Extreme Violence?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 53
Extreme Violence?
Hello again.
Ive been on and off this forum fr a couple of years now.
I will try to make this question quick.
I had an incident of extreme violence while i was drunk, to the point that they had to call the police on me, they couldnt calm me down and i was kicking and screaming etc. After that, i tried to remember other incidents like that and could come up with 2 more, in a span of a couple of years.
Thing is, now, my family thinks that every time i will drink to the point that i have blackouts, that i WILL hurt someone including me.
Now, dont get me wrong, im not in denial here about my alcohol problem, im not looking for excuses to drink. I am going to quit again, and try not to relapse, cause alcohol is just not good for me. BUT, i think its totally different for me, knowing i just cant handle it and another different story to know that i might hurst someone, and mostly when OTHER people think that.
So , first off, ive read about aggression and alcohol, but when can someone put a direct link to those, after how many incidents? I mean the other 2 incidents of mine, well, i was really angry at an ex at the time, so when drunk, it just got worse.
Anyways, i promised to make this quik and i think im so not doing that
Thank you in advance!
Ive been on and off this forum fr a couple of years now.
I will try to make this question quick.
I had an incident of extreme violence while i was drunk, to the point that they had to call the police on me, they couldnt calm me down and i was kicking and screaming etc. After that, i tried to remember other incidents like that and could come up with 2 more, in a span of a couple of years.
Thing is, now, my family thinks that every time i will drink to the point that i have blackouts, that i WILL hurt someone including me.
Now, dont get me wrong, im not in denial here about my alcohol problem, im not looking for excuses to drink. I am going to quit again, and try not to relapse, cause alcohol is just not good for me. BUT, i think its totally different for me, knowing i just cant handle it and another different story to know that i might hurst someone, and mostly when OTHER people think that.
So , first off, ive read about aggression and alcohol, but when can someone put a direct link to those, after how many incidents? I mean the other 2 incidents of mine, well, i was really angry at an ex at the time, so when drunk, it just got worse.
Anyways, i promised to make this quik and i think im so not doing that
Thank you in advance!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Judgment always becomes impaired when intoxicated and it can happen on the first incident. Forget about how many does it take. Even non-alcoholics who drink too much can have a violent incident. You have seen the evidence first hand, no need to find out in my opinion.
So in direct answer to your question, the direct link comes after only one occasion.
So in direct answer to your question, the direct link comes after only one occasion.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
You've already crossed a threshold.
You will end up hurting someone, or someone will hurt you if you continue to drink.
This is true of most if not all alcoholics. If you combine the violence of lowered inhibitions, anger and resentments, domestic violence, drunk driving and accidents, the personal toll that all of society pays is staggering.
You will end up hurting someone, or someone will hurt you if you continue to drink.
This is true of most if not all alcoholics. If you combine the violence of lowered inhibitions, anger and resentments, domestic violence, drunk driving and accidents, the personal toll that all of society pays is staggering.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Alcoholics all think we're fine - "except for this one time", etc, etc. Well, in your case that "one time" became two times. Then three. And, quite frankly, if your family and friends are worried you will become violent when you drink, they must have seen more. There has probably been enough evidence to make their concerns valid. Who would you believe? You? Or your sober family?
And isn't one violent episode enough in the first place? Sounds like you have a problem with alcohol. Congrats on coming here and looking into getting sober, it's been a good decision in my experience to quit drinking all together.
And isn't one violent episode enough in the first place? Sounds like you have a problem with alcohol. Congrats on coming here and looking into getting sober, it's been a good decision in my experience to quit drinking all together.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
its not any different for you than it is for many. and beings how you have read on aggression and alcohol, I think you know the extent of yer terminal uniqueness.
former drunken rageaholic here.
former drunken rageaholic here.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
I would think another good indication would be when others decide it for you.
When your family or whomever the recipients of the violence leave you, press charges to put you in jail, etc. I think a lot of alcoholics don't discover their limits by themselves. It's when their families, partners, employers, whoever refuse them completely.
