Well... you probably guessed this was coming. Relapse at 5.5 months
now's the time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
OK. 2 days back on the wagon. Really happy to be sober but still struggling.
Major issue: I just took on so much at once. I've gotten a new job, which I'm excited and scared about... I start in a few weeks. Meanwhile, I'm on vacation hundreds of miles away from my home, my routine, my friends, my yoga studio and my therapy. I went to these big special occasions with friends I hadn't seen in a long time, who didn't know about my bad relationship with alcohol (and who I chose not to tell). And on top of that being near the six month mark I think I've been starting to feel too safely away from all of it. Part of me was wondering if one weekend could be OK.
Any one of these things would have been a big test, all of them together... really overwhelming.
But I guess I'm struggling with figuring out what to do differently. I mean, there are certain important things, like telling people that I'm not drinking. I've always done that every other social gathering I've been to in the last six months and it's always kept me accountable.
But what scares me so much is that the situation was so much bigger than that, and how do I prepare for that again? I've lived in this super-controlled bubble for six months with practically no external stresses. I'm single, I've been unemployed but not financially strained, and living someplace where I have a great support network. I do yoga once a day and therapy once a week. I spend a lot of time outside in the sun. When I need to I spend hours at a time on SR.
That's not real life! In real life, sometimes a bunch of different things happen at once. How do I prepare so that next time things all come together at once, I don't drink? I mean, thankfully it was a great reminder that alcohol just doesn't make me happy anymore, even fleetingly. But I know it doesn't work like that. If I forgot this time, I could forget again.
Major issue: I just took on so much at once. I've gotten a new job, which I'm excited and scared about... I start in a few weeks. Meanwhile, I'm on vacation hundreds of miles away from my home, my routine, my friends, my yoga studio and my therapy. I went to these big special occasions with friends I hadn't seen in a long time, who didn't know about my bad relationship with alcohol (and who I chose not to tell). And on top of that being near the six month mark I think I've been starting to feel too safely away from all of it. Part of me was wondering if one weekend could be OK.
Any one of these things would have been a big test, all of them together... really overwhelming.
But I guess I'm struggling with figuring out what to do differently. I mean, there are certain important things, like telling people that I'm not drinking. I've always done that every other social gathering I've been to in the last six months and it's always kept me accountable.
But what scares me so much is that the situation was so much bigger than that, and how do I prepare for that again? I've lived in this super-controlled bubble for six months with practically no external stresses. I'm single, I've been unemployed but not financially strained, and living someplace where I have a great support network. I do yoga once a day and therapy once a week. I spend a lot of time outside in the sun. When I need to I spend hours at a time on SR.
That's not real life! In real life, sometimes a bunch of different things happen at once. How do I prepare so that next time things all come together at once, I don't drink? I mean, thankfully it was a great reminder that alcohol just doesn't make me happy anymore, even fleetingly. But I know it doesn't work like that. If I forgot this time, I could forget again.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Real life is what we make.
In your terms, daily drinking wasn't "real life" either. So which version of real life/not real life do you prefer?
There's no requirement that we take on multiple challenges in sobriety to test our commitment. The longer you stay sober, the better able you'll be to manage the different stresses that come with living life.
If your commitment is to stay sober no matter what, then you have a better-than-average fighting chance to live at peace with yourself.
In your terms, daily drinking wasn't "real life" either. So which version of real life/not real life do you prefer?
There's no requirement that we take on multiple challenges in sobriety to test our commitment. The longer you stay sober, the better able you'll be to manage the different stresses that come with living life.
If your commitment is to stay sober no matter what, then you have a better-than-average fighting chance to live at peace with yourself.
Originally Posted by fantail 
OK. 2 days back on the wagon. Really happy to be sober but still struggling.
Major issue: I just took on so much at once. I've gotten a new job, which I'm excited and scared about... I start in a few weeks. Meanwhile, I'm on vacation hundreds of miles away from my home, my routine, my friends, my yoga studio and my therapy. I went to these big special occasions with friends I hadn't seen in a long time, who didn't know about my bad relationship with alcohol (and who I chose not to tell). And on top of that being near the six month mark I think I've been starting to feel too safely away from all of it. Part of me was wondering if one weekend could be OK.
Any one of these things would have been a big test, all of them together... really overwhelming.
But I guess I'm struggling with figuring out what to do differently. I mean, there are certain important things, like telling people that I'm not drinking. I've always done that every other social gathering I've been to in the last six months and it's always kept me accountable.
But what scares me so much is that the situation was so much bigger than that, and how do I prepare for that again? I've lived in this super-controlled bubble for six months with practically no external stresses. I'm single, I've been unemployed but not financially strained, and living someplace where I have a great support network. I do yoga once a day and therapy once a week. I spend a lot of time outside in the sun. When I need to I spend hours at a time on SR.
That's not real life! In real life, sometimes a bunch of different things happen at once. How do I prepare so that next time things all come together at once, I don't drink? I mean, thankfully it was a great reminder that alcohol just doesn't make me happy anymore, even fleetingly. But I know it doesn't work like that. If I forgot this time, I could forget again.
Major issue: I just took on so much at once. I've gotten a new job, which I'm excited and scared about... I start in a few weeks. Meanwhile, I'm on vacation hundreds of miles away from my home, my routine, my friends, my yoga studio and my therapy. I went to these big special occasions with friends I hadn't seen in a long time, who didn't know about my bad relationship with alcohol (and who I chose not to tell). And on top of that being near the six month mark I think I've been starting to feel too safely away from all of it. Part of me was wondering if one weekend could be OK.
