Well... you probably guessed this was coming. Relapse at 5.5 months
now's the time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Well... you probably guessed this was coming. Relapse at 5.5 months
I'm only a day and a half in. I'm visiting family and attending weddings and I just... left myself behind. I haven't drank much, but the way I've related to the drinks I've had reminds me of how terrifying this is. Please, I need some encouragement to get back on the wagon, where I belong. I made it nearly 6 months before this fall.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
What GroundhogDay says is true - the longer you let things go, the harder it will be to get back.
I understand the family dynamic - you don't want to be different, to attract questions or let them know something is wrong.
But something is wrong, fantail, whether you I or anyone else here likes it or not, we're alcoholics and we need to accept that
why pour gas on that fire?
No need for full page ads - you don't need to say anything at all but no thanks or drinkings not agreeing with me - but you need to stop...get out of the floaty unreality world and back on solid ground, fantail.
D
I understand the family dynamic - you don't want to be different, to attract questions or let them know something is wrong.
But something is wrong, fantail, whether you I or anyone else here likes it or not, we're alcoholics and we need to accept that
why pour gas on that fire?
No need for full page ads - you don't need to say anything at all but no thanks or drinkings not agreeing with me - but you need to stop...get out of the floaty unreality world and back on solid ground, fantail.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Aw, Fantail, I am so sorry but you're going to be just fine. You did not lose that five and a half months. Just get yourself straight again as soon as possible. You obviously saw this coming (from your posts) for a little while so maybe give some more thought to your triggers and how to avoid them going forward? I still have to stay away from most social events, including those with family and friends, because I just don't trust myself yet. And that's OK. My sobriety has to be more important than other people's judgments or hurt feelings.
Dust yourself off and don't let a slip become a full-blown relapse. You didn't lose anything and this can be something you learn from and it will make you stronger next time.
Sending you a huge hug tonight.
Dust yourself off and don't let a slip become a full-blown relapse. You didn't lose anything and this can be something you learn from and it will make you stronger next time.
Sending you a huge hug tonight.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
I've never had one but, I always want to hear why other people do....
I can't speak for other people but, I knew I was an alcoholic long before I decided to take the necessary actions to stop. The incomprehensible demoralization became my deciding factor. After a lot of 24 hours, I no longer wish to hurt my self nor take anyone else hostage. THIS IS A FAMILY DISEASE YOUR ACTIONS CAUSES PAIN AND SUFFERING TO THE PEOPLE THAT STILL LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU.
I just don't drink for this day no matter what... Trust God clean house and help others. Self pity isn't going to get and keep you sober. I know I have a relapse in me. What I don't know, do I have another chance at recovery.
I can't speak for other people but, I knew I was an alcoholic long before I decided to take the necessary actions to stop. The incomprehensible demoralization became my deciding factor. After a lot of 24 hours, I no longer wish to hurt my self nor take anyone else hostage. THIS IS A FAMILY DISEASE YOUR ACTIONS CAUSES PAIN AND SUFFERING TO THE PEOPLE THAT STILL LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU.
I just don't drink for this day no matter what... Trust God clean house and help others. Self pity isn't going to get and keep you sober. I know I have a relapse in me. What I don't know, do I have another chance at recovery.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,509
fantail hun ~ check our class thread.
We love you. Everyone is here, believing in you, knowing you can get past this.
This is just a blip on the radar...so many of us have had sober time up and gone back out there.
Please don't be like me, and let it take years before you know the pain and regret of drinking every day...of a life not worth living.
You are my friend, and such a lovely young woman...a new job on the way, the world at your feet...let this be a new beginning.
Love you very much,
Venus xx
We love you. Everyone is here, believing in you, knowing you can get past this.
This is just a blip on the radar...so many of us have had sober time up and gone back out there.
Please don't be like me, and let it take years before you know the pain and regret of drinking every day...of a life not worth living.
You are my friend, and such a lovely young woman...a new job on the way, the world at your feet...let this be a new beginning.
Love you very much,
Venus xx
now's the time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
OK. I'm back. I'm sober.
Thank you so much for all the encouragement. I am filled with the worst kind of anxiety right now and I'm having a lot of trouble rejecting the cravings to drink but I'm not going to do it.
This was such a terrifying experience. It was like I was sleepwalking. I mean... I'd been posting about my fears for this. I knew I was wavering, and I was trying so hard to protect myself against it. I even made it through a few really intense cravings in earlier days just fine.
And then in the moment it was like... all of a sudden it all became abstract. I didn't care at all. Somehow I felt like I could just have one, and what's the difference really between abstinence and just one? And then I had one and was like, I don't even like how I feel, this is stupid, I'm done. And I wasn't done for another 2 days. I didn't enjoy a second of it. The only moment where I felt happy was when someone was like, "let's all do shots!" and I was so glad that I could be included. The rest of the time I was just feeling the cravings, feeling how fuzzy my head was. I didn't get any of the euphoria I used to get. I didn't even feel less inhibited, or anything. I just felt unsober. And it was like I just kept pouring these drinks down my throat, waiting to feel good, and I never did. I cried 3 times yesterday!
And the cravings I have right now are so crazy strong, despite how miserable these days were. My brain is hollering for vodka, even though it would make me even sicker.
I just need to make it through today. I can feel that my body is still actively reacting to the absence of alcohol. I just need to give it time to level out and these crazy cravings will stop.
What a terrifying illness this is! Whatever part of me was doubting how sick I am... it was very, very wrong.
Thank you so much for all the encouragement. I am filled with the worst kind of anxiety right now and I'm having a lot of trouble rejecting the cravings to drink but I'm not going to do it.
This was such a terrifying experience. It was like I was sleepwalking. I mean... I'd been posting about my fears for this. I knew I was wavering, and I was trying so hard to protect myself against it. I even made it through a few really intense cravings in earlier days just fine.
And then in the moment it was like... all of a sudden it all became abstract. I didn't care at all. Somehow I felt like I could just have one, and what's the difference really between abstinence and just one? And then I had one and was like, I don't even like how I feel, this is stupid, I'm done. And I wasn't done for another 2 days. I didn't enjoy a second of it. The only moment where I felt happy was when someone was like, "let's all do shots!" and I was so glad that I could be included. The rest of the time I was just feeling the cravings, feeling how fuzzy my head was. I didn't get any of the euphoria I used to get. I didn't even feel less inhibited, or anything. I just felt unsober. And it was like I just kept pouring these drinks down my throat, waiting to feel good, and I never did. I cried 3 times yesterday!
And the cravings I have right now are so crazy strong, despite how miserable these days were. My brain is hollering for vodka, even though it would make me even sicker.
I just need to make it through today. I can feel that my body is still actively reacting to the absence of alcohol. I just need to give it time to level out and these crazy cravings will stop.
What a terrifying illness this is! Whatever part of me was doubting how sick I am... it was very, very wrong.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: far away
Posts: 392
Hey fantail, sorry for your slip. I think you've done brilliant to get back here so quick and hey,I identify with you on the drinking. Too feeling unsober lol, great way of putting it. I have been thee and you just can't spark that up , it's when you know you are done in my opinion. I think you need to reacess your plan. For me it was aa , get a sponsor and do some work on yourself. Trial and error we are only human , don't beat yourself up. Well done on getting back
Peace
Peace
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