Will addictions go away if you re truly happy and fulfilled?
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Actually, I believe an alcoholic who is drinking in that moment may actually be happy. Just as a heroin addict feels a peace and content with the poke if the needle. When I was high I was happy and content.
The problem is because I am an addict/alcoholic use of said substances is not sustainable. The creep of the progression is like a boa squeezing out the life with every exhale.
When I first got sober I almost relapsed bc of how boring life seemed. This helped me realize my life had become unmanageable while active and sober. I was truly unhappy. I had to learn and am still learning how to build a sober life and find true happiness without addictions.
To answer your question but to rephrase slightly, I do not believe true long term sustainable happiness can be achieved while in active addiction. So this means a recovered alcoholic can never drink in a social situation.
I do not believe every normal drinker is unhappy because they are not active in their addiction, since they are a normal drinker.
Hope I got it this time
The problem is because I am an addict/alcoholic use of said substances is not sustainable. The creep of the progression is like a boa squeezing out the life with every exhale.
When I first got sober I almost relapsed bc of how boring life seemed. This helped me realize my life had become unmanageable while active and sober. I was truly unhappy. I had to learn and am still learning how to build a sober life and find true happiness without addictions.
To answer your question but to rephrase slightly, I do not believe true long term sustainable happiness can be achieved while in active addiction. So this means a recovered alcoholic can never drink in a social situation.
I do not believe every normal drinker is unhappy because they are not active in their addiction, since they are a normal drinker.
Hope I got it this time
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Yeap, I agree with all of that!! 
Addicts cannot have sustainable happiness whilst active in their addiction and normal drinkers can be happy as they don't have an addiction.
Plus an addict can't morph somehow into a "normal drinker" such is the nature of addiction, so "normal drinking" is always off the table, no matter how happy or fulfilled an addict may reach through sobriety.
I do like a good Friday evening debate, it beats reaching for that glass of wine any day!!
Addicts cannot have sustainable happiness whilst active in their addiction and normal drinkers can be happy as they don't have an addiction.
Plus an addict can't morph somehow into a "normal drinker" such is the nature of addiction, so "normal drinking" is always off the table, no matter how happy or fulfilled an addict may reach through sobriety.
I do like a good Friday evening debate, it beats reaching for that glass of wine any day!!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by caboblanco 
A spiritual awakening is going to raise my consciousness but is not going to fulfill what i'm looking for in my life on earth..in fact it might make my path more difficualt
I don't haven't anything meaningful to add at the moment, but I did come across this article recently.
Meaning Is Healthier Than Happiness - Emily Esfahani Smith - The Atlantic
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
"We are going to know a new happiness" seems to indicate that it may be different to what we thought happiness was.
In my drinking days I thought happiness was all about things going my way, everything working out as I would like it. Plenty booze, plenty money, plenty people behaving just as I would have them behave.
Life's not like that, I have discovered. The happiness that I found is quite different. A sense of peace and serenity inspite of all going on around me, the ability to quietly accept the things I cannot change, courage to make changes when I need to, an ever growing faith that what ever happens, it will be ok, the ability to feel normal human emotions, to experience true joy at the good fortune of others , to care for my fellow man, to be a part of my community, to have friends inside and outside of AA, to know that even on my off days I am ok inside, to be a good father and partner. To be free of the bondage of self.
To me these things make up a fulfilling and satisfying life. Yet they were beyond my comprehension when I was drinking. I did not know it was possible to feel like this. And just stopping drinking did not transform my life in this way. Working some steps and living by some simple principles lead to a change in outlook which made all this possible.
Read the step 9 and 10 promises, page 83,84,85. It all turned out to be true. The drink problem no longer exists.
"We have entered the world of the Spirit".
In my drinking days I thought happiness was all about things going my way, everything working out as I would like it. Plenty booze, plenty money, plenty people behaving just as I would have them behave.
Life's not like that, I have discovered. The happiness that I found is quite different. A sense of peace and serenity inspite of all going on around me, the ability to quietly accept the things I cannot change, courage to make changes when I need to, an ever growing faith that what ever happens, it will be ok, the ability to feel normal human emotions, to experience true joy at the good fortune of others , to care for my fellow man, to be a part of my community, to have friends inside and outside of AA, to know that even on my off days I am ok inside, to be a good father and partner. To be free of the bondage of self.
To me these things make up a fulfilling and satisfying life. Yet they were beyond my comprehension when I was drinking. I did not know it was possible to feel like this. And just stopping drinking did not transform my life in this way. Working some steps and living by some simple principles lead to a change in outlook which made all this possible.
Read the step 9 and 10 promises, page 83,84,85. It all turned out to be true. The drink problem no longer exists.
"We have entered the world of the Spirit".
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by karate
If you get your head right ,they don't go away .
But do become easier to handle .
But do become easier to handle .
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Interesting thoughts Cabo. We are around the same age, I am thinking of moving as well. Just like you, I have often swapped addictions. In order over the past 10 years: gambling, booze, pot, smoking, internet. I have also had good women in my life in the past, but now spend most of my time alone. I prefer my own company to bad company, just like you.
