GroundhogDay

I went six months without a drink, and drank very few times during the past five months. Luckily, I have not got back into a habit of drinking. I consider that to be something of a victory.

That said, I drank an entire bottle of wine a couple of days ago because I was angry, and I am still suffering from the effects. I don't want to ever feel this way again. That was the point of quitting.

So, what is different this time? The news isn't good. I've worked hard at addressing my underlying issues, but I am suffering from a lack of motivation. I know it's time I went back to work, but I just really don't want to. In fact, I don't seem to enjoy much of anything lately. It's supposed to be warm tomorrow. I'm going to get outside and get some exercise and sun exposure. Hopefully, putting the long winter behind me will help.

I wish I had more energy and optimism and generally tried to be a happier person...and make others happy. Is that realistic?

Ryno03272009

What you are experiencing is not uncommon with us alcoholics. Particularly the lack of motivation, energy and not feeling happy but not knowing why.

I can remember many times when I was very involved at school or at work and I enjoyed myself and being involved. Almost without warning to myself or others there were then times I would completely withdraw from everything and just stay at home and drink.

Dont lose hope. Your energy and optimism will come back in time. Get out and enjoy the day. Get active again at work and with friends. But stay away from the booze. You have made a good start coming to SoberRecovery but Only you can decide if you have a problem with alcohol. There are people here and in the halls of AA who are willing to read/hear what you have to share and will be available to help if you need it.

Looking4Help123

It may be that you are just feeling down or suffering some mild depression symptoms. Problem is for an EX drinker that can lead you to the bottle. Perhaps seeing your doctor about it would help?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it sounds like you were doing great so I would not use a lack of motivation to "let the demons back in" if you can resist.

GroundhogDay

In some ways, yes, I was doing great. In other ways, I'm right back where I started, or worse.

I'm not ready to call it chronic depression yet. I may need to seek counseling if I can't sort it out. But I am hopeful I am coming to some new realizations about myself and how I got where I am.

On the optimism, general good attitude thing: Does it make sense to try to fake it til I make it? I tried it tonight, and it seemed to work. I made a nicer dinner than I originally planned. Made me feel happier, not to mention my husband. Or will it come back to bite me (from trying too hard)? Sometimes I think I am just immature.

Dee74

It's very realistic but it took me the best part of a year, some counselling, and not drinking to get there.

By the end even just a little alcohol could send me right back into depression, darkness self loathing and cynicism - for weeks.

D

EndGameNYC

No need to wait unless and until you're experiencing a full-blown depression. The worst thing that can happen if you seek counseling is that you'll experience some relief.

GroundhogDay

EndgameNYC,

The reason I resist is that I spent years in therapy when I was younger. I can't imagine what else I would have to say at this point to a psychiatrist. I was never diagnosed as depressed or prescribed anti-depressants BTW. It's just that I lost both my parents as a child. Even though I understand the problems that created for me, coping with them is easier said than done. Parents are a key part of a young person's social network that just really cannot ever be replaced.

I feel like Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets. Maybe I just need to make more noodle salad.

GroundhogDay

Ah okay, perhaps I forgot how bad and persistent the effects can be. I was thinking the effects would be mild since it has been a long time since I drank that much.

Dee74

I don't think it works like that - it certainly didn't for me anyway.

D

EndGameNYC

Counseling or therapy isn't only for people in crisis or with frank clinical symptoms. We all need a little bit of help now and then. And I'm certain that you're not exactly the same person you were when you younger.

FeelingGreat

Groundhog, as a first step, why not go and see your doctor on an extended appointment? I've found that just telling a doc about a problem helps to a certain extent. If your depression is mild, it might be enough for you to start taking positive steps.
I understand about the counselling; I tried it myself and didn't find it helpful. But others have benefitted greatly from it; possibly they found the right therapist.
Enjoy spring, I bet it really means something where you live. Here the winters are so mild it's not such an event.

GroundhogDay

Well, I guess it was the bottle of wine that brought on the listlessness, because I seem to be fine now. When I first came to SR, I was amazed that people could connect symptoms like anxiety and depression to alcohol abuse. I always thought drinking alcohol was just a way to cope with those types of mental/emotional symptoms.

New sober date (sigh): March 20, 2014. That is, last drink was March 19.

Still, much easier than the last go. Since I haven't been drinking regularly for the past 11 months, I don't have the tiredness and other symptoms to get through.

dancook99

I understand what your saying. Nothing seems worth doing and I prefer to sit in a stupor (A non alcoholic kind). When Im angry I listen to loud music.

dancook99

Please keep doing those mood enhancing behaviours! Get those feel good chemicals flowing, its great to take your focus off internal things. By doing physical activity you get a feeling that your taking control of life and being a master of your own destiny.
Sorry for getting all 'motivational' on you!
I plan to go swimming tomorrow.

GroundhogDay

Thanks for the tip!

sunriseshell

I've been dealing with some up and down emotions too. I am thinking of getting back into counseling. I took a break the last few years without insurance. Now I can go back but have to switch to someone else, which I am trying to look at as a good thing...
I had a relapse recently. Unexpected beach friends and had the moment to walk away and then stayed. I narrowly escaped a horrible hangover but I think it did bring down my mind set. I have been under a lot of stress and think that I just caved when presented with the moment. I appreciate your thread. It is awesome that you have so much sober time under your belt and I know you can get to it. I am looking at it as a major lifestyle change...

Stoogy

Don't torture yourself with what is different this time and do not focus on the one time you drank an entire bottle of wine, focus your whole energy on all those times you did not drink a whole bottle of wine!! Only positive thoughts will help you beat this, and as silly as this may seem the weather does play a big part on me, I live in Scotland and in the winter it is dark from 3pm which does not help at all, at least when it's lighter after work there is more reasons to get out and avoid any temptations that not going out May bring to many of us. All the best to you all.

GroundhogDay

Thanks Stoogy,

It is finally warming up as of day. Yay! Soon after I posted, my energy and enthusiasm returned.

I do think attitude and just making a better effort is serving me well right now.