I'm drinking again
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
going into rehab or AA or some kinda serious recovery sounds like your best shot, FF. I know it doesn't sound glamorous or "fun", but this constant drinking & nearly anonymous sex is not going to end well.
please give up & get help, God bless...
please give up & get help, God bless...
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
"Someone I know online we’ve developed a pretty deep friendship, but really it’s ridiculous to be this upset over someone I never met" yaeh, well I would be 8 years sober today I fit hadn't been for a months long online relationship in 2009. Partly the habit of thinking in terms of not drinking (which is why I think in order to not drink one has to not drink) partly remembering, again, the serenity prayer brought a 24 hour bust to a halt and I'm sober 2 and a half years today. The point is the stuff life throws at you stay the same. It's how or even whether you bother to deal with it that changes. What do you have power to change, what not. Figure it out.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
It’s pretty simple really.
I can keep drinking, keep feeling like s***, keep f***ing random guys that make me feel even more terrible, keep blacking out, keep dating drug addicts, keep having not even a remote sense of self-respect or self-confidence…or I can DO something about it.
Drugs, alcohol, cutting, starving, promiscuity and romanticized relationships are only an attempt to avoid the immense pain I’m in and demons I am facing and until I stop that, I can’t even begin to think about healing and I will ALWAYS end up back here.
And by cutting out drinking, the majority of the things on that list will be eliminated but it has to start there and it’s something I need to commit to. Therapy and AA and whatever else it takes to truly start healing because what I’ve been doing…it isn’t working. It never has.
It's just taking that step sorting through all that pain and heartache it's so tempting to turn to something that allows me to avoid that. But you can't avoid the pain forever, not if you actually want to live your life.
On a side note
This forum has literally saved my life, the amount of understanding and kindness and fantastic advice I've gotten here means so much to me, you are all such wonderfully amazing people and each and every one of you helps take a little bit of that pain away with the amount of empathy, compassionate and sensitivity I always find here
I can keep drinking, keep feeling like s***, keep f***ing random guys that make me feel even more terrible, keep blacking out, keep dating drug addicts, keep having not even a remote sense of self-respect or self-confidence…or I can DO something about it.
Drugs, alcohol, cutting, starving, promiscuity and romanticized relationships are only an attempt to avoid the immense pain I’m in and demons I am facing and until I stop that, I can’t even begin to think about healing and I will ALWAYS end up back here.
And by cutting out drinking, the majority of the things on that list will be eliminated but it has to start there and it’s something I need to commit to. Therapy and AA and whatever else it takes to truly start healing because what I’ve been doing…it isn’t working. It never has.
It's just taking that step sorting through all that pain and heartache it's so tempting to turn to something that allows me to avoid that. But you can't avoid the pain forever, not if you actually want to live your life.
On a side note
This forum has literally saved my life, the amount of understanding and kindness and fantastic advice I've gotten here means so much to me, you are all such wonderfully amazing people and each and every one of you helps take a little bit of that pain away with the amount of empathy, compassionate and sensitivity I always find here
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 522
Originally Posted by FenwayFaithful 
It’s pretty simple really.
I can keep drinking, keep feeling like s***, keep f***ing random guys that make me feel even more terrible, keep blacking out, keep dating drug addicts, keep having not even a remote sense of self-respect or self-confidence…or I can DO something about it.
Drugs, alcohol, cutting, starving, promiscuity and romanticized relationships are only an attempt to avoid the immense pain I’m in and demons I am facing and until I stop that, I can’t even begin to think about healing and I will ALWAYS end up back here.
And by cutting out drinking, the majority of the things on that list will be eliminated but it has to start there and it’s something I need to commit to. Therapy and AA and whatever else it takes to truly start healing because what I’ve been doing…it isn’t working. It never has.
It's just taking that step sorting through all that pain and heartache it's so tempting to turn to something that allows me to avoid that. But you can't avoid the pain forever, not if you actually want to live your life.
On a side note
This forum has literally saved my life, the amount of understanding and kindness and fantastic advice I've gotten here means so much to me, you are all such wonderfully amazing people and each and every one of you helps take a little bit of that pain away with the amount of empathy, compassionate and sensitivity I always find here
I can keep drinking, keep feeling like s***, keep f***ing random guys that make me feel even more terrible, keep blacking out, keep dating drug addicts, keep having not even a remote sense of self-respect or self-confidence…or I can DO something about it.
