MB8

I have been sober for 27 days this being my fourth attempt. The most time I've had was 5 months. During that initial attempt at sobriety I attended quite a few AA meetings as that is what it was recommended I do if I wanted to get sober. As I sat in those meetings and listened to story after story about people ruining their lives drinking or losing everything or waking up in the middle of the the night shaking and only being able to stop them with booze. You see, I've always been a " social drinker " and by that I mean I'm very social to begin with and definately become the life of the party with a few Taadys on board. Towards the end, the severity of my drinking was 4 or 5 beers a night while making dinner and then I was done. Never had the shakes, missed work, ruined my life, or lost everything. My major issue was that I had those 4 or 5 beers every night. There were many times where my two little girls wanted daddy to read them a story or tuck them into bed and daddy was to tired. That is when I looked in the mirror and said, it's time. Do I miss the buzz, no doubt. Do I miss wondering if my breath smells like booze on the nights when I did have the energy to read my girls a book? No way. I have now been told by a friend with a lot of time, don't compare. Just listen and maybe you will here something that helps. I have a very successful career and a wonderful wife and family. I am doing everything in my power to convince myself that I am like these people in the rooms so I can embrace the program and quit bucking it. I can't even get to the first step because I can't wrap my arms around " my life has become unmanageable ". My life is better then I ever dreamed in my wildest imagination. Beer was just never as big of a part in my dreams. Thanks for listening. MB8

Joe Nerv

Some people get off the elevator way before it hits bottom. If you're lucky enough to be one of them, I say count your blessings. If AA has helped, take what you want/need and leave the rest. The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. Some people (very few actually) will say you MUST adhere to the steps just as they're written, but that simply isn't true. There's lots to benefit applying any of the steps into one's life however they feel fit. And there's lots to benefit simply by participating in AA, hearing what others have to share, and sharing our own unique stories.

I coudln't accept the first step for my first year sober. Yet I didn't pick up a drink that whole time. Took me a lot longer to believe what was said in the 2nd step, also. 3rd step fit me well, and I utilized it for a long time. My spiritual path was born more of that, than anything else in AA. Lots of people in AA flat out don't believe in God, and don't use any steps. And stay sober. If it helps, use it. If anyone gives you a hard time, take it for what it's worth (we're all just people, and most in AA are acting out of good intent), or find groups you're comfortable in. If you have a solid go at it and it still doesn't fit, then don't go. Find what does fit.

That's what I think, anyway. Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

Music

Try some controlled drinking. Or, give it a year and see how it goes.

Gottalife

If my drinking was like yours, wild horses would not have dragged me to AA. Like Joe says, perhaps you are one of those that can just get off the elevator. Either way, it sounds like there is no pressure to make any decisions. My inclination would be to try life on my own, without booze, for a year and see how it goes.

Weaver

I would not suggest this, especially to a person who really isn't looking to "control their drinking" The OP expressed his reasons and why he wanted to quit. Just because he didn't become as "bad" (yet) as those in AA doesn't mean we should flippantly tell him to try controlled drinking with a popcorn smiley, insinuating it will be something entertaining to watch. I am not trying to be mean or flame but it comes across as very disrespectful.

To the OP, AA has been wonderful for some and not so wonderful for others in their journey to become sober. It helped me out quite a bit in the beginning but I no longer attend. Don't go by others in AA, what others tell you etc to define "how alcoholic you are" obviously drinking (regardless of amount) has had a negative influence on you personally... You said so yourself. It is so easy for those 5 beers a night to turn into 10, then a couple in the morning etc. What it comes down to is how alcohol affects You and those you love. I think you made a good decision to quit. Be well

fini

looked in the mirror and said, it's time.

when you know it's time, then it's time.
it's your fourth attempt. clearly, you've tried and gone back. it's proven to be a bit harder than you thought...

comparing yourself is useless when you know it's time.
you'll always find people with more "real problems!!!!" than yours. THAT was a contributing factor to my continued drinking.


check out the secular connection forum here, check out AVRT, check out organizations such as LifeRing and SMART, both of which have on-line and face-to-face connections.
in my first few years of trying to quit (sounds awful, no????), it was repeatedly shocking to me that i couldn't just do it

digdug

Are you really listening to what the people are actually saying in meetings? Yes, there are those of us who had horrible bottoms. Yes, you will stories "about people ruining their lives drinking or losing everything or waking up in the middle of the the night shaking and only being able to stop them with booze." But what do they say after that? These are people who seemed beyond repair, yet they have been able to take control of their lives and stay sober. If someone who has lost everything was able to find a way to live a happy, sober life, then what's stopping you?

