Gal220

I don't think being honest with yourself and others about the fact that you've just come off of a six day binge means that you "forget" or lose the sober time you had. Those are life experiences, and any time working on yourself and your sobriety will add into your growth. You say that "dates are just dates they mean nothing", but it sounds like it actually matters a lot to you. You are fighting pretty hard to convince us (yourself?) that this was just a mistake and that it will never happen again, and therefore you should keep your original date. That this time it's different. I hope with all my heart that's the case for you.

If the semantics are getting to you, maybe you could say something like, "I had my last drink on _____". Or, "I've been working on my sobriety since _____ and had my last drink on _______." Or, "I've been sober with 1 'slip' on ______ since _____". You don't want to give people, especially newcomers (if your recovery includes a program or meeting of some sort) the impression that sobriety includes 6 day binges. But as you've pointed out, the point is that you are committed to and working on your sobriety now. Don't let this issue interfere with that! Dust yourself off, pick yourself up, and move on.

JasonMarchelak

That has been said many times to me. I have acheived that, dwelling too much on this can confuse newcomers and I understand. I take on board your suggestions of which are really helpful, and thank you pointing that out.

gall1972

I typed up a long post about this...... But I thought about it and deleted it because after proof reading it, I felt that it was too argumentative.

My only advice is, stay sober today so we dont have to worry about having that new day 1 tomorrow....


Gall

Elisabeth888

Unfortunately it is restarted if you take ONE sip of alcohol with the intention of doing it. It sucks starting over. But you will feel better picking up a white chip because that is honesty and humility. It sounds quaint, but it is very true.

Music

Nobody's saying sober time doesn't count for anything. It does! The fact is though that no matter how long someone is sober, if he takes a drink the sobriety has been interupted for however long he drinks. I've actually heard some people say that "relapse is part of sobriety". How rediculous is that? It's part of their life, but it's certainly not part of sobriety. The whole idea behind a relapse is to learn from it and avoid it in the future, not to make excuses for it like it didn't happen. No matter for one drink or ten, or for one day or twenty. The only way I'd excuse drinking alcohol would be if I was at a party and picked up the wrong drink, thinking it was mine. That would simply be a mistake.

ru12

You are sober today. And really, that is all that matters IMO.

Dee74

I think it's a shame that there is a subtle hierarchy, a recovery hegemony attached to day counts in some quarters...

it makes us unwilling to give up our day count, when we really should be focusing on what went wrong and how to fix it so we can have a happy sober life from here on in...

For me, though, the last day I drank was the start of a new life for me.
That's important.

I could count my sober time as 20 years (with 10,547 slips) but that would be meaningless to me.

D

LadyinBC

Same for me. I count my days because they are very important to me and I worked for those days.

BackToSquareOne

There's an ugly flip side to the whole day counting thing. A lot of people will slip up and have a beer or two and figure they screwed up anyhow so might as well go all the way and turn it into a major bender, that happened to me more than once. It's twisted logic I know but it does happen.

ave

I am just going to throw out my 2 cents, in my recovery there is no room for justification, so if I were to drink, I would restart my days. It's really simple. The program I have been taught does not allow me mental wiggle room for slips and trips. I have a choice today, by the grace of God, and if i picked up a drink or a drug, it would be because I chose to do so. I could have been in the program for 30 years, and sober, but if I drank, I would be back at day 1.

That would not discount the fact that I had 30 years. That would not mean that I lost the things I learned in that 30 years, nor would it mean I couldn't say that I had once been sober for 30 years.
Hearing people share who had drank after having continuous periods of sobriety was an important message for me as a newcomer. It taught me about honesty - that it was important, and that you wouldn't be punished for it. I saw how loving the program was, because everyone accepted them back with open arms and without judgement. It also demonstrated that I have to be vigilant at all times, that I will never be cured of alcoholism, no matter how long I have been sober.

Getting hung up on my time becomes an ego-feeding thing. I don't need everyone to know how many years I have. I can have days where my emotional sobriety is mediocre, and I had days of strong emotional sobriety in my first 6 months. It really is a day at a time. Just for today, I am trying to be the best "me" I can, which means honest, open minded, and willing... Among other things.

Good luck in your recovery! It sounds like you really want this Just be wary of the mindset of "it can't happen again"... because it can, and will if you aren't careful. It can happen to any of us, especially if we forget who is really in charge

JasonMarchelak

Thank you, and it's true what you say it can happen again if I am not as careful as I was before post relapse. I know now that I am in charge and LOVE sober living. I think change can only happen when your are sick and tired of always being sick and tired, and I am. Even though it was short it brung me back into that spiral for 6 six days , which I mostly cannot rele remember, with a vengeance. I decided to stop because I knew if I carried on, I WILL lose all my self resistance and everything around me as it did before and left me street homeless. For me it was a reminder of why I stopped in the first place for that six months. As it's been said on here, one day at a time, I will not drink today, and just pick myself up like I did, dust myself off and try again. A very important and dangerous lesson I learnt. I can go on say "Oh why did I do that" or "Oh S*** i messed up this time" Self loathing is not a thing I'd rather dwell on. Spiritualy I am given that lesson to hold on to and remember, I can't control my drinking even no matter how many excuses I can come up with to drink again!

Sudz No More

Very true and the same reason I choose not to focus every day on what day it is. I do remember my day count and will occasionally count back to see how many. I believe though at least for me when I focused too much attention on my days I continued the obsession and love affair with Alcohol.

These days I try to live Alcohol free with a new lifestyle in place that does not involve Alcohol. The less I think about Alcohol the better.

I do also understand though the need to remind ourselves where we have been and pat ourselves on the back for so many days sober. Be proud of your accomplishments and take time to reflect on your progress.

Try not to obsess but never forget is what works best for me.

2granddaughters

Ask your sponsor.

All the best.

Bob R

JasonMarchelak

When I manage to get one I will, got to work through the steps, and I'm willing to start them. I mean step 1 I have done, I aint denying I'm an alcoholic anymore and I am powerless over alcohol, and where it took me in the end, losing everything is when I realised there is hope through AA.

hamabi

You're making some good moves JM, well done on your actions to this point.

You sound like a guy who doesn't want to drink again and is willing to work for that to happen.

JasonMarchelak

Thanks,
Believe me I'm willing to try as hard as I can to stay off it! I'd rather be addicted to life than a bottle!

Db1105

My sponsor gave me this when I asked the same question.

The Man In The Glass
Peter "Dale" Winbrow Sr

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts most in you life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum
And think you're a wonderful guy.
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

He's the fellow to please-never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear to the end.
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.

paul99

Love this one - this is read at a few of the meetings here as part of the preamble. There is also "gal in the glass"