Some concerns after 103 sober days
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 141
Some concerns after 103 sober days
I AM STILL PROUD AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT QUITTING AFTER 103 DAYS. THE FACT THAT I AM LOOSING WEIGHT AND HEAR FLATTER ABOUT MY LOOK AND MY CHILDREN'S HAPPY REACTION ARE ALSO REWARDS.
BUT NOW SUMMER IS APPROACHING. SUMMER IS A TIME IN MY COUNTRY WHERE WE GO DOWN TO SOUTH BY THE BEACH WHERE ALMOST EVERYONE DRINKS. 2 DAYS AGO I WAS BY THE SEASIDE WITH A GROUP OF PEOPLE IN A FISH RESTAURANT. EVERYONE WAS DRINKING. THERE WAS ONLY ANOTHER GUY WHO WAS NOT DRINKING LIKE ME. BUT HIS WAS ONLY FOR DETOX AND WEIGHT LOOSING PURPOSES AND WAS SHORT TIME ONLY. THE SUBJECT WAS THAT HOW COULD LIFE GO WITHOUT DRINKING. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 103 DAYS I KIND OF FELT WEIRD AND FELT KIND OF LIKE AN OUTSIDER. THAT MADE ME WORRY ABOUT SUMMER. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
THE NEXT CONCERN IS A POSSIBLE TRIP TO PLACES IN EUROPE LIKE PARIS, LIKE ITALY, LIKE IBIZA WHERE DRINK IS THE MAJOR ACTIVITY. I AM OK IN MY OWN COUNTRY. I CAN LEAVE THE DINNER EARLY AND COME HOME. BUT IN A VACATION LIKE THAT WHAT WILL I DO TO REPLACE WINE IN ITALY OR FRANCE TO ACCOMPANY THE LOVELY FOOD? I AM KIND OF PANICKED… WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR SUGGESTIONS. THANKS IN ADVANCE
BUT NOW SUMMER IS APPROACHING. SUMMER IS A TIME IN MY COUNTRY WHERE WE GO DOWN TO SOUTH BY THE BEACH WHERE ALMOST EVERYONE DRINKS. 2 DAYS AGO I WAS BY THE SEASIDE WITH A GROUP OF PEOPLE IN A FISH RESTAURANT. EVERYONE WAS DRINKING. THERE WAS ONLY ANOTHER GUY WHO WAS NOT DRINKING LIKE ME. BUT HIS WAS ONLY FOR DETOX AND WEIGHT LOOSING PURPOSES AND WAS SHORT TIME ONLY. THE SUBJECT WAS THAT HOW COULD LIFE GO WITHOUT DRINKING. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 103 DAYS I KIND OF FELT WEIRD AND FELT KIND OF LIKE AN OUTSIDER. THAT MADE ME WORRY ABOUT SUMMER. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
THE NEXT CONCERN IS A POSSIBLE TRIP TO PLACES IN EUROPE LIKE PARIS, LIKE ITALY, LIKE IBIZA WHERE DRINK IS THE MAJOR ACTIVITY. I AM OK IN MY OWN COUNTRY. I CAN LEAVE THE DINNER EARLY AND COME HOME. BUT IN A VACATION LIKE THAT WHAT WILL I DO TO REPLACE WINE IN ITALY OR FRANCE TO ACCOMPANY THE LOVELY FOOD? I AM KIND OF PANICKED… WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR SUGGESTIONS. THANKS IN ADVANCE
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I got a lot less self conscious about my not drinking as time went on.
Lots of people make lifestyle choices outside the 'norm' - some people avoid carbs, others gluten. I avoid alcohol.
If you're feeling worried about the approaching season tho, why not add to your support base?
If you're not into groups like AA or one of the 12 step alternatives, why not at least post a little more here for support?
D
Lots of people make lifestyle choices outside the 'norm' - some people avoid carbs, others gluten. I avoid alcohol.
If you're feeling worried about the approaching season tho, why not add to your support base?
If you're not into groups like AA or one of the 12 step alternatives, why not at least post a little more here for support?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 141
Dear Dee
I feel more relaxed staying here at SR rather than going to AA or 12 step as physically. This is a great support place. I am really worried about the approaching season. What did you mean by suggesting "why not add to your support base"
thanks a lot
I feel more relaxed staying here at SR rather than going to AA or 12 step as physically. This is a great support place. I am really worried about the approaching season. What did you mean by suggesting "why not add to your support base"
thanks a lot
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I meant simply to get as much support as you can
If physical meetings aren't your thing - try and involve yourself a little more here maybe?
Join the class of March support thread for example?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-9-a-3.html
It's good to have support when you feel isolated and alone in situations, like the ones you described above and are worried about in the future.
D
If physical meetings aren't your thing - try and involve yourself a little more here maybe?
