tutivillus89

I've been sober this time round since December 15th.

I had been doing really well up until this time too but I messed up when my first real test came which was going to see the Black Keys in concert, on the 8th of December. The excitement and environment proved too much for me (it was really overwhelming, actually), and I went on a bit of a wild one for near enough a week.

My intention really was not to drink at this gig and I felt foolishly confident that I was going to accomplish this. Alas, I did not.

In order to maintain sobriety for the last 2 months, I have taken myself out of scenarios which will lead to the inevitable. I am happy that I haven't drank but there is only so long I can hide away to prevent myself from drinking without going out of my mind with boredom/loneliness.

This leads me to my current train of thought; I have tried AA before, attended various meetings and really made a go of it. Although I could relate to what people were saying and everyone was very accommodating - I never felt comfortable. I feel that I tried but this feeling of unease obviously hindered any benefit I got could get out of going to meetings.

I was just wondering if anyone is maintaining a happy, sober life without attending AA? I'm at a loss as to what my options are really.

Joe Nerv

There are people here happy without AA.

As for myself, going to AA was the only choice I had when I got sober. Nothing much else was available at the time. It was also a very clear matter of life or death for me, and I'm now grateful for that. If not for the urgency, and if I had other options I doubt I'd have stayed. It took me 6 months of about 5 meetings a week before I started to feel comfortable. Took me about a year before I liked it. I'm certain that it not only saved my life, it opened the doors to a much fuller and richer life than I ever had.

I'm beginning to believe that AA works best for those who've tried everything else first, and failed. Or those who have no issues with what the program suggests. If someone is going to fight it however, there are probably better options.

mecanix

I'm happy without AA being part of the deal ,
I'd always consider popping along to a few different ones if i were looking to make sober friends though . Cultivate a few sober friends in AA and they probably know a whole load of sober people who don't go to meetings ..

My life is pritty full with being in a band and having a job that takes 13 hrs a day round trip door to door inclusive of the commute .

I'd imagine there are loads of things to do to socialise where drinking isn't the focus , animal charities , volenteer stuff , hiking the munros , cycling , canoeing , jogging running club , music (as long as your a bit choosey) art clubs , outdoor painting , ameture dramatics ,

what do you want to do ? why not try something different every week and write a book about it

FBL

Lots of other options out there these days (SMART, AVRT, RR). Take a look around this site and you'll find many of us who have gotten sober without AA.

I'm now well over 3 years happily sober with just face-to-face support from friends and family members, and SR.

wheresthefun

Yup, I am a happy (most of the time) non-drinker.

I do not use any formal program, but I'm sure others will be along soon with links to (for lack of a better term) AA alternatives. Also, I'd suggest you look around the site, and read what others have done to gain and maintain happy sober lives.

Fandy

there are many manymanymany...threads and polls on this. The last one i could i find was about 3 weeks ago in the Alcoholism section of the forum. there is also one related in the secular section.

you are coming up on 2 months, congrats! You are happy and sober, and a bit bored? You can do anything you want socially, I hope you find some friends and activities to enjoy.

exponential

I haven't worked the AA program, but I have been to many of their meetings and can see why it has been helpful for many people. I think AA gets a bad rap for being "religious," when in fact they aren't really religious in a literal sense. I think they do incorporate a "leap of faith" of sorts into their program, whereby one recognizes that staying sober is easier when drawing on some force outside of oneself. And they recognize that full recovery from alcohol/drug addiction problems, in more cases than not, does involve some form of spiritual transformation. Perhaps the biggest secret to their success, I think, is the realization that it is not only helpful to receive support from a community, but to give it as well. For some reason it helps us to stay sober if we help others stay sober. That is why most AA members are more than willing to be "sponsors" for other members.

bigsombrero

Yes, check out the Secular recovery threads. In my experience (at 7 months sober) I have also tried AA and got an "uneasy" feeling about it. Like there were some hidden motives behind my involvement. I was immediately asked to join several other meetings, start hanging out with only AA people, and basically use any free time I had to participate in AA.

However you will notice here online that many people find a happy medium. And that other AA groups have turned out good after having a bad experience at another. I think AA groups can be very different depending on where you go. Also, since sobriety is KING in my world, I will use AA help or advice from time to time just for backup support. Nothing can come between me and being sober, I do know that.

