emilycrystal

Hi everyone. I am new to this site. I have just over a year sober, and it is amazing. However, I have been slowly getting those voices in my head that maybe I was wrong about being an alcoholic, and I can drink again....however I always stomp them out. Now , though some of my friends are saying things like "you quit for a whole year, i couldn't do that, you obviously aren't an alcoholic....and "well you just had a problem with drinking, you can smoke weed" It's like they see my sobriety as a short thing, and not forever. I remind them of how I was, and it's not like they don't remember me passing out, making a fool of myself, taking off my clothes in public, having 1 night stands, getting into bar fights (i am a 32 year old woman)...... I've known these ladies since college, so I don't want to severe our friendship, but it is getting difficult to have to repeat myself over and over at every brunch, dinner,girls night, get together, etc. I don't know where to make new friends at my age. I work at a small pre school and all my coworkers are older women my parents age, or college age girls.

trachemys

Just be blunt. "I don't drink, I don't smoke" and leave it at that.

Lenina

Please don't give in....many people don't understand addiction. And it does seem crazy to someone who doesn't have it. If you have to take a pass on times with them, do so. The most important thing is to protect your sobriety, if you tell them, firmly, "I don't. so no." and they can't let it go, they aren't your friends.

Love from Lenina

JeffreyAK

A lot of people who abuse alcohol themselves, are uncomfortable with friends who quit and don't drink anymore. It makes them feel self-conscious, I guess, like maybe they have a problem too, which no one in denial wants to face. You'll have to decide for yourself if they are really friends, or former drinking buddies who will continuously try to sabotage your recovery.

Fly N Buy

Hi Emily - welcome to SR!

Well done on a year!

Other members may rephrase it, but you've been given pretty much the potential answers. I think continue to be true to yourself and you'll add new friends while some fall off. Maybe a new yoga class or some other hobby type class might expose more potential friends!?!?

Keep posting

thomas11

This is a subject that is brought up a fair amount on this site. I believe you can make it as simple or as complicated as you'd like. I prefer the simple approach, just shut em down. Period. End of story. No elaborate excuses, no long drawn out conversations etc...like mentioned above, protect your sobriety like you are a bullet proof vest around it. In the end, your addiction will kill you, not them. If they have an addiction, let them figure it out.

Music

Real friends aren't going to give you any grief about whether or not you drink. Real fiends will support you and while they may not understand why, they don't have to and will love you just the same. The rest of them, feel free to kick them to the curb.

Berrybean

'Alcoholics are like crabs. As soon as one starts climbing out of the bucket, the others try to claw it back in.'

Keep climbing EC x

Dee74

Hi and welcome Emily

My real fiends, even those who drank like me, realised I needed to change.

Your friends need to respect that desire for change in you, even if they can't understand it.

Real friends will support you Emily

D

zjw

at the end of the day if you pickup your the one that gets to pay the price not them. They probably dont understand that.

I was down that road with my wife a few times. "oh just go get a 6 pack of your favorite beer and celebrate you've been so good" etc.. it took a handful of conversations like that till she finally got the point that I cant its just not that simple for me thats just how it is.

IOAA2

Hi.

Perhaps the next time you feel pressured to drink ask the person that if you do drink will they be a pallbearer at your funeral. It’s that serious.

BE WELL

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Emily!!

For me to make Sobriety work I needed to make some tough decisions on the activities to get involved in and the people to hang out with, that was the only way I could stop drinking!!

behindblueyes

Hello there.

Please read my post a few below yours. It's my number one fight in sobriety. I am only close to my first month but they just keep calling and pressuring me.

One friend even called and begged me to come out saying she will take my keys and hide them from me after I have 3 drinks. That is when I am at my worst, wanting more.

I have told them all (5 of them) no over and over and sat alone. It is lonely, but nothing is worse than sitting in a jail cell or killing someone drunk driving because I can not stop after 1.

Please stay strong.

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR Emily i agree with D's post

emilycrystal

Thank you all for your replies. I have decided to really branch out and meet new people whose social lives don't revolve around alcohol. I joined a sober group on meetup.com, and thinking about trying church, though I am not religious. It has been a good year. No hospital visits, fights, car wrecks, arrests, going into bad parts of the city to buy drugs. Yet its also been very lonely. I rarely go out anymore, I can't handle the pressure and cravings when others are drinking and going to the bathroom once again to "fix their makeup"

Alcoholics are like crabs. As soon as one starts climbing out of the bucket, the others try to claw it back in.'

this is spot on.

Berrybean

Yesterday I had a frustratingly rubbish day at work (nothing major - just lots of little things on to of being over-busy and over-tired. My lovely AA friend texted saying pretty much the same, so I suggested a quick meet up and chat. We were going to go for a walk but typical UK it was peeing down, so we just went to a bar and had alcohol free drinks and a good natter. Nothing beats being able to meet up with another sober alcoholic, who I also really like. I am SO glad to have my home group AAers in my life today - and the wider circle of course, but my home group is full of the most wonderful people.

I go to church, and have made a couple of friends there, but it's not the same kind of friendship as someone who understands how I think, and who I can be completely honest with.

Lots of people go down the volunteer route as well - I know in my area lots of facilities rely on volunteers who work together to keep things nice, and help different groups of people in the community (gardening in the local park; larger scale in the country parks; dog walking at rescue centres; food banks; etc.). They're all ways to meet people who share the same interests and values as you.

Also, clubs and societies. I've tried loads that have been good. (Bell ringing was bad though lol) or team sports (not for me, at all!!).

You can do this thing!

MelindaFlowers

I hear ya girl. I did all the same things.

It helps me to cut down the words sometimes and keep the most important points. How does this read to you now?

Life is just easier sober. I'm right where you are, just over a year. Same age too! I sure do not miss the things you described above. I did all of the above too. Even on on a more simple level, I like to think of leaving those things "in my twenties" AKA in the past.

We've come so far! Let's keep going.

Tommyh

emily,having those thoughts or doubts about being a alcoholic are pretty common.Don`t you believe them for one minute because you know the truth.When I was new,my friends would ask me to drink or smoke dope,I would thank them and say,not today,I have something I need to do later today.They usually would say,oh,ok.Keep up the good work.You`ll be there for them when they want to sober up

jazzfish

I've thought about buying a t-shirt with the word sober across the front and wearing it at every event. I figure that might get the message across.