remain self fulfillment).

I, for example, find great satisfaction in scientific research, that's my job and what I wanted to do already as a kid... and while ultimately discoveries can lead to lots of advancements for humanity, the kind of research I'm doing is not really like that, it's more the accumulation of basic knowledge. My major drive has never been "curing" something, much more understanding and sharing it. But then others (eg. clinicians) can grab it and run with it to make it useful. In a good case.

In my opinion, which is of course just an opinion and not the "truth", it's a task and challenge for every individual to find this kind of purpose in life and then develop it. It may also change in the course of our lives...

You are not "bad" by nature or by personality, perhaps just have not found your way yet?

caboblanco

I've been thinking of moving. my main problem is I'm the only one that lives close to my mother who is 72. If I leave she has nobody from my family and she lives alone. My immediate area is casinos, 24 hr clubs, drugs, strip clubs, prostitutes. hustlers.i can be in all that in 20 mins at any time of day. and its pretty much like if you hang out at the barber shop long enough you are going to get a haircut...i'm not in the barber shop but im right next door and i know my neighbors well.

I have the devil in me and he will never die....but a few wrong steps and i could see myself falling down a rabbit hole here

Aellyce

I see. Well, I think we human beings all carry a combination of good and bad, constructive and destructive, positive and negative features. I guess the perception and awareness of "negative influences" in our motivations are often the ones that create a desire for spiritual evolution and betterment, to "purify" our souls from these and experience more of the "good". It sounds like you have probably lived quite long engaged in these activities that you describe... but the fact that you are discussing it here clearly shows you do have a desire for more. See, the fact that you feel responsible for your mother also shows you are not evil and have a lot of conscience.

It's hard for me to suggest specific things because I know nothing about your background and environment. But what sort of area can contain ONLY those establishments? You gravitate towards them, as you said, probably habitually now.

Could you perhaps move just a bit away from that area and at the same time make plans to explore other activities? Environmental changes can often help a lot change our habits, you perceive it correctly. It also sounds like you might benefit from some sort of instrospective self discovery exercise, maybe therapy or some other form of help that's focused more on you right now?

There have been discussions on how to turn your kind of lifestyle around here on SR, perhaps someone can jump in and share specifics?

caboblanco

.just the drinking in the past and card games now...

as far as spiritual awakenings...that term seems to be thrown around pretty loosely here.

I have had such awakenings but not in the sense that people write about on these boards.I mean there is a spiritual awakening and then there are other things people call spiritual awakenings...
A spiritual awakening is going to raise my consciousness but is not going to fulfill what i'm looking for in my life on earth..in fact it might make my path more difficualt

DocSobrietist

I don't think "truly happy and fulfilled" is an objective standard anyone can reach - even the most knowledgeable and experienced Buddhist practitioners understand that happiness and fulfillment is impermanent. Life is change, "life is suffering" as they say (and they don't mean that as a way of saying life sucks - it's just pointing out that for everyone, you have to deal with changing circumstances, good makes way for bad, which makes way for good, etc).

My personal take is that to remove addiction from your life (after you've made a firm choice that's what you want to do, of course), you need to come up with alternative, more direct methods for dealing with feeling helpless and trapped in whatever life circumstances might get thrown your way (be it relationships, life stresses, whatever triggers that feeling of helplessness for you). Possibility of lasting success is maximized when a person remakes their social relationships, environment, and purpose in life to be oriented away from getting high, using, acting out, drinking, what have you - which is what recovery communities (12-step, other support) tend to achieve for people.

People who enjoy lots of outward happiness and fulfillment, and who are free of any psychiatric ailments besides - still have to deal with hassles, stressors, and feeling helpless at times due to just the vicissitudes of life. Dealing with these hassles directly as opposed to using drugs or alcohol is what divides "addicts" from people not so identified.

Just my opinion.

-DrS

Aellyce

Very good points, DocSobrietist. Nothing is ever stable, and balance is key.

The "balance" part is what's likely to make for example 12-step programs work for many - working it involves a lot of different things that are supposed to be constructive and I guess teaches people to create balance better. But even if such a program works for someone, we each need our individual sources of happiness and meaning, I think.

This is an interesting thread - thanks Caboblanco for starting it.

PurpleKnight

I'm not convinced of this theory!!

If I was completely happy and fulfilled in all aspects of my life, and this being a Friday went out into the sunshine and had an glass of wine or an ice cold beer, could I just have the 1 drink and no more? . . . would my mind tell me something different other than have another drink?

I still think I would drink until I blacked out, and the danger is when does someone decide when they are completely "fulfilled in life" to test the theory out, because if it isn't the case, and the experiment fails, there may be no return for from the brink for some alcoholics to get a second chance.

caboblanco

I don't believe in the doomsday drinking scenario but that is just my opinion also. I don't tell myself if i have 1 drink that will be my death ticket. That seems way too extreme for me, I'm sober but i don't try to avoid situations with alcohol at all costs. In fact i don't avoid them at all.

PurpleKnight

I have the same approach to avoiding situations involving alcohol, I don't either, I have learnt how to manage them without drinking.

The "doomsday drinking scenario" though is all around us, SR is full of posts about who have drank themselves to death, have ruined relationships, lost jobs, DUIs, the list goes on, it doesn't happen to everyone, I do agree, as I was pretty "high functioning" when I drank, but for how long if I continued?!!

Fulfilment linked to addiction, I'm unsure, I spent 5 years drinking myself into bed every night, I am confident that whatever my life fulfilment, if I had a drink this evening I would be be blacking out tonight into bed once again!!

jdooner

Because you are happy and fulfilled you need a glass of wine on a Friday??? If I thought this way I would not buy into this theory either.

When we need to reach outside ourselves to a substance or behavior to be happy or fulfilled we can never be truly happy or fulfilled, in my opinion. This is the core of addiction, be it drugs, alcohol, foods sex, shopping. We all have the tools inside us to be happy. For those that need to reach outside of ourselves true happiness and contentment will always be elusive.

PurpleKnight

Nope, that wasn't what I was saying!! you rewrote my paragraph into something completely different.

I was creating a social activity as an example, moderate drinkers drink as part of social activities, are we saying everyone who drinks is not happy and fulfilled? I'm not convinced of that viewpoint. Obviously as addicts we drink as we may not be happy, but in the theory in the context of my example I'm a cured addict as I'm happy and fulfilled.

My point was could I be a part of such a social activity which involves at some point me having a drink, what that activity is, it's not important!! . . . but would I be cured of my addiction if I was fulfilled and happy in life? . . . so that one drink wouldn't spiral as it does with addiction!!