Join the class of March support thread for example?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-9-a-3.html
It's good to have support when you feel isolated and alone in situations, like the ones you described above and are worried about in the future.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 141
i will do that immediately
thank you very much
i am really concerned about this summer season.
and especially during this dinner everyone was trying to persuade me to start back drinking where i can moderate bla bla…
and i know icant moderate. i was never able to
maybe once or twice i did that
people criticise and say how can i do without drinking
kind of make some easy fun
one side of me felt an outsider but i also felt kind of proud
thank you very much
i am really concerned about this summer season.
and especially during this dinner everyone was trying to persuade me to start back drinking where i can moderate bla bla…
and i know icant moderate. i was never able to
maybe once or twice i did that
people criticise and say how can i do without drinking
kind of make some easy fun
one side of me felt an outsider but i also felt kind of proud
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 5
I've found that since I've been sober, the fact that I don't drink makes me more interesting to most people - folk are curious about a teetotaller in social situations. There are, of course, some people who will find it a bit odd, and also the occasional inevitable problem drinker/idiot who will make fun and try to get you to drink or make you feel like an outsider (although for the most part, I've cut them out of my life). But to hell with what other people think - I'd rather feel left out on a (very) rare occasion than feel ill, be in hospital, be in jail or be dead.
Got to be honest though, I think going travelling to places where drinking is the main activity would raise a red flag. As much as I would have loved going somewhere like Ibiza when I was younger, going there now is my idea of hell on earth. If I'm going out somewhere where I know people are gonna be drinking, I've always got an escape plan if things go pear shaped...
Got to be honest though, I think going travelling to places where drinking is the main activity would raise a red flag. As much as I would have loved going somewhere like Ibiza when I was younger, going there now is my idea of hell on earth. If I'm going out somewhere where I know people are gonna be drinking, I've always got an escape plan if things go pear shaped...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 729
Hi Mia1972
You have to be realistic about it really. You don't drink so you need to just keep saying that you don't drink. Once people hear it enough times they will surely stop asking you and the topic of conversation will shift.
The major question is really within. Can you enjoy yourself as you travel to these places without drinking and will you feel at ease. If you cant or you are not ready for this just yet then i suggest you avoid going there until you are further advanced in your recovery. Its not a good idea to place temptation in front of yourself unnecessarily. Wait until you are ready and that will come with time and experience.
You have to be realistic about it really. You don't drink so you need to just keep saying that you don't drink. Once people hear it enough times they will surely stop asking you and the topic of conversation will shift.
The major question is really within. Can you enjoy yourself as you travel to these places without drinking and will you feel at ease. If you cant or you are not ready for this just yet then i suggest you avoid going there until you are further advanced in your recovery. Its not a good idea to place temptation in front of yourself unnecessarily. Wait until you are ready and that will come with time and experience.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Wow a bit of a cryptic thread! Why don't you go to AA meetings and find out what lots of other recovered alcoholics did/do with their lives when they got sober, how they did it and he everyone around then benefitted including themselves. These are the kind of people that will be in Paris etc. but you don't even know about them because alcohol is no problem for them anymore and they just go and have fun.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
Don't go on the beach vacation if you think you will drink. Do something different. Go somewhere else.
Don't engage in conversation about why you aren't drinking. Just say you don't want to and leave it at that. Change the subject. Don't bring it up. You don't need to explain or justify. Find activities that don't centre around drinking. Maybe take tennis lessons or walks or something instead of sitting around with people who are drinking a lot.
Don't engage in conversation about why you aren't drinking. Just say you don't want to and leave it at that. Change the subject. Don't bring it up. You don't need to explain or justify. Find activities that don't centre around drinking. Maybe take tennis lessons or walks or something instead of sitting around with people who are drinking a lot.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Brooklyn, ny
Posts: 734
Speaking for myself, and maybe others, summer vacation is going to be one of those challenges that I haven't faced yet in my new sobriety, just like Xmas and New Years holiday season was. I made it through those so I feel some confidence but seriously thinking of checking out AA, just for that additional support, so things don't go "pear shaped". I'd rather head my AV off at the pass then find myself trampled underfoot.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Here, EH!!!
Posts: 1,337
EVERYONE, does not drink. That is your mind, telling you lies. No there is more to these places then just drinking, again your brain is telling you lies. Seems like a common theme doesnt it. The thinking needs to change.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,718
You can join in and still have fun. Alcohol doesn't make things fun...people with good attitudes and a great outlook on life make things fun. Order a drink that is non-alcoholic that you like and say, Cheers to a happy time spend with friends. Believe me. Drinkers don't care what you drink..as long as you have a smile on your face and you can do that sober, right?
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by Mia1972 
I AM STILL PROUD AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT QUITTING AFTER 103 DAYS. THE FACT THAT I AM LOOSING WEIGHT AND HEAR FLATTER ABOUT MY LOOK AND MY CHILDREN'S HAPPY REACTION ARE ALSO REWARDS.
