sad news that has me a wee bit angry
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I like many here that have shown compassion,
love and care for a fellow member who has
experienced a lost in their life, also send my
condolences for your friend, Thom.
I recall in early recovery when my Sponsor
left to go on a trip, I was scared of being alone
and not having her close enough for support.
Before she left, she placed me in good hands
with another fellow member and friend whom
I had already admired for his long term sobriety.
He was there for me to call if I got squirrelly
and quickly refered me to passages in the Big
Book and reminded me that all would be ok
as long as I made my meetings, read my material
and reached out for help if needed.
Many of those important figures in recovery
has since passed on and I will always remember
them being there for me anytime I needed them.
Another thing I learned from my sponsor was.....
about closure. When a member, close friend,
family, passes on, make an effort to attend
their services, wake or funeral to put closure
on that friendship, relationship etc.
It was explained to me that in doing so
I wouldn't return years later and say I
wish I had done that. It will not leave
unanswered questions lingering.
I also remind myself that when people
or pets pass on that all that is left on
this Earth is the shell of them, but their
spirit, soul, memories live on and within
us of all the kindness, caring things that
shared with us. That part never ever dies.
Every kind gesture you remember of Thom
will bring happiness, strength within you
and what an awesome gift for him to pass
on or leave within you.
He planted a seed of kindness, some
ESH - experiences, strengths and hopes
withing ur heart and mind to carry and
pass on to others. Let it grow and nuture
to become a beautiful memory that live
on forever.
love and care for a fellow member who has
experienced a lost in their life, also send my
condolences for your friend, Thom.
I recall in early recovery when my Sponsor
left to go on a trip, I was scared of being alone
and not having her close enough for support.
Before she left, she placed me in good hands
with another fellow member and friend whom
I had already admired for his long term sobriety.
He was there for me to call if I got squirrelly
and quickly refered me to passages in the Big
Book and reminded me that all would be ok
as long as I made my meetings, read my material
and reached out for help if needed.
Many of those important figures in recovery
has since passed on and I will always remember
them being there for me anytime I needed them.
Another thing I learned from my sponsor was.....
about closure. When a member, close friend,
family, passes on, make an effort to attend
their services, wake or funeral to put closure
on that friendship, relationship etc.
It was explained to me that in doing so
I wouldn't return years later and say I
wish I had done that. It will not leave
unanswered questions lingering.
I also remind myself that when people
or pets pass on that all that is left on
this Earth is the shell of them, but their
spirit, soul, memories live on and within
us of all the kindness, caring things that
shared with us. That part never ever dies.
Every kind gesture you remember of Thom
will bring happiness, strength within you
and what an awesome gift for him to pass
on or leave within you.
He planted a seed of kindness, some
ESH - experiences, strengths and hopes
withing ur heart and mind to carry and
pass on to others. Let it grow and nuture
to become a beautiful memory that live
on forever.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Originally Posted by aasharon90 
He planted a seed of kindness, some
ESH - experiences, strengths and hopes
withing ur heart and mind to carry and
pass on to others. Let it grow and nuture
to become a beautiful memory that live
on forever.
ESH - experiences, strengths and hopes
withing ur heart and mind to carry and
pass on to others. Let it grow and nuture
to become a beautiful memory that live
on forever.
Sharon's post above is good advice. But you already know that. Once the anger passes, you will find a way to honour him in your own life, through thoughts, actions - helping someone in a similar way he did you.
May peace come to your sadness soon and I wish for you a sign that Thom knows how much you cared. Be safe.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 65
Wow, your attitude is great and I'm so sorry for your loss of your friend. Just keep in mind though, it wasn't the person himself who left this earth, but the disease and mental sickness that did.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I'll add my condolences, tomsteve. If we are blessed enough to stay in recovery, I'm afraid we'll all face a similar situation with someone we know. That's what makes your post so relevant. When that happens, I pray I remain as strong as you.