Anyway - I too am just wandering through life, sober, trying to find a way to keep recovery in my life without AA. If I find anything, I'll share it with you - be sure to do the same for me! Good luck.

Coldfusion

First off, there is more to AA than just meetings--working the steps with a sponsor is perhaps the most important part of the program. But "most" members are not qualified to be a sponsor. A sponsor should have at least a year of sobriety and completed the 12-step program. He or she should also be reasonably available. My sponsor has these qualifications, and also spent time answering the AA District crisis phones.

I also have an AA phone list of people who are willing to be called at any time (no qualifications are necessary to be on the phone list.)

Fandy

anyway, welcome tutiville...there is no "wrong" way to be sober if you are happy with yourself.

john44

I've found that getting to know people outside the framework of the meetings ; talking, laughing and joking about non AA things has made me much more comfortable at meetings. You tend to look at these folks as more than just alcoholics, sometimes they become friends. You really start feeling more a part of things. I usually get there 20-30 minutes before the meeting and sometimes stay late.

michaelchall

I am ten months sober (on the 18th). No AA. I just know that drinking is not for me anymore. Even though it took me a decade to realize that, no matter how many terrible things happened b/c of it.

Another place for support is a ***** group called Booze Free Brigade. It is an awesome group of ladies (and gents) who support each other. Good for instant support, much like this site.

thisisme

"I was just wondering if anyone is maintaining a happy, sober life without attending AA? I'm at a loss as to what my options are really."

I lead a happy sober life without AA.
I see alcohol for what it really is, poison, this greatly reducing my desire to drink.
I have Allen Carr to mostly thank for my sobriety of 7 years, never slipped.
I hope you find a similar sober path.

soberlicious

I too lead a very happy live..no booze, no AA...

TimD

I am staying sober with AA. Just past the 7 month mark. I spent the first couple of months just going to meetings and trying to figure out how it works. At some point I knew that just going to AA meetings wasn't going to keep me sober. I looked around at a lot of people that it was working for and decided I would try it their way, not mine. I got a sponsor and started working the steps.

I had to surrender. Once I did, I was amazed. I went on a seven-day Caribbean cruise last month and didn't take a drink. Alcohol was everywhere, all the time, and I was never really tempted. Seven months ago I was drinking nearly a half-gallon of whiskey per day and the only thing that stopped me was a trip to the emergency room and finally admitting I couldn't stop on my own. The only way I can explain it all is that I finally asked God for help and he pointed me to AA.

flutter

Me! I did see a counselor for quite a while though, I really needed some guidance on how to live and thrive with my new life and no old crutches. There's tons of ways to get and stay sober, each of our recovery paths are very different it seems.

Dee74

There are many many people here happily sober without AA - I'm one of them too

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around -
I know both SMART Recovery and LifeRing are pretty active in the UK

I recommend you also visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

D

TheEnd

I attended AA for awhile then left after I decided it didn't really fit with my life anymore. AA allows you to meet other people who are actively working a recovery program. This aspect is good, however I found that most of these people were solely dedicated to the program. Any interaction with them was always mixed with going to a meeting. For instance, "Hey do you want to go to dinner tonight?" "Yes, lets grab a bite to eat after a meeting?" You will find some people who are not quite as fanatical and can actually hang out with you, without having to mix it with a meeting, but those people seem to be few and far in between. Best to find something you like and go join group. You might even be able to hang out with your old friends after you get some time under your belt. Changing people, places, and things is good advice, but it's a temporary fix. Sooner or later, you will have to intergrate with the rest of the world.

When you fashion yourself as a non-drinker, you won't have to worry about drinking at a concert, because drinking will not be an option.

mydee19

Hi Tutivillus,

I did not like AA nor did I want to be associated with AA but I got desperate enough to go for it as I had no other choice, in time, I learned to understand how AA really works.

I can only share my experience but AA saved my life and I think AA gets a bad rap because of the whole God concept; there are many atheists and agnostics in AA and they are able to stay sober by working the steps.

But I believe your recovery is your own, may it be AA, SR, SMART etc. The question you need to really ask yourself is, how done are you? I know that when I wanted to get sober, I did everything I could to stay sober a minute, an hour, a day at a time and so far so good; I have been sober for 9 months through the help of AA, my sponsor, and SR.

I wish you the best of luck and sending you good vibes and lots of love your way!

neferkamichael

I have come to prefer SR for my chemical dependency issues, and I go to AA meetings regularly.