I'm drinking again
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
Posts: 1,254
Originally Posted by FenwayFaithful 
I’m going to speak to a shrink tomorrow
Found the courage to talk to my Mom
Told her I went to AA tonight
She told me she doesn’t think I need AA that I’m not an alcoholic
I told her I’ve been drinking every single day so maybe I am.
She told me I’m just using alcohol as a way to cope with other things
Then she told me to not tell the shrink I’m seeing on campus tomorrow about the drinking.
I don’t know what to do =( I don’t want to upset my Mom but I feel like lying is so counter productive…but at the same time I don’t disagree with my Mom. Should I tell the shrink what she said? She knows my history with drinking…I saw her last semester. I'd been a couple week sober at that point so I was just honest about how much I'd been drinking prior. But it's different now that I'm actively drinking
I don’t know my Mom is going to be so mad if I have to go to rehab I know she think there is no need and maybe she’s right that my issue isn’t really with alcohol but with what I’m trying to use alcohol to escape that’s what she kept saying
I’m just scared no I guess. I don’t want to upset her/my Dad =( I’ve done so much to cause problems I don’t want to cause anymore.
I'm so torn
Found the courage to talk to my Mom
Told her I went to AA tonight
She told me she doesn’t think I need AA that I’m not an alcoholic
I told her I’ve been drinking every single day so maybe I am.
She told me I’m just using alcohol as a way to cope with other things
Then she told me to not tell the shrink I’m seeing on campus tomorrow about the drinking.
I don’t know what to do =( I don’t want to upset my Mom but I feel like lying is so counter productive…but at the same time I don’t disagree with my Mom. Should I tell the shrink what she said? She knows my history with drinking…I saw her last semester. I'd been a couple week sober at that point so I was just honest about how much I'd been drinking prior. But it's different now that I'm actively drinking
I don’t know my Mom is going to be so mad if I have to go to rehab I know she think there is no need and maybe she’s right that my issue isn’t really with alcohol but with what I’m trying to use alcohol to escape that’s what she kept saying
I’m just scared no I guess. I don’t want to upset her/my Dad =( I’ve done so much to cause problems I don’t want to cause anymore.
I'm so torn
Things will level out when you start doing what's right for YOU.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
FF - maybe your Mom doesn't agree that you need to go to treatment. It would upset your mom far more to read these posts and understand how much pain you are in right? Plus you are at the age (college, right?) where it becomes essential that we cut the umbilical cord. We will always disappoint our parents. Live your life true to yourself. Can you talk to a friend that does understand the depth of your problem with alcohol, sex, etc.? And yes tell the shrink about your mom's opinion, it will help you formulate what you can do to tell her and stand your ground respectfully if you need to.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I agree with the above posts. No parent wants to think their child is an alocholic. My mum is the same,ignores it,tells me just to cut down, I haven't got a problem just need to have more self control/willpower and stop being 'silly'
People who don't have drinking problems don't understand. Only you know if you have a problem and need help. Only you can get that help. Of course tell your therapist what your mum thinks but please don't absorb your mum's opinion as your own. Don't believe you don't have a problem just because she says you don't and use that as a valid reason to keep drinking
You are an independent adult and able to make decisions for yourself about your life and health.good luck with getting treatment.
People who don't have drinking problems don't understand. Only you know if you have a problem and need help. Only you can get that help. Of course tell your therapist what your mum thinks but please don't absorb your mum's opinion as your own. Don't believe you don't have a problem just because she says you don't and use that as a valid reason to keep drinking
You are an independent adult and able to make decisions for yourself about your life and health.good luck with getting treatment.
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
Perhaps mom is worried about how this looks on her. If you're going to go see a therapist or psychologist, you need to be honest for them to do their job. You need to be honest to yourself. Your sobriety has to be the first priority, and has to trump even hurt feelings from mom and dad even.
At this rate, your mom is going to be burying you if things don't turn around. Alcoholism kills, pure and simple. Pussyfooting around what may or may not hurt someone's feelings or pride is not helpful to your sobriety, or any one else's.
Do what you need to do first. Get into a program of recovery. Seek professional services. Stop drinking. Be who you were created to be.
Action!
Blessings to you.
At this rate, your mom is going to be burying you if things don't turn around. Alcoholism kills, pure and simple. Pussyfooting around what may or may not hurt someone's feelings or pride is not helpful to your sobriety, or any one else's.
