Day 33...thoughts on the first month...
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 332
Day 33...thoughts on the first month...
Hello All,
One month may seem like a short time for some, but this month has been the longest month of my life...please bear with me as I process some of my thoughts, looking back on my first month of sobriety:
1. Yesterday, on day 32, something shifted. For the first time, I felt truly at peace with my decision to never drink again. I think most approach sobriety one day at a time. I do think that's the best approach for most, but not for me.I know I have to make a full-on commitment as in "forever" if I'm going to follow through on something. That's just who I am. Anyway, I don't think I was "white-knuckling" per se, but I wasn't at that place of real peace with the decision until yesterday. This peace is a great feeling.
2. My feelings were dulled for so long from drinking that I'm having to get used to feeling everything again, good and bad. At times the feelings are like powerful waves; they almost knock me off my feet! But it's good. I feel like a child again-I may even start laughing hysterically and throwing tantrums.
3. I know I read this a million times from the "veterans" here, but getting sober is sooooo much more than just quitting drinking. It's a process of changing your entire life and your entire approach to life. This has been the best part for me. I have a chance to reinvent myself at 42. I'm excited to see who I'm going to become.
4. Perspective is everything. Someone on here wrote that they had "escaped" drinking. I was giddy all day after reading that. I was so wrong in looking at drinking as something I was "losing" rather than "escaping". Looking at it from this perspective makes me feel like a winner, a survivor. Like the song says, "I will survive!"
Some of you reading might face-palm and think, "Duh, this is what we've been trying to tell you."
Well, to that I say, "I get it now". I know there's more for me to discover in this process, and I will learn and discover more as I go.
Thank you to all of you who shared your knowledge and experience here. And to any newbies reading this, keep going! It's a battle, but one that's worth fighting.
Ok, done now.
Junegirl
One month may seem like a short time for some, but this month has been the longest month of my life...please bear with me as I process some of my thoughts, looking back on my first month of sobriety:
1. Yesterday, on day 32, something shifted. For the first time, I felt truly at peace with my decision to never drink again. I think most approach sobriety one day at a time. I do think that's the best approach for most, but not for me.I know I have to make a full-on commitment as in "forever" if I'm going to follow through on something. That's just who I am. Anyway, I don't think I was "white-knuckling" per se, but I wasn't at that place of real peace with the decision until yesterday. This peace is a great feeling.
2. My feelings were dulled for so long from drinking that I'm having to get used to feeling everything again, good and bad. At times the feelings are like powerful waves; they almost knock me off my feet! But it's good. I feel like a child again-I may even start laughing hysterically and throwing tantrums.
3. I know I read this a million times from the "veterans" here, but getting sober is sooooo much more than just quitting drinking. It's a process of changing your entire life and your entire approach to life. This has been the best part for me. I have a chance to reinvent myself at 42. I'm excited to see who I'm going to become.
4. Perspective is everything. Someone on here wrote that they had "escaped" drinking. I was giddy all day after reading that. I was so wrong in looking at drinking as something I was "losing" rather than "escaping". Looking at it from this perspective makes me feel like a winner, a survivor. Like the song says, "I will survive!"
Some of you reading might face-palm and think, "Duh, this is what we've been trying to tell you."
Well, to that I say, "I get it now". I know there's more for me to discover in this process, and I will learn and discover more as I go. Thank you to all of you who shared your knowledge and experience here. And to any newbies reading this, keep going! It's a battle, but one that's worth fighting.
Ok, done now.
Junegirl
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Great job Junegirl. Thirty days is a long time when SO much is packed into it, so many many life changing, life saving things.
I remember feeling and thinking some of the things you mention. And I don't think that anyone can tell you in a way you can understand, it's something we each have to experience for ourselves when the time has come.
But I will share this in case you want to tuck it into your pocket. You are going to keep hearing all sorts of stuff from us that is not going to make sense, or will be hard to believe or might make you thing "that won't happen to me"...and just remember that feeling of "now I get it"...and stay open minded. Because more and more things will make sense, surface, etc as you go on. I don't think we ever come to the final destination "Recovered" where we get off the recovery bus. I think that we grow in relationship with sobriety and our sober selves.
I was told to stay open, teachable and humble. And a little way down the road I am understanding why.
I am so happy for you that you've found hope in sobriety/recovery.
Looking forward to getting to know you better.
I remember feeling and thinking some of the things you mention. And I don't think that anyone can tell you in a way you can understand, it's something we each have to experience for ourselves when the time has come.
But I will share this in case you want to tuck it into your pocket. You are going to keep hearing all sorts of stuff from us that is not going to make sense, or will be hard to believe or might make you thing "that won't happen to me"...and just remember that feeling of "now I get it"...and stay open minded. Because more and more things will make sense, surface, etc as you go on. I don't think we ever come to the final destination "Recovered" where we get off the recovery bus. I think that we grow in relationship with sobriety and our sober selves.
I was told to stay open, teachable and humble. And a little way down the road I am understanding why.
I am so happy for you that you've found hope in sobriety/recovery.