Drugs, alcohol, cutting, starving, promiscuity and romanticized relationships are only an attempt to avoid the immense pain I’m in and demons I am facing and until I stop that, I can’t even begin to think about healing and I will ALWAYS end up back here.
And by cutting out drinking, the majority of the things on that list will be eliminated but it has to start there and it’s something I need to commit to. Therapy and AA and whatever else it takes to truly start healing because what I’ve been doing…it isn’t working. It never has.
It's just taking that step sorting through all that pain and heartache it's so tempting to turn to something that allows me to avoid that. But you can't avoid the pain forever, not if you actually want to live your life.
On a side note
This forum has literally saved my life, the amount of understanding and kindness and fantastic advice I've gotten here means so much to me, you are all such wonderfully amazing people and each and every one of you helps take a little bit of that pain away with the amount of empathy, compassionate and sensitivity I always find here
I wish you all the best in your recovery, and please do stick around SR for support and understanding.
-SD
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by FenwayFaithful
It’s pretty simple really.
I can keep drinking, keep feeling like s***, keep f***ing random guys that make me feel even more terrible, keep blacking out, keep dating drug addicts, keep having not even a remote sense of self-respect or self-confidence…or I can DO something about it.
Drugs, alcohol, cutting, starving, promiscuity and romanticized relationships are only an attempt to avoid the immense pain I’m in and demons I am facing and until I stop that, I can’t even begin to think about healing and I will ALWAYS end up back here.
And by cutting out drinking, the majority of the things on that list will be eliminated but it has to start there and it’s something I need to commit to. Therapy and AA and whatever else it takes to truly start healing because what I’ve been doing…it isn’t working. It never has.
It's just taking that step sorting through all that pain and heartache it's so tempting to turn to something that allows me to avoid that. But you can't avoid the pain forever, not if you actually want to live your life.
I can keep drinking, keep feeling like s***, keep f***ing random guys that make me feel even more terrible, keep blacking out, keep dating drug addicts, keep having not even a remote sense of self-respect or self-confidence…or I can DO something about it.
Drugs, alcohol, cutting, starving, promiscuity and romanticized relationships are only an attempt to avoid the immense pain I’m in and demons I am facing and until I stop that, I can’t even begin to think about healing and I will ALWAYS end up back here.
And by cutting out drinking, the majority of the things on that list will be eliminated but it has to start there and it’s something I need to commit to. Therapy and AA and whatever else it takes to truly start healing because what I’ve been doing…it isn’t working. It never has.
It's just taking that step sorting through all that pain and heartache it's so tempting to turn to something that allows me to avoid that. But you can't avoid the pain forever, not if you actually want to live your life.
I felt so sad reading your last post as it reminded me of me. You can't gain self esteem by sleeping with a man you don't want to. You won't gain his respect either. It becomes a vicious cycle.
I wrote before about my f up with men. I was happy (or so I thought) without a man and when one showed me some interest then I completely lost it. I lost it because I was immediately woo-hoo happy, then clicked this guy is a weirdo bully. I'm SO glad I didn't allow it to go anywhere with him, even if it did make me drink.
This kind of behaviour is low self esteem FF. I thought my doctor was crazy when he referred me for group CBT 5 years ago for low self esteem. What? I'm ok, I like myself, I'm fine. Obviously it wasn't a magic cure otherwise I wouldn't be here now, but I have taken some things from it.
We did a lot of work from the book - Overcoming Low Self Esteem by Melanie Fennell, might be worth a look for you.
I know you know this - but - drinking is not making you happy, sleeping with almost strangers is not making you happy. None of this is making you happy.
Take a good long time to concentrate on and love you. Be kind to yourself and love yourself. You do deserve it. We all do. Big hugs.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
Fenway you sound in your last post like you really see it and really feel it. The truth about alcohol and drinking. It clicked. Don't lose that. Use that as ammunition against alcohol and drinking and get your life going. You will gain self esteem just by putting your foot down and every day you gain strength which you should cash in for self esteem also. This is your one life, your project, do the best that you can with it. There is a book I read called "he's just not that into you." And although the title sounds harsh, it really taught me to love myself enough to not settle for crappy guys and to Know who the great/right guys are. They say to hold off on dating while becoming sober, but keep that book in mind.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Hi Fenway,
I have been reading through these posts, and it seems like you have gotten some excellent advice........but will you listen to what is being said? I fear your problem isn't men, or alcohol, but self-loathing. Sad that in one so young there can be that much self hatred.
