mary5alive

So I was doing really great the past few weeks. Until tonight. I worked an awful shift at work. I basically work for a corporate coffee chain, and am taken advantage of by my fellow co-workers. They all slack off due to smoking pot on the job, or are "too tired" from a long school day to want to work. Back when I was in school and worked there, I never slacked off or felt the need to. Hell yeah I was tired and irritated, but I still worked my ass off and got my stuff done.
My boss is a complete moron and constantly cuts labor to save the store money.
We were understaffed today as we always are, and I was on the verge of tears. I never EVER cry. When I do, you know something is really wrong.

I basically had to do everything (like always), and I feel like a lot of my addiction to alcohol has stemmed from this. I don't feel it is fair for me to bust my ass and earn as much as my fellow co-workers, who don't do anything. Initially, I am doing the work of 2 or 3 people. If it weren't for me, we would have never got out on time tonight. They all flat out tell me, "oh we'll have a good close tonight since Mary is here. " or they even apologize for being so lazy. It's unbelievable.

I was so depressed and angry that I bought a ton of beer right after work. I drank 9 pints of beer and still feel like going.

I've been trying to find a new job for months, but seriously in Chicago it is near impossible. I want to crawl under a rock and die.

I don't know what to do. My job makes me want to literally jump in front of a train, but at the same time I barely make my bills with this awful full time job which pays minimum wage.

:/

KateL

Can't you have a chat with him In a polite but assertive manner? I used to take temporary respite by drinking but the consequences the next day made me feel even worse. Good luck xxxxxxx

mary5alive

yes, I have many times. Nothing is ever done about it. The district managr we have is a complete nazi and terrifies my manager along with the rest of us in our entire district.
I became the "bitch" for saying what I did, and am scared because of it. Hell, it's starbucks for gods sake.

The job itself isn't that bad, but I hate most of my co-workers and my boss who doesn't give a crap about us, and over-works us like crazy. I have to be back there tomorrow at 7am.

KateL

Just try and stay calm and meanwhile perhaps you can continue to look for another job. Big corporations are a pain sometimes. I would rather work in a small, privately owned store. Sorry you are in a bad place. Try to stop the drinking though, it won't help in the long term. Hugs xxxx

Nonsensical

I am sorry you're having a rotten time at your job, but you have a fundamental misunderstanding of alcohol addiction if you believe your work is causing it. External events might make one feel more vulnerable to the thought of drinking, but they do not cause addiction.

You are very likely to have bad days at work again in the future. I highly recommend making a plan for how you're going to deal with them WITHOUT alcohol.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

Pipping

Could you channel that anger and frustration into finding a better job? Is it possible to up-skill by doing night classes or online study? I know the economy sucks and that having any job is a blessing but it is possible to climb out if the crap job rut. I have had many days like yours and I know from experience that drinking blots it out for a time but then hits you tenfold the next day. Please look after yourself. Sending hugs and good vibes. I hope you get a break soon.xx

Change4good

You have received good advice. Hope you are feeling okay today. Work in one hour. Brush yourself off, and remember that today is a new day. You can turn this around. Hugs.

Amajorityofone

Friend-

You fell off the horse. So what. Now get back on. Don't give in. Don't give up. Don't ever give up!

Unfortunately, cravings are born out of stress. This is why my personal mantra is No matter what happens or how I feel, not today. Have you thought about how you're going to deal with these kinds of episodes in the future? If not, then you should. Stress is like the wind. It comes and it goes and sometimes it comes without warning and with extreme intensity. Thus, next time, you want to be prepared.

I'll be praying for you today.

ru12

Mary,

How many Starbucks are in the Chicago area? Perhaps you could work for a different store? It might be worth a longer commute to change your work environment. It never helped me to drink AT people, the only person that suffered was me.

suki44883

This is what I was going to suggest. Perhaps a different store would be better. Can you transfer?

Climber122

From the Big Book:

"We thought "conditions" drove us to drink, and when we tried to correct these conditions and found that we couldn't to our entire satisfaction, our drinking went out of hand and we became alcoholics."