There's another side to your question. It's the question your family is asking, how many times is too many times to keep forgiving? When is the point when you throw them out on the street? (literally or figuratively)
When your family or whomever the recipients of the violence leave you, press charges to put you in jail, etc. I think a lot of alcoholics don't discover their limits by themselves. It's when their families, partners, employers, whoever refuse them completely.
There's another side to your question. It's the question your family is asking, how many times is too many times to keep forgiving? When is the point when you throw them out on the street? (literally or figuratively)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 53
Thank you all for your responses!
Thing is, i dont live with my family, we live in different cities. I am asking my friends that have seen me drunk and actually used to help me get home daily for years, if i was ever aggressive to them or have i ever scared them for their lives etc....They say not more then an average drunk.
Another thing, i was telling my family i need help for years and that im an alcoholic. No one believed me. Everyone was telling me, oh no your not, alcoholics never admit, so you are not one, or stuff like "do you have the need to drink beer int he morning when you wake up?No? so you are not an alcoholic." Now this thing happened and they are like "DONT DRINK YOU WILL KILL SOMEONE" and im trying to tell them to chill, and they tell me im in denial???!! NOTE: I have stopped and started drinking several times on my own. I know i have to stop drinking. I know i have a problem. Again, i had quit for months till i started drinking a bit the last two, so i am going to stop again.
To answer Isaiah, if i already haven't, its a question i am asking.
When i decided to quit drinking the last time, i told my family that i will keep them updated if i ever drink and for starters even when i go out and not drink, i will let them know. The main problem is with my brother. I really called them and my brother too, almost everytime i went out to tell them how well i was doing. So when i had my first beer after 8 months, i told him. When i had my second, i told him again. I told him, im relapsing, i told him everything. Last time he noticed i was drunk from the phone, he started being all crazy (which i can understand of course), and told me i was hiding from him and how well i did it.
Thing is, i dont live with my family, we live in different cities. I am asking my friends that have seen me drunk and actually used to help me get home daily for years, if i was ever aggressive to them or have i ever scared them for their lives etc....They say not more then an average drunk.
Another thing, i was telling my family i need help for years and that im an alcoholic. No one believed me. Everyone was telling me, oh no your not, alcoholics never admit, so you are not one, or stuff like "do you have the need to drink beer int he morning when you wake up?No? so you are not an alcoholic." Now this thing happened and they are like "DONT DRINK YOU WILL KILL SOMEONE" and im trying to tell them to chill, and they tell me im in denial???!! NOTE: I have stopped and started drinking several times on my own. I know i have to stop drinking. I know i have a problem. Again, i had quit for months till i started drinking a bit the last two, so i am going to stop again.
To answer Isaiah, if i already haven't, its a question i am asking.
When i decided to quit drinking the last time, i told my family that i will keep them updated if i ever drink and for starters even when i go out and not drink, i will let them know. The main problem is with my brother. I really called them and my brother too, almost everytime i went out to tell them how well i was doing. So when i had my first beer after 8 months, i told him. When i had my second, i told him again. I told him, im relapsing, i told him everything. Last time he noticed i was drunk from the phone, he started being all crazy (which i can understand of course), and told me i was hiding from him and how well i did it.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
I guess my questions & thoughts were more suited if your family was there. But with this in mind, and what you said I'm curious. Just a question you might think about as you're starting sobriety...
What good do you think you would be getting out of telling your parents when you drink and when you quit? It sounds like you want them to be spectators to your stop/relapse routine.
And of that routine... if you want to sober up, where's the stumbling block for you and what could you do differently from here on?
Those aren't questions to answer here, but those were questions a sponsor in AA of mine gave me years ago. If you keep hitting the wall over and over perhaps you turn in another direction.
What good do you think you would be getting out of telling your parents when you drink and when you quit? It sounds like you want them to be spectators to your stop/relapse routine.
And of that routine... if you want to sober up, where's the stumbling block for you and what could you do differently from here on?
