PhaseTwo

What do you think is the best way to explain alcoholism to my mother. She seems to have this idea that once I take a bunch of time away from drinking I'll be cured and go back to moderation. I've told her how my brain chemistry is different and I don't process it the same way as her. But I'm curious how do you explain it to family members who can't relate?

pinkdog

Hi Phase, that sounds like a pretty good explanation. I can't drink and be well. Best wishes.

Ruturn

I tell people they just have to accept that I'm like a pickle now, and I can't ever be a cucumber again.

Boleo

Tell her alcoholism is a chronic illness and then define chronic for her:

CHRONIC -

1: marked by long duration or frequent recurrence : not acute

2: always present or encountered; especially : constantly vexing, weakening, or troubling.

Threshold

I think some people truly can't understand because it's a problem they've never experienced personally. Rather than frustrate everyone with explanations, sometimes it's better to just say you feel so good not drinking at all that you want to continue that way.

I don't advocate lying or avoiding the conversation because educating people is a good thing, but if brain chemistry discussions cause their eyes to glaze over...a simple statement may be easier for them to grasp.

JustODAAT

I also have some friends and family who really want me to say it's all just a temporary respite and I'll be drinking again soon. It makes me wonder why they're so invested in my drinking.

keithj

At the end of the day, they don't have to understand it. I have to know the truth of my alcoholism. Whether anyone else gets it or not is somewhat unimportant. I've found the need to be understood by others has diminished greatly with continued sobriety.

Kathleen41

Sounds like you did a good job the first time. Some people close to me don't get it either. I don't bother reexplaining. My mom says stupid stuff like "Oh, but you cant drink anymore." If we are going to an event or something. I just say "Mom, I choose not to drink."

What was helpful for my family member's understanding was bringing each of the to an open meeting with me. They seemed to learn a lot, without me saying a word!!

Ruturn

To clarify, my pickle comment I reserve for the people who just don't get it. Casual aquaintances I tell that I exceeded my quota years ago and decline with a smile. Closer people mostly know at least some of my history and they don't push it. I have one uncle that asks me if I'm cured yet so I can have a beer? I just smile and tell him no and leave it at that. If I let anyone else live in my head over something like that it starts me on a path that leads to me getting drunk again, so I just let it go.

PhaseTwo

Oh I don't even entertain the thought of letting anyone change my mind. I don't think these people realize once you've had some sober time you start to see you're really not missing all that much.

ronf

YES!, Why are they so invested in our drinking! Great post.

zjw

I spent a lot of time getting angry with people who absolutly fail to understand my addictions or addictions in general. I now just roll my eyes. I cant explain it any better then they already know theres enough info out there if they still dont get it oh well. My wife tho at one point thought I oculd just have a 6 pack and kick back I had to explain it just doesnt work that way for me.

Lot of other people over hte years wondered why i couldnt just quit drinking or smoking after all its just so simple they had it all figured out for me an dall I just dont do it its so easy. ::facepalm:: I used to sit there and think you naive idiots. I had one individual used to throw away my cigarettes behind my back in my own home. I came close to tossing this person out of my house. Addiction or not I felt that was rude.