TopFlight

Tonight I am going to a birthday party of the wife of a good friend of mine at a nice lounge/club. I've been relatively isolated from social events such as these since I became sober 5 months ago, therefore I decided it's time to go out, be social, enjoy myself. Not only am I going to the bday party, but 2 good friends of mine are visiting from Chile and are going to go with me also and stay the night.

Everyone in this situation knows I quit drinking so it's not going to be a surprise to anyone, but most likely everyone around me is going to be drinking (most likely a lot). There are going to be a lot of people in the group so I don't think everyone is going to be drunk so we'll see.

So am I crazy? Has anyone else done anything like this and what was your experience?

Received

Frankly, it sounds like plans have already been finalized. I have found when I question or have doubts regarding a certain activity I ask for input before I commit to anything.

Above said, I only drank when I was alone so your situation would not cause any AV activity.

waynetheking

Hey topflight don't worry about it. I finally started going to social events after 6 months of sobriety and let me tell ya, its better now. You will remember everything, you won't make an ass of yourself. You wont have a hangover tomorrow. You will listen to people. Most likely eat some birthday cake. And be a DD tonight. This will strengthen your sobriety. You will gain confidence from it. And you will have more fun as well. Its a great opportunity. Embrace it. Lets us know how it gos tonight.

smac2166

I had to go to a Friday night work social with an open bar 2 weeks after I quit. And there was an after party. I told everyone i couldnt drink because of meds ( true-they didnt need to know it was antabuse). It was actually fine. I had fun. There were a few times I wished I could have a drink. If you feel to tempted, leave. I hope you have a great time and dont drink

Bostonsportsfan

I was in the same situation as this but only 17-20 days sober. I was around a lot of people and all were drinking, but they all knew I quit. I didn't drink, but the urge to drink was really bad the first night we all hung out. The entire house of 15+ people were hammered and I was sober and didn't have any problems. If you think about how bad it was during your alcoholic period it's not worth picking up a drink.

bi11fish

You have a reason to be there, Just make sure you have an exit strategy if you start to be uncomfortable. If you have phone numbers of other sober people take them along and call someone before you pick up the first drink!

tomsteve

nope, not crazy to me.
but I would suggest havin an escape route.

Bubovski

Sounds difficult and probably is difficult.
I am currently 5 months too in to sobriety and last Xmas after about 3 months sober attended a family party and was not tempted to drink, except by a nephew, and didn't do so.
Could be a strengthening challenge even, but be careful.

LadyBlue0527

TopFlight, you and I are at about the same point. I have 5 months on Oct 24th. It sounds like you've made yourself pretty safe. They are aware that you aren't drinking which is a definite plus.

Make sure you have a non alcoholic drink in your hands at all times. I have seltzer water with a lime wedge. The first hour is the hardest because people are so happy and headed to the bar for drinks etc etc. After that first hour it evens out and you get more comfortable with it. You know what's the best? When things begin to wind down and you are preparing to leave knowing you're the same person who came there. You can also see those who aren't going to be too happy the next morning. It's also really nice that when it's time to leave you're ready to go home and not eyeing others to see if you can keep things going (which we all know NEVER ends well).

I have to admit though, where I can do that, my old drinking buddy has invited me to our old favorite haunt and I've accepted only to rescind when the day neared. Going to an organized party is one thing. Going out to the old bar that I used to with my best drinking bud to watch other people drink is quite another. Maybe someday, just not now. Then again, maybe never.

You can get through this! I hope that I gave some good pointers.

TopFlight

Part of me feels like I just need to get out of this daily safe guard that I've been in. I workout a lot, play tennis and a couple other things, but in regards to my social life of going out with friends it's be really minimal.

I guess you could say I feel this is a way to strengthen my sobriety and to know I can goto things like this once in a awhile, still enjoy myself and not drink.

My goals for tonight are 1. not to drink 2. enjoy myself and 3. Not become annoyed and irritable

smac2166

Good goals. Check in the am so we know youhad a great time!

waynetheking

I think you're going to be amazed on how easy it is not to drink once you nightmareere. Also your friends are going to congratulate you for being sober this long. You have nothing to fear. Sobriety is so comforting. There are no hidden clauses or fees my friend. You know that drinking is a hellish nightmare and you now have the strength, wisdom and insight to avoid the sickness that inevitably follow that first drink. Alcohol is only a monster if you consume it. Other than that its nothing to fret over. Go enjoy the party.

LadyBlue0527

On the contrary, be realistic and expect that you will somewhat feel this way. You know what though? That's really ok. It's to be expected but just try to keep it within yourself.

