Past Success = Harder Recovery?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
I'll just throw this in: I don't think success has anything to do with money or fame or a legacy.
Are you happy? Are you content? Are you satisfied? Yes to all three is success.
You can have tons of money and fame and it won't buy you happiness, contentment or satisfaction. It's so true it's a sad cliché.
You can carve this planet into the shape of your head and it won't be a lasting legacy.
Something to consider.
Are you happy? Are you content? Are you satisfied? Yes to all three is success.
You can have tons of money and fame and it won't buy you happiness, contentment or satisfaction. It's so true it's a sad cliché.
You can carve this planet into the shape of your head and it won't be a lasting legacy.
Something to consider.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I have a really big problem its financial in nature its always been a big friggen problem. I HATE this problem i have and I dunno if it will ever get any better!
I could be rich and successful and have a kid or spouse with cancer or whos terminaly ill.
I had a bout with high cholesterol lady i know said shes fortunate hers is naturally low I said wow your lucky! she said no I just have cancer instead. I said YEP that is true.
Sometimes you have to accept your lot in life theres a reason its Your Lot. Everyone has there problems its hard to be greatful that there Your Problems. Some of us are simply not equiped to handle some of the other problems we could have been handed instead.
I dont like the deck of cards i got handed sometimes But its what i got to work with. Its crummy we cant change the fact that life isnt fair. But we can learn to accept it and deal with it and make the best of it.
I could be rich and successful and have a kid or spouse with cancer or whos terminaly ill.
I had a bout with high cholesterol lady i know said shes fortunate hers is naturally low I said wow your lucky! she said no I just have cancer instead. I said YEP that is true.
Sometimes you have to accept your lot in life theres a reason its Your Lot. Everyone has there problems its hard to be greatful that there Your Problems. Some of us are simply not equiped to handle some of the other problems we could have been handed instead.
I dont like the deck of cards i got handed sometimes But its what i got to work with. Its crummy we cant change the fact that life isnt fair. But we can learn to accept it and deal with it and make the best of it.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
My goal is to be content in my own skin and reasonably happy with MY life. Happiness means different things for different people. I know that staying sober and working the steps is probably the best way to reach my goal.
And thinking back I can say that what it would take to reach those goals 30 years ago is vastly different than what it would take now. Back then I was much more materialistic and so were the goals to achieve happiness. I won't go into them but my goals to achieve happiness now are much simpler and I also think much more attainable. Of course I am also 30 years older and wasted much of those 30 years getting drunk and wasting time. I have to accept that and move forward. One thing I am sure of though, if I don't stay sober it all becomes a moot point.
And thinking back I can say that what it would take to reach those goals 30 years ago is vastly different than what it would take now. Back then I was much more materialistic and so were the goals to achieve happiness. I won't go into them but my goals to achieve happiness now are much simpler and I also think much more attainable. Of course I am also 30 years older and wasted much of those 30 years getting drunk and wasting time. I have to accept that and move forward. One thing I am sure of though, if I don't stay sober it all becomes a moot point.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: London.
Posts: 54
Really want to express my gratitude for this thread because it has really got me pondering and its good to know that others share what for me is a real sense of pain in my life.
This quote from St Thomas Aquinas has been playing on my mind for a while now and I sense its incredibly important for my own recovery....
To live well is to work well, to show a good activity.
I think that its about me getting my head around what a 'good activity' actually is but working on the basis that my malady is a spiritual one and that its higher purpose has to be in terms of my recovery being something that hopefully inspires others to also be able to begin their own journey then being able to show this 'good activity' is of the utmost importance.
Now I am a married man and a father of two children. My role has to be that of the primary breadwinner and that I need to be able to provide a home which is full of loving integrity. Apologies if this all seems a little bit like a stream of consciousness but it is something that I need to really get my teeth into and this place seems a good way of doing it.
But if I was single and without those responsibilities ? I think I would have to approach it from a different angle. My recovery has started once I had my family in place. I guess in someways that makes my future goals much simpler because the selfless nature of them is obvious. And that word 'selfless' has to be a core value here.
So.....I guess more questions than answers here but what I am struggling to articulate here is this.
If I was single and with no dependents then I would probably be looking at why my own values and aspirations were. And then look at them from the outside. If I were to write my own obituary what would I truly want to be remembered for ? Owning bright and shiny things or of being a value to others ? Sorry if that sounds a bit trite but is there any other way of seeing it ?
Perhaps in this lays the ultimate conflict of our consumer society ? Are we what we own or who we serve ?
And within that is that true answer to the notion of 'show a good activity' truly lay ?
My head hurts
This quote from St Thomas Aquinas has been playing on my mind for a while now and I sense its incredibly important for my own recovery....
To live well is to work well, to show a good activity.
