My Underlying Issue Has Surfaced
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
My Underlying Issue Has Surfaced
I need to get this out, I have had this bottled up too long...
Ive been sober since Feb 20th 2011 but it isn't all so great in some areas.
When I was young I wasn't very 'cool', i wasn't popular in fact i didn't really fit in anywhere, people called me shy, until I discovered alcohol, then things fell in place, friends, career, girls, wife etc...
30 years later...
After nearly 2-1/2 years of no alcohol I am finding I am socially dysfunctional, I have over 600 posts here, most while I was drinking, very few since.
I am actually ok with how I am, exept feeling really down at times but I built a career that needs me to be social, I need to talk to 10 to 20 people a day and some days I just cant pull off the act, i cringe when my phone rings...
I am self employed so I just let things go, doing what I can, but things are getting worse. The money is running out and the wife is upset, and there is just no way to tell the customers whats really going on.
Heres the thing, even though I made all those promises here on this forum, to never drink again, I just cant help to think that a few drinks are needed to take the edge off, just let me relax, and maybe do some business calls over a few drinks, get the ball rolling again, I quit drinking in the prime of my business.
I don't even want to drink but I cant get it out of my head that sobriety is killing my career, I am too old to do anything else as good as what I do, I am really good at my job when I feel like doing it.
I didn't even want to post this, But I thought maybe someone has experienced it too.
It's 4:45 AM again, and my mind just races.
My best educated guess is hypomania or manic depression, but I just don't trust doctors. I know this will pass, but at times i want to give in so bad to what I know will work, this time I didn't.
if I started back drinking, I really dont think I could quit again.
Ive been sober since Feb 20th 2011 but it isn't all so great in some areas.
When I was young I wasn't very 'cool', i wasn't popular in fact i didn't really fit in anywhere, people called me shy, until I discovered alcohol, then things fell in place, friends, career, girls, wife etc...
30 years later...
After nearly 2-1/2 years of no alcohol I am finding I am socially dysfunctional, I have over 600 posts here, most while I was drinking, very few since.
I am actually ok with how I am, exept feeling really down at times but I built a career that needs me to be social, I need to talk to 10 to 20 people a day and some days I just cant pull off the act, i cringe when my phone rings...
I am self employed so I just let things go, doing what I can, but things are getting worse. The money is running out and the wife is upset, and there is just no way to tell the customers whats really going on.
Heres the thing, even though I made all those promises here on this forum, to never drink again, I just cant help to think that a few drinks are needed to take the edge off, just let me relax, and maybe do some business calls over a few drinks, get the ball rolling again, I quit drinking in the prime of my business.
I don't even want to drink but I cant get it out of my head that sobriety is killing my career, I am too old to do anything else as good as what I do, I am really good at my job when I feel like doing it.
I didn't even want to post this, But I thought maybe someone has experienced it too.
It's 4:45 AM again, and my mind just races.
My best educated guess is hypomania or manic depression, but I just don't trust doctors. I know this will pass, but at times i want to give in so bad to what I know will work, this time I didn't.
if I started back drinking, I really dont think I could quit again.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,448
I sympathise with not trusting Drs or therapists, but if alcohol is the only other solution you have in mind right now, the future is not looking good.
anything has to be better than that SB.
Don't wait for it to pass - talk to someone - if you don't like what they have to say, you can try someone or something else...?
D
anything has to be better than that SB.
Don't wait for it to pass - talk to someone - if you don't like what they have to say, you can try someone or something else...?
D
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
I would visit a Dr. and seek his/her advice. Anxiety/depression can be dealt with in a variety of ways and you can become more functional. There must be a reason or reasons you quit drinking or you would not have. The same reasons you quit will logically return when you start again. Think closely about what you are saying. It is nonsense. We become uncomfortable and convince ourselves that drinking will make things better if only for a bit. For me that is complete nonsense. Do I occasionally still have those thoughts....yes.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
I winder if it is anxiety or social phobia. If you cant see someone in person,i would not be surprised to find there are online options.