Those aren't questions to answer here, but those were questions a sponsor in AA of mine gave me years ago. If you keep hitting the wall over and over perhaps you turn in another direction.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
You don'tneed your family tosupport your decision in order to quit. Often,families don't understand and their constant saying " oh you don't have a problem,just cut down,drink less,stop at 3 or 4 etc etc etc"never helped me at all.Just gave me incentive to keep drinking.
I finally quit for me, knowing I had a problem. In answer to your question, who knows what could happen next time you drink or blackout etc? You could get violent or even kill someone or get killed.
Why take the chance? One thing's for sure. If you quit drinking you'll never be in that situation again
I finally quit for me, knowing I had a problem. In answer to your question, who knows what could happen next time you drink or blackout etc? You could get violent or even kill someone or get killed.
Why take the chance? One thing's for sure. If you quit drinking you'll never be in that situation again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 53
Thank you guys, good points and nice questions.
@Isiah, every time i quit drinking, or better say, every time i started drinking again, i remember why, so i learn from that. I used to find it unbelievable that i couldnt managed to control my drinking. So when i quit drinking it was cause i was afraid of it and mostly cause i was disappointed of myself, not being able to control it. So last time i realized that even 1 beer changes me, alcohol doesn't suit me, im much more fun sober. So why try to control what is bad from me from the beginning? That kept me away from alcohol SO easily. So why the relapse? No craving, for sure. I really don't know why. I did have one curiosity left, whether alcohol helped me when i was nervous. Thats when i drank that first beer. After that, in the last two months, i cant say i went back to my old drinking habbits. I drunk rarely, never got hammered , no blackouts and mostly even sticked to one beer. Of course, it never ends like that so last time i did get hammered, i did have blackouts but, i didn't kill anyone. My brother believes cause of something he read on the internet that i will kill someone if i ever drink again. He said that 4% of the population end up being angry for no psychological reason, its just the way alcohol hits them and that i am amongst them. Now, i cant deny it, but i also cant live with the fear that i will actually kill someone next time i drink (and no, that didnt help me last time i quit). As i said before, the thing that my brother doesnt know, is how i am not that agressive always AND that i do not differ from any other alcoholic. Even if he gets hammered he can have a violent reaction.
Again: I am not trying to find an excuse to drink, i am aware that i have a problem. Its just not fair. So i might just have to again, dont care what my family thinks and just do what i have to do. It would be great though if he wouldnt consider me a killer, just sayin.
@Isiah, every time i quit drinking, or better say, every time i started drinking again, i remember why, so i learn from that. I used to find it unbelievable that i couldnt managed to control my drinking. So when i quit drinking it was cause i was afraid of it and mostly cause i was disappointed of myself, not being able to control it. So last time i realized that even 1 beer changes me, alcohol doesn't suit me, im much more fun sober. So why try to control what is bad from me from the beginning? That kept me away from alcohol SO easily. So why the relapse? No craving, for sure. I really don't know why. I did have one curiosity left, whether alcohol helped me when i was nervous. Thats when i drank that first beer. After that, in the last two months, i cant say i went back to my old drinking habbits. I drunk rarely, never got hammered , no blackouts and mostly even sticked to one beer. Of course, it never ends like that so last time i did get hammered, i did have blackouts but, i didn't kill anyone. My brother believes cause of something he read on the internet that i will kill someone if i ever drink again. He said that 4% of the population end up being angry for no psychological reason, its just the way alcohol hits them and that i am amongst them. Now, i cant deny it, but i also cant live with the fear that i will actually kill someone next time i drink (and no, that didnt help me last time i quit). As i said before, the thing that my brother doesnt know, is how i am not that agressive always AND that i do not differ from any other alcoholic. Even if he gets hammered he can have a violent reaction.
Again: I am not trying to find an excuse to drink, i am aware that i have a problem. Its just not fair. So i might just have to again, dont care what my family thinks and just do what i have to do. It would be great though if he wouldnt consider me a killer, just sayin.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
It truly isn't fair that some people drink normally and some just can't. But it is what it is and acceptance of this,rather than fighting it is key.
