Extreme Violence?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 53
@BlueFrancis , Thank you for your response! My decision even before this thread is to quit again. Im just trying to figure out the unfairness of my brother calling me an angry drunk and a threat to society if i have another sip. Besides he threats that if i even have a sip of alcohol he will never talk to me again, i feel like him talking to me as if i am a time bomb is mental abuse. I do not work well with mental abuse or threats. They usually backfire on me. Specially when it comes from my brother, who before the incident, paid no attention to my cries of help. And as i cried to him for help before, i am calling for justice now. So apparently, as before, i shouldn't be looking for him to understand, it will come with time.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 891
Critter,
I can only tell you how it was for me and hope you may find something there to take home and consider. Mostly, early on, I was what we call in the Aussie vernacular a 'Larriken". In this case someone who drinks too much, makes a joke of himself and generally plays at a lot of nuisance all in the name of good fun. Somewhere it crossed the line from fun to damaging. My problem was I couldn't help myself and no one was laughing except other drunks that had someone to point at.
As a kid my old man used to come home drunk and flog us for various offenses. Other times he'd come home drunk with bags of treats and toys. I've never been that way but I suspect I had the same psych issues he had when it came to drinking. Obviously we grew up in different times. He used to come badly bashed or not at all for days. In the end the booze killed him. I guess I'm lucky and have found true recovery through a spiritual approach. It's not so important whether I exactly fit the definition of a drunk. I used to get angry when drunk but never violent. Booze seemed to magnify whatever emotions I had going under the fog of being drunk. If I was happy I'd be the clown making everyone laugh, if I was sad I would be crying in my glass and if I was angry I could be muttering nonsense to myself or making a scene. In the last 10 years I generally drunk alone, isolating. Aware of the unpredictability of my behavior when drinking.
In your case only you can determine the scale of your problem and decide if you are alcoholic and need help. Sounds like you have a problem with stopping after 1. This usually raises eye brows if drinking is also affecting your normal day to day living and outlook.
I took heaps of tests and appraisals to prove myself not an alcoholic. In the end I saw that every time I tried to stop I failed. Then I hit rock bottom, started the steps and 10 months later here I am a different person.
You seem to be rationalizing. I'm sure you are not a menace to society but if others are voicing their concerns would it not be worthwhile calling in to see a Doctor or Therapist and having a chat. What harm will it do?
I can only tell you how it was for me and hope you may find something there to take home and consider. Mostly, early on, I was what we call in the Aussie vernacular a 'Larriken". In this case someone who drinks too much, makes a joke of himself and generally plays at a lot of nuisance all in the name of good fun. Somewhere it crossed the line from fun to damaging. My problem was I couldn't help myself and no one was laughing except other drunks that had someone to point at.
As a kid my old man used to come home drunk and flog us for various offenses. Other times he'd come home drunk with bags of treats and toys. I've never been that way but I suspect I had the same psych issues he had when it came to drinking. Obviously we grew up in different times. He used to come badly bashed or not at all for days. In the end the booze killed him. I guess I'm lucky and have found true recovery through a spiritual approach. It's not so important whether I exactly fit the definition of a drunk. I used to get angry when drunk but never violent. Booze seemed to magnify whatever emotions I had going under the fog of being drunk. If I was happy I'd be the clown making everyone laugh, if I was sad I would be crying in my glass and if I was angry I could be muttering nonsense to myself or making a scene. In the last 10 years I generally drunk alone, isolating. Aware of the unpredictability of my behavior when drinking.
In your case only you can determine the scale of your problem and decide if you are alcoholic and need help. Sounds like you have a problem with stopping after 1. This usually raises eye brows if drinking is also affecting your normal day to day living and outlook.
I took heaps of tests and appraisals to prove myself not an alcoholic. In the end I saw that every time I tried to stop I failed. Then I hit rock bottom, started the steps and 10 months later here I am a different person.
You seem to be rationalizing. I'm sure you are not a menace to society but if others are voicing their concerns would it not be worthwhile calling in to see a Doctor or Therapist and having a chat. What harm will it do?
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
It sounds like your brother is desperately worried about you and perhaps doesn't know any better way to let you know that. Maybe he is a bit angry with you. Maybe he is frustrated that you say you'll stop drinking and start again.Maybe he just doesn't know how to speak with you about it. Maybe he doesn't know what to sayor do.
regardless of your brother and thefairness/unfairness of what he says/does, rather than concentrate and worry about him and his comments maybe concentrate on what you want and what you are going to do about your situation. Wishing you the best of luck-hope it doesn't sound like i'm preaching at you
regardless of your brother and thefairness/unfairness of what he says/does, rather than concentrate and worry about him and his comments maybe concentrate on what you want and what you are going to do about your situation. Wishing you the best of luck-hope it doesn't sound like i'm preaching at you
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 53
Thank you guys so much!
I woke up today after some drinking and it hit me. I want to be in control. I want to be in control when it doesnt even come to beer. Whenever i drink, i have guilt the other morning which used to be a problem for me and i tried not having it by drinking of course. I tried and tried to fit drinking in my life, cause i wanted to be "normal".
Last time i quit (after the violent incident), as i mentioned before, the step i took was realizing that i didn't want to fit drinking in my life, cause even 1 beer harms me. I get the guilt even with one beer. Every time i quit and i know that doesnt sound hopeful
, yet every time, i find myself one step closer to "cracking" the code of me and drinking. Lets hope this will be the last, or at least lets hope i wont need to relapse again in order to take another step.