Any one of these things would have been a big test, all of them together... really overwhelming.
But I guess I'm struggling with figuring out what to do differently. I mean, there are certain important things, like telling people that I'm not drinking. I've always done that every other social gathering I've been to in the last six months and it's always kept me accountable.
But what scares me so much is that the situation was so much bigger than that, and how do I prepare for that again? I've lived in this super-controlled bubble for six months with practically no external stresses. I'm single, I've been unemployed but not financially strained, and living someplace where I have a great support network. I do yoga once a day and therapy once a week. I spend a lot of time outside in the sun. When I need to I spend hours at a time on SR.
That's not real life! In real life, sometimes a bunch of different things happen at once. How do I prepare so that next time things all come together at once, I don't drink? I mean, thankfully it was a great reminder that alcohol just doesn't make me happy anymore, even fleetingly. But I know it doesn't work like that. If I forgot this time, I could forget again.
now's the time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Thanks... what I mean by "real life" is not an ideal goal, or something I can choose. I mean that I had the resources to remove myself from the world for a bit to deal with my recovery. I'm now coming to the end of that time. And there will be days when I have to travel for work at the same time that I argue with a friend and maybe I'm also triggered by something else... or a day when I'm too busy to make it to yoga and there are people at the apartment and it's raining outside. I'm getting my life started up again and things like that will happen. I need to stay sober even when conditions aren't perfect.
It's not extreme stress that I'm most worried about... I've been working specifically on handling stress without alcohol. I've learned from this experience that it's the layering of multiple experiences, particularly those that relate to environment and life transitions.
So that's something to file away and help me be more prepared! I'm just not quite at the point yet where I can expand from there into new preparatory approaches I can take.
It's not extreme stress that I'm most worried about... I've been working specifically on handling stress without alcohol. I've learned from this experience that it's the layering of multiple experiences, particularly those that relate to environment and life transitions.
So that's something to file away and help me be more prepared! I'm just not quite at the point yet where I can expand from there into new preparatory approaches I can take.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by fantail
Thanks... what I mean by "real life" is not an ideal goal, or something I can choose.
That is my life yesterday. I do not know what it will be today.
One day at a time. Even if it is "easy" so far today does not mean it will be that way an hour from now.
Stay sober today and when you do get back from your trip and more and more life comes your way you can break things up into smaller pieces and then deal with them as the one part that they truly are rather than a whole pie. Break them into slices.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 1,972
I'm still living in my bubble, so I don't have any answers for you. I do know that I will continue to say no to things that threaten my sobriety. Like GracieLou, I keep my life simple. I think people often think that they are required to do more than they actually are.
As far as the unreality of the problems we faced as drinkers the more sober time we have, I really look to others' experience on SR and in real life to remind me of how bad it can get. It terrifies me that I could fall off the wagon and ruin my life the next time around. The evidence seems to point to the fact that our brains simply "want" alcohol no matter how long it has been. So odd that we crave a poison.
As far as the unreality of the problems we faced as drinkers the more sober time we have, I really look to others' experience on SR and in real life to remind me of how bad it can get. It terrifies me that I could fall off the wagon and ruin my life the next time around. The evidence seems to point to the fact that our brains simply "want" alcohol no matter how long it has been. So odd that we crave a poison.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 494
Hi fan, well here's how I feel. You were expecting too much out of yourself at six months- you aren't healed just because you haven't drank in half a year. I still sometimes avoid social events that I'm not ready for because i know i need more time. The universe will never give you something that isn't beneficial for your growth so take this as a lesson and move on. You are an alcoholic and alcoholics cannot drink ever, ever, ever. You were born this way and it will never change. If you saw a lactose intolerant person chugging milk it would look like madness cause it is. They have to accept their reality and you do to.
Your AV saw this time away from accountability as an opportunity to drink- like a little kid with his hand in a cookie jar who gets sick and ruins his dinner you too will learn. I hear you saying how you it felt good to be part of the group. For the record the most interesting people I know never are.
You learned what not to do. I see you worrying about things in the future that haven't happened. Take a lesson from your yoga mat to be present in the current moment and breathe out the fictional scenarios that are stressing you out.
Also, I recommend baron baptistes yoga boot camp CDs. They are three 20 minute practices and one hour long practice that is audio so I have it on my iPhone and can squeeze 20 mins of practice in no matter where I am. There are also a few iPhone apps including "yoga hour" which is an app that my studio's owner made.
Love you girl, here if you need me.
Your AV saw this time away from accountability as an opportunity to drink- like a little kid with his hand in a cookie jar who gets sick and ruins his dinner you too will learn. I hear you saying how you it felt good to be part of the group. For the record the most interesting people I know never are.
You learned what not to do. I see you worrying about things in the future that haven't happened. Take a lesson from your yoga mat to be present in the current moment and breathe out the fictional scenarios that are stressing you out.
Also, I recommend baron baptistes yoga boot camp CDs. They are three 20 minute practices and one hour long practice that is audio so I have it on my iPhone and can squeeze 20 mins of practice in no matter where I am. There are also a few iPhone apps including "yoga hour" which is an app that my studio's owner made.
Love you girl, here if you need me.
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