I hope you don't mind me saying but it really does sound like you are justifying drinking to yourself. Many times I drank normally,could stop at a few,didn't drink every night etc but there was just no telling about that ONE time when I can't stop,blackout and do something horrendous. It only takes 1 time. I know if I never drink that 1 time will never happen again.
I understand about being nervous.I drank to make me less shy and nervous.In reality it just made me stupid, foolish and irresponsible. I'm working on being less shy and nervous but also accepting who I am and seeing there isnothing wrong with that together with avoiding drinking situations and learning new things that don't involve alcohol
I hope you don't mind me saying but it really does sound like you are justifying drinking to yourself. Many times I drank normally,could stop at a few,didn't drink every night etc but there was just no telling about that ONE time when I can't stop,blackout and do something horrendous. It only takes 1 time. I know if I never drink that 1 time will never happen again.
I understand about being nervous.I drank to make me less shy and nervous.In reality it just made me stupid, foolish and irresponsible. I'm working on being less shy and nervous but also accepting who I am and seeing there isnothing wrong with that together with avoiding drinking situations and learning new things that don't involve alcohol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 53
Thanks Readyatlast!
I really am not trying to justify me drinking, although i can understand why it comes out like that. Its just that im really mad with my brother and i can get as stubborn as he is when he yells to me by phone because i drank and how i am going to kill someone. I am almost quoting him. Kill someone is his exact words. It is as he pretends to care, cause i did notify him about my drinking habits, which to answer a question from before, was part of the deal when the incident happened, yet he does not remember at all and is actually accusing me of being sleek/scumbag/criminal-like and hiding from him. Im life wtf?...Informing him though, is what gave them the power as you guys mentioned. I gave them the power to judge me and my habits.
Anyways. As far as i can tell, people react differently. Some people want to be afraid of alcohol in order to quit, some want to be threatened from family members in order to snap out of it. im really not that type. I do not want to be afraid of alcohol nor me being a killer. Literally. Cause im not. I know i cant stop on one beer and that usually leads to blackouts, so yes mathematically i might tend to be more close to getting violent by probability.
I will think about it though, the possibility i am in some sort of denial, cause its coming from you guys, people i do not know.
Talk to you later guys ,gotta go, again thanks!
I really am not trying to justify me drinking, although i can understand why it comes out like that. Its just that im really mad with my brother and i can get as stubborn as he is when he yells to me by phone because i drank and how i am going to kill someone. I am almost quoting him. Kill someone is his exact words. It is as he pretends to care, cause i did notify him about my drinking habits, which to answer a question from before, was part of the deal when the incident happened, yet he does not remember at all and is actually accusing me of being sleek/scumbag/criminal-like and hiding from him. Im life wtf?...Informing him though, is what gave them the power as you guys mentioned. I gave them the power to judge me and my habits.
Anyways. As far as i can tell, people react differently. Some people want to be afraid of alcohol in order to quit, some want to be threatened from family members in order to snap out of it. im really not that type. I do not want to be afraid of alcohol nor me being a killer. Literally. Cause im not. I know i cant stop on one beer and that usually leads to blackouts, so yes mathematically i might tend to be more close to getting violent by probability.
I will think about it though, the possibility i am in some sort of denial, cause its coming from you guys, people i do not know.
Talk to you later guys ,gotta go, again thanks!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 891
The role of alcohol in violence either domestic or public assault and homicide is well documented here in Australia:
Australian Institute of Criminology - Key issues in alcohol-related violence
I can honestly say that its only Grace of God I'm still alive considering some of my drunken escapades in my earlier life. I've been thrown down flights of stairs, king hit, been in more fights and scuffles than I can remember, been chased by gangs through the streets, "mooned" police officer, put my fist through doors, walls and windows, lost my shoes, lost my clothes, woken up bruised and battered with boot prints all over my body, crawled through razor wire, chased cars, been struck by cars, thrown objects, been hit by flying objects, groped and grabbed at women, got slapped by women, woke up with strange women, lost money, woke up with money and then drunk that up. Probably the worst one was getting drunk while on leave from the Army and waking up fours days later in another country with no idea on how I got there and realizing I was AWOL.