Something in your life has gotten you to this point, and you need to find out what it was that has given you such a low opinion of yourself.
It is interesting how you feel "men" or the trade of sex for a relationship is a real trigger for you. Look closely and you will see that when we are drunks we do not view men and relationships based on reality. What you have is sex, but you have no idea what this person means to you, your feelings are in one room while your having sex in another.
Until you find the trigger in your life that makes you feel so un-lovable--the cutting, the drinking, the sex, the feelings of unworthiness will continue. Men have nothing to do with why you do what you do, they are a convenient excuse to drown your self-loathing. Of course I am no doctor or therapist, but in my opinion weather you are an alcoholic or not is not the important question---the question you need to discuss with a professional is where does this feeling of self hatred come from. Cutting is a clear indication that this goes beyond drinking or men.
Please seek out some serious therapy,Fenway, you have your whole wonderful life ahead of you and you need the help of a professional to allow you to see the truth of that statement.
We will always be here for you, but girl, you need to see how worthy you are of love and that wonderful life.
Sincere wishes for a new awakening!
TrixMixer
I have been reading through these posts, and it seems like you have gotten some excellent advice........but will you listen to what is being said? I fear your problem isn't men, or alcohol, but self-loathing. Sad that in one so young there can be that much self hatred.
Something in your life has gotten you to this point, and you need to find out what it was that has given you such a low opinion of yourself.
It is interesting how you feel "men" or the trade of sex for a relationship is a real trigger for you. Look closely and you will see that when we are drunks we do not view men and relationships based on reality. What you have is sex, but you have no idea what this person means to you, your feelings are in one room while your having sex in another.
Until you find the trigger in your life that makes you feel so un-lovable--the cutting, the drinking, the sex, the feelings of unworthiness will continue. Men have nothing to do with why you do what you do, they are a convenient excuse to drown your self-loathing. Of course I am no doctor or therapist, but in my opinion weather you are an alcoholic or not is not the important question---the question you need to discuss with a professional is where does this feeling of self hatred come from. Cutting is a clear indication that this goes beyond drinking or men.
Please seek out some serious therapy,Fenway, you have your whole wonderful life ahead of you and you need the help of a professional to allow you to see the truth of that statement.
We will always be here for you, but girl, you need to see how worthy you are of love and that wonderful life.
Sincere wishes for a new awakening!
TrixMixer
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
I think those of you pointing toward to rehab route might be correct in your assumption. This isn't like quitting before, I felt like I had more control, if I wanted it enough, if I resisted the urge hard enough I could not drink.
This time is different. It feels like a need, not a desire. My heart been racing all day, I'm depressed as hell, but that's got more to do with the fact that I let myself get emotionally attached to someone and ended up getting hurt as usual. For the record the guys I go out and have sex with I'm never stupid enough to not realize exactly what they're after and what scum bags they are, that's what makes it really f'd up.
But those of you who are saying detox/rehab might be my best route might be right. It just feels ridiculous like I'm really going to let some guy I didn't know drag me down like that? Or is it my alcoholism dragging me down? Who knows
Point is rehab or detox still seems ridiculously intensive and unneeded I mean I was drinking 6-10 drinks a day or so...give or take a few depending on when I started drinking... but I mean there was a day or two here and there that I didn't drink and was fine but for some reason today I just couldn't do it or maybe I didn't want to but thats just it I feel like I want to I just also feel like I can't like I just couldn't stand how I was feeling so I drank a little bit not even a lot. Just enough to take the edge off.I don't feel buzzed or drunk I just feel normal which is really a sign that there is something wrong I guess
Just quitting on my own, without some kind of help doesn't seem as doable as it was last time. I have no idea why. Maybe I'm weaker, maybe the need is strong, maybe my desire isn't what t was before, I don't know. I want to stop this because I know it's not good for some reason I guess I don't want to stop enough that I can actually do it, it's so confusing it doesn't make any sense. Because everything I said in my post is true and I want to stop but I just I can't seem to I literally could not STAND how I was feeling. It was horrible I just couldn't resist. I was afraid of what I might do if I didn't drink honestly just a little bit. I've never felt that way before, like I NEEDED it like truly needed it.