I suspect there is something that will help, but doing it on your own does not seem to be geting good results.
I suspect there is something that will help, but doing it on your own does not seem to be geting good results.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Hi. Thanks for your post as all is not perfect once many of us stopped drinking. For others heavy indulgence was caused by feelings of many types which in my case was worked on once in and working AA. In addition some of us need medical help to explore that possible conflict. BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by sugarbear1 
sounds like me.
I use the 12 steps. things changed.
sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zones
I use the 12 steps. things changed.
sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zones
I couldn't figure out what the problem was either until I came to trust my sponsor and the AA oldtimers who had found a solution.
They had been just like me too.
Life was horrible at the end of my drinking career when I was so alone, so sick and thinking that I was the only one who felt that way and I couldn't tell anyone. When all those years there was an AA meeting just down the street at the corner with dozens of folks just like me finding meaningful deep recovery from their alcoholism.
Today I walk down to the corner regularly to get my treatment at the tables
All the best.
Bob R
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
These are the sorts of issues that 12 steps programs help us address, free of cost, with no drugs involved.
You did not mention if you are in a recovery program (or other sort of program) in your post.
You and I both know it is NOT sobriety that is causing your business to fail, it is the underlying issue. That can be addressed, and it's a much better investment than drinking.
I am very glad you posted here, it's a great step towards getting support and perspective on a problem that most of us are familiar with. I encourage you to stay open minded about options. Please don't discount anything yet (except booze and drug abuse) as proper ways to address this.
You did not mention if you are in a recovery program (or other sort of program) in your post.
You and I both know it is NOT sobriety that is causing your business to fail, it is the underlying issue. That can be addressed, and it's a much better investment than drinking.
I am very glad you posted here, it's a great step towards getting support and perspective on a problem that most of us are familiar with. I encourage you to stay open minded about options. Please don't discount anything yet (except booze and drug abuse) as proper ways to address this.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by SomethingBetter
My best educated guess is hypomania or manic depression, but I just don't trust doctors. I know this will pass, but at times i want to give in so bad to what I know will work, this time I didn't.
if I started back drinking, I really dont think I could quit again.
if I started back drinking, I really dont think I could quit again.
There isn't a phobia or psychological problem that can't be made managable with proper care. THAT DOES NOT MEAN DRINKING!
Address your issues with social anxiety or whatever it is you are afflicted with by seeing a specialist. Please.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
Another one who's been saved by the steps. I drank for the same reasons as the op. I was told to use god where I used to used to use alcohol, and pray before the situations that brought me fear. I did and still do, and it works. I've found that it doesn't always get rid of the fear, but it helps me to walk through it. And many things became much much easier over time. Beginning was tough, but I get along now pretty well in most situations that at one time were impossible.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Ask yourself what price you're willing to pay in order to feel more socially comfortable at work.
I've been involved in 12-step recovery for nearly twenty seven years. It's not designed to remedy psychiatric conditions, though some people will tell you it worked for them in this way.
The insanity of our condition is not about the crazy things we do while we're drinking; it's about thinking that we can drink safely "this time."
I've been involved in 12-step recovery for nearly twenty seven years. It's not designed to remedy psychiatric conditions, though some people will tell you it worked for them in this way.
The insanity of our condition is not about the crazy things we do while we're drinking; it's about thinking that we can drink safely "this time."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Spain
Posts: 92
Originally Posted by SomethingBetter
I am actually ok with how I am, exept feeling really down at times.
It's 4:45 AM again, and my mind just races.
My best educated guess is hypomania or manic depression, but I just don't trust doctors.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
SB,
I was a very shy kid. I couldn't talk to girls and had few friends. No one knew I existed until about 15 or 16 when I discovered alcohol. My parents were often away on weekends so I would I started having a couple friends over to swim in the pool and we would dip into the liquor cabinet and beer fridge. By the end of high school, I was the go-to party animal whose house you could party at. It was great and everyone knew me. I went to college and joined a frat, was always the first one there and the last one to leave the party. Got a job in finance after college. Was always drinking after work with the boys. But then I drank more and more where I couldn't even function at work....ended up fired and in rehab.
