newwestdork

I've started being more active on these forums in the past few days since I've started to get worried about the drinking thing again. I have a few events coming up with a former drinking buddy who moved overseas a few years ago and who is back in town visiting and I was frankly scared at the prospect of hanging out with her, despite her being a lovely person.

I have no desire to go back to how things were and I know moderation isn't going to fly at this event - it'll be all or nothing for me. My wife suggested I "stop at 3" but I actually laughed out loud a bit at that suggestion - I said that I have tried that in the past countless times and I know for a fact that 3 will become 30 in short order.

I've been having the occasional drink since becoming sober, but I am going to cut that out entirely and recommit to total sobriety. Any enjoyment I derive from having one or two drinks is frankly not not worth the risk of going back out.

Going to hit a meeting in the morning the day of these things and try to use it as an opportunity to refocus on sober living.

SoberLeigh

Congrats on thinking about this event and going all out in advance. Stay strong. Is there any way that you can see this friend in a sober setting and skip the heavy drinking locales?

newwestdork

Might be tricky timing-wise, unfortunately. There are a lot of other folks I haven't seen in ages so I think I am going to wind up going to this event regardless.

That said, the plan includes going to see some live music, so I'll have some time to socialize prior to the inevitable gong show later. I have to pick up my wife from work relatively early on in the night, so I have a ready excuse to get out of Dodge if things start to get beyond my ability/will to deal with.

Dee74

events with likely heavy drinking...old drinking buddy...

I think you already know this isn't a good idea.

I had to make a lot of changes in my life to stay sober - I didn't want to, not in the beginning, but I knew if I didn't change things, nothing would change.

D

doggonecarl

A new commitment to sobriety is best supported by staying away from heavy drinking situations. But then, you know that.

I've read two posts today that started with "I'm worried about an upcoming social engagement..." And ended with, "Woops, I drank."

Like you, they were new to sobriety but determined to go. Be careful.

newwestdork

When I first started my working on my sobriety, I just flat out avoided events like this to avoid temptation. Once I got a bit further in, I tested the waters by going to concerts with a few former drinking buddies who knew I had quit. This particular group who will be there are all aware of my resolve to not drink and have been supportive - the only exception is the returning friend, who I haven't seen since she left.

I am aware of the risk but I think I have mitigated it - talked it through with my wife, scheduled time for a meeting beforehand, constant phone contact with the wife planned, and an early departure already accounted for.

Anyways, here's hoping. Hopefully this does not turn into a cautionary tale for everyone else here.

Finnie

If all your friends know, and you have been honest with them that you cannot ever drink then you should be fine.

Go home early though.

Amajorityofone

Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future. Given your testimony, I wouldn't go near a place like that with a 10 foot pole. Even Superman knows better than to hang out around kryptonite.

Sad and simple.

Low

This is new to me, is this like a vegetarian who eats steak? How does one have a occasional drink while they are sober? Just curious...

newwestdork

Ha, fair enough. I was totally abstinent for about 6 months, relapsed, returned to abstinence, then started taking in the odd drink but didn't wind up returning to the totally disastrous drinking pattern I had before. I've been getting help for some longstanding mental health problems which seems to have dampened my desire for the sort of frequent binge drinking I used to do, but I will certainly admit that I'm concerned that old habits die hard.

Spoke with my wife about it today and I've decided that's a slippery slope to be running around on - best to just not drink at all.

"Don't worry, I'll only hit myself with this hammer a little bit!"

tomsteve

"started taking in the odd drink but didn't wind up returning to the totally disastrous drinking pattern I had before."
yet.

Low

Amazed you have a choice in the matter....once I take the first drink, there is no choice for me, I'll end up drunk...maybe not that time, but definitely will. Cuz, If I could drink normally in any fashion, I am sure I would. Best of luck to you!

Arbor

Sounds like you got a good head on your shoulders. Best of luck.

Mia1972

To be honest there seems to be 2 options in this situation:

1.) Don't go! But on the other end how long will you keep on avoiding? That might make you miserable in the long run.
So the other option will be:
2.) Go early, socialize with your buddies early in the night. When you start feeling the temptation and feel like you cant resist, just end the night early.

This also might be a beginning. The next event you can try staying longer and on and on...

See if it works. If not just avoid totally

dancook99

Only go if you are absolutely resolute and determined in your intention to give up drinking forever. Any doubts then you should give it a miss.

fini

.....so I think I am going to wind up going to this event regardless.



butbutbut: we don't "wind up" going to an event as if some outside force were in charge of events we go to; YOU decide whether you're going. or not.
if you "wind up" at events, you'll likely "wind up" drinking. if you cannot or do not choose not to wind up at an event, how do you imagine being able to choose whether to drink or not?

newwestdork

You're right, putting it that way was was me minimizing my responsibility here. I'm not going to wind up going, I'm going to choose to go.

CAPTAINZING2000

If you feel compelled to attend an outing with friends that drink, I've always found it best to always have a soft drink in my hand. Something about an empty hand seems to bother another drinker.

Ryno03272009

There is a old saying that says "Hang around a barber shop enough and eventually you will get your hair cut."

This saying can be related to many things and most certainly parties and drinking. Seems to me you are begining to make some wise choices about not being able to even have a few drinks and so now you want to have none. Good thinking!

But now you are telling us you are going to go hang around at a bar with friends who are drinking? What if I relate my earlier saying as this instead: "Hang around a bar enough and eventually you will have a drink". I agree with other posters on this forum because most of us have been there ourselves and/or seen it happen to others... Its best not to attend but if you MUST then I suggest you make a late arrival and a early exit before you get your hair cut :p

dancook99

haha friends literally plead to buy me a drink when i don't need/want one! I guess its a ritualistic thing and my refusal is a faux pas.