I am seeing a counselor on campus early tomorrow morning I'm afraid of what she might suggest if I'm completely honest with her about the level of drinking, my difficult stopping on my own & the cutting thing, I don't want to cause problems for my parents hell I don't even know how to tell them about this, about how bad my drinking is. I've just been such a mess for so long I'm always causing problems for my parents and I'm ashamed to admit to them how bad it really is. They really have no clue as to the severity. How do I even tell them? How can I explain to them that I was "fine" before but now all of a sudden I need rehab because of some guy I've never met and I mean I know I've been drinking even since before that like a lot but it's different somehow now because it's coupled with heartache and pain which just makes it harder to function I just dont know how to explain any of it to them. I'm ashamed to admit how much I've been drinking that its been every day, alone. How do you even tell someone who loves you that?
This time is different. It feels like a need, not a desire. My heart been racing all day, I'm depressed as hell, but that's got more to do with the fact that I let myself get emotionally attached to someone and ended up getting hurt as usual. For the record the guys I go out and have sex with I'm never stupid enough to not realize exactly what they're after and what scum bags they are, that's what makes it really f'd up.
But those of you who are saying detox/rehab might be my best route might be right. It just feels ridiculous like I'm really going to let some guy I didn't know drag me down like that? Or is it my alcoholism dragging me down? Who knows
Point is rehab or detox still seems ridiculously intensive and unneeded I mean I was drinking 6-10 drinks a day or so...give or take a few depending on when I started drinking... but I mean there was a day or two here and there that I didn't drink and was fine but for some reason today I just couldn't do it or maybe I didn't want to but thats just it I feel like I want to I just also feel like I can't like I just couldn't stand how I was feeling so I drank a little bit not even a lot. Just enough to take the edge off.I don't feel buzzed or drunk I just feel normal which is really a sign that there is something wrong I guess
Just quitting on my own, without some kind of help doesn't seem as doable as it was last time. I have no idea why. Maybe I'm weaker, maybe the need is strong, maybe my desire isn't what t was before, I don't know. I want to stop this because I know it's not good for some reason I guess I don't want to stop enough that I can actually do it, it's so confusing it doesn't make any sense. Because everything I said in my post is true and I want to stop but I just I can't seem to I literally could not STAND how I was feeling. It was horrible I just couldn't resist. I was afraid of what I might do if I didn't drink honestly just a little bit. I've never felt that way before, like I NEEDED it like truly needed it.
I am seeing a counselor on campus early tomorrow morning I'm afraid of what she might suggest if I'm completely honest with her about the level of drinking, my difficult stopping on my own & the cutting thing, I don't want to cause problems for my parents hell I don't even know how to tell them about this, about how bad my drinking is. I've just been such a mess for so long I'm always causing problems for my parents and I'm ashamed to admit to them how bad it really is. They really have no clue as to the severity. How do I even tell them? How can I explain to them that I was "fine" before but now all of a sudden I need rehab because of some guy I've never met and I mean I know I've been drinking even since before that like a lot but it's different somehow now because it's coupled with heartache and pain which just makes it harder to function I just dont know how to explain any of it to them. I'm ashamed to admit how much I've been drinking that its been every day, alone. How do you even tell someone who loves you that?
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
I also wonder how you will tell your parents - I had two withdrawl seizures in front of my parents on xmas and a family reunion, so I didn't have to tell them - the hospital did.
I have no idea how I would have told my folks. But I wish I would have. I nearly died in front of my mother, which shook her to the core. She was giving me CPR while waiting for the ambulance to come, thinking her son was dying in front of her eyes. Putting them through that - I'd have wished I would have said something. I know they would have understood and got me help.
Good luck.
I have no idea how I would have told my folks. But I wish I would have. I nearly died in front of my mother, which shook her to the core. She was giving me CPR while waiting for the ambulance to come, thinking her son was dying in front of her eyes. Putting them through that - I'd have wished I would have said something. I know they would have understood and got me help.
Good luck.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
I don't live with my parents so they wouldn't be around to notice how much I was drinking and even when I drink when I stay with them I hide it pretty well. I think. I'm not proud of it, it's just second nature.
But I don't think any of my withdrawal symptoms will be that severe thankfully my drinking wasn't heavy enough to produce that I don't think I'm just worried I'm not in a place mentally where I can stop without some kind of help which make me feel weak and ridiculous but...that's just what it seems like but maybe I'm just making an excuse.
And TrixMixer I missed your post before somehow but you hit the nail on the head. That's what it all comes out to is self-hatred and a complete lack of any self respect and I don't know what causes it.