My whole existence up until a couple years ago was really a product of how alcohol allowed me to become what I thought everyone else wanted me to be.
I am sober now and trying to figure out who I really am. I have to look back to that shy 14 yr old and 'grow-up' again without that magical potion to help me.
I was a very shy kid. I couldn't talk to girls and had few friends. No one knew I existed until about 15 or 16 when I discovered alcohol. My parents were often away on weekends so I would I started having a couple friends over to swim in the pool and we would dip into the liquor cabinet and beer fridge. By the end of high school, I was the go-to party animal whose house you could party at. It was great and everyone knew me. I went to college and joined a frat, was always the first one there and the last one to leave the party. Got a job in finance after college. Was always drinking after work with the boys. But then I drank more and more where I couldn't even function at work....ended up fired and in rehab.
My whole existence up until a couple years ago was really a product of how alcohol allowed me to become what I thought everyone else wanted me to be.
I am sober now and trying to figure out who I really am. I have to look back to that shy 14 yr old and 'grow-up' again without that magical potion to help me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Spain
Posts: 92
Originally Posted by Michelangelo
Possibly ciclothymia or mild bipolar disorder? Insomnia, racing thoughts, Feeling really Down... Very familiar for me. I suffer ciclothymia and a doctor does really help.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Here is the first thing I thought of after reading your post.
You said that you quit drinking in the prime of your business. Why did you do that? That is what I would be asking myself. There must have been a pretty good reason that you did that. Our addiction can be very creative in tricking us back into active use again. Just read the threads at SR every day and you will see people that either went back out or are contemplating going back out and there are countless different excuses as to why.
There are a lot of ways to deal with your current issues, but alcohol isn't one of them. It might be a short-term solution, but the long-term consequences will far outweigh them. It's like cutting off your arm to make your hand stop hurting. I obviously just made that up lol but you get the picture. In sobriety we have to learn to deal with life on life's terms. If you need professional help then get it. If you need a support group find one. You can learn the social skills you need without relying on alcohol. I didn't say it is easy (I know from experience), but I know it can be done (I know from experience).
You said that you quit drinking in the prime of your business. Why did you do that? That is what I would be asking myself. There must have been a pretty good reason that you did that. Our addiction can be very creative in tricking us back into active use again. Just read the threads at SR every day and you will see people that either went back out or are contemplating going back out and there are countless different excuses as to why.
There are a lot of ways to deal with your current issues, but alcohol isn't one of them. It might be a short-term solution, but the long-term consequences will far outweigh them. It's like cutting off your arm to make your hand stop hurting. I obviously just made that up lol but you get the picture. In sobriety we have to learn to deal with life on life's terms. If you need professional help then get it. If you need a support group find one. You can learn the social skills you need without relying on alcohol. I didn't say it is easy (I know from experience), but I know it can be done (I know from experience).
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Originally Posted by Michelangelo
Possibly ciclothymia or mild bipolar disorder? Insomnia, racing thoughts, Feeling really Down... Very familiar for me. I suffer ciclothymia and a doctor does really help.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
SomethingBetter...thank you for your honest post...I haven't read any of your drinking ones...but it seems this is the one that matters...
just a few questions to answer for yourself because I haven't seen them mentioned...
Who can you talk to honestly? Can you be honest with your wife?
Have you seen a Dr. or GNP for your health?
Are you involved in a 12step program? Or some type of recovery program?
If in a 12step program have you worked a 4th/5th step...8th/9th?
Are you actively working with or seeking out others with alcohol problems to help them...and for you to stay sober?
Usually by living sober and working the 12steps or AVRT our lives become manageable...finances, relationships, health, etc...
These are just questions I ask a person with some time in recovery who is relapsing.
My best to you....just questions for yourself.
just a few questions to answer for yourself because I haven't seen them mentioned...
Who can you talk to honestly? Can you be honest with your wife?
Have you seen a Dr. or GNP for your health?
