AnxiousAspie

Hi my name is Steven, I am 20 years old and I have got an alcohol problem that has got progressively worse from the age of 16. I have got Aspergers Syndrome and suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder (G.A.D) and agoraphobia. I get severe panic attacks all the time in fact I am nearly always in a panic attack and always overwhelmed with anxiety. My problem started from whenever I got panicky I would have a beer and it would calm me down and it got progressively worse until I became totally reliant on beer to keep calm and function. I am terrified of going out the house due to the severity of my panic attacks. My home is my only comfort zone. I am currently drinking between 25 and 30 bottles of budweiser lager on a really bad day, about 15 on an average day and on a really good day I have seen me get down to just 2-3 bottles a day and I have been able to maintain that for sometimes a week and then I would have a really panicky day and it would all go back out the window. Beer is the only thing that calms me down when I'm in a terrifying panic attack. I've been on all the meds under the sun and they've all made me worse and made me drink more to try and get rid of the horrible effects of the pills. I am desperate to sort my life out and stop drinking. I know I have a big problem. I don't eat at all and sleep as long as I can into the afternoon to avoid drinking, as soon as I am wide awake I progress into major panic straight away and then start drinking. I try my absolute hardest to avoid drinking and leave it as long as possible until I absolutely need a drink. It progressed from self medication in small amounts into a full blown addiction. I know your not supposed to ask for medical advice on here but do you think I have done any serious damage the amount I have been drinking? Do you think my body will recover when I stop drinking? As I said I'm only asking opinions not seeking solid medical advice, just opinions as I am so worried about my health.thanks, Steven

lilyrosemary

Hi Steven. we alcoholics have a lot of anxiety...its part of the package i guess. i am way past 20 years old, and i can tell you, it gets better, it really does. i drank for 35 years so i could feel comfortable and then it just became a way of life and it was one of the most important things in my life...makes me sad to know i let it go that long. fortunately for you, we live in a world that has so much more information and a lot more remedies so to speak. i feel for you, Steven, you could be my son and if you were my son, i would just pray and pray and pray for the right people and situations to be introduced into your life so that you could get the help you need. if you dont mind i will pray for you. it worked for me : )

Joe Nerv

Hi Steven,

Holy crap, you pretty much described me exactly... lest the official diagnosis, and medications. I self medicated though, with valium. On top of the alcohol, of course.

The panic for me was indescribable. To this day I still sometimes think nobody experienced panic quite the way I did, as mine was more of a mental thing than physical. I hear a lot about heart palpitations and people thinking they're having heart attacks. While that sometimes accompanied my attacks, mine were more of the sort that I was certain I was going to go insane. Absolutely horrifying thoughts and feelings that were beyond description. I became completely agoraphobic to the point that nothing worked anymore. I remember one morning close to the end of my drinking that I was literally crying tears while begging my brother to go to the corner store to buy me a quart of beer. He laughed at me, as I couldn't explain why I couldn't do it. It was less than a half a block away.

Anyhow... I was 23. I was certain my life was over. Nothing was changing, nothing was getting better (only worse) for years, and there was absolutely no hope whatsoever. I tied an extension cord around my neck, and ultimately didn't have the guts to finish the job. Broke down to my parents and landed in a Detox. One of my saving graces (I believe) was that in 1984 the things that I was going through weren't medicated as quickly as they are today. They got the alcohol out of my system, and sent me home with a recommendation of AA, a rehab, and aftercare. I was released from hospital absolutely terrified, but with nothing other to do than take their advice, or kill myself. I knew the alcohol and drugs were no longer a solution. I had to take their advice.

The details since then I could write a book about. I wasn't instantly healed, but the panic and anxiety slowly subsided. I learned many ways to lessen it and make it tolerable, but it took a little over a year before I started to feel completely free of it. I learned that a huge part of the fear, depression, and panic was actually coming from the alcohol itself.