But the cutting thing...it's not really about punishing myself. There's a quote from 28 Days where a woman who cuts is asked if it hurts and she responds that it feels better. When asked feels better than what she respond "Everything else" and I'd say that's more of what it's about for me. I've been doing this for over 10 years but rarely consistently it's just when my emotions are overwhelming and the pain is unbearable that I need relief. I just always turn to self destructive habits. I'm supposed to go to class tonight but don't think I will, don't think I can. I will probably try and go to a meeting at 7:30 instead. I tried to go at 11:30 but I couldn't get out of my car. Somehow going back is harder than going the first time
But I don't think any of my withdrawal symptoms will be that severe thankfully my drinking wasn't heavy enough to produce that I don't think I'm just worried I'm not in a place mentally where I can stop without some kind of help which make me feel weak and ridiculous but...that's just what it seems like but maybe I'm just making an excuse.
And TrixMixer I missed your post before somehow but you hit the nail on the head. That's what it all comes out to is self-hatred and a complete lack of any self respect and I don't know what causes it.
But the cutting thing...it's not really about punishing myself. There's a quote from 28 Days where a woman who cuts is asked if it hurts and she responds that it feels better. When asked feels better than what she respond "Everything else" and I'd say that's more of what it's about for me. I've been doing this for over 10 years but rarely consistently it's just when my emotions are overwhelming and the pain is unbearable that I need relief. I just always turn to self destructive habits. I'm supposed to go to class tonight but don't think I will, don't think I can. I will probably try and go to a meeting at 7:30 instead. I tried to go at 11:30 but I couldn't get out of my car. Somehow going back is harder than going the first time
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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Bob D. , How To Recover, AA speaker recording part 1 link...hope it's helpful fenway.
I hope you get your big book out, and start with the first talk, and listen with an open mind. You might hear something that will help. I keep a notebook and pen nearby when I listen to write down tools I can utilize.
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
link to part one
Bob D. from Las Vegas Nevada speaking at the How to recover from a spiritual malady weekend seminar in Fresno, CA - October 3rd-4th 2003
link to all parts
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
I said a prayer for you.
I hope you get free from this as I hope for all of us.
Happy Valentine's Day. Try to be good to yourself today.
Here is another link to a great site with many speakers.
Sonoma County Alano Club Petaluma CA, Alcoholics Anonymous, AA, Narcotics Anonymous, NA, Marijuana Anonymous, MA, 12 step meetings and support speakers in mp3 format
I hope you get your big book out, and start with the first talk, and listen with an open mind. You might hear something that will help. I keep a notebook and pen nearby when I listen to write down tools I can utilize.
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
link to part one
Bob D. from Las Vegas Nevada speaking at the How to recover from a spiritual malady weekend seminar in Fresno, CA - October 3rd-4th 2003
link to all parts
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
I said a prayer for you.
I hope you get free from this as I hope for all of us.
Happy Valentine's Day. Try to be good to yourself today.
Here is another link to a great site with many speakers.
Sonoma County Alano Club Petaluma CA, Alcoholics Anonymous, AA, Narcotics Anonymous, NA, Marijuana Anonymous, MA, 12 step meetings and support speakers in mp3 format
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Hi Fenway,
Yes the cutting is a "release of pain" like a balloon you keep stuffing with (air) or hurtful feelings---then Pop (or cut) releases that .
That is why you need professional help--not AA but a therapist to find what drives this behavior. The alcoholism is just another way of "Popping that balloon", it allows you to let go of these destructive feelings, same for the sex.
Look Fenway--you need to talk to a therapist and you need to let your parents into your life with these behaviors. They love you, and no parent wants to see their child go through pain alone. Please talk to them, that in itself will be a big start--you will need their support.
Now I will shut-up---don't know what more I can suggest--but This is JUST my opinion, and I am not the doctor.
Seek out support, Please,
TrixMixer
Yes the cutting is a "release of pain" like a balloon you keep stuffing with (air) or hurtful feelings---then Pop (or cut) releases that .
That is why you need professional help--not AA but a therapist to find what drives this behavior. The alcoholism is just another way of "Popping that balloon", it allows you to let go of these destructive feelings, same for the sex.
Look Fenway--you need to talk to a therapist and you need to let your parents into your life with these behaviors. They love you, and no parent wants to see their child go through pain alone. Please talk to them, that in itself will be a big start--you will need their support.
Now I will shut-up---don't know what more I can suggest--but This is JUST my opinion, and I am not the doctor.