Are you involved in a 12step program? Or some type of recovery program?
If in a 12step program have you worked a 4th/5th step...8th/9th?
Are you actively working with or seeking out others with alcohol problems to help them...and for you to stay sober?
Usually by living sober and working the 12steps or AVRT our lives become manageable...finances, relationships, health, etc...
These are just questions I ask a person with some time in recovery who is relapsing.
My best to you....just questions for yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
Thanks everyone for the words I needed, sometimes even though I know what you might say it’s good to hear them anyway. I know I should see a doc, and I probably need to talk to more people in my situation, AA or whatever.
First, I am not against AA, I have read the books I actually found an AA coin one day like it was planted for me somehow, the coin was right there, I posted about it somewhere.
I’ll try to make this as short as I can, I don’t have a fear of being social, I just don’t care to be social all the time, and when a lot of people keep bugging me for something I just clam up and distance myself, this is true with friends and business related people. But when my mood returns I am fine, happy go lucky. When it’s off, I just assume be by myself, I am tired of faking a smile.
I read all the posts and was going to respond to them all but I can’t, so let me say thank you to all of you, you all have great points and I will consider them all.
The key things being a doc, even if it is just a consultation, get back into the books and the forum, remember why I quit in the first place.
Will definitely look into ‘ciclothymia’
Wastinglife that story is shockingly familiar!
Grungehead - I was about to lose my wife, I was drinking way too much and it was also affecting my health, I’ve lost 40 pounds and feel great when things are right. It wasn’t affecting my work except for a few missed days and hangovers, but I’m sure it would have sooner or later. ‘Deal with life on life's terms” yup, I guess that’s the hardest part.
Wiscsober, I can talk to her, it was really good in the beginning, but as time goes by she just thinks I should be over it already, lol, I guess I can’t blame her. No doc yet, no step program, but I am fond of AVRT, the addictive voice is mostly quiet these days, thankfully, I do need to get back to reading, books and here on the forum.
Funny you say “These are just questions I ask a person with some time in recovery who is relapsing.”, that’s an eye opener, I am so glad I came here and didn’t pick up!
Ok, so I said it would be short, sorry, thanks to all of you!
First, I am not against AA, I have read the books I actually found an AA coin one day like it was planted for me somehow, the coin was right there, I posted about it somewhere.
I’ll try to make this as short as I can, I don’t have a fear of being social, I just don’t care to be social all the time, and when a lot of people keep bugging me for something I just clam up and distance myself, this is true with friends and business related people. But when my mood returns I am fine, happy go lucky. When it’s off, I just assume be by myself, I am tired of faking a smile.
I read all the posts and was going to respond to them all but I can’t, so let me say thank you to all of you, you all have great points and I will consider them all.
The key things being a doc, even if it is just a consultation, get back into the books and the forum, remember why I quit in the first place.
Will definitely look into ‘ciclothymia’
Wastinglife that story is shockingly familiar!
Grungehead - I was about to lose my wife, I was drinking way too much and it was also affecting my health, I’ve lost 40 pounds and feel great when things are right. It wasn’t affecting my work except for a few missed days and hangovers, but I’m sure it would have sooner or later. ‘Deal with life on life's terms” yup, I guess that’s the hardest part.
Wiscsober, I can talk to her, it was really good in the beginning, but as time goes by she just thinks I should be over it already, lol, I guess I can’t blame her. No doc yet, no step program, but I am fond of AVRT, the addictive voice is mostly quiet these days, thankfully, I do need to get back to reading, books and here on the forum.
Funny you say “These are just questions I ask a person with some time in recovery who is relapsing.”, that’s an eye opener, I am so glad I came here and didn’t pick up!
Ok, so I said it would be short, sorry, thanks to all of you!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Aussie
Posts: 79
Great post OP... I am feeling exactly the same way, I was (am) also very shy and introverted and suffer with bad anxiety and depression because of that. I'm 31 and divorced and almost one year sober. I am just so lonely and really want to meet people without being so anxious. I would love to go out again Saturday nights...
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