Do what you need to do first. Get into a program of recovery. Seek professional services. Stop drinking. Be who you were created to be.
Action!
Blessings to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Took all of your advice and told the therapist about what my Mom said I also texted a girl from AA about it (we were close before and reconnected a mtg last night) and she pretty much said the same exact thing as all of you.
My therapist said she thinks my Mom just has misconceptions about what alcoholism is and we agreed that perhaps she isn't actually fully aware of just how much I'm drinking and how often.
And you're all right about the fact that not parents wants to believe their child is using. I dated an addict. I definitely know how easy it is to justify and enable someones behaviors.
But the conclusion we came to was one that was brought up earlier in the thread, alcoholism or alcohol abuse, whatever you want to call it--it's an issue. And I'll be a lot happier if I overcome that.
Now I am 24 years old, no longer a child but they are a bit over-protective, which ironically probably has a lot to do with my abuse of alcohol and the subsequent bad choices...but it is actually hard for me to go against their wishes. I know alcoholics are supposed to be selfish or self-centered and I probably am in a lot of ways BUT at the same time I'm so not used to deciding what I want and what I need to do for MYSELF and NOT someone else.
Part of that is emotional immaturity/not knowing myself well enough but it's a habit I need to break.
Anyway I digress. My campus doesn't offer the therapy services I need so I've been referred to a few local therapists who do DBT (a form of behavioral therapy) that she feels will be beneficial in overcoming my issues with dealing with strong emotions without resorting to self-destructive behaviors.
But we agreed that a rehab wasn't really needed. She acknowledged that fact that therapy would supplement getting sober but strongly encourages I go to AA as that's where people tend to find the most success.
My therapist said she thinks my Mom just has misconceptions about what alcoholism is and we agreed that perhaps she isn't actually fully aware of just how much I'm drinking and how often.
And you're all right about the fact that not parents wants to believe their child is using. I dated an addict. I definitely know how easy it is to justify and enable someones behaviors.
But the conclusion we came to was one that was brought up earlier in the thread, alcoholism or alcohol abuse, whatever you want to call it--it's an issue. And I'll be a lot happier if I overcome that.
Now I am 24 years old, no longer a child but they are a bit over-protective, which ironically probably has a lot to do with my abuse of alcohol and the subsequent bad choices...but it is actually hard for me to go against their wishes. I know alcoholics are supposed to be selfish or self-centered and I probably am in a lot of ways BUT at the same time I'm so not used to deciding what I want and what I need to do for MYSELF and NOT someone else.
Part of that is emotional immaturity/not knowing myself well enough but it's a habit I need to break.
Anyway I digress. My campus doesn't offer the therapy services I need so I've been referred to a few local therapists who do DBT (a form of behavioral therapy) that she feels will be beneficial in overcoming my issues with dealing with strong emotions without resorting to self-destructive behaviors.
But we agreed that a rehab wasn't really needed. She acknowledged that fact that therapy would supplement getting sober but strongly encourages I go to AA as that's where people tend to find the most success.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
i hope you decide not to drink today. You can get a solid foundation of sobriety again and work on the rest of your issues with more clarity and less depression.
Loving and respecting ourselves is sometimes more difficult than anything.
Loving and respecting ourselves is sometimes more difficult than anything.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by FenwayFaithful
Took all of your advice and told the therapist about what my Mom said I also texted a girl from AA about it (we were close before and reconnected a mtg last night) and she pretty much said the same exact thing as all of you.
My therapist said she thinks my Mom just has misconceptions about what alcoholism is and we agreed that perhaps she isn't actually fully aware of just how much I'm drinking and how often.
And you're all right about the fact that not parents wants to believe their child is using. I dated an addict. I definitely know how easy it is to justify and enable someones behaviors.
But the conclusion we came to was one that was brought up earlier in the thread, alcoholism or alcohol abuse, whatever you want to call it--it's an issue. And I'll be a lot happier if I overcome that.
Now I am 24 years old, no longer a child but they are a bit over-protective, which ironically probably has a lot to do with my abuse of alcohol and the subsequent bad choices...but it is actually hard for me to go against their wishes. I know alcoholics are supposed to be selfish or self-centered and I probably am in a lot of ways BUT at the same time I'm so not used to deciding what I want and what I need to do for MYSELF and NOT someone else.
