Major pity party today

Old 04-20-2014, 07:19 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 53
Originally Posted by embraced2000 View Post
I don't know if I can fake it today. Fake the happiness. Fake the smiles. Pretend that all is well and I am strong. Pretend that I don't feel worthless and that she feels I am undeserving of her love, attention or affection. Like a treat or reward that she lords over me.

I am familiar with my recovery process....and i'm aware that it may be different than yours.

my first thought when I read this quote was.....after all we have been through, on both sides of the fences, can we not fake it for just another 15 minutes at a time?

one thing is ever so not pick up our drug of choice....whether it's alcohol, or in my case, my codependent issues that cripple me.

and now, I will bow out.

my very best thoughts to you
I pray you are able to do the right thing
No need to bow out. Please. You have helped me ttremendously today, as have most of you all.

The family is gone, the house is all clean. Sitting outside listening to the crickets. Feeling very grateful. As I said above.....I know full well my thoughts and feelings were selfish and self centered. I have caused most of this mess. As I learn and grow and work on myself it will become easier to deal with these thoughts, to accept things as they are in the moment and know that I am doing my part.

The day turned out ok. Several of these family members do truly love me. A few pulled me aside and expressed their love and happiness.....and I felt their sincerity.

They have all heard and seen my lies before too. But a few of them told me they saw and felt something different from me and my commitment to stay the course.

I truly am grateful today. All of today, because I learned something from the bad parts, and in doing so I may be able to handle them better in the future.

Thank you all again.
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Old 04-20-2014, 07:25 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I gave my loved ones a 1000 reasons not to trust me but I am rebuilding that trust a day at a time. It did not happen quickly but it is just a little bit better than it was yesterday. I have to earn trust with my actions because words are meaningless
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