You mentioned that you find new addictions refreshing. I no longer feel that way. I find them annoying these days. Don't get me wrong, I still have them. But I am tired of them.
Like you, I also believe that a partner in life might be helpful. Recently I have joined the dating game and just this week met two great girls. Just small dates, one of them was just a 2 hour phone conversation. But it feels good.
If you're finding yourself spending more time alone, that's okay. But if you start questioning where you live, and start worrying about the monsters at your doorstep, it might be time for a change. Maybe a move is an option? It's a big project, and could be something interesting and positive to focus on. It would be quite an achievement if you could make that happen, and it's something to shoot for. A goal. Or maybe you could try to start back on the dating scene? Meeting new people is very hard, but again, that would be quite an achievement for you I think.
We both know that when we "get in a rut" it becomes harder and harder to get out, and the day to day life becomes more toxic. Maybe you are asking these questions because part of you knows that you're ready for a change and you've reached a turning point?
You mentioned that you find new addictions refreshing. I no longer feel that way. I find them annoying these days. Don't get me wrong, I still have them. But I am tired of them.
Like you, I also believe that a partner in life might be helpful. Recently I have joined the dating game and just this week met two great girls. Just small dates, one of them was just a 2 hour phone conversation. But it feels good.
If you're finding yourself spending more time alone, that's okay. But if you start questioning where you live, and start worrying about the monsters at your doorstep, it might be time for a change. Maybe a move is an option? It's a big project, and could be something interesting and positive to focus on. It would be quite an achievement if you could make that happen, and it's something to shoot for. A goal. Or maybe you could try to start back on the dating scene? Meeting new people is very hard, but again, that would be quite an achievement for you I think.
We both know that when we "get in a rut" it becomes harder and harder to get out, and the day to day life becomes more toxic. Maybe you are asking these questions because part of you knows that you're ready for a change and you've reached a turning point?
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
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Originally Posted by jdooner
Please elaborate...I do not understand this statement but want to understand how you perceive addiction Karate.
I think when you are happy and contented ,You are less likely to seek an altered state to remove yourself mentally from the situation .
My life is not perfect ,but I try to look at things with a positive attitude .
Getting to work on my anger issues ,has bore more fruit than anything else I have done in life . As far as misery reduction .
I suspect my opinion is very similar to the 12 step deal in AA .
I would refer to that as getting your head right .
In Bullriding its called getting screwed down ,or Heart .
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Will addictions go away if you re truly happy and fulfilled?
It was never my intention or expectation that quitting booze would make me happier and my life fulfilling, but that's exactly what came to pass.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
You are describing the unmanageability of your life/emotions/behaviour which is why you drank of went to another addiction in the first place.
So yes one can stay sober if they are happy and fulfilled but first they need to find a way to have a drastic personality change through tangible real world work on themselves.
So yes one can stay sober if they are happy and fulfilled but first they need to find a way to have a drastic personality change through tangible real world work on themselves.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
Originally Posted by yeahgr8
You are describing the unmanageability of your life/emotions/behaviour which is why you drank of went to another addiction in the first place.
So yes one can stay sober if they are happy and fulfilled but first they need to find a way to have a drastic personality change through tangible real world work on themselves.
So yes one can stay sober if they are happy and fulfilled but first they need to find a way to have a drastic personality change through tangible real world work on themselves.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Any happiness I experienced through addiction was always delusional at best and enslavement at worst. This kind of experience of happiness is always surreal and like JD already mentioned eventually unsustainable.
Subjective experience is everything in our pursuit of happiness and although addiction promises to deliver, all it really gives back is an emptiness that has the addict chasing their own tail so to speak - ie the addict ends up in a state where they are never really satisfied and yet working really hard still chasing down that elusive happiness and so on and on they go spiraling down into addiction hell.
Great article EndGame, thanks for that. Happiness with meaningful purpose is the real deal and so true in my sober living. Quitting our addictions whatever they may be gives immeasurable meaning and purpose to our daily lives as we go about our business getting on with living. Addictions offer nothing real in happiness, and this can only be realized by the addicted after they create a successful and meaningful life for themselves after they quit their addictions.
Happiness is nothing if not experienced. All the talk in the world isn't worth a damn if one is unhappy in their life addicted or not, drinking or not, and so on. Talk is cheap. Actions make all the difference, and this is one major reason addictions look so attractive because they offer to instantly create and force actions to manifest into experiences of happiness. All the addicted needs to do is turn a blind eye to the reality of their truly unhappy state and from that surreal darkness wallow in their own ignorant bliss. Been there and done that.
I also believe how we experience sadness and anger goes on to how we create happiness for ourselves. And I do believe happiness is created, its not something that is discovered or otherwise found elsewhere, like as is sadness and anger. Happiness is created within as a meaningful result of successfully dealing with life's adversities and challenges. I believe addictions can be reduced to a complete null state of harmless remission when true happiness becomes sustainable and abundant. I also believe happiness can nourish and re-create itself unendingly once established and do so without limits or worries about its survivability.
