Kayla50

I reach out to talk to people (possible sponsors) and all is get is them telling me I suck. Even after I tell them I am going to detox this weekend after work. I am so sick of people not being nice. Is it that hard? "Tough love" does not work for everyone. I am soooo angry. I just feel like I hate AA right now.

IOAA2

OK. You won't like it but the suggestion "KEEP COMING" usually works.
In the beginning I was told that anger is a thing alcoholics need to be rid of or we will drink again.

BE WELL

RobbyRobot

I'm not surprised you're having a tough time of it as you make your way into detox since your still as of now drinking (apparently)

You must feel something awful, and it must be difficult for others to know the right things to say to a drinker who is already pissed off before they even get to detox, you know?

Is there anything else you can talk about besides being pissed off? Exploring other kinds of talk might be useful?

In any case, good on you for reaching out and going into detox.

oOCaptainCrazy

I've started drinking much less and I'm finding that anger has become a thing for me whilst I'm doing this.

I get angry at such stupid things and i think it's because i used to have a few beers to look forward to but now I don't so it makes me grumpy xD

Lifewillgetbet

Really? Maybe you should find a new group. It took me awhile to find a good home group. People at my meetings are all super nice. Like there are no hand shakes. Its all hugs. We have people that come in to our meetings that are extremely intoxicated and that is okay. They still get a hug.
Good luck on the detox though. It shows you actually have a desire to stop, and people at your meetings should be more supportive of that.
Take Care.

MB8

I feel you on that captain crazy. Never had anger issues in my life till I quit drinking. My wife will say " why are you so dam angry?". Well... No matter what happened when I was drinking, I knew at 5 pm that those 6-8 beers would make all that go away. Now that's gone. Oh well. Just another thing we alcoholics have to learn to deal with. MB8

oOCaptainCrazy

I guess because some part of us feels that it's unfair, well in my case i know i feel that way inside. Like why should i have to change the way i am, stop doing something that i enjoy.

My girlfriend rarely, and i mean rarely, ever drinks alcohol so she can't understand why i can't just drink something else instead of beer.

Kensho

I agree: tough love does not work for everyone, especially when our suffering means that the sore places inside are tender and sensitive, and can't take much poking at.

Don't fight with yourself. Let the anger be there for now; you don't need to either hold on to it or struggle against it. It is what it is. If it helps, take a long, deep breath (actually, physically), and let it out. And again. And if nothing helps with the anger for now, just let it be. It's okay: sounds like you may well have a right to be pissed off.

Right now, your job is not to work on anger - it's to be kind to yourself, go to detox, and start to heal. That's the way I see it, anyway.

Be well.

KissMyTiara

Gonna throw this out here. Kayla. Get off your pity pot. You are drinking every single day. Your posts say that. Not me. I wouldn't want to be your sponsor either. You don't seem serious. Do your detox and outpatient. I wish you well.

hopeful4

I think you would have alot more success in finding a sponsor if you are actively working not to drink. When you are looking for a sponsor while you are under the influence that does not demonstrate working the program.

Maybe it will be better once you are out of detox and are actually looking for a sponsor in working the program.

Good Luck.

karate

Being mad is part of the process , it was for me . I went to anger mgt.
Too .

newhope01

Giving up alcohol is difficult and I'm sorry others in your life are not being sensitive to that. I'd be pissed too. I remember when I was drinking everyday, I use to come on here posting in the newcomers forum in tears struggling not to drink. It wasn't easy getting to the point where I don't drink everyday either. Just don't give up and take this weekend in detox to begin the healing process.

2muchpain

You are taking a big step by going into detox. Maybe once your head clears and your emotions are a little more even, you will have better luck, but if those are the responses you have been getting, you should be pissed off. Newcomers are suppose to be the most valuable people at a meeting, but you need to remember you will meet all kinds of people there. Some are very supportive, others are just triggers walking around.
Sometimes, people at the meeting will wait to see if someone comes around for a while to see if they are serious about recovery before they are willing to sponser someone. Keep going and share when you are comfortable, and you will probably get different results. Try different meeting. They are not all the same.

Weaver

Perhaps try a different meeting? They tend to vary. Also, have you checked out other recovery methods? Smart, Avrt, women for sobriety... Etc? Don't give up or get discouraged because of a few negative Nancys. Empower yourself and be strong.

1newcreation

Tuf love worked n still works for me! It got the excuses out of the way & allowed me to work the steps honestly. Whatever works for you, do it. Just as long as you work @ smthg n stay sober

Weaver

As others have said, regardless of "program type" I have found that my emotions and feelings were quite on the defensive when I was still actively drinking, thinking about drinking, planning drinking etc. For me it was selfishness. "well I'm going to quit soooooon, why won't my wife (or whoever I affected by my drinking) just get off my back and give me a little praise for THINKING it? I'm trying ya know" Once the fog cleared, and I absolutely and honestly made a deep, soul searching (Cliché but useful term) decision that I was going to do whatever it took to achieve sobriety I kind of started understanding their "tough love" I put myself in this position and I had to put myself out. If we are still actively drinking (if you are) it's hard for those around us to really take us seriously.

Kissimee54

Just go to detox! If these people can't show a little compassion then I'd find someone who will! Getting clean doesn't have to be barbaric! That's what a psychiatrist told me in a detox I went through. He was so right!

2muchpain

1newcreation

Yes, tough love works great if its coming from people you know and trust and people that know you and knows what works best in helping you. It doesn't work so good if you are a newcomer walking into a meeting and asking strangers for a sponser. It just gives the newcomer the wrong message. Without having some kind of relationship, it's just telling someone to get lost.

2muchpain

Maybe asking the person if he wants to hang around and talk or go out for coffee might of worked better.

Music

Hi Kayla. You know, I've been in AA for a number of years and I've never heard anyone tell someone "you suck". I've told a few their "attitude" sucked. Anyhooo, I'm thinking maybe your should follow up with your plans to go to detox and then, look for a sponsor. I've sponsored a few guys but never anyone while they were going through detox or treatment. Sometimes it's like talking apples and oranges depending on the detox or treatment method.

My first sponsor told me once that stopping drinking is my responsibility and my problem. The whole world isn't going to stop and take notice that I'm no longer drinking. I'm not that important. Furthermore, he said, "why should you get a pat on the back for learning how to behave in a way you should have been behaving for years now?" When I started drinking, I stopped maturing mentally. I kept up in other ways but when I quit I was still mentally and emotionally immature. If you ask my wife, I'm still not all there, but that's for another day. Just get sober, learn some social skills like I had to do and things will start to get better. It takes time though so you can't rush it. Good luck and just don't drink.