LadyBlue0527

Great follow up TopFlight and I'm glad that you got out of there. I don't understand this thing with people who are drinking trying to prod those that don't drink to "take a sip". I've been in situations with alcohol and I've not had one person do anything other than congratulate me and they were genuinely happy. I guess I was basing my answer to you on going on that fact and that was incorrect of me.

It's unrealistic that we'll never be a part of functions that don't have alcohol in the mix. My thinking was the quicker I get myself used to that the better. However, like I said in a prior post I pick and choose. I still won't go to my old favorite haunt.

I read stories like yours of people who offer "sips" or prod. I have my reply all lined up if that ever happens. Keep in mind this is based on a person offering me alcohol who is fully aware that I don't drink and who is prodding me. Not someone who is not aware and just genuinely would offer me a sip anyway. I plan to look them straight in the face and say "You know, they say that people who are uncomfortable with someone who doesn't drink and tries to edge them into drinking have their own problems with alcohol".

See how quick they back off then! They want to threaten your sobriety so why not threaten them with the possibility of their own alcoholism in return? That will shut that down in a heartbeat.

I'm glad that you recognized that you needed to get out of there and had an escape plan. So key!

IOAA2

I used to be concerned what people thought until I was told that it's none of my business what people think. BE WELL

readerbaby71

Hahahah!

bigsombrero

Yep. That's gonna happen.

Good. Don't fight it, and don't rush it.

And your natural reaction is to scramble for a safety net and a familiar scene or at least familiar faces. That's okay, but make sure you don't see that as the only option. At 5 months sober, I went to a New Year's Day party to watch the Rose Bowl last year with old friends, all of whom knew about my sobriety and rehab. Some folks were drinking, others were eyeing me nervously....these were my best friends in the world for the past 15 years, and it dawned on me then: I'd spent exactly ZERO days with them when alcohol wasn't involved to some degree. Woah.

Correct. And there's no owner's manual or iPhone app to tell you what to do next. Sometimes you can feel on shaky ground, like you are "floating". Of course, you can choose to think of it differently. I value this transition phase now - I view it like I'm walking into a grocery store with an empty cart. Selecting ingredients for this new life. Emphasis on EMPTY cart. Time to fill it, what sort of items do you want? Let's add healthy stuff this time.

No. Me either. That happens. I remember complaining once that the deepest conversation I had was when someone asked "do you want fries with that?" -- I literally had nobody to connect with for a while. When I met some new friends, I talked so much that they literally had to tell me to "stop talking" because I was so glad to have someone to talk to!

Try not to worry so much about this part - don't scramble and run back to the familiar. Allow yourself to be alone, to float, to do that grocery shopping. There are no rules saying you NEED to be tied down to anything. You are figuring out how to live the rest of your life. Take your time here.

Some here who have said: "I figured it's best to get used to being around alcohol so I would hang out around it as much as possible". I disagree. You don't have to "get used" to anything. Try and remember that you are in control here. It's a weird time, and a weird feeling. You have all the right thoughts, don't worry, this is part of the process.

TopFlight

@ Ladyblue I agree with you. It's almost impossible to go through life and not be involved in situations where alcohol is going to be around. Even situations like work functions, where alcohol is basically like the centerpiece. I realize that these are obstacles that I'm going to have to learn how to deal with effectively. Sometimes just denying a drink isn't enough, even though it should be

As far as yesterday, I think i needed to experience what I did at the club. I knew I ran the risk of being in a situation I wasn't going to enjoy, but I needed to see for myself. Like you said, it's not wrong to goto things like this, but just gotta be choosy.


@bigsombrero It's interesting that you said how people were nervously looking at you when you weren't drinking while watching the game with your friends. That's how I felt, though I never brought up my drinking last night, almost everyone that i talked to last night brought it it up in one way or another with me. I almost felt like instead of feeling like they were judging me, maybe they thought I was automatically judging them.

As far as the journey of sobriety, you're right, I gotta be open to the new path I'm taking and not feel so pessimistic towards it. I'm ultimately walking away from a life that I have established since I was younger to go back to ground zero and reestablish myself. I'll just continue to chug along and keep things productive.

Like2Hike

You sound very strong in staying the sober course, TopFlight. During these last 9 months, I'm always so mentally prepared for any social situation with alcohol that they've never been a challenge. I guess I even feel empowered by being disciplined and am way past the point of worrying about being sized up by drinking friends. A few of them have said they're envious of my abstaining. Many others have drifted away because I'm not "in the club" anymore. But those obviously weren't friends.

Oddly, it's been the random moments in solitude when I've thought "why am I doing this?". Tricky little patches are those times. I've never given in and can't see it happening. Reading about alchohol neuropathy, SR, thinking it thru to the end, hating the thought of losing any contest (I declared drinking my despised foe on day 1)....these are what guide me during any random weak moment.

el9292

Hey I am studying in Chile right now! haha. I have been sober about 6 months and have been around drinking a lot, I think it's just a matter of if you trust yourself enough and feel ready!

TopFlight

haha awesome I was studying in Chile as well, but that was 2 years ago. I lived in Bella Artes if you're familiar with the area. Enjoy your time there, it's definitely a memory that will stick with you.

longbeachone

Everyone has to check back into the real world sometime. I've found, time and time again, that all of the "fun" the drinkers are having seems pretty lame from a sober perspective. And adversely, things that seemed dull and difficult when I was drinking, like taking an art class, or going for a long bike ride, seem relaxing and fun when I'm sober.

You are doing great! Congratulations on your sober life!