AmeiliaRose

I made it 5 days. - drank a LOT of whisky last night and today I haven't moved out of bed. Everything hurts, I'm shaky and sick. I feel like I'm actually killing myself. - don't know why I did it, I was finally starting to sleep sober without nightmares, had almost overcome the HORRIFIC night sweats, and now I've got to do it all again. I feel so angry and disappointed at myself and totally pathetic. Wasn't enough that I lost my boyfriend and a lot of my friends due to this poison that turns me into someone I don't even recognise, but I've still gon back to it and I fear if I don't quit this it will kill me. I'm such a failure and I'm ashamed.

Pamel

AmeiliaRose, everyone here knows just how you feel. Certainly I do as I have been trying forever it seems to get back to sobriety.

Here is a thread that a lot of us post on, who have relapsed or are going through their first days. Do come and join us: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-so-over.html

MattM316

I know how you feel, have been through that many times.
Even when there was no reason for me to do it, it just felt like I could do it and i'd be fine. Obviously that is never the case.

Bluebird1927

Sorry to hear but don't be too despondent. I struggled from weekend to weekend for years. Get back on the wagon and take it day by day. I'm currently on day thirteen, out does get better

Junegirl

Ameilia,

Try not to beat up on yourself. You already feel crappy enough, right? Maybe now it would be more helpful to figure out what happened before you drank that led up to the drinking. Then you can make a plan for how to avoid that in the future. I'm having to avoid places where my AV acts up and that helps.
The good thing is that you're here and you get another chance at sobriety. We're here cheering for you!

June

karate

Happened to all of us ,I dont think you will feel as bad as you did .

After all you had 5 days of healing before that .

Now for what this is worth ,i need to stay away from whiskey , Bad things normally happen when i drink it .

Way too easy to drink way too MUCH ,way too FAST !!!!!!!!!!!


Get you a quart of pedialight ,drink it all ,then eat some decent food .
You are dehydrated ,Pedialight will work .

Isaiah

Amelia,

Too soon to be calling yourself a failure now. You've got another chance right now. You're here so I can tell you plan to take it. Take the time to get better physically, see if SR can't be of help with the guilt-feelings, you can start eventually to consider what was behind the relapse.

Take care of yourself. I speak for everyone here when I say that we want to see you feel better--physically and emotionally.

grocerease

I did the same thing last night, however I only made it three days. I'm feeling a little down for it but I'm going to pick myself up and start again. One day of a slip-up is better than four that you had. Be strong and love yourself.

TorontoGuy28

You did it, because we are alcoholic. It is what we do...

I've done it many times.

Accept powerlessness over this demon, and get into a program. Surround yourself with people who are sober, you deserve better....

Hevyn

Me too - done it many times Ameilia. Each time led me closer to finally quitting for good. I was a slow learner, but in my heart I knew what had to be done. I now have 5-1/2 yrs. sober. So - I know you can get back on track and rise above this. Please stop being mean to yourself - just try this again.

Sudz No More

Get past the hangover and just get back at it. Don't dwell on it, what's done is done.

You're here and care about wanting sobriety, just keep trying.

Petewill

AmeiliaRose - wow.... the parallels between what you just said and myself are right on the mark.. just try again - I am on 20 days now and feel much better. best of luck..

mick3580

I can't count the number of times I had this experience accompanied by my continual promises that I would never do it again. It took me a long time to realize how hopeless this repetitive exercise was. I was never just going to be able to not drink. All the horrific experiences were not enough for me to just not drink. I found out I was completely crazy as it relates to alcohol. The good news is that I found a way out. I am no longer hopeless. I've been sober over six years. All the hangovers, blackouts, broken limbs, irritated associates were not sufficient. I was confused by my problem. It seemed as if there was no way out.

AmeiliaRose

Thank you all for your responses, it helps to know I'm not the only one this has happened to. I just don't know why I do it, like I said, it doesn't make me happy, I'm an angry drunk, so I obviously don't drink for fun, I'm starting to feel a little better now but still wracked with guilt wondering what damage I may have done to my body. I'm going to ask the doc for tests and hope it'll put my mind at rest, I just hope it isn't too late x

mick3580

I did not need to learn why I drank

When the doctors told me how badly I likely screwed up my body, I was scared as hell to drink again. I drank within days.

AmeiliaRose

People have asked in the past why I drink and I never had an answer. I always said I don't know. And the trouble is, my family don't know about it, they all say I don't have a problem when I've asked them, but I know I do. However my friends have noticed and have cut contact with me, and the more alone I become the more I want to drink. Its a vicious cycle but one I'm certain I can break, I cant let it win.

neferkamichael

AmeliaRose, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on your horse, that's all ya can do. Rootin for ya.

mick3580

I learned that I was in the grips of a progressive illness. I thought I could win out as well. It was hard to realize that I could not. It really was tough for me to see; not because of any denial within me, but because it looked like the problem was solved each and every time....until I got drunk again.

I woke up from a blackout in 2001 with a broken hand and what I later realized was a concussion, not having any idea how it happened. I thought for sure I was done as if that's what happens when I drink, I don't want to drink. I drank again.

I saw friends of mine ingest large quantities of booze and they did not end up in a baffling situation like I did. The drinking arose like an itch I had to scratch. You could tell me that scratching it was only going to make it worse, but in those moments, I was unable to outthink the desire to drink. My mindset had shifted; there was no way around it; I was going to drink. The next day or week after a spree, I'm never doing this again. Repeat cycle. Never doing this again. Repeat cycle. Never doing this again. Repeat cycle(although each time what "caused me to drink" looked a little bit different.

Bombadil

You'd be hard pushed to find an alcoholic who didn't relapse at some stage when attempting to get sober. Don't beat yourself up over it.

When you say you don't know why you did it, I know exactly how you feel. It's happened to me before. I'd successfully stay sober for a while, and then when it starts to get easier, that addiction voice says "This isn't as hard as I thought it would be. Maybe I'm not an alcoholic". Allowing that voice to get inside your head will almost always lead to relapse. I can't count the amount of times I've tried and failed to get sober. Don't think of it as having to start again. Think of it as a bump on the road.

Dust yourself off and keep on keepin' on.

Best wishes.

AmeiliaRose

Exactly how I feel, I start to feel well again and think it's "safe" to drink again, or one wont hurt, but it is never just one. I never expected it to be plain sailing and I knew the weekends would be the hardest but I've certainly improved since joining here thank you x