I think that its about me getting my head around what a 'good activity' actually is but working on the basis that my malady is a spiritual one and that its higher purpose has to be in terms of my recovery being something that hopefully inspires others to also be able to begin their own journey then being able to show this 'good activity' is of the utmost importance.
Now I am a married man and a father of two children. My role has to be that of the primary breadwinner and that I need to be able to provide a home which is full of loving integrity. Apologies if this all seems a little bit like a stream of consciousness but it is something that I need to really get my teeth into and this place seems a good way of doing it.
But if I was single and without those responsibilities ? I think I would have to approach it from a different angle. My recovery has started once I had my family in place. I guess in someways that makes my future goals much simpler because the selfless nature of them is obvious. And that word 'selfless' has to be a core value here.
So.....I guess more questions than answers here but what I am struggling to articulate here is this.
If I was single and with no dependents then I would probably be looking at why my own values and aspirations were. And then look at them from the outside. If I were to write my own obituary what would I truly want to be remembered for ? Owning bright and shiny things or of being a value to others ? Sorry if that sounds a bit trite but is there any other way of seeing it ?
Perhaps in this lays the ultimate conflict of our consumer society ? Are we what we own or who we serve ?
And within that is that true answer to the notion of 'show a good activity' truly lay ?
My head hurts
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Hi. Years ago I had some similar feelings and someone pointed out that if I'm not grateful for what sobriety has given me "there's the door, your misery of drinking is refundable." That got me thinking about reality and expectations, I still forget that personal enemy of mine called "it takes time." BE WELL
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by bigsombrero 
I feel like SOBRIETY in itself is no longer enough. I feel like my options are so few, and all of them are so depressing. I don't WANT to go live in a sober house and screw bottle caps on coca-cola products. That's not what I got into this sobriety thing for - I got into sobriety so I could start rebuilding a successful life...and when someone says "hey, at least you're not drinking" - yeah that's great, but I need a LOT MORE than that. These pats on the back at AA meetings for not picking up a drink are feeling more and more patronizing.
"Abstinent and recovering. These two words appear to have the same meaning but they differ substantially when looked at over a long period of time. Abstinence may measure the same as recovery in a urine sample or blood test but the intention, expectations and the long-term durability of the two paths to “legally defined sobriety” are qualitatively quit different.
The abstinent addict is looking for a quick-fix for their problem where the person living in recovery seeks, desires and expects to find a new way of living without the need for any substances (crutches) in their lives. Abstinence may cure back problems (getting your license back, job back, family back) but it does not address the underlying causes of needing a mind-altering substance in the first place. A person seeking true recovery recognizes the truth about themselves, that is, that there was some kind of problem that existed prior to seeking out drugs or alcohol initially.
For the person who was uncomfortable in their own skin to start with, not drinking or drugging does not treat their bigger malady (anxiety, frustration, guilt or despair). The individual who is merely abstinent must go on to face these obstacles long after obtaining their short term goals or getting their stuff back. In short, abstinence is not drinking and feeling bad about it. Recovery is not drinking and felling good about it.
There are a series of “simple to grasp” slogans used within recovery groups designed to get the newcomer through the next day/week/month or whatever short-term goal that particular program has. In all fairness to any counselor/teacher/sponsor these psychological tricks and tips are essential in the first few months of any kind of recovery and there is no practical way around them. The danger for the person in recovery comes when they continue to rely on these “band-aids” permanently and fail to heal the wound.
The limitations and weaknesses of abstinence typically do not show up until sometime later-on in the recovery process, when the now sober mind starts to realize that only a few things get better while most “life challenges” go on. They begin to recognize that most of the slogans they heard were simply not true or were gross exaggerations. One such slogan is; “just don’t drink, go to meetings and life will get better”. Your parole officer might think your life is better but he is looking at the situation from the perspective of a baby-sitter who is responsible for cleaning up your mess. The reality is that if you can’t sleep at night because of worries and fears, your life may in fact get worse and the 4 horseman of the Apocalypse may even move in with you. Peace of mind is a precious commodity to the soul living a sober life. Drugs and alcohol may have been a “rock” comfort-wise, but life without them may prove to be the “hard place” for the person who was caught in the middle and must now choose one side or the other. Now where does he or she find refuge?
A person taught to say the serenity prayer in his or her treatment program is in a better position than someone not familiar with the importance of peace of mind. Serenity is the deluxe edition of sobriety, which includes peace of mind, acceptance and a starting point for meditation. Without serenity, sobriety may not be worth having. True sobriety rides on the coat-tails of serenity. The next time you can’t sleep at night try asking yourself if sobriety is of any help in this particular situation.
Where humility has teaching power, serenity has healing power. That is the power to instill peace of mind. Just because someone was powerless over their drinking or drugging does not mean they have to be powerless over their recovery."
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