JasonMarchelak

I had a whole 6 months sober then relapsed for 6 days. I am attending AA meeting regularly now as it's the only place I feel safe with other people who suffer the same problem. Now I am day 11 after my binge and I don't know whether to catalog all that time sober for a 6 day period? I feel like I have restarted again, and also learnt from that relapse....... What are your opinions?

sugarbear1

I recognize my own continuous sobriety.....

Gal220

Ditto

Sudz No More

For me this whole journey has been one progressive process to be sober. Sure I have had slips over the last three years since I began recovery. I nonetheless see my entire experience as one of continued practice towards abstinence. A goal I still strive for and with each mistake I learn new solutions but I never forget all that I have done or how far I have come.

CousinA

For me, sobriety isn't a day, month or year count. It's about the experience not the number. All my life experience is part of it.

JasonMarchelak

I feel the same, I don't think I should forget the whole time I was sober, I just another bump and learnt from it. I take one day at a time...... I don't think it's a contest of how long but how willing you are to stop for me anyway

Gal220

I know people who say they've got --- years with --- slips and others who start counting again at day one after one drink. It's your call. Just be honest with yourself, especially about uour motives. I have been sober five years, but felt I was merely dry. I was not emotionally sober at all, and would have drunk if not for my husbamd and daughter. To me, I was npt sober. I seriously considered resetting my sobriety date even though I had not picked up that drink. My sponsor thought I was being too hard on myself. So I kept my original date. But it's just a date. Sobriety is a state of being, not a calendar.

JasonMarchelak

Exactly!

LexieCat

You didn't completely throw away the six months you had--you learned from them, no doubt, and made some progress.

HOWEVER, you did relapse. People don't reset sobriety dates to punish themselves, but rather to accurately state how long it has been since their last drink. It is an exercise in honesty, too. How often did we rationalize what we did when we were drinking? If we are to really recover, we have to learn to be honest with ourselves and with other people. If you were to go up to a newcomer and say that you had six and a half months when you had actually only recently come back from a relapse, that is misrepresenting what actually happened. OTOH, if you go up to the newcomer and say, "Hey, great that you are here! I was sober for six months, but recently had a slip and I am determined to do things differently this time," then you are REALLY an inspiration because the newcomer realizes that recovery requires work, and honesty.

Just my two cents.

JasonMarchelak

Thats how I feel, a slip, just another error, and this time I have all the help and determination now after learning from the relapse!

TheEnd

In a word, Yes. To me being sober is being sober, if I went out for a period time and broke my sobriety, then I am not sober. It does not take away from the the experiences I had or what I learned during that period, I will still carry those with me.

Here is where the danger lies. If you don't have a beginning or an ending, it doesn't really matter what you do in the middle. A slip here, a slip there, if no one is counting what's the harm done. I believe it leads to faulty thinking from how far we truly have come. If you are truly progressing in your recovery then there shouldn't be any slips.

What's the problem with a slip? Well sometimes you don't get back up. There are people who pick up and never put it back down. We have to make ourselves accountable and the only way to do that is by having definitive date.

paul99

Some folks count, others don't. Those who count may count continuously (I do) and some look at the big picture, bumps and all. It's whatever makes you comfortable. I count because it reminds me of being on a path or journey that is unbroken in intent and effort and surrender.

Music

Cute!! Sobriety is "the" state of being "sober", not drinking, dry, drinking, then dry. When I was in my drinking days I had periods of days or weeks when I didn't drink, so what's the point?

I was told almost 36 years ago that if I picked up a drink again, I was to change my sobriety date to my new date of not drinking. To me, honesty with myself and my AA friends and family dictate that I do that. If I want to play games I just won't tell anyone and that will give me permission to sneak around when no one's looking and drink or do a drug or two if I think I can get away with it.

