bigsombrero

So you texted the bride the very next morning after she got married? And you're insulted she didn't reply right away? Did it perhaps occur to you that she might not be focused on your behavior at the current moment, considering she just got married the night before??? And I'm sure her post saying "Thanks everyone" was also not a personal jab at you - we alcoholics have an inflated sense of paranoia, and often take many things personal. Sending a mass facebook "thank you" is very common and there is no need to be a fortune-teller and assume she was trying to slight you.

Sounds like you did the right thing about skipping the wedding. As for the other stuff, it sounds like you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Chill out, give yourself a break, and try and enjoy yourself and not worry about others.

EndGameNYC

There have been plenty of times I've refused to do things that would hurt me, despite the fact that my choices would hurt their feelings. Both while drinking and in sobriety. Well, mostly in sobriety. Anyone can make the easy decisions. Making hard choices for ourselves is part of healing and part of growing as human beings.

We all have to do things we'd rather not do. That's part of living responsibly, but not the same as being compliant because we fear someone else will be hurt or not like us if we don't do their bidding. If I'd done most things that people wanted me to do, I'd likely either be dead or living an extremely unhappy life.

ReadyAtLast

She doesn't sound upset that a good friend missed her wedding, more that the person who was going to get drunk,fall over and provide free entertainment for everyone to laugh at didn't show up

You did the right thing. No need to keep texting her begging for forgiveness. You don't needforgiveness as did nothing wrong.put your phone away and move on. If she is a true friend she will get back to you. If she isn't then keeping texting her just gives her power and creates more dramafor her to tell her family

DG0409

Big, I'm going to have to disagree on this one. "Thanks everyone" is common, but adding the part "who actually showed up" I would also interpret as an under-handed way of mentioning the people who didn't show up. A rather immature one at that.

ReadyAtLast

I deleted many people off my FB account when I got sober-I did not need pettiness, sniping, drunken posts, nastiness or viciousness in early sobriety or now

Threshold

You have a child. Your child trumps the whims of ANYONE on the planet. You demonstrated that with the way you handled the drunk ex.

You demonstrated it again when you said no to attending that wedding and having all your buttons pushed.

You did the right thing.


You are wise and amazing.

behindblueyes

bigsombrero - I texted her Sunday night, not the morning after her wedding. I knew she was probably hungover. I woke up at 6pm. Sleep is erratic when you haven't been outside for 4 days. I am doing better now.

The "who actually showed" was the personal jab. The post was put up right after my text. Sadly, I have deleted my Facebook and have a fake account under a fake name with 8 people on it due to the drama Facebook causes. It's another trigger. I deleted it on St Pattys Day. All the drinking posts were too much. The backstabbing is too much also. I'm still sober though.

karate

You have to take care of YOU .

Who will do the jail time if you get a DWI ,who will pay the fine ,ect .

Im not concerned with what many people think about what i do these days ,That has been very important in getting on with life .

Your friends will understand ,people that dont are not friends .

GracieLou

IMO the person that made this post is not mature enough to be married much less be the type of friend that would understand and support you.

It was a selfish post. I guess she only loves the people that came to her wedding. It is all about her. Is that bad? Maybe not, it is her wedding day and I suppose that is the one day it can be all about her but just because it was her day does not mean she has the right to shun the people that could not be there, for whatever reason. I guess the jab was at everyone that did not or could not make it, I am sure you are not the only person that did not attend.

I have found the longer I am sober I see not only how selfish I have been but also how selfish others are but I can't look at them. I have to look at me and only me. That does not mean I have to tolerate toxic people that with direct contact can harm me or threaten my sobriety.

I can't take their inventory. I can't judge them for their actions as that is their side of the street. I can only control my actions and my reactions.

I understand her feelings are hurt and your feelings are hurt. Both of you wanted something from the other that either were capable of or willing to give or in your case, give up, your sobriety.

You did the right thing for you. It is after all your life. A wedding is an important event but so is the rest of your life.

Where your friendship goes from here is honestly not up to you. If she wants to remain cold and distant over this situation then you have no control over that. All you can control is your reaction to it. You can grovel and apologize and repeat the reason for your decision over and over again hoping she will understand and pretty much drive yourself nuts. Or you can stick to your decision, be honest/true to yourself, make no apologizes for it then let it go and move on.

visch1

I like many totally agree with your decision to protect your sobriety by not going. This slippery situation could have cost you more than any "friendship." BE WELL

gaffo

Yes, you certainly did the right thing. You are still figuring out your new sobriety. Excellent decision! A fantastic thing about sobriety is the ability to make decisions like this.

Now step back and avoid participating in any drama. Give lots of space. She's got a new marriage.

Keep up the good work! It does get easier. The rewards just keep on coming for years.

Even if your child doesn't thank you outright, no one ever looks back and says, "I wish mom/dad would have drunk more..."

behindblueyes

I deleted her off the social media. I figure three and a half days were long enough to reply to my message. I was dwelling on it and don't need stress. Thank you all for the replies. No I did not need a DUI as I already have one and that was a 45 min drive one way.

Bluebird1927

The one thing I've learnt about this illness is that early on you need to be a bit selfish. Do it for you and no one else, you should be proud of your choice. You're friends will never understand as not many people on this planet do. Most who do have been there so will empathize. I went to my friends stag do last weekend and drank,I feel awful, there's the flip side for you. Well done on your strong choice

emilycrystal

Unfortunately normies trying to understand alcohol/addiction is like a dog trying to understand calculus. She has NO idea what you're going through. I skipped many events my first months of sobriety and continue to do so now after a year. If I feel a craving and it starts to get worse I leave. NOTHING is more important than my sobriety . Remember that. She is just upset , but will likely get over it in time. If she doesn't than oh well. People need to understand the world doesn't revolve around them. Congrats on staying sober! And her quote on facebook sounds like something a middle schooler would post.

Dharma33

Great work protecting your sobriety and your emotional health by not going!!

Venecia

Guys, fyi, this thread is nearly two years old.