That's one of the reasons I watch the "Hangover" and don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Take the booze out of the picture and I'm sure it would have been very different. At the same time, I never got robbed of my Kidneys, I never ended up in a morgue or asylum or prison and a lot worse could have happened. Sometimes I feel I was being looked after during those times. The fact is, my luck would have one day ran out if I hadn't stopped. I got smarter with age in order to keep my addiction alive but my anger was still there and I was losing my grip. Anger is an ugly and destructive emotion in alcoholics and has no other purpose than to destroy your life and that of others. Its as far from being alive as you want to be.
Australian Institute of Criminology - Key issues in alcohol-related violence
I can honestly say that its only Grace of God I'm still alive considering some of my drunken escapades in my earlier life. I've been thrown down flights of stairs, king hit, been in more fights and scuffles than I can remember, been chased by gangs through the streets, "mooned" police officer, put my fist through doors, walls and windows, lost my shoes, lost my clothes, woken up bruised and battered with boot prints all over my body, crawled through razor wire, chased cars, been struck by cars, thrown objects, been hit by flying objects, groped and grabbed at women, got slapped by women, woke up with strange women, lost money, woke up with money and then drunk that up. Probably the worst one was getting drunk while on leave from the Army and waking up fours days later in another country with no idea on how I got there and realizing I was AWOL.
That's one of the reasons I watch the "Hangover" and don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Take the booze out of the picture and I'm sure it would have been very different. At the same time, I never got robbed of my Kidneys, I never ended up in a morgue or asylum or prison and a lot worse could have happened. Sometimes I feel I was being looked after during those times. The fact is, my luck would have one day ran out if I hadn't stopped. I got smarter with age in order to keep my addiction alive but my anger was still there and I was losing my grip. Anger is an ugly and destructive emotion in alcoholics and has no other purpose than to destroy your life and that of others. Its as far from being alive as you want to be.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 53
@Johno1967 thank you for your reply and sharing! Things is, i have heard stories like that from people who are not alcoholics and they say those stories with joy and humor.
Where is the difference? Is it in the alcohol? Apparently not. So i guess what my question is , in general, why should i be called an angry drunk, if i had 1 incident (that was total madness and unprovoked anger, the other incidents were fights that started with the drinking, before any of us got hammered), why am i a threat when this has happened so few times? Am i in deanial of being an angry drunk? Maybe, it just hit me that how can i be charactirized as one, if throughout a timespan of lets say 8 years, this only happened 3(?) times? 2 of which were as is aid above, anger that prexisted.
So how am u dufferent then any other normal person that drinks? I know a case and my brother knows one too, that the guy goes mad every single time he drinks.
I understand that things of course get easily out of hand when drunk, but is there actually an amount of people who are doomed to being aggresive just because they consume alcohol? with NO other fact taken?
Where is the difference? Is it in the alcohol? Apparently not. So i guess what my question is , in general, why should i be called an angry drunk, if i had 1 incident (that was total madness and unprovoked anger, the other incidents were fights that started with the drinking, before any of us got hammered), why am i a threat when this has happened so few times? Am i in deanial of being an angry drunk? Maybe, it just hit me that how can i be charactirized as one, if throughout a timespan of lets say 8 years, this only happened 3(?) times? 2 of which were as is aid above, anger that prexisted.
So how am u dufferent then any other normal person that drinks? I know a case and my brother knows one too, that the guy goes mad every single time he drinks.
I understand that things of course get easily out of hand when drunk, but is there actually an amount of people who are doomed to being aggresive just because they consume alcohol? with NO other fact taken?
Enjoying Recovery
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 110
There's no such thing as a passive alcoholic. I tried to justify being angry when I was drinking every day by telling myself 95-99% of the time I wasn't angry and didn't have the potential to hurt anyone. I managed to do this for a long time until I finally realized it didn't matter what I was like most of the time because the way I behaved that 1-5% of the time was totally unacceptable. There's no way around it. You risk being arrested (or worse) every time you drink.
I hope you make the right decision.
I hope you make the right decision.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
