Major pity party today
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 53
Originally Posted by embraced2000 
I don't know if I can fake it today. Fake the happiness. Fake the smiles. Pretend that all is well and I am strong. Pretend that I don't feel worthless and that she feels I am undeserving of her love, attention or affection. Like a treat or reward that she lords over me.
I am familiar with my recovery process....and i'm aware that it may be different than yours.
my first thought when I read this quote was.....after all we have been through, on both sides of the fences, can we not fake it for just another 15 minutes at a time?
one thing is ever so important....to not pick up our drug of choice....whether it's alcohol, or in my case, my codependent issues that cripple me.
and now, I will bow out.
my very best thoughts to you
I pray you are able to do the right thing
my first thought when I read this quote was.....after all we have been through, on both sides of the fences, can we not fake it for just another 15 minutes at a time?
one thing is ever so important....to not pick up our drug of choice....whether it's alcohol, or in my case, my codependent issues that cripple me.
and now, I will bow out.
my very best thoughts to you
I pray you are able to do the right thing
The family is gone, the house is all clean. Sitting outside listening to the crickets. Feeling very grateful. As I said above.....I know full well my thoughts and feelings were selfish and self centered. I have caused most of this mess. As I learn and grow and work on myself it will become easier to deal with these thoughts, to accept things as they are in the moment and know that I am doing my part.
The day turned out ok. Several of these family members do truly love me. A few pulled me aside and expressed their love and happiness.....and I felt their sincerity.
They have all heard and seen my lies before too. But a few of them told me they saw and felt something different from me and my commitment to stay the course.
I truly am grateful today. All of today, because I learned something from the bad parts, and in doing so I may be able to handle them better in the future.
Thank you all again.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I gave my loved ones a 1000 reasons not to trust me but I am rebuilding that trust a day at a time. It did not happen quickly but it is just a little bit better than it was yesterday. I have to earn trust with my actions because words are meaningless
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