And look, I know AA isn't for everyone. Like others have mentioned, there are plenty of other secular recovery options out there. But if you don't want to relapse for a 4th time, it's good to have a solid plan of recovery. Not everyone has to go through hell and back to become sober. Consider yourself lucky for now. But this is a progressive disease. The alcoholic will eventually lose everything near and dear to them as long as they keep drinking.

Vandermast

man if i could do what you do i would be really happy.....

v

freshstart57

You seem to be getting advice to start up drinking again which just seems kinda silly to me, since you already realize that no good can ever come from taking another drink. You seem like a smart guy - I hope you don't take this advice. It seems to be for enjoyment of the popcorn munchers in the bleachers rather than for your well-being.

I think it makes more sense to build on what you have accomplished already. You have taken ownership and responsibility for your drinking, it appears, and understand that your life is better now sober than you could ever have imagined. I suggest you take this to the next step and cement your sobriety by starting to add new things to your life, things that sober folks do. This is part of making a plan about never drinking again, I feel.

I wonder if you find yourself in this conundrum because you have been told that you have no option for sobriety other than sitting through your meetings, and trying to convince yourself you belong there. Maybe you will find it more helpful and encouraging to spend time instead with those who you love and treasure, and with those who are pursuing self fulfillment and joy in places other than 'the rooms'.

Whatever you choose to do, I recommend you do something differently. You deserve a life free of addiction and with joy and happiness in it, and you can have it.

MrTumble

I did not drink much in comparison to others and I never had any withdrawals, but I can recognise how drinking was making me miserable, causing me to miss out on similar activities that you mention - reading to my son, being grumpy, being hungover on weekend mornings.

I could most likely continue drinking till the day I die and live a longish life, but I would gain weight, become gradually less mobile, spend more money on booze and have a horrible feeling that I'm pissing away my life.

Imagine the tragedy if you/we did allow our lives to become unmanageable, what would the impact be to our loves ones? It doesnt bare thinking about... But were not going to let that happen, so we need to stop the rot before, not after..

Well... That's how I feel.

BTW, if the steps are not working out for you there are other methods, such as AVRT, or you can quit under your own steam and perhaps just use this site for help, I think that's an option many use.

MrTumble

MB8, there are others who do not subscribe to the "my life is unmanageable" way of thinking. there are those who want to tackle their drinking in what might be termed "head on".

Have a listen to this guy..
Rational Recovery® -- What is AVRT? - YouTube

Its an alternative approach to AA, but with a similar desired outcome - sobriety.

People are free to chose the best path for them, whatever works is generally better than continued drinking once you realise you have problem.

Grungehead

I'm just sayin'

Oh wait, that was you just sayin'

GracieLou

I never had the shakes or lost everything either. It was one of the reasons I continued to drink. I was not like others. I had not lost it all.

There were also times my children wanted or needed my attention and I said I was tired as well. I had worked all day, did some house chores and made dinner. I wanted my time to relax. I had earned it.

The one thing you have to remember is alcoholism is progressive. I was like you until I was not like you. The years had gone by and those kids were grown and I was alone. My drinking took on an entirely new face.

Now I could "relax" all the time and I did. I finally got the chance to drink like I always wanted to. No more responsibilities holding me back. It took two years for me to fall right off the edge. On the weekdays I was still having those 5 or 10 drinks but on the weekends I drank from morning until night. I drank myself into almost complete isolation.

I had a hard time with the second half of step one as well. Life unmanageable? Are you kidding? I managed for 26 years. Job, home, kids. I had it all, I was not an alcoholic because that did not apply to me. It was not until I was about two/three months sober when my head cleared and I could see that yes I did all those things but the bottle was always there. I did not place the bottle on the outside and grab it when I got the chance. I did in the beginning but eventually the bottle moved to the middle and I move everything around it. It was always there, always.