Don't want to make this post pages long, so I'll wrap it up by stating that at 23 I was a completely non functioning person with no hope whatsoever. I have since then gone to college, graduated, become a HS teacher, got involved in theater and performed in shows, started playing music again, got to do tours throughout the world, traveled vacationing all over the world (the idea of getting on a plane was preposterous the first 25 years of my life), gotten married, not only moved out of my parents house but bought a place, and later became a landlord... I could go on and on and on. The life I've gotten through the path I was set upon, AA and the 12 steps, has been something I couldn't have even dreamed up.

I guess I should add that I also believe my entire journey started with me getting on my knees and praying to an undefiniable god I only half believed in. I begged for help, and begged that I be given to strength and knowledge to do whatever it was I needed to do to get better. I only half belived at the time that it would help, but it did. And it still does.

I wish you the best. There is lots of hope for you, I'm certain. Especially at the age of 20.

BlueFrancis

agoraphobia is horrible. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I had to be sober in order to recover from it after 4 long years. Pretty difficult considering alcohol was my coping strategy for panic attacks eh? vicious circle and all that.

Reduce - Medical Detox (chlordiazepoxide) - Support groups and services - period of abstainance (at least 8 weeks) - Seek help for your agoraphobia.

The above would be my advice but I'm not a doctor.

wolfpackfan45

Hi Steven. My 22 year old son is a recovering alcoholic and he also suffered from GAD and panic attacks. His alcoholism started with self medicating the panic and anxiety also. As the drinking progressed, so did the anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. He quit going to college classes because he was afraid he'd panic. A vicious cycle. He had insomnia at night and would sleep all day. He lost almost 40 pounds and couldn't eat. He finally hit his bottom one night and thought he was having a heart attack or mental breakdown. He called an ambulance and landed in the hospital. They detoxed him and we took him home . He stayed out of college for one semester, started a new antidepressant, saw a therapist for cognitive behavior therapy, got involved in AA, and started working the steps. He's almost 8 months sober now and the anxiety is much better. The panic attacks are getting further apart and he rarely has one now. He's getting his life back and is back in college and living in his apt. It's all happening in baby steps for him, but it's happening. You're young. You have a future ahead of you, but it's up to you to grab it. You can do it. Maybe your first step would go to see you MD and let him/her know what's going on. God bless.

2granddaughters

What prescribed meds are you on right now for your symptoms? Does your doctor know how much you drink?

I would be absolutely honest with your Dr about your issues and ask what he/she thinks about you entering a 12 Step program (AA).

All the best.

Bob R

Sobersunshine

Anxious, I have been where your are now. Too terrified to even leave the house, self medicating with alcohol, etc. I won't give you my long story but suffice to say I am sober now, take Zoloft daily, and an Ativan rarely, just to fly usually. Cognitive behavioral therapy can really help,learning breathing techniques to calm yourself, positive self talk, many techniques are available and they really do work. I knowq it's really really hard, and panic attacks re absolutely terrifying. I still have them, but they are much less frequent and severe. Towards the end, alcohol was making them way worse, not better.
Please talk to doctor and be honest. Panic and anxiety can be managed, I promise. Drinking is definately not the answer, as you've realized. Check out the anxiety forum on this site if you handing already, you can find help there as well. Don't give up, there is hope!

Adillac

You're 20. Your body is probably taking the alcohol abuse like a champ, but that won't be the case a few years down the line. I have anxiety about leaving the house sometimes and just fear of people in general. Drinking and drugs have caused or worsened my: isolation, shame, paranoia, depression...I'm going to see a doctor soon to possibly take something for depression. Though you have taken meds before, I would still see a doctor and describe exactly what is happening. I wish you the best.

Crossfitdad

Steve: 25-30 beers is a lot of beer. This isn't medical advice, but you're still young and I doubt you've done any serious damage. However, you're knocking back 25-30 beers and you wonder why you are anxious? If I have more than 5, I am a nervous freaking wreck until much later in the day. You're on a roller coaster that keeps repeating the cycle. You drink...you get anxiety the next day caused by the drinking...you drink to get rid of the anxiety. I too have gone through this roller coaster. I started noticing phobias that I had never had before...one was going over bridges and overpasses. I used to be a daredevil who loved heights, but I think the booze screwed up my circuitry so much that I am scared of bridges now.