Seek out support, Please,
TrixMixer
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
This may or may not help. But for me, I finally realized that if I relapse & drink the world does not stop spinning. The person I would hurt the most is myself. AA member, SR members, family/friends may offer some support but in the end, it would be me, who feels the most suffering. The pain was finally worse than the benefit I received from drinking. I try to keep that in mind as I have recently been struggling with cravings to pick up. This is after 10 months of sobriety and really in the last 18 months I have only drank one day.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orillia, Ont., Canada
Posts: 165
Hi, FF, I seem to recall your having said prior to coming down with mono, you had arranged to enter a program geared toward Dual Diagnosis. If my recollection is correct, I would strongly urge you to try to get into it now--I am Bipolar, and an alcoholic, and the dual Dx program really did help me tremendously; prior to that I was in a very bad place mentally, and my wrists still look like I have gone ten rounds with a pile of baling wire or something. Also, when you mention fearing anti-depressants as you may use them like alcohol, in my experience, that just doesn't seem to happen; quite the opposite, some people go off them because of side-effects. At any rate, meds are a matter to be discussed with a doctor, preferably with a psychiatrist rather then a GP. Very best of luck to you--rick
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
I’m going to speak to a shrink tomorrow
Found the courage to talk to my Mom
Told her I went to AA tonight
She told me she doesn’t think I need AA that I’m not an alcoholic
I told her I’ve been drinking every single day so maybe I am.
She told me I’m just using alcohol as a way to cope with other things
Then she told me to not tell the shrink I’m seeing on campus tomorrow about the drinking.
I don’t know what to do =( I don’t want to upset my Mom but I feel like lying is so counter productive…but at the same time I don’t disagree with my Mom. Should I tell the shrink what she said? She knows my history with drinking…I saw her last semester. I'd been a couple week sober at that point so I was just honest about how much I'd been drinking prior. But it's different now that I'm actively drinking
I don’t know my Mom is going to be so mad if I have to go to rehab I know she think there is no need and maybe she’s right that my issue isn’t really with alcohol but with what I’m trying to use alcohol to escape that’s what she kept saying
I’m just scared no I guess. I don’t want to upset her/my Dad =( I’ve done so much to cause problems I don’t want to cause anymore.
I'm so torn
Found the courage to talk to my Mom
Told her I went to AA tonight
She told me she doesn’t think I need AA that I’m not an alcoholic
I told her I’ve been drinking every single day so maybe I am.
She told me I’m just using alcohol as a way to cope with other things
Then she told me to not tell the shrink I’m seeing on campus tomorrow about the drinking.
I don’t know what to do =( I don’t want to upset my Mom but I feel like lying is so counter productive…but at the same time I don’t disagree with my Mom. Should I tell the shrink what she said? She knows my history with drinking…I saw her last semester. I'd been a couple week sober at that point so I was just honest about how much I'd been drinking prior. But it's different now that I'm actively drinking
I don’t know my Mom is going to be so mad if I have to go to rehab I know she think there is no need and maybe she’s right that my issue isn’t really with alcohol but with what I’m trying to use alcohol to escape that’s what she kept saying
I’m just scared no I guess. I don’t want to upset her/my Dad =( I’ve done so much to cause problems I don’t want to cause anymore.
I'm so torn
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
It was a very pleasant surprise to me when my daughters told me to stop worrying about them, while they appreciate it and love me they are wise beyond their years, (well maybe not, to me they still are my little kids, they are not though, they are growing up well and getting a life of their own which is a bit hard but great at the same time) when they told me to think more about myself.
I think that's a message that's taken a long time to take hold but it has been an important one.
I remember when in my first AA meeting when about 23 someone said I had to do it for me, first. Couldn't really get a handle on that for a long time.
I think that's a message that's taken a long time to take hold but it has been an important one.
I remember when in my first AA meeting when about 23 someone said I had to do it for me, first. Couldn't really get a handle on that for a long time.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
FF-I think it's a good thing you are seeking help. Yes, the drinking may be your way of dealing with other issues, but it seems to have got a grip on you right now. It has become a problem in its own right. While you are drinking you're unlikely to get to the bottom of the other issues in your life because it distorts your thinking and reactions to things.
Be honest with your therapist about everything, there is no point in half-truths.
Quitting drinking and tackling other issues kind of go hand in hand.
Good luck to you. Be true to yourself.
This is your recovery and your future. Doing things to please other people won't help you xxx
Be honest with your therapist about everything, there is no point in half-truths.
Quitting drinking and tackling other issues kind of go hand in hand.
Good luck to you. Be true to yourself.
This is your recovery and your future. Doing things to please other people won't help you xxx
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