Then I could see how it was in my life as often as my children, my husband, my job and my home. Normal social drinkers do not do that. They do not have it on their list of "must haves or must do's" like those responsibilities that we keep in our minds. Picking up a bottle was on the same list and rated the same as picking up my children from school. I did not choose one over the other, it was both, and that is how I fooled myself into thinking I did not have a problem.

Unmanageable is not always as it appears. For me, it was not losing it all, it was the fact that I had to manage life around my problem. Normal people do not do that, alcoholics do that.

Once I got sober and stopped doing that. My life became so simple. I was free of that "responsibility".

tomsteve

have ya read the big book to find out what AA is all about? its not about the drinking, its about the thinking.
I can introduce you to a man that had a total of 6 blackouts in his drinking career and only drank wine with dinner, yet when it came to his thinking, it was no different than mine.

my wildest dream doesn't include missing the buzz.

thebluewolf

Genuine question.........Did your life become unmanageable at all towards the end of your drinking? It's been posted before but one guys' rock bottom is anothers 'Phew, it could have been worse'.

Personally my rock bottom was a lot worse than others and I struggled to connect with those who managed not to lose their job/partner/house/etc. On the other hand I found that those people were just as alcoholic as me.

Anyway I wish you all the best in your sobriety

neferkamichael

MB8, 27 days is FANASTIC, congratulations. I had no problems with step 1, and I am grateful for step 4, but I'm not to keen on the rest of the steps. Just think about what bed time story you are gonna read your girls the next time you get the urge to drink. Rootin for ya.

MB8

Wow. I can't thank each of you enough that responded. The one thing I really have found that I like about the " rooms " is that everyone is so genuine and truly seems to care. I really hope I did not come across as I thought I was above AA because that is definately not the case. I truly envy all those who have done what they needed to do to stay sober, Each of you have provided me with valuable information and guidance as I attempt to walk down this path of sobriety. No I will not try controlled drinking. I don't want to drink ever again and will do whatever it takes to make that happen. I really liked the reference to getting off the elevator before it hits the basement floor. I think that is what I am going to do. Thank you for that. One last note. I am taking my little girls to Disney world tomorrow night for mickeys Christmas party. I cannot describe to you what a feeling it's going to be to not stress all day about how I'm going to convince my wife that we must leave the park by six because I have to get my buzz. Of course I wouldn't tell her that was the reason but maybe something like this. It looks like rain hun, Mickey looks sick and don't wants kids to get it, or I think our parking meter is about to be up. What a relief that will be. Stay as long as you want babe. :-). Thanks to all for the encouraging words. Helps more than you can imagine.

Sober and grateful. MB8

MIRecovery

If you can not quit drinking your life is unmanagable. Alcoholism is progressive as the years go on your drinking will increase and it will start to take things from you. Your loved ones your freedom your health your job and eventually your life will all take second place to your best friend alcohol.

keithj

Here's what I was asked to consider when I came into AA years ago: 'Keith, if you have power/control/choice over your drinking, why is it that you continue to pick up a drink after you've made the choice/decision not to?'

Threshold

I would suggest trying step study, BB study meetings, those will focus more on the program and less on the drunkalogs that some discussion meetings tend towards.

I do understand what you mean about not relating to some low bottom stories. I can be difficult to get past that and find the similarities rather than be stymied by the differences. Also., there are some people who will pressure newbies to admit to things that may not apply to them, and accusing them of denial if they don't.

That is NOT the program, but there are some people who do that, and that can mess with the head of someone who is just getting familiar with the program. Some people are also in some tacit competition of who is the most real, bad butt alcoholic. Stick with the people who are focused on working the program of recovery and leave the others to duke out their issues on their own time!

If you find AA isn't for you...a therapist might help you work out any underlying issues...or, SR might do that for you. We have all sorts of experiences of recovery and addiction here and I'm pretty sure you will find several people to relate to (possibly hundreds!)

I have worked the 12 steps and had great success with them but attend no meetings (we don't even have any where I live). So meetings aren't THE answer, and they are not for everyone.

Welcome on board, you will never regret getting sober!