So the step i learned this time, is i need to be in control. Im not a total control freak, but i do have streaks. I finally realized that the guilt is because i do not have any control over my actions when im drunk, even if im not hammered, even if we're talkin bout one beer. Now the thing is, i want to be in control because of what other people think. I also realized that i five way too much attention to what other people think of me, sober or not.
So to sum it up, im really happy of these realizations as i see it will be helping me in general and not only according to alcohol.
Thank you so much, you helped me alot and gave me tons of food for thought!
Off to my day 1 again! (although id like to continue counting from December)
I woke up today after some drinking and it hit me. I want to be in control. I want to be in control when it doesnt even come to beer. Whenever i drink, i have guilt the other morning which used to be a problem for me and i tried not having it by drinking of course. I tried and tried to fit drinking in my life, cause i wanted to be "normal".
Last time i quit (after the violent incident), as i mentioned before, the step i took was realizing that i didn't want to fit drinking in my life, cause even 1 beer harms me. I get the guilt even with one beer. Every time i quit and i know that doesnt sound hopeful
, yet every time, i find myself one step closer to "cracking" the code of me and drinking. Lets hope this will be the last, or at least lets hope i wont need to relapse again in order to take another step.So the step i learned this time, is i need to be in control. Im not a total control freak, but i do have streaks. I finally realized that the guilt is because i do not have any control over my actions when im drunk, even if im not hammered, even if we're talkin bout one beer. Now the thing is, i want to be in control because of what other people think. I also realized that i five way too much attention to what other people think of me, sober or not.
So to sum it up, im really happy of these realizations as i see it will be helping me in general and not only according to alcohol.
Thank you so much, you helped me alot and gave me tons of food for thought!
Off to my day 1 again! (although id like to continue counting from December)
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Good to see you back
I had to accept that I can't control drinking.As many people say on here, once you have to try and control your drinking it is already in control of you. That's often the hardest thing to accept.
on a positive note if you don't drink you'll always bein control of what you do
Don't let your AV convince you that you 'need' to relapse again.
I had to accept that I can't control drinking.As many people say on here, once you have to try and control your drinking it is already in control of you. That's often the hardest thing to accept.
on a positive note if you don't drink you'll always bein control of what you do
Don't let your AV convince you that you 'need' to relapse again.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Originally Posted by Critter 
Maybe, it just hit me that how can i be charactirized as one, if throughout a timespan of lets say 8 years, this only happened 3(?) times? 2 of which were as is aid above, anger that prexisted.
I mean, if someone became so violent while sober that I had to call the police on them, I would never interact with them ever again. Rules don't change just because alcohol is involved.
I had to call the police on my ex once. It was the most frightening thing that's ever happened to me. It's why he's no longer in the category of "people I know and trust". It's also arguably the reason that I'm incapable of trusting anyone and have had lots of trouble dating since. Being on the receiving end of that stuff is far more frightening than I think the person on the giving end can imagine. Violent drunks are like real life zombies. Life-alteringly terrifying.
So I can understand your feelings but I also understand your brother's concern. If you can get that out of control, and you still introduce alcohol into the mix, you are rolling the dice that something really terrible could happen.
Recognizes the Beast
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: In the kitchen, cooking up a storm
Posts: 704
I wasn't an angry drunk. Isn't that what everyone says? I think it was largely true in my case, but even then I once got thrown threw a bar window.
I remember drinking alone and becoming frustrated at my inability to perform basic tasks. One time I couldn't get my remote to work, so I chucked it out the window over the balcony and onto the street.
I remember drinking alone and becoming frustrated at my inability to perform basic tasks. One time I couldn't get my remote to work, so I chucked it out the window over the balcony and onto the street.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
It seems angry drunks are prone to anger when sober too .
I would reccomend anger mgt. class ,or some reading -if you really want to change .
Alochol was not my problem ,it was a symptom of an anger problem .
I wont go into an event of telling anger stories ,But ill just say i had a problem ,I would get so mad i did not care if i got killed .
Amazon.com: Anger Busting 101: The New ABC's for Angry Men & the Women Who Love Them (9781886298040): Newton Hightower: Books
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living: Dale Carnegie: 9780671035976: Amazon.com: Books
You Can Be Happy No Matter What: Five Principles for Keeping Life in Perspective: Richard Carlson, Wayne Dyer: 9781577315681: Amazon.com: Books
GET THESE AND READ THEM ,Then pray about it -life will change .
I tell all my overdrinking /drunk friends "NEVER DRINK WHEN YOU ARE MAD "!
I would reccomend anger mgt. class ,or some reading -if you really want to change .
Alochol was not my problem ,it was a symptom of an anger problem .
I wont go into an event of telling anger stories ,But ill just say i had a problem ,I would get so mad i did not care if i got killed .
Amazon.com: Anger Busting 101: The New ABC's for Angry Men & the Women Who Love Them (9781886298040): Newton Hightower: Books
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living: Dale Carnegie: 9780671035976: Amazon.com: Books
You Can Be Happy No Matter What: Five Principles for Keeping Life in Perspective: Richard Carlson, Wayne Dyer: 9781577315681: Amazon.com: Books
GET THESE AND READ THEM ,Then pray about it -life will change .
I tell all my overdrinking /drunk friends "NEVER DRINK WHEN YOU ARE MAD "!
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