I never had severe withdrawals during any of my attempts to get sober, but everyone is different - so make sure you check with your doctor before quitting. I think that once you quit, you will start to notice a lot of improvements...plus any medication for the anxiety (if any remains) will likely work better.

hayley86

Hi Steven,
I was always a quiet person and have always been shy and started drinking because like many people i found i became more social and outgoing. One thing that is for sure is that the drinking will be making your anxiety so much worse, i was drinking beer every night from the ages of 20- 26 to "relax" and unwind but as my tolerance got higher i started drinking more and more and then my from the ages of 24-26 i found i was having sever panic attacks to the point where i struggled to even go into a shop at some points. Now i am 8 months sober with no anxiety at all and i realise that the reason and root cause of my anxiety and panic attacks especially in the mornings was because the effects of last nights drinks were leaving my system and i had a hangover which was making the room spin sometimes and my heart race.

My drinking got progressively worse and from the age of 24-26 i was having to have a drink earlier and earlier just to keep the panic and anxiety away and to function somewhat "normal" to get through the day. On top of that my tolerance for beer went higher and i ended up drinking wine, cider and vodka thrown into the mix here and there too just so i could get the same buzz. Your right to be concerned about your health and its good that your here and you want to get sober. I ended up in hospital last October with liver failure and high LFT levels, i made the decision there and then that this was the moment i was going to get sober and get my life on track. I am now 8 and a half months sober i am fit and healthy and my liver is now normal (no longer inflamed) and my LFT levels are normal. My body started to recover at 2 months sober and at 4 months sober my blood tests were completely normal. The doctor said i would be perfectly fine as long as i dont drink from now on. You say you dont eat either.... food is extremely important especially if you are drinking those amounts, the liver and body needs good food and nutrition to recover and to function well a nurse told be its extremely important, you have to eat.

On a side note, i now dont have any anxiety issues at all and can face every situation thrown at me head on, i am confident, happy and healthy. I know its a really scary prospect especially if you are dealing with anxiety to try and get sober but knocking the drink on the head can only help your situation, drinking does nothing but make the situation worse. It papers over the cracks for a short time but its not going to give you a long term solution for your anxiety because you cant drink that way forever it will either drive you crazy or wreck your health or both. The earlier you get this sorted the easier it will be for you. If i had taken peoples advice and listened two years ago i wouldn't have gotten myself into the mess i did. If i can do it, you can to life gets so much better and feels so much more worthwhile.

Do you have family support / doctors support?

Try to stay calm and dont panic, you need to get a plan together of how your going to tackle this.

All the best.

AnxiousAspie

Thanks you everyone for the kind replies it is very much appreciated. I completely agree that its a vicious circle and I drink to get rid of the anxiety but then the alcohol induces anxiety afterwards. It's a very hard circle to escape from but I have escaped before by tapering off gradually until I was drinking just 1 beer a day and the withdrawal had completely gone, but out of the blue a massive panic attack comes and then causes me to drink lots of beer to calm myself down. I am not currently on any meds but I have been on so many and none of them helped. I know I can get off the drink I am currently tapering off and it seems to be working I'm down to 6 beers a day and tomorrow it will be less it's just so hard at the time and I've tried to eat and I just can't at the moment but as the days go on it will get better. I have tapered off so many times but ended up relapsing. I need to try harder this time. I have noticed when I'm off the drink the anxiety and panic is so much better I completely understand how the alcohol intake causes more anxiety and panic. I have also stopped seeing 2 of my friends who are also alcoholics and they are happy to go on the way they are and don't see a problem with their drinking, but I don't want to carry on like this and I am desperate to stop. I try to drink as little as possible everyday and my aim has been not to get drunk but just to douse the panic and then I slow down or stop normally I don't carry on and on until I'm drunk hence why I was referring to it as 'self medication' but it eventually gets out of hand. As I said I am desperate to banish alcohol from my life for good and my main aom everyday is to drink as little as possible.
Thanks everyone for the replies I am so glad I've found this site

DaveT

You made the most important first step , you reached out for help here ! Keep coming back , ask as much as you like , we are here for you always. Take things one day at a time one minute if necessary , keep talking and asking , you are no longer alone ! Dave.T.