Subjective experience is everything in our pursuit of happiness and although addiction promises to deliver, all it really gives back is an emptiness that has the addict chasing their own tail so to speak - ie the addict ends up in a state where they are never really satisfied and yet working really hard still chasing down that elusive happiness and so on and on they go spiraling down into addiction hell.
Great article EndGame, thanks for that. Happiness with meaningful purpose is the real deal and so true in my sober living. Quitting our addictions whatever they may be gives immeasurable meaning and purpose to our daily lives as we go about our business getting on with living. Addictions offer nothing real in happiness, and this can only be realized by the addicted after they create a successful and meaningful life for themselves after they quit their addictions.
Happiness is nothing if not experienced. All the talk in the world isn't worth a damn if one is unhappy in their life addicted or not, drinking or not, and so on. Talk is cheap. Actions make all the difference, and this is one major reason addictions look so attractive because they offer to instantly create and force actions to manifest into experiences of happiness. All the addicted needs to do is turn a blind eye to the reality of their truly unhappy state and from that surreal darkness wallow in their own ignorant bliss. Been there and done that.
I also believe how we experience sadness and anger goes on to how we create happiness for ourselves. And I do believe happiness is created, its not something that is discovered or otherwise found elsewhere, like as is sadness and anger. Happiness is created within as a meaningful result of successfully dealing with life's adversities and challenges. I believe addictions can be reduced to a complete null state of harmless remission when true happiness becomes sustainable and abundant. I also believe happiness can nourish and re-create itself unendingly once established and do so without limits or worries about its survivability.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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Originally Posted by yeahgr8
You are describing the unmanageability of your life/emotions/behaviour which is why you drank of went to another addiction in the first place.
So yes one can stay sober if they are happy and fulfilled but first they need to find a way to have a drastic personality change through tangible real world work on themselves.
So yes one can stay sober if they are happy and fulfilled but first they need to find a way to have a drastic personality change through tangible real world work on themselves.
I wouldn't say my life is unmanageable. I really miss that kinship i had in the past. It seems around here everyone is talking behind my back and out to get me. i know that is my paranoia but it has some truth to it. My relationships here are buisiness/street relationships. i'm a professional actor really. " Medicina de amor". that is what i'm looking for. The medicine of real love..it can cure addictive behavior i think among other things. As much as I think I don't need it...i am only human
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Cabo, I don't think anyone is out to get you around here at least. You started this thread with a relatively simple series of thoughts and questions - look what it has turned into. I think it's been one of the best threads I've seen since I started to be more interactive on SR - lots of interesting opinions and insights from good people. See, you could totally have similar interactions (and relationships) in your 3D world, it's only up to you to make it happen.
As for "real love" - this is a subject I've also been very interested in for a long time now. It's relatively easy to describe why we all crave it and want it, but what is it, really? Won't get into this too deeply now since I'm not feeling my best today, but one thing I'm pretty certain about: it's very hard, if not impossible, to experience "real love" if we are not able to love ourselves first. Sort of a banality, right? We hear this everywhere. We do, I think, because it is true.
So perhaps that's the best place to start for you as well? A journey into self discovery, acceptance, and evolution? You are posting all these things, shows you are clearly interested in making your life better.
I think "real love" will NOT come from an external source in the beginning, we need to experience this within first in order to be able to connect to it on the outside.
Again, just my view, probably subjective, but I wanted to share.
As for "real love" - this is a subject I've also been very interested in for a long time now. It's relatively easy to describe why we all crave it and want it, but what is it, really? Won't get into this too deeply now since I'm not feeling my best today, but one thing I'm pretty certain about: it's very hard, if not impossible, to experience "real love" if we are not able to love ourselves first. Sort of a banality, right? We hear this everywhere. We do, I think, because it is true.
So perhaps that's the best place to start for you as well? A journey into self discovery, acceptance, and evolution? You are posting all these things, shows you are clearly interested in making your life better.
I think "real love" will NOT come from an external source in the beginning, we need to experience this within first in order to be able to connect to it on the outside.
Again, just my view, probably subjective, but I wanted to share.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Happiness is not euphoric. Happiness is a state of mind. Being content and being able to deal with life on life's terms, as Robby points out. Love too is a state of mind. We often confuse lust with love, I have for most of my life. But I used lust to cover over the pain inside. It's like tossing an at cleaner in a car that stinks. I never dealt with the stink. I was unable to ever get whole while active. I tried for decades. I would rationalize on my career, my bank account, my material possessions, my physique. These were all external and it's no surprise that to quell or exaggerate emotions I went outside to booze, coke, sex, unhealthy foods, cars, houses.
My life is more chaotic at the moment but I have never felt more centered. The past eight months have been the most difficult of my entire life but also what I am most proud of. Finally forgiving myself was a huge deal.
My life is more chaotic at the moment but I have never felt more centered. The past eight months have been the most difficult of my entire life but also what I am most proud of. Finally forgiving myself was a huge deal.
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Originally Posted by haennie
Cabo, I don't think anyone is out to get you around here at least. You started this thread with a relatively simple series of thoughts and questions -.
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