Part of that is emotional immaturity/not knowing myself well enough but it's a habit I need to break.
Anyway I digress. My campus doesn't offer the therapy services I need so I've been referred to a few local therapists who do DBT (a form of behavioral therapy) that she feels will be beneficial in overcoming my issues with dealing with strong emotions without resorting to self-destructive behaviors.
But we agreed that a rehab wasn't really needed. She acknowledged that fact that therapy would supplement getting sober but strongly encourages I go to AA as that's where people tend to find the most success.
My therapist said she thinks my Mom just has misconceptions about what alcoholism is and we agreed that perhaps she isn't actually fully aware of just how much I'm drinking and how often.
And you're all right about the fact that not parents wants to believe their child is using. I dated an addict. I definitely know how easy it is to justify and enable someones behaviors.
But the conclusion we came to was one that was brought up earlier in the thread, alcoholism or alcohol abuse, whatever you want to call it--it's an issue. And I'll be a lot happier if I overcome that.
Now I am 24 years old, no longer a child but they are a bit over-protective, which ironically probably has a lot to do with my abuse of alcohol and the subsequent bad choices...but it is actually hard for me to go against their wishes. I know alcoholics are supposed to be selfish or self-centered and I probably am in a lot of ways BUT at the same time I'm so not used to deciding what I want and what I need to do for MYSELF and NOT someone else.
Part of that is emotional immaturity/not knowing myself well enough but it's a habit I need to break.
Anyway I digress. My campus doesn't offer the therapy services I need so I've been referred to a few local therapists who do DBT (a form of behavioral therapy) that she feels will be beneficial in overcoming my issues with dealing with strong emotions without resorting to self-destructive behaviors.
But we agreed that a rehab wasn't really needed. She acknowledged that fact that therapy would supplement getting sober but strongly encourages I go to AA as that's where people tend to find the most success.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Well I’m sober Day 2. Not feeling particularly optimistic or good about it but not feeling like drinking either.
I came home for the weekend because I couldn’t be alone in the state I was in. And there is less temptation to drink here so…I thought it would be good.
I guess I’m just really depressed and unhappy. It’s unbelievable when you compare how I was feeling a week ago before thing blew up with this guy to now. I just can’t believe how much having someone can change my outlook, perspective, level of motivation and mood that significantly.
I find myself now resorting to missing my ex. Which well if you know anything about my EXABF it’s the very LAST place I should even be considering, although he’s in jail so… we’ve been NC for a long time but part of me wants to break it because I feel like I need someone…we actually went NC right around the time I started talking to new guy…so maybe there’s something there.
Anyway I am in a pretty deep state of depression. Once again with NO MOTIATION for school, as if I’m already not far enough behind. I need to find a way to find though this and get what I need to get done accomplished but it’s so hard when I feel this way. I sit there working on homework knowing I have nothing but an empty room and a silent phone to return to at the end of the day. It’s depressing. That’s really what the worst thing about all of this is, this guy gave me something to look forward to, made me happy.
Now my moods are really depressed or not as depressed. I just want to feel good. Drinking won’t give me that. I don’t know what will. I am just really desperate not only to not feel bad but to actually FEEL GOOD and I have no idea how to do that or how to deal with things in the mean time
I have to take the MTEL this week, which is a really important licensure exam for my degree and I don’t know if I can get through it feeling this way
I guess what I want to know is... has anyone else ever felt this low? Like nothing ever makes you happy or like only a man can make you happy and if you don't have that there's not possible way you can't not feel like s***? I hate that. I don't want to need someone else to make me happy but it feels like happiness is impossible other wise. I just don't know how to find happiness on my own
I came home for the weekend because I couldn’t be alone in the state I was in. And there is less temptation to drink here so…I thought it would be good.
I guess I’m just really depressed and unhappy. It’s unbelievable when you compare how I was feeling a week ago before thing blew up with this guy to now. I just can’t believe how much having someone can change my outlook, perspective, level of motivation and mood that significantly.
I find myself now resorting to missing my ex. Which well if you know anything about my EXABF it’s the very LAST place I should even be considering, although he’s in jail so… we’ve been NC for a long time but part of me wants to break it because I feel like I need someone…we actually went NC right around the time I started talking to new guy…so maybe there’s something there.