AnxiousAspie

Thank you so much , I feel so much better knowing that I'm not alone, it is a big confidence boost and what you've just said is very heart warming

hayley86

Hi Steven,
I think its good distancing yourself from your friends who are drinking, leave them to it if they don't want to change, association is a very powerful thing if you associate them with drinking I would steer well clear. Its good that you feel like you have a plan, this website has really helped me with my recovery I wasn't able to taper off with my drinking and I wasn't able to moderate it I had to just stop completely but did so on my doctors advice. I know you say you are tapering it off, it might be a good idea to get something in place and some support for dealing with your anxiety once you have stopped drinking completely, so if any situations arise that might make you anxious you are equipped to deal with them without reaching for a drink?. As you say you have tapered it off before but after having an anxiety attack you picked up a drink again. If you have a support network and plan in place I think it will help your situation.

Wishing you the best.

2granddaughters

How can you have those diagnosed diseases and not be taking prescribed medication(s) for them?

I could always get off the drink too, I just couldn't seem to be able to stay off .....

I don't believe you need to try harder, I believe you need to try different.

I thought I was unique, that nobody understands just what I am going through. That YOU don't understand what I am going through.

I walked into a recovery home in 1989 with a gun in the car to shoot myself... a hopeless, helpless, suicidal, unrecoverable alcoholic.
I was put into a large room with 200 others alkies WHO WERE JUST LIKE ME !! That was where I began to recover. I was a garden variety drunk and needed the garden variety treatment.

All the best to you.

Bob R

alphaomega

You are living my life. When I was 23 the panic started while driving and progressed until I became agoraphobic.

Let me make this perfectly clear to you as I have 21 years of experience

[THE ALCOHOL IS ***CAUSING*** THE ANXIETY.

READ THAT AGAIN.
AND THEN READ IT AGAIN.

AND READ IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER UNTIL YOU FORCE YOURSELF TO BELEIVE IT.

I was under the false impression, the delusion, the misunderstanding that the alcohol was helping my feelings of anxiety. That is a bald face lie that I ingrained in our brains from the mainstream media and advertising. Alcohol is a poison that if you do not stop will kill you.

Either in body or in spirit. But I assure you, it WILL WIN.

AnxiousAspie

I am not under any false impressions, I know and I believe that the alcohol is causing most of the anxiety and panic, before I started drinking I still had anxiety and panic but it wasn't as bad. The alcohol isn't helping, only at the time of panic and then turns into a vicious circle. I am definitely not in denial because I know my problems and I fully understand that the alcohol induces/causes anxiety and panic and it only calms me down at the time. I am absolutely 100% determined to beat this before I really get in too deep. Now is the time. I hate my life the way it is and I can't carry on like this. I now refuse to take any meds because I know I can do it without them and I don't want to switch from one addiction to another, I am really against meds and they all make me feel like crap and not any better. I really do know I can do it with out them. Thank you everyone

AnxiousAspie

Does alcohol make you short of breath? Or do you think that's due to the anxiety? The only way I can describe it is shortness of breath and it's really worrying me. I keep googling different health problems to see if I can relate. It's feels more like when I'm breathing the air feels really thin-it's a really weird very uncomfortable feeling that I can't really describe. Just windering if anyone else has experienced similar symptoms. My friend thinks it could be the sugar levels in my blood or something. I have now managed to successfully eat a meal without fail

Soberpotamus

Hi there and welcome to SR. Have you tried relaxation techniques such as deep breathing for your anxiety? It really is impossible to be anxious when you learn to relax your entire body this way. Also, have you thought about trying yoga and meditation? These would also help.

It's good that you understand how the drinking adds to and even creates anxiety. I suffered from panic attacks and GAD when I was younger. It does work itself out over time. I bought the Midwest Center for Anxiety CD's and listened to them for about a 1-2 year period in my early 20's and this helped very much. Seeing a therapist helped me too.

Good luck!

hayley86

Good stuff Steven, your only 20 get it sorted out now before it gets out of hand, im 27 and have been sober 8 and a half months now and it honestly is so much better. You dont want to live like that my life has transformed.

All the best.