BUT NOW SUMMER IS APPROACHING. SUMMER IS A TIME IN MY COUNTRY WHERE WE GO DOWN TO SOUTH BY THE BEACH WHERE ALMOST EVERYONE DRINKS. 2 DAYS AGO I WAS BY THE SEASIDE WITH A GROUP OF PEOPLE IN A FISH RESTAURANT. EVERYONE WAS DRINKING. THERE WAS ONLY ANOTHER GUY WHO WAS NOT DRINKING LIKE ME. BUT HIS WAS ONLY FOR DETOX AND WEIGHT LOOSING PURPOSES AND WAS SHORT TIME ONLY. THE SUBJECT WAS THAT HOW COULD LIFE GO WITHOUT DRINKING. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 103 DAYS I KIND OF FELT WEIRD AND FELT KIND OF LIKE AN OUTSIDER. THAT MADE ME WORRY ABOUT SUMMER. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
THE NEXT CONCERN IS A POSSIBLE TRIP TO PLACES IN EUROPE LIKE PARIS, LIKE ITALY, LIKE IBIZA WHERE DRINK IS THE MAJOR ACTIVITY. I AM OK IN MY OWN COUNTRY. I CAN LEAVE THE DINNER EARLY AND COME HOME. BUT IN A VACATION LIKE THAT WHAT WILL I DO TO REPLACE WINE IN ITALY OR FRANCE TO ACCOMPANY THE LOVELY FOOD? I AM KIND OF PANICKED… WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR SUGGESTIONS. THANKS IN ADVANCE
BUT NOW SUMMER IS APPROACHING. SUMMER IS A TIME IN MY COUNTRY WHERE WE GO DOWN TO SOUTH BY THE BEACH WHERE ALMOST EVERYONE DRINKS. 2 DAYS AGO I WAS BY THE SEASIDE WITH A GROUP OF PEOPLE IN A FISH RESTAURANT. EVERYONE WAS DRINKING. THERE WAS ONLY ANOTHER GUY WHO WAS NOT DRINKING LIKE ME. BUT HIS WAS ONLY FOR DETOX AND WEIGHT LOOSING PURPOSES AND WAS SHORT TIME ONLY. THE SUBJECT WAS THAT HOW COULD LIFE GO WITHOUT DRINKING. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 103 DAYS I KIND OF FELT WEIRD AND FELT KIND OF LIKE AN OUTSIDER. THAT MADE ME WORRY ABOUT SUMMER. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
THE NEXT CONCERN IS A POSSIBLE TRIP TO PLACES IN EUROPE LIKE PARIS, LIKE ITALY, LIKE IBIZA WHERE DRINK IS THE MAJOR ACTIVITY. I AM OK IN MY OWN COUNTRY. I CAN LEAVE THE DINNER EARLY AND COME HOME. BUT IN A VACATION LIKE THAT WHAT WILL I DO TO REPLACE WINE IN ITALY OR FRANCE TO ACCOMPANY THE LOVELY FOOD? I AM KIND OF PANICKED… WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR SUGGESTIONS. THANKS IN ADVANCE
I honestly don't know why the AA is being pushed by some people as the "only" way to remain sober or to be successfull, if it worked for you then congratulations I really mean that hand on heart, the path may vary but the end destination is the very same, good luck to everyone on their chosen path to sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
You know, Mia, I found the longer I was in recovery the more I noticed that drinking is not the norm.
I went to a house party the other night, and the other thing I noticed was those who were drinking had a beer. One beer. And it sat half full for more than an hour.
I think the reason I notice that everyone is not drinking is that those I hang around with are nondrinkers. When we go to a place where alcohol is served or being consumed by a few, they appear to be normal drinkers. That is something I never was, never could be.
I guess the point is that if you go somewhere with a crowed who drinks, there is going to be a lot of drinking. If you go with those who don't drink, those that drink alcoholically are few and far between.
I went to a house party the other night, and the other thing I noticed was those who were drinking had a beer. One beer. And it sat half full for more than an hour.
I think the reason I notice that everyone is not drinking is that those I hang around with are nondrinkers. When we go to a place where alcohol is served or being consumed by a few, they appear to be normal drinkers. That is something I never was, never could be.
I guess the point is that if you go somewhere with a crowed who drinks, there is going to be a lot of drinking. If you go with those who don't drink, those that drink alcoholically are few and far between.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by matt4x4
EVERYONE, does not drink. That is your mind, telling you lies. No there is more to these places then just drinking, again your brain is telling you lies. Seems like a common theme doesnt it. The thinking needs to change.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: dublin
Posts: 10
I always find that the anticipation of being in situations where there will be drinking is actually a lot worse than actually being there. I usually try and hang out with those who are drinking socially in these situations and I get the hell out if the place is getting over run by drunks.
If the food is good I find meals arent so bad without wine.
Make it last by having the desert, cheese and a nice coffee afterwards.
Another thing to bear in mind is that not as many people get off their face at social occasions than you might think. When I was drinking I used to think that getting drunk was the norm but nearly two years sober I am beginning to wonder whether I made more of a tit of myself than I realised at the time.
Happy Holidays!
If the food is good I find meals arent so bad without wine.
Make it last by having the desert, cheese and a nice coffee afterwards.
Another thing to bear in mind is that not as many people get off their face at social occasions than you might think. When I was drinking I used to think that getting drunk was the norm but nearly two years sober I am beginning to wonder whether I made more of a tit of myself than I realised at the time.
Happy Holidays!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 141
I Thank every single one of you. Your kind and motivating words made me feel so strong again. I will let u know how it went. The first one will be to Symi Island in Greece in May and in a sail boat with drinkers. Hell that will be a real challange 
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