Looking forward to getting to know you better.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 164
Thank you for sharing Junegirl, I am on month 5 and it does get even better. I can relate to what you said about getting used to feeling your feelings, for me it feels like the first time in dealing with certain feelings (drank since i was a young teen - now 43). There are times when it feels automatic to shut those feelings down because it feels like I can't cope but when that happens I try and remember they are just feelings and they will subside. At times I do feel like a kid again, i have had allot of laughing fits for some reason, I think its the sense of peace I have now (not always but most of the time).
Congrats to you.
Congrats to you.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
What an awesome post Junegirl!
I can relate to every single thing that you said but am most intrigued by #1.
This is a phenomenon that I have seen others post on this board and it happened to me too. It also came for me about the same time that it did for you.
What an incredible feeling. It's really indescribable.
I wish that I could find a way to give everyone who's still at the extreme beginning the ability to feel that feeling for just one day. If they knew that this was coming for them it would intensify the resistance to pick up that drink. It's truly a peace that I have not felt in a long time, in fact, maybe never.
I'm now at day 51 and still feeling it, if anything, it's more pronounced. I still have my moments here and there but the peace remains with me even then.
I can relate to every single thing that you said but am most intrigued by #1.
1. Yesterday, on day 32, something shifted. For the first time, I felt truly at peace with my decision to never drink again. Anyway, I don't think I was "white-knuckling" per se, but I wasn't at that place of real peace with the decision until yesterday. This peace is a great feeling.
What an incredible feeling. It's really indescribable.
I wish that I could find a way to give everyone who's still at the extreme beginning the ability to feel that feeling for just one day. If they knew that this was coming for them it would intensify the resistance to pick up that drink. It's truly a peace that I have not felt in a long time, in fact, maybe never.
I'm now at day 51 and still feeling it, if anything, it's more pronounced. I still have my moments here and there but the peace remains with me even then.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 332
@Threshold, I think it was you who said the thing about escaping. Can't thank you enough for that.
"I remember feeling and thinking some of the things you mention. And I don't think that anyone can tell you in a way you can understand, it's something we each have to experience for ourselves when the time has come"
--This is so true! Which means that recovery is such a leap of faith. I kept hearing these things would happen and just had to have faith that they would (though of course, they happen differently for each person and at their own pace.)
But I will share this in case you want to tuck it into your pocket. You are going to keep hearing all sorts of stuff from us that is not going to make sense, or will be hard to believe or might make you thing "that won't happen to me"...and just remember that feeling of "now I get it"...and stay open minded. Because more and more things will make sense, surface, etc as you go on. I don't think we ever come to the final destination "Recovered" where we get off the recovery bus. I think that we grow in relationship with sobriety and our sober selves.
--Definitely keeping it in my pocket.
"I remember feeling and thinking some of the things you mention. And I don't think that anyone can tell you in a way you can understand, it's something we each have to experience for ourselves when the time has come"
--This is so true! Which means that recovery is such a leap of faith. I kept hearing these things would happen and just had to have faith that they would (though of course, they happen differently for each person and at their own pace.)
But I will share this in case you want to tuck it into your pocket. You are going to keep hearing all sorts of stuff from us that is not going to make sense, or will be hard to believe or might make you thing "that won't happen to me"...and just remember that feeling of "now I get it"...and stay open minded. Because more and more things will make sense, surface, etc as you go on. I don't think we ever come to the final destination "Recovered" where we get off the recovery bus. I think that we grow in relationship with sobriety and our sober selves.
--Definitely keeping it in my pocket.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 332
@Ippo--you're ahead of me on telling people...not quite ready to talk about it with family and friends. So glad you all are here for me to talk to.
Fhl,
At times I do feel like a kid again, i have had allot of laughing fits for some reason, I think its the sense of peace I have now (not always but most of the time).
--I've been having laughing fits too. Thank God it's not just me. Thought I was getting a little cuckoo. I don't have peace all the time either. There's still stuff stuff to deal with, but that's another post for another day.
@wiscsober- I know *you* have helped me. Hope to be able to pay it forward.
@LadyBlue--yes, we have to find a way to bottle the feeling for the extreme beginners. Wouldn't that be awesome? Especially for that first week full of anxiety. Ugh, don't even want to remember that.
@erzatz--I'm just glad you took the time to read my rambling thoughts.
Junegirl
Fhl,
At times I do feel like a kid again, i have had allot of laughing fits for some reason, I think its the sense of peace I have now (not always but most of the time).
--I've been having laughing fits too. Thank God it's not just me. Thought I was getting a little cuckoo. I don't have peace all the time either. There's still stuff stuff to deal with, but that's another post for another day.
@wiscsober- I know *you* have helped me. Hope to be able to pay it forward.
@LadyBlue--yes, we have to find a way to bottle the feeling for the extreme beginners. Wouldn't that be awesome? Especially for that first week full of anxiety. Ugh, don't even want to remember that.
@erzatz--I'm just glad you took the time to read my rambling thoughts.
Junegirl
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
Having that first month behind you is a big confidence booster. And the feeling of total surrender is one of indescribable freedom. You now have your life back. The disease does not have you! Congrads junegirl and keep posting. It helps us all!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by Junegirl 
Someone on here wrote that they had "escaped" drinking. I was giddy all day after reading that. I was so wrong in looking at drinking as something I was "losing" rather than "escaping".
"Escaping" drinking (rather than just "stopping" or "quitting") really captures the truth of the matter, doesn't it?
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