Susan2984

I vowed to try a 30 day "abstinence" starting last Monday and I did well all week and through the weekend and then last night after a day of feeling really down and depressed (other issues than alcohol - I had been feeling fine/better having had no wine for days) with the rest of my household in bed at 7 pm I was bored and ended up drinking about a bottle and a half. I went to bed crying my eyes out and feeling terrible about myself and I woke up feeling awful so sluggish and terrible. Still don't feel great and it's noon. Before deciding I needed to quit / take a long break and evaluate my drinking I had only been drinking a couple glasses in the evening so I went overboard last night too mostly out of stupid boredom. What a dumb reason! I have to say that how I felt last night and today re-affirms my desire to stop drinking until I can really clearly see my issues and until I no longer need a glass of wine to "unwind" most nights. The fact that I made it a week without after daily drinking for the better part of the last year is somewhat encouraging but obviously not near good enough. How awful I feel now is a good reminder to me though of why I'm abstaining.

Leongecko

Boredom is the killer. I find that after a few days off the juice you start to feel better, more in control, and this leads you to think about drinking, because "one wont hurt you" etc and like you said, the next day you wake up feeling like death, pissed off with yourself and feeling weak. I am only on day 10 sober and the last two days I cant seem to switch my mind off, ive got lots going on, and that was what I used booze for, it switches off my mind. I dont know really what to say to you, we've all been there, youre not a "bad person" because you slipped up, but the only thing to do is get back on the horse. Write down how bad you feel and read it the next time you think you can handle "just one".
Dont feel bad, a week (almost) is excellent, you obviously have it in you to go further.
Good luck!

Susan2984

I'm more than anything mad at myself because what I was trying to break was a 2 glasses of wine at night to relax habit and by going without that more "moderate" amount I suddenly reverted back to a binge last night even though it's been a long time since binges were even an occasional occurence. Just sucks. I'm back at trying to abstain completely though. The one disconnect I find here is that for me one doesn't always or even unusually lead to a lot more. I'm content with 2 glasses of wine to unwind, which for some people doesn't even sound like a problem, I just realized it had become an EVERY night thing rather then say 3-4 nights a week. So am I kicking myself in the ass by stopping completely rather than tapering? Did I overdo it last night because going "cold turkey" wasn't the right thing for a "light" drinker like myself? I don't know. I have a lot to think about today but I know I want to be stronger and figure out my issues. I appreciate all the support here.

foolsgold66

Don't obsess over this, just try again!

robgt350

good job, get back on that horse and do it again.

lorelei

you did great susan use how you feel now to fuel you to get back on it, and let it motivate you to get to your next goal xx

zjw

I dont think becuase you went cold turkey your body somehow felt deprived of alcohol and said better catch up on that lucious alcohol nutrition i've missed out on let me binge. It doesnt really work like that.

For me a binge like that back when i had binges (the last however many years everyday was what most consider a binge) the binge was more or less gee I got no where to go or be I can have a few more then usual and really enjoy this this evening etc.. It was as simple as that for me. And for me I always felt pretty awesome the drunker and drunker i got. I paid the price the subsequent day. So feeling great just fueled the fire for me.

If you think your capable of having a glass or 2 now and then binge free and without a daily habit by all means go for it. But given what you've said it seems like your drinking is daily along with or also filled with some binging now and then. If waking up the next day feeling like hell after a binge is a problem for you then yes its probably best not to binge. If you dont feel 100% drinking a glass or 2 each night then yeah its probably a problem as well.

You could test fate just go with you have been up too a glass or 2 each night with the occaisional binge You said it took you a few years to build up to this level. You could see where this road leads and keep that routine. But I think most here would tell you it more hten likly will escalate your problem. It seems we tend to slowly but surely always increase our intake and frequency. This just makes our problems worse and worse over time.

Its best to just not bother with the stuff.

Susan2984

Yea I agree thinking more about it, it was just boredom and "alone time" and hey this tastes good or whatever not like "making up for lost time." It's hard sometimes too because my husband doesn't understand why I'm even abstaining or trying to check myself. He is loving and supportive don't get me wrong he just doesn't see any issue with my drinking a glass or two a night and having a rare "binge." I suppose it's perspective, his mother to this day still packs away at least a 6 pack a night, often a 12 pack, and occasionally more, and her type of drinking is what he considers a "problem" as it ruined his childhood. She is still "functional" as you would say, works etc, but drinks a LOT. So when I told him I was gonna try to stop to see how it goes he kinda reassured me that I wasn't doing anything "Wrong" and he loved me no matter what. (He doesn't drink at all) I do think I can get to a place of drinking socially and having a glass a couple times a week but I think to do so abstaining is truly the only way to stop the daily habit. It really is "habit" as such. Sit down in front of the TV and sip some wine. The evening doesn't seem as enjoyable without it - which is exactly where I see it being too much of a crutch and a "need" at this point, but anyway. I digress.

zjw

yeah my wife new i had a problem but even she for a while after i quit would say things like "oh why dont you just go get a 6 pack of that one kind you like you've been so good just kick back and have a few beers" she finally gets it now that its just not a possiblity for me. I was pretty functional too held down a job etc.. all while drinking 15 beers at least a night if not more.

Its funny from his perspective his mothers habit is a problem yours is not. From my pespective My habit was not a problem at all but the guy who waited for the bar to open out front and left when they closed had a problem.

The defination of a drinking problem gets so blurred. long after I sobered up I realized yeah I guess i did have a problem go figure. I think i thought my drinking was normal because I grew up with an alcoholic step father. I just viewed that level of drinking as 'normal' and what any grown man does each evening after a tough day at work. It also ruined my childhood but I just assumed everyones father drank like that that was just what ya did.