I was thinking the other day about how people play games with alcohol. If I went to the doctor and he informed me that I had cancer and that if I just practiced these 12 simple steps the cancer would go into remission, is there anyone out there who wouldn't jump at the chance to be cancer free? Some folks just don't seem to realize that alcohol kills. Alcoholism is a life and death struggle, at least to me it is. I'd lose everything if I drank again. Problem is I'd probably die sometime later after years of the crap I left behind when I quit. Alcohol kills just like cancer only sometimes, not as fast. But like cancer, it eats us from the inside out, one nerve, one organ at a time. Most people who have been sober for years and drink again, blow their brains out rather than live through all that crap again. Think about it.

JasonMarchelak

Okay thats your opinion. My progress last year I WON'T ignore as I got healthy and made the right descisions. However having a DEFINITIVE date is to me, and my opinion is a bit harsh, in the sense, we all as human beings make mistakes and I am not apologising that I got caught off guard at the end of the day it my descision, but there are many people out there who beat themselves up about dates. I personally don't believe in dates, life is too short for dates, sometimes we forget dates so they to me are not the important FACTOR, what you learn with this illness is what you take with you and to everyone around you. I put that drink down before I got out of control. I look back and hate how I felt, but I am back and willing to engage more this time, with myself honesty and to others!

TheEnd

Interesting philosophy, if it works for you then more power to you. However, IMO if you keep this attitude, the next time "you get caught off guard" and go on a 6 day run, you just may not stop in time and it may turn into a 6 year run, or worse......even death. Think about it.

JasonMarchelak

I very much doubt that. I im a recovery house and been given a second chance, I can stay here as long as I like until I am ready to face the outside world without drink in mind. I am strong person, I have been through alot which has made me strong minded. If you knew me personally you'd understand. I have too much to lose this time, I aint gonna let that devil on my shoulder trick me again, I know the warning signs! I looked at my last drink and put it down and said I aint having no more, I have that particular memory in mind, and the hellish week afterwards. Everyone is different, and believe in different things like we all do, but I live by own rules, I am in control and not the drink! I have had enuff detoxes than you have probably had hot dinners, not pretty when I remember it, fitting and vomiting blood, not really my scene esspecially at my age.

Jeni26

I think the counting of days is important to some and not others.
This is completely down to you really.
If you relapse it can be really disheartening to start again from day 1, and sometimes overwhelmingly so. But you never lose that experience you gained in sober time.

Having said that, it was important to me to start again when I relapsed. I did a couple of months starting in March, and I drank for only 1 night. I wasn't about to call it a slip and carry on counting though, because it was hugely significant to me and marked a change in my commitment and personal circumstances. I started again. For me that was the right decision.

This is your journey. Your recovery. Your call.

I wish you well x

Gal220

Totally agree with this!

JasonMarchelak

I am only saying that after all my progress it would seem ashame to forget those days I was sober. Yet again though I will count this a new beginning listening to most of your opinions. I mean I hate counting and dates I just want to get on with life. I know alcohol will control it for me, but I won't give in next time, and I say next time is there gonna be a next time???? Who knows what my life will bring. But yes I will re-start, I think thats a right choice for me. I take in spirit with me what I learnt also last year and after the relapse, and rele dates are just dates they mean nothing.

hamabi

It's more than likely it won't come up as a difficulty for you in any meaningful way. If you're a happier guy evaluating the time since you last drank in one way over another way, then why not go with the way that makes you the happiest since it's your pick and nobody else is effected by whatever you choose to see as the truth in this matter.

If for some reason you see it differently down the road and decide to change the date of your last drink to a different date because the truth has become different, then you can certainly do that. It really only matters to whoever is baking or buying the anniversary cakes. It's courteous to give them enough of a heads up to make the changes they need to, and not to spring these things on them at the last minute.

And that cake thing only applies if you're in a group that does it to celebrate the years that their successful members have acheived. If you're not involved by then, or if the group just makes a big fuss over their people in the meeting without preparing cakes, then you could keep silent and still not put anyone out.