Anyway I am in a pretty deep state of depression. Once again with NO MOTIATION for school, as if I’m already not far enough behind. I need to find a way to find though this and get what I need to get done accomplished but it’s so hard when I feel this way. I sit there working on homework knowing I have nothing but an empty room and a silent phone to return to at the end of the day. It’s depressing. That’s really what the worst thing about all of this is, this guy gave me something to look forward to, made me happy.
Now my moods are really depressed or not as depressed. I just want to feel good. Drinking won’t give me that. I don’t know what will. I am just really desperate not only to not feel bad but to actually FEEL GOOD and I have no idea how to do that or how to deal with things in the mean time
I have to take the MTEL this week, which is a really important licensure exam for my degree and I don’t know if I can get through it feeling this way
I guess what I want to know is... has anyone else ever felt this low? Like nothing ever makes you happy or like only a man can make you happy and if you don't have that there's not possible way you can't not feel like s***? I hate that. I don't want to need someone else to make me happy but it feels like happiness is impossible other wise. I just don't know how to find happiness on my own
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I have felt like you. I'm older now and realize I was searching for love,value,respect and justification from a man because I didn't love, value or respect myself, It never worked out right of course.I was just lonely,depressed,sad and desperate. Men could probably spot it a mile off. the decent ones kept their distance. The bad ones smelt the vulnerability and neediness and came right on over.
When I got to my mid 30s I really had had enough. what seemed fun/normal/casual etc in my 20s was just wrong/desperate/shameful in my 30s. I decided I had to work on myself. I had to learn to love and respect myself before anyone else would and before I had any chance of having a decent relationship. I stopped looking for someone to make me feel better about myself and tried to learn it myself. I'm still learning but going in the right direction.
I don't know if you will relate to any of this but think what I'm trying to say is you will never find a man to make you happy if you are not happy with yourself to start with. It takes time/work on you and then you will feel less lonely and more worthy,but it comes from within not externally
wishing you the best of luck and sending you prayers and hugs
When I got to my mid 30s I really had had enough. what seemed fun/normal/casual etc in my 20s was just wrong/desperate/shameful in my 30s. I decided I had to work on myself. I had to learn to love and respect myself before anyone else would and before I had any chance of having a decent relationship. I stopped looking for someone to make me feel better about myself and tried to learn it myself. I'm still learning but going in the right direction.
I don't know if you will relate to any of this but think what I'm trying to say is you will never find a man to make you happy if you are not happy with yourself to start with. It takes time/work on you and then you will feel less lonely and more worthy,but it comes from within not externally
wishing you the best of luck and sending you prayers and hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Hi Fenway,
You need to contact the therapist your counselor told you about. This is why she suggested therapy----to find out why you need others to make you happy?
Please make an appointment and get started on walking the right path. You are in pain , and you need help. You cannot do this without a professional. IMO!!
Let us know how your appointment goes, K?
Sincerely,
The TrixMixer
You need to contact the therapist your counselor told you about. This is why she suggested therapy----to find out why you need others to make you happy?
Please make an appointment and get started on walking the right path. You are in pain , and you need help. You cannot do this without a professional. IMO!!
Let us know how your appointment goes, K?
Sincerely,
The TrixMixer
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: London
Posts: 299
Fenway, I've done what you did for a long time. I was in relationships that weren't right and when I split up with people I felt totally devastated (it was like a drug to me, I used to do things like sleep with my mobile phone in my hand after one break-up as I wanted to know right away if he was contacting me). You've need to see the therapist as others saying and keep up the non-contact.
I mixed booze on top of all of it (as you did) and it's impossible to sort it all out when you're drinking. This is going to take some work but it doesn't take that long, if you work at it then in a matter of months your life can start to turn around.
Have a look at this site if you get time as well as working on your recovery: Getting Past Your Breakup
The woman who runs it doesn't drink either. The site looks twee but the focus is on you and not contacting exes. Stay sober, see a therapist, and go to recovery groups. You can do this.
I mixed booze on top of all of it (as you did) and it's impossible to sort it all out when you're drinking. This is going to take some work but it doesn't take that long, if you work at it then in a matter of months your life can start to turn around.
Have a look at this site if you get time as well as working on your recovery: Getting Past Your Breakup
The woman who runs it doesn't drink either. The site looks twee but the focus is on you and not contacting exes. Stay sober, see a therapist, and go to recovery groups. You can do this.
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