☀️⛳️
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by tomsteve
my last drink was 4/21/05. my first AA meeting was 4/23/05. after a little while, I got into a friendship with thom. he was a lil wild, but always had good stuff to share, wasn't afraid to admit he wasn't perfect, and shared often his perception of god. that helped me out quite a bit. he helped learn how to have fun sober.
when I was diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma 13 months in, thom was one of the 1st people I told. he was devastated. he was so dam supportive through the 3 1/2 year battle. at first it was rather scarey- I wasn't used to someone caring that much about me and willing to drop everything they were doin to dive me the 300 mile round trip to see my oncologist, get a PET scan, or even just come over and jump on my mower and cut my lawn!
thom was the one who got me back on a motorcycle about 3 years into recovery. I stopped riding about 14 years before that. I chose alcohol over riding. it was pretty funny how that happened. he had his and his wifes bike stored in my garage for the winter, came over on a Saturday to get his to go get the fluids all changed and tried to get me to ride his wifes bike( a super mint 98 virago) back to his place to do the same to hers. I came up with the excuse that I was too busy with stuff around the house, but in reality I was scared ******** of getting back on a bike- afraid it would lead me to a drink.
welp,he took his bike home, then the next day came by. I was in the garage and he tossed me a helmet and said,' I aint leaving til you get on that bike and ride." 15 minutes. that's all it took for me on that bike to feel...well....I cant explain it. if ya ride,ya know what it is. and I didn't want to drink!
through that cancer battle, thoms talks with me helped tremendously. he talked a LOT about the power of his God and that helped me change my perception of mine.
we had drifted apart after a while. I wont go into details other than to say we had different views on how to live sober. we would see each other at meetings and occasionaly take a roadtrip now and then, always have good conversation after meetings, but it want like it was before. although i still considered him a true friend.
i found out yesterday thom committed suicide Friday. there were many things i believe that led to it, but i wont go into detail about that either.
im very angry tonight. he was a father, grandfather, husband, uncle, nephew, cousin, son, and friend to many.yes, im angry at him. im angry at the diseases of alcoholism and addiction( he wasn't drinkin). im angry at mental disorders.
i am angry and saddened by this, but it has reminded me of some things:
theres nothing wrong with seeking professional help outside of any recovery program.
i must not rest on my laurels.
i must remain willing to go to any lengths.
untreated alcoholism/addiction can kill.
life is short.
just one more thing a drink wont help me through.
when I was diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma 13 months in, thom was one of the 1st people I told. he was devastated. he was so dam supportive through the 3 1/2 year battle. at first it was rather scarey- I wasn't used to someone caring that much about me and willing to drop everything they were doin to dive me the 300 mile round trip to see my oncologist, get a PET scan, or even just come over and jump on my mower and cut my lawn!
thom was the one who got me back on a motorcycle about 3 years into recovery. I stopped riding about 14 years before that. I chose alcohol over riding. it was pretty funny how that happened. he had his and his wifes bike stored in my garage for the winter, came over on a Saturday to get his to go get the fluids all changed and tried to get me to ride his wifes bike( a super mint 98 virago) back to his place to do the same to hers. I came up with the excuse that I was too busy with stuff around the house, but in reality I was scared ******** of getting back on a bike- afraid it would lead me to a drink.
welp,he took his bike home, then the next day came by. I was in the garage and he tossed me a helmet and said,' I aint leaving til you get on that bike and ride." 15 minutes. that's all it took for me on that bike to feel...well....I cant explain it. if ya ride,ya know what it is. and I didn't want to drink!
through that cancer battle, thoms talks with me helped tremendously. he talked a LOT about the power of his God and that helped me change my perception of mine.
we had drifted apart after a while. I wont go into details other than to say we had different views on how to live sober. we would see each other at meetings and occasionaly take a roadtrip now and then, always have good conversation after meetings, but it want like it was before. although i still considered him a true friend.
i found out yesterday thom committed suicide Friday. there were many things i believe that led to it, but i wont go into detail about that either.
im very angry tonight. he was a father, grandfather, husband, uncle, nephew, cousin, son, and friend to many.yes, im angry at him. im angry at the diseases of alcoholism and addiction( he wasn't drinkin). im angry at mental disorders.
i am angry and saddened by this, but it has reminded me of some things:
theres nothing wrong with seeking professional help outside of any recovery program.
i must not rest on my laurels.
i must remain willing to go to any lengths.
untreated alcoholism/addiction can kill.
life is short.
just one more thing a drink wont help me through.
Thank you for sharing such a personal message with us all, it puts a lot into perspective.
Hope you are doing okay.
Best wishes
Stuart.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
thank you,all. I have had quite a bit of acceptance happening and am greatful for that. it has also inspired me to get Nadine( my motorcycle) out of hibernation and hit the road for a ride this afternoon. still a lil chilly, but feelin like a ride.
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