You said you got bored and decided to drink the evening just doesnt seem the same without a glass of wine. I myself when I quit felt my best friend had died life was no longe rhte same I was bored to tears no idea what to do each evening without beer. Idle hands are the devils playground I had to get busy and remind myself that there was a time when i was a child that I didnt drink day in and day out and life went on just fine without booze in my life. I also new others who did not drink day in and day out and the world didnt fall down around them as a result. I just had to figure out how the heck I was going to do that.

Over time it goe easier now I cant imagine a night with a beer. And I rather enjoy the quiet boring do nothing evening minus the booze fest.

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear you came back Susan. Reading you sentence above though does puzzle me. Do you think that you can somehow resolve said issues and drink responsibly again some day? That was the biggest roadblock for me for quite some time, thinking I could somehow "cure" myself. What truly set me free was realizing and accepting that I could never do that. I hope you find the strength to do the same.

ViciousCycle714

It seems like right about 7 days is a tough milestone.....I felt fine and proud of myself right up until day 8 and than the bottom kind of fell out.....not sure why. Hang tough and keep trying....we can do this.

Bostonsportsfan

Boredom is the key. You drink and things that really aren't too fun seem fun, then you quit and everything is boring.

Susan2984

I do think boredom is the key for me, definitely. And to ScottFromWI I suppose that's the thing, I haven't completed determined my issues yet, that's what this 30 days is about. I have zero doubt that I can drink socially again, I'm sure I can. Having a drink at dinner doesn't make me want to grab a 12 pack and go home and chug it so to speak. I guess more than anything as of late it's just the habit and crutch of having two glasses of wine every evening that I want to break. Because I'm afraid that if it continues for a long time it WILL be detrimental even if it technically isn't yet. I don't know, I'm doing a lot of contemplating :-)

ScottFromWI

I think putting down a bottle and a half of wine by yourself its "technically" already detrimental to your well-being - especially during a period when you were knowingly trying to remain sober.

Think about this too. Above you state that you have "Zero Doubt" that you can drink socially again - in fact you are "Sure you can". If that's the case, why would you even bother coming to a website about recovery? If you know you aren't an alcoholic, then you shoudln't have to think about any of this.

Just about everyone here was in your shoes ( me included ) at one point in our drinking careers. We attempted to "moderate" or control our drinking many, many times. If you are truly an alcoholic, you will never be able to do so. But that is for you to find out and contemplate...and I wish you the best of luck in doing so.

zjw

ScottFromWI is right the sooner your determine if your an alcoholic or not the better. I tried moderating among various other things even after I sobered up it took me a year to finally say yeah I guess i did have a drinking problem. The problem is all the years down the tubes while I tried to figure this all out. Your 30 day test could turn into a full blown alcohol problem 10 years from now. Or you could just figure out what works to moderate maybe your not an alcoholic maybe you can moderate but the sooner you figure that out the better.

I do think too a bottle an a half of wine is a bit too much of something. It could have been 2 cartons of ice cream and I'd still say woah woah thats a bit too much.

Susan2984

All good points. I was doing some googling when I came to this site. Am I an alcoholic? I don't necessarily think so. Am I alcohol dependent? Yes, definitely. I could be in a room full of drinkers right now and not care. One or two drinks doesn't fuel a desire for more and more. However looking forward to the evening and indulging in a little wine EVERY night to me is cause to at least examine "Why" you know? I am still upset that pure boredom led me to binge like I haven't done in a while on Sunday. It was stupid. Yes 2 cartons of ice cream would be too much as well I don't have much of a sweet tooth but if we are talking a whole bag of chips with salsa then..... :-)

zjw

too some degree its about self control. we attatch a stigma to it when its alcoholism and have coined the term "alcoholics" to label it. But one could just as easily suffer from debilitating food addictions where there diets are terrible and there health could certainly be better and there slowly killing themselves with what they eat. They could possible not even be obese or anything like that just like an alcoholic can still go to work each day. Yet they may kill there pain with 2 cartons of ice cream or a big mac at lunch time etc..

Point is anything can become a problem. I've seen people unable to stick to diets and struggle very simlier troubles as alcoholics do when they try and refrain from drinking.

Quiting drinking helped me to end my cigarette habit and clean up my diet. I guess the stuff I learned along the way to remain sober I was able to apply to many other things in life.

I read in a book about quiting smoking about a smoker who would only have a couple a day. All day long they thought about those couple rewarding cigarettes. they obsessed over them etc.. Much like you did with your wine or someone else might with desert after dinner. The obsession is unhealthy yes in there case a couple cigarettes is not the end of the world nor is a couple drinks. But why torment yourself with it all day long? why not just give it up entirely and be free?

blackoutgirl

Speaking from personal experience, I used to think that 'boredom' was part of my problem. It was a loose excuse to drink. Then I realized that my friends and family who aren't alcoholics don't ever drink because they are bored. It's the farthest thing from their thought process. I feel that there's a fine line between alcohol dependency and alcoholism, if any at all. If I did manage to drink moderately, I would eventually reward myself with a binge...alone. It was my way of rewarding myself for "being good." In hind sight, I was just pacifying my denial, so to speak, and rationalizing that I could control my drinking like a "normie".

autan

You made it week once, you can do it again.

autan

I have heard a lot on this website about an Alcoholic Voice. I think there is some truth in this because my little voice, tells me everything I want to hear.

I am a hardworking and provider and therefore, deserve a little treat at the end of each day as a reward to unwind.

My health isnt going to damaged by a couple of drinks.

Why punish yourself with being sober, relax and have a drink.

Cant sleep, go on just have a can of beer or 4 to relax yourself.

Nag Nag Nag

On it goes at me every minute of the day for the past 3 days. I say aloud. I am being sober for me. I deserve it. I am the one who is sick every morning, I am the one who is saying no.