This is one of the most important things I learned in getting sober - that my efforts to do the impossible - control others and how they treat me was so frustrating that I opted to be drunk in order to forget about it, even when drinking began to cause me debilitating health problems. The only thing we can change is ourselves.

I hope you can use the knowledge of this passage too!

doggonecarl

Mary, you wrote this in your first post to SR:

So your state of mind at work (agitated, pissed off) and relapse has everything to do with your addiction and very little to do with your job.

You came here with a fair share of denial about your problem. Perhaps your stuggles to stay sober will convince you that you do have a problem. Knowing you have a problem, now you can formulate a plan that will keep you sober.

karate

Drink a protein drink , they are the ticket for abstaining from alcohol .

We drink in the evenings due to low blood sugar

Music

Look. If you don't like your job....quit! But don't blame your drinking on the job. You drank because you thought the drinking would help you deal with whatever you perceive to be the problem on the job. Most people in this country can find something they don't like about where they work, who they work with or who they work for. Most of the attitude problem is when people take the poor me attitude and start comparing what I do against what he/she does. Just do the job and be grateful you have a job. There are probably a few thousand out there who'll fill in for you if you quit.

sunrise1

Think about it-

You did not drink because of your problems with your job. It's not the job's fault.

You chose to respond to a problem with your job by drinking.

See the difference?

Thepatman

I have the same issue sometimes. Co-workers always doing minimum.

Try not to compensate for them so much. Just do your job, slow your paste a bit. I guarantee they will pick up the slack.

It's our fault you know, the more we rock, the more they slack, the more we get frustrated. Slow down a bit ;-)

RocketQueen

I'm the same when it comes to my job. I always put in 110% and expect others to do the same. Realistic? Definitely not! No matter what job I was in, or what company I worked for, it was always the same BS. I would often leave work with tears of frustration and it wasn't uncommon for me to be known as "the bitch" at work because I would get sh***y at anyone who didn't do their job properly. There's always at least one. One day it finally clicked... I was getting my panties in a twist over something I couldn't control. I wasn't doing myself any favours and certainly wasn't helping others do their job properly due to the stress vibes radiating off me. So, I gave myself an attitude makeover. Once I stopped picking up the slack for everyone else, and having mini strokes over things that were beyond my control, others started lifting their game. I was a lot nicer to be around and they were a lot more responsive to suggestions of improvement. Also, I worked hard to leave work at work and not spend every waking moment of my 'me time' thinking about it. It was unproductive and pointless.

That's my little story and you can take from it what you will and can the rest. I'm with the others when they say that you can't blame your relapse on anyone else but yourself. Learning to deal with your stress and anxiety without using is all part if the recovery process and will come with time... but you need to give it that time before thigs will get any better.

BumbleBee

THIS^. If you are anything like me, you are subconsciously looking for a reason to drink, and having a bad day at work gave you a reason. For me, I would drink because of a good day, and I would drink because of a good day...sound familiar?

I used to do the same thing with cigarettes before I quit years ago - one if I was having a bad day, one if something good happened, etc. It was because I was addicted though, in the end, and just looking for a reason.

Like with cigs, I think some of my addiction to alcohol was not just physical addiction but emotional. Like many have said on this thread - you may need to start thinking about ways of coping with bad days that are NOT drinking. That is what I am trying to do right now too. Hang in there!

FoolTurnedWise

You need to find another job. Don't spend any more energy trying to fix something that can't be fixed. I was homeless once. Worked in horrible jobs. But slowly worked my up. Now I have a very privaledged job and a business. Took me many years. This might mean you have to suffer working 2 jobs and doing night classes. But the reward is there. Don't give up. Deal with the fear and move on. Of course you would need to stop drinking to make it. That will slow you down. Good luck.

Doug39

No offense, but the above statements that I took from your post were the exact things I listened to a coworker complain to me about for 5 years.

Well guess what - when it came time for layoffs last year this person was the first to go.

Why? Because she was a complainer and was bad for morale.

Oh and alcohol will not solve your problem.