mrschoices

Over the past two years there has been a young woman in AA who has been character assassinating me all over AA and outside of AA.

She devised a group of people around her who all had the same motive, to have someone to pull beneath them and to get me "out of the way". This all started after the first time she heard me speak, and about 4 months before her wedding.

I am told I am very attractive and I have a lot of wisdom. I know AA is not about getting a boyfriend etc. I believe she was afraid I would somehow get in her way and of not getting what she wanted.

I also received a lot of threatening looks from her, like I better "watch it".

It has caused me a LOT of problems. Lots of pain. I don't know her but asked her twice if I had done anything to deserve this. She refused to discuss it and was happy it was hurting me.

I was stunned that anyone would have this sick a mind.

Anyway I considered bringing this up openly at a meeting and just saying I invite her to be open as well.

She is well-respected by people and sponsors a lot of people and others don't really see through her.

She has hurt a lot of people by coercing them into doing moral wrongs. Each of them will have to pay God in their own way now and is incredibly selfish of her.

I heard she went out and drank recently. I just wonder if I had spoken up all this horrible damage would not have gotten so bad. So many people have been harmed, myself included.

suki44883

Is there another meeting you could attend? AA is a great program, but we must remember, it is full of sick people; some much sicker than others. If she has so much influence in your current group, maybe finding another group would be better for you. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. ((((HUGS))))

least

I'd find another meeting to go to. She sounds like she's got some serious issues and would be best avoided.

Boleo

I would not worry too much about her now. She is already her own worst enemy.

mrschoices

Thanks folks.

My question was, shod I have said anything before this got as damaging as it did to everyone including herself.

suki44883

What could you have said? You already asked twice if you had done something to warrant that treatment and she refused to talk about it other than to say she was happy you were hurting. What do you think you could say to someone who obviously has no desire to be friendly and enjoys hurting you?

mrschoices

I could have exposed it in a meeting.

suki44883

Is that what AA meetings are for?

You are not to blame for her sick ways. You can either continue on dealing with her and her friends who enjoy hurting you, or you can find another meeting.

mrschoices

It's all over all the meetings here.
At some point we have to stop running and face our fears.

GroundhogDay

That would only make you look like the psycho. I think it is best to let people like that hang themselves with their own rope.

Doug39

Stories like yours are what keeps me away from AA.

I am not saying that all people in AA are bad - I believe most of the people in AA mean well.

But their can be drama.

My wife, who still drinks everyday, is so anti-AA. She believes it is a cult of dry drunks who need a drink. My wife is also upset that her alcoholic sister met a guy in AA and conned her out of a $50,000 inheritance. This guy married my wife's sister, and was doing heroin while he said he was using the money to go to school and for investments.
When the money ran out he disappeared.

If I lived alone or had no one to talk to I would probably go to AA - it would have to be a last resort if I couldn't do anything else to stay sober.

Oh and I have gone to many AA meetings but I was drinking at the time. I went with my brother because he had to go to 90 meetings due to DUI convictions. So I do know what it is all about.

suki44883

You live in New York. I'm sure there must be meetings somewhere there where she doesn't have influence. Confronting her isn't going to solve anything.

hawkeyefan

I have gone to AA meetings and have found some difficult people, changed meetings, found difficult people. I know I am overly sensitive, take a lot of things the wrong way. One of many reasons I drank. Now I am working to learn to deal with difficult people, take things less personally, or listen, then completely blow them off and never give them another thought. If I'm going to stay sober I've got to get my emotions, negative thoughts, under control, change my way of thinking. If she's that bad, find another meeting and try to stay close to people you can relate to, people that are kind and at AA for the right reasons. Good Luck!!

Marktg34

Mrs choices

My experience in therapy their is issues about confidentiality about what is said in the room etc. if this person is causing problems she is breaking the rules of confidentiality etc . I am sure she could be banned and reported. It's like having a relationship with people on the group etc definate therapy no nos.its not meant to be judgemental anyway she sounds like she needs a lot of therapy.

Marktg34

You are all their for a reason to stop your drinking etc so she probably needs the meeting more than you.

mrschoices

It's interesting that most people suggested I leave, go to another meeting, etc.

That is rarely the solution.

We have to change our perceptions at some point as hawkeye said - or speak up.

And isn't that the hardest? The wisdom to know the difference?

However I have all kinds of trauma and PTSD and never protected myself, never thought I was worth it. Believe me this girl knows that as fo the others.
When do I get to speak up?

Our society is at a bouling point. People will be looking to point the finger. I don't believe I got sober to be a doormat or the fall guy. I believe if it continues I will say something in a roundabout way to someone doing it.

There is a way to do this where we try to get across that they can do better.

My sponsor said the more recovered she got the less crap she took from people.

BBSSspirit

My dear,

Getting answers from alcoholics on the Internet can be tricky sometimes.

Aren't the answers already inside of you?

I hear your suffering and I know for me, I didn't so all the hard work I did to be abused by my own in AA.

This is a deadly disease. What would it look like of you chose one of these people and exposed them in a meeting? Do you think the sky would fall in?

What are you so afraid of?

Stop being a victim and speak up for yourself - but do it calmly and with courage.

Expect flack back. And handle that in the same mature way. Stop letting sick people push you around.

bigsombrero

My suggestion would be to concentrate on your own recovery. Getting all out of joint about dirty looks and gossip is not what you are there for. The minute you stop thinking about all this nonsense, it will go away. Get sober for yourself, avoid drama, and go about your business - either in this meeting, another meeting, or by using any variety of support systems. Good luck.

Tamerua

One of my favorite and most freeing sayings that I heard from AA was that it's not anyone's business what anyone thinks of you. If you are working your program, talking to your sponsor and continuing to do the next right thing, you're good. FWIW, I went to a meeting where there was a confrontation like this. I never went back, it was a lot of drama and I felt like it only involved a few people in the group and didn't focus on healing or any of the newcomers (myself being one of them). Of course, I don't know your group or all of your situation.

fini

you're giving her a LOT of power this way...