sad news that has me a wee bit angry
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
sad news that has me a wee bit angry
my last drink was 4/21/05. my first AA meeting was 4/23/05. after a little while, I got into a friendship with thom. he was a lil wild, but always had good stuff to share, wasn't afraid to admit he wasn't perfect, and shared often his perception of god. that helped me out quite a bit. he helped learn how to have fun sober.
when I was diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma 13 months in, thom was one of the 1st people I told. he was devastated. he was so dam supportive through the 3 1/2 year battle. at first it was rather scarey- I wasn't used to someone caring that much about me and willing to drop everything they were doin to dive me the 300 mile round trip to see my oncologist, get a PET scan, or even just come over and jump on my mower and cut my lawn!
thom was the one who got me back on a motorcycle about 3 years into recovery. I stopped riding about 14 years before that. I chose alcohol over riding. it was pretty funny how that happened. he had his and his wifes bike stored in my garage for the winter, came over on a Saturday to get his to go get the fluids all changed and tried to get me to ride his wifes bike( a super mint 98 virago) back to his place to do the same to hers. I came up with the excuse that I was too busy with stuff around the house, but in reality I was scared ******** of getting back on a bike- afraid it would lead me to a drink.
welp,he took his bike home, then the next day came by. I was in the garage and he tossed me a helmet and said,' I aint leaving til you get on that bike and ride." 15 minutes. that's all it took for me on that bike to feel...well....I cant explain it. if ya ride,ya know what it is. and I didn't want to drink!
through that cancer battle, thoms talks with me helped tremendously. he talked a LOT about the power of his God and that helped me change my perception of mine.
we had drifted apart after a while. I wont go into details other than to say we had different views on how to live sober. we would see each other at meetings and occasionaly take a roadtrip now and then, always have good conversation after meetings, but it want like it was before. although i still considered him a true friend.
i found out yesterday thom committed suicide Friday. there were many things i believe that led to it, but i wont go into detail about that either.
im very angry tonight. he was a father, grandfather, husband, uncle, nephew, cousin, son, and friend to many.yes, im angry at him. im angry at the diseases of alcoholism and addiction( he wasn't drinkin). im angry at mental disorders.
i am angry and saddened by this, but it has reminded me of some things:
theres nothing wrong with seeking professional help outside of any recovery program.
i must not rest on my laurels.
i must remain willing to go to any lengths.
untreated alcoholism/addiction can kill.
life is short.
just one more thing a drink wont help me through.
when I was diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma 13 months in, thom was one of the 1st people I told. he was devastated. he was so dam supportive through the 3 1/2 year battle. at first it was rather scarey- I wasn't used to someone caring that much about me and willing to drop everything they were doin to dive me the 300 mile round trip to see my oncologist, get a PET scan, or even just come over and jump on my mower and cut my lawn!
thom was the one who got me back on a motorcycle about 3 years into recovery. I stopped riding about 14 years before that. I chose alcohol over riding. it was pretty funny how that happened. he had his and his wifes bike stored in my garage for the winter, came over on a Saturday to get his to go get the fluids all changed and tried to get me to ride his wifes bike( a super mint 98 virago) back to his place to do the same to hers. I came up with the excuse that I was too busy with stuff around the house, but in reality I was scared ******** of getting back on a bike- afraid it would lead me to a drink.
welp,he took his bike home, then the next day came by. I was in the garage and he tossed me a helmet and said,' I aint leaving til you get on that bike and ride." 15 minutes. that's all it took for me on that bike to feel...well....I cant explain it. if ya ride,ya know what it is. and I didn't want to drink!
through that cancer battle, thoms talks with me helped tremendously. he talked a LOT about the power of his God and that helped me change my perception of mine.
we had drifted apart after a while. I wont go into details other than to say we had different views on how to live sober. we would see each other at meetings and occasionaly take a roadtrip now and then, always have good conversation after meetings, but it want like it was before. although i still considered him a true friend.
i found out yesterday thom committed suicide Friday. there were many things i believe that led to it, but i wont go into detail about that either.
im very angry tonight. he was a father, grandfather, husband, uncle, nephew, cousin, son, and friend to many.yes, im angry at him. im angry at the diseases of alcoholism and addiction( he wasn't drinkin). im angry at mental disorders.
i am angry and saddened by this, but it has reminded me of some things:
theres nothing wrong with seeking professional help outside of any recovery program.
i must not rest on my laurels.
i must remain willing to go to any lengths.
untreated alcoholism/addiction can kill.
life is short.
just one more thing a drink wont help me through.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
Posts: 746
I'm sorry to hear that, Tomsteve. I have had to process a few situations where people I know have taken their own lives and it is so hard. I relate to the anger, I really do. But we get through.
thoughts and prayers to you and those involved
-Malcom
thoughts and prayers to you and those involved
-Malcom
It would make me angry too, to see a life thrown away like that. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Tom Steve - I am sorry for you loss. I understand your anger. Perhaps Thom's death is for a greater purpose? I can't help but think of another member's blog that reminds me of this exact situation. I will send you a PM. I wish you the best as you process this tragic loss.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Bay, So Cal
Posts: 6,122
TomSteve, I just wanted to add my voice, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend Thom,
I come here every night to check in on Deek's board. I may not comment much.However, I read the posted comments. I find yours to be straight forward & honest, helpful, and sincere posts. I think your buddy Thom, lives on a bit with your service here on SR. Thank you. Bobbi
I come here every night to check in on Deek's board. I may not comment much.However, I read the posted comments. I find yours to be straight forward & honest, helpful, and sincere posts. I think your buddy Thom, lives on a bit with your service here on SR. Thank you. Bobbi
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
So sorry for your unbelievably loss of your friend, Tom. Words fail. Some of us have lost friends to suicide too, and its unbelievable. Your a good man Tom. I'm sorry your hurting for Thom. Prayers going out for you and his family.
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