Freaking so over this...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 87
Freaking so over this...
Okay haven't been on this site in a while. I have tried and tried and I just keep coming back to drinking. Every time it gets worse and I get lower and lower. I didn't come back here after I started back because I felt like I was obsessing about drinking or not drinking and it was always on my mind.
Okay I just went and dumped out my vodka. I am so done. I cannot do this anymore. I am always hungover and sick and scared and anxious...I will not do this to my self anymore.
Honestly I came here to complain about how I haven't been able to quit and whine about how to be done...I think I am though. I freaking hope so I can't stand who I am right now. I will not go back, I have to remember this feeling.
I am overwhelmed right now so I am just gonna send this out there.
Okay I just went and dumped out my vodka. I am so done. I cannot do this anymore. I am always hungover and sick and scared and anxious...I will not do this to my self anymore.
Honestly I came here to complain about how I haven't been able to quit and whine about how to be done...I think I am though. I freaking hope so I can't stand who I am right now. I will not go back, I have to remember this feeling.
I am overwhelmed right now so I am just gonna send this out there.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 103
You sound determined, take it 1 minute at a time if you have to, keep yourself busy. You can do this. This is my 4th attempt and only on day 4 but I head to my first AA meeting in few hours. Come on here and whine, or wine, as much as you want! We are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
ananias, don't give up. You have three pals right here in the same place;
Trooper who has gone through horrible detox
Me (Pamel) who is sick of every day being "day 1" and then failing
Mistical- good to hear from another one (of us).
That's four of us who could stick together through this. I am glad of the companionship.
Trooper who has gone through horrible detox
Me (Pamel) who is sick of every day being "day 1" and then failing
Mistical- good to hear from another one (of us).
That's four of us who could stick together through this. I am glad of the companionship.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 29
Ananias, I felt exactly the same as you 4 days ago! I did the exact same thing as you and I have also avoided SR for a long time as I have felt both guilty as well as ashamed for my relapses! I have been on a constant binge for 14 months and I Started to feel that my anxiety and weird, paranoid hang over-thinking took over more and more and the only way to battle it was by drinking more... This Sunday I woke up and thought: I will lose my mind very soon or I will die while drunk (I always put myself in dangerous situations while drunk)-I have to stop NOW! Reading your post is like reading my own mind 4 days ago! I believe in you and you can do this! Together we can overcome this stupid, unnecessary, tragic and worthless addiction. Go Ananias!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 699
Hi Ananias - I too am re-starting this journey again. I'd done 5 1/2 weeks sober and was doing so well - am so freakin annoyed at myself for drinking on Saturday and had it not been for a silly decision I could have hit my 6 week mark. Am back on day 4 and about to re-read my Alan Carr book. The best thing I ever did was take the option of drinking off the table. Am so annoyed at myself!!
Good luck - you sound ready for this
xxxxx
Good luck - you sound ready for this
xxxxx
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Ananias. Like the others, i know the feeling all to well of drinking even though I wanted to quit. And the hangovers, wasted days, etc.. You mention you have tried and tried, might I ask what methods or steps you are actually using to try and quit?
The good news is that if you really want it bad enough, you can quit. There are scores of people here who were in your exact place, many of them much worse off actually, but all of them quit. And many of them have years, even decades of sobriety under their belt.
The key is to want sobriety more than anything else. You can try AA, SR, AVRT, or any of the other recovery methods out there..one will surely be a good fit. But none will work if you don't put sobriety before anythign else in your life. And you can do it. Pouring out the booze is a great first step...stay with us and read lots/ask lots of questions about what to do next. You can do this!
The good news is that if you really want it bad enough, you can quit. There are scores of people here who were in your exact place, many of them much worse off actually, but all of them quit. And many of them have years, even decades of sobriety under their belt.
The key is to want sobriety more than anything else. You can try AA, SR, AVRT, or any of the other recovery methods out there..one will surely be a good fit. But none will work if you don't put sobriety before anythign else in your life. And you can do it. Pouring out the booze is a great first step...stay with us and read lots/ask lots of questions about what to do next. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Scotland UK
Posts: 122
Hey I'm in too! I'm on day 4 also, if you stick around, get support here and anywhere else you can, you can and will feel better. If you continue drinking it'll only get worse. I hope that this is the start of your journey to a happy and healthy life. Jump aboard. We're right here with you
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 103
Okay, let's all make a pact to do this together. This is my 3rd (or maybe 4th) attempt but I am determined to succeed. I never went to AA before, well except open meetings with my dad years ago, but am heading out in a bit to my first meeting for me. I do not have a lot of family or support here but my daughter has been great. If I am feeling anxious I sent her a text. Last night I sent her a text saying I was really worried, anxious, embarrassed and nervous about this AA meeting. She replied that anything worth having is difficult, right? For those of you who do not have medical issues yet keep this in mind. Since detox my esophagus and mouth are just burning. I hope there is no permanent damage. I have not been to a doctor in years so do not know. I am hoping it is just from the incessant vomiting and dehydration. Anyways, I ramble. Let's do this together!
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Hey guys!
You can do this! One thing that helped me was playing out my urge in my head. I think we glamorize (our drug of choice) and the feeling it gives us, instead of playing out what "it really is". A 5 second high, if that, which leads to the come down of the high, or being drunk, followed by blackouts, hangovers, feeling miserable, embarrasement, whatever it is to you. But it's never what we imagine it to be when we are craving it. JMO
You can do this! One thing that helped me was playing out my urge in my head. I think we glamorize (our drug of choice) and the feeling it gives us, instead of playing out what "it really is". A 5 second high, if that, which leads to the come down of the high, or being drunk, followed by blackouts, hangovers, feeling miserable, embarrasement, whatever it is to you. But it's never what we imagine it to be when we are craving it. JMO
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 87
Thanks everyone...your positivity is awesome. I'm going to have to finish it this time....I can't have another day one and I don't want to have anymore last drinks ever. As scared as I am about getting and staying sober I am terrified of never doing it. It's hard to be a drunk. To have to wake up feeling horrible and sick and hope you didn't leave out empty bottles for the kids to see or forget to let the dog back inside. It's hard to stress out all day until you have gotten to the store and have alcohol or count down the hours until you can stArt drinking. It's hard to not feel normal until you start drinking. It's hard to never remember anything and have trouble having conversations with neighbors because you are too spaced out. It's just all so hard and I'm done. It doesn't have to be like this I don't have to feel like this. But it's up to me and I have to stop looking for reasons to drink and making excuses. We can do this....last day one ever!
We can start a check in if you want...we just have to fight though this until it's easy. Thanks really for the support.
We can start a check in if you want...we just have to fight though this until it's easy. Thanks really for the support.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
I think you have become my new "support" thread; we are all so close together in starting out on this sobriety venture. Thanks for the help everyone.
Going to my regular 7:30 AM meeting tomorrow. I really miss that when I don't start my day that way (whether I drink or not). Drinking is getting a lot less attractive.
Going to my regular 7:30 AM meeting tomorrow. I really miss that when I don't start my day that way (whether I drink or not). Drinking is getting a lot less attractive.
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