Are the cravings that you have now to drink as bad as they were in the beginning? They really aren't. This situation works the same. Not that you want to be out in public every weekend watching people drink but it's unrealistic to think that you won't be attending more events that have alcohol. This also becomes easier just like the cravings at the beginning vs now. It just becomes acceptance.

You'll get through this just fine and you'll see what I mean about eventually becoming comfortable as it progresses. I bet that you find that you even have a good time.

Doug39

For me, going to an alcohol infested social gathering isn't about temptation of picking up a drink, it is about the insecurities of people asking me why I am not drinking.

I have been the hard drinking life of the party for 25 years and most of the people that I know have never known the 100% sober me.

It has been my experience that worrying about what people will say or think is mostly all in my mind. Other people aren't going to dwell on the fact that I am not drinking, especially if they are loaded themselves.

I have the willpower to not drink; now I need to learn to have the will to deal with everyone else getting loaded and having to listen to their babbling drunken nonsense.

TopFlight

Lets just say I won't be doing that anymore.

My two friends came over, we left my house and met some of my other friends at the club. The friends that had already been at the club were pretty drunk already and the people I met before were quick to partake. Nothing I wasn't expecting so I just continued to keep things positive. Talked with some friends, but honestly things just felt off for me, no matter how much I tried to stay positive.

Next, some of my friends g/fs were trying to get me to take sips out of their drinks and others kept asking me why I am not drinking tonight. It just got a bit annoying, because I just felt like I was being treated like a special case or something

I'd say I lasted no longer than an hour at the club before I decided I just wanted to leave, so my two friends and I just left. As we were walking to the car, my friend was kind of talking loudly (which is pretty normal for him) and some guy just decided to try and mock my friend. He was obviously looking for trouble. My friend isn't one to back down to really anything, which I knew, thus why I REALLY didn't want the situation to escalate. Came close, but I was able to break him away. It was honestly just some guys looking for trouble mixed me my friend not allowing himself to back down (he was even sober).

All in all, you won't see me at a club anytime soon and most importantly I didn't drink nor was I tempted. In my head I know, bigger things are going to need to change.

bigsombrero

Thanks for the wrap-up, I was going to ask how it went. To be honest, I'm not surprised you didn't enjoy the experience. But, for what it's worth, I'm glad you didn't. It sounds like you are learning that this kind of thing is just "not for you" anymore.

Had I seen this earlier, I would have suggested not going. With a secondary recommendation that if you did go, that you keep it quick and make a fast exit. Because there's really nothing fun about sitting in a fancy club, late at night, with old friends who you used to share drinks with. Especially if you're committed to sobriety, which it looks like you are (awesome).

I tried this sort of thing at 5 months also. And it didn't work out either. It's really tough to admit to yourself (and perhaps to your friends) that you're not going out with them anymore. I ended up skipping 2 weddings of good friends in my first year because I knew that I'd get nothing out of it, except misery. And you know what? Now that those activities are out....I don't see much of my old friends anymore. We drank every time we were together. And now that I don't drink and don't attend drinking events...well, you do the math.

Work on yourself for these next few months. Find out what makes you happy. Start doing those things, alone or with new sober folks. One of the toughest part about recovering from alcoholism - if you are having success - is the loneliness you will experience after separating yourself from the lifestyle. If you do it right, though, you will find yourself ready to branch out and find a new life for yourself when the time is right.

smac2166

Sorry for the bad! Props to staying strong and getting out of a bad situation

MrGhost

You're only ready if you're ready to give things a TRY to stop. There is no certianty or perfection on the face of this planet. What you do now is just a chance and this one is a good chance you're taking, because it's you trying to get on with the rest of your life without the drink. But if you don't feel you're ready, I wouldn't put yourself into those predicaments much. Of course, there is still always going to be that piece of fear, so don't confuse that with Not being ready.

TopFlight

Thanks for the post bigsombrero, it definitely hits home with me.

I guess that is the part of me that I haven't been fully able to accept and that is I'm just not jiving with a lot of my friends anymore. I think we all know things aren't the same and that things have changed between us. There is this part of denial with me in that respect, because I really don't know where I am fitting in right now, thus I'm grabbing onto the friends I've always had. Ultimately, the social aspect of my life is going through a huge transition. What I'm afraid of is isolating myself too much socially and becoming comfortable in that. I've put so much of my focus on my physical health thinking that it would just translate to my mental health. Well, it turns out to be a little more complicated than that

I guess this is a time where I need to start venturing into other things. Though, I have started new hobbies since becoming sober, I really haven't connected with anyone on a deeper level. More just casual, small talk interactions.

I just have some thinking I have to do.

Boleo

At 5 months, you should be OK. Just set some firm boundary's ahead of time and plan